13
Kelly
My grip readjusted on the wheel as I made a left turn.
I hated that I had to rush off in a hurry, leaving Kendra behind. It was the last thing I expected to have to do tonight. But life surprised us all in ways we never expected, and my only hope would be that she would understand.
Turning my head toward the empty passenger seat, I knew that if this was anything else Kendra would be right here with me.
If I knew anything, it was that Kendra needed to be held, her body massaged. My heart felt like it was shrinking the more I thought about how tonight had played out. It started off so well—we were having fun, laughing—then after Kendra told me she needed to leave the party, everything changed. I didn’t know what had gotten into me, but I knew that I had pushed her much further than I should have. What I did wasn’t meant for a virgin Sub. Binding her arms behind her back and pushing my cock into her mouth expecting her to swallow a sword, was too much too soon.
My palm slammed down on the wheel. “Fuck, Kelly.”
I was off my game. The way tonight transpired was my fault. It had been a while since I’d played the Dom role, and tonight it showed. Instead of establishing a foundation, I went in for the kill. Kendra talked like she knew what she was doing, and maybe that had fooled me into believing she knew more than she did. But now I knew the truth. And if I didn’t work to correct the practice, it would break the entire experience I was creating for us. And the last thing I wanted was for her to be scared and ask to step away. The responsibility of a Dom was greater than anything else I knew, yet tonight I’d failed her.
Turning my head, I stared out into the pitch-dark night. It was impossible not to think of how Maria Greer had died. One wrong move on my part and Kendra could end up dead in a similar way to Maria.
But that wasn’t going to happen.
That wasn’t me. Wasn’t my style.
My eyes grew heavy with the thought. Feeling overheated, I cracked my window.
It was better I was alone. I needed it. If only to collect my thoughts, to give myself time to decide what exactly I wanted from her. When I was leaving the apartment, I couldn’t look at Kendra without feeling extremely disappointed with myself. It was too much, and my emotions would eventually get the best of me.
Kendra was the sweetest thing, and after seeing her visibly shaken by the harassment of Angelina Davis, I wanted nothing more than to protect her from whatever was being said. The more I thought about it, I couldn’t help but wonder if Oscar was behind some of it. That would be his style. Friendly to people’s face but looking for weakness, preparing to stab them in the soft underbelly of their gut when the opportunity presented itself. And after what I did to steal Kendra away from him, I wouldn’t put it past him to do just that. Revenge inspired by resentment. Directing his assault at Kendra as a way of getting at me. It was the ugliest of truths in the world of justice, but one I was very familiar with.
Each time I closed my eyes I could see Kendra’s beautiful figure. My fingers tingled with the need to touch her, make her forget the lies and rumors that seemed to be circulating about me behind my back. Maybe, mentally, she was ready to move into the submissive role, a role I wanted her to take, but clearly, I needed to put more thought into it when it came to living up to my own demands.
My phone lit up and I stole a quick glance, not wanting to take my eyes off the road for too long.
Despite my desire to please and comfort Kendra, I didn’t expect to receive the text I did tonight. To say that it caught me by surprise would be a great understatement. It came completely unexpectedly, and Kaycee was the last person I thought I’d be hearing from. In the end, curiosity got the best of me. I needed to know why now, why here, and why after so many years did she decide to reach out to me tonight?
Pulling onto the interstate, I opened it up, pressing my foot further down on the accelerator, settling in for the hour drive east to San Bernardino.
As my mind slowly drifted from Kendra to Kaycee, I couldn’t help but chuckle. Couldn’t she have at least done me the courtesy of meeting me in the city instead of requesting to meet all the way out here?
It had been so long since the last time we’d spoken, I couldn’t help but think that maybe it was her way of testing the waters to see if I’d meet her request or not. After all, it was impossible to ignore how we’d left things the last time we did see each other. We hadn’t parted on a good note, and perhaps that was one of the reasons why I was so willing to drop everything—including Kendra—in hopes of meeting some kind of reconciliation with Kaycee.
Turning the music over to alternative rock, I shifted gears and scanned the horizon for patrol cars.
If I drove well above the posted speed limit, I could get to Kaycee quicker. Knowing that I would want to speed was half the reason I chose my Audi TT versus the Thunderbird that was more for show.
A strange mix of emotions pumped through me the further I moved away from the city. One minute I was excited. The next, nervous and doubting I’d made the right decision in leaving Kendra behind so I could visit another woman.
I could see Kendra’s eyes now, the look I knew she would give me if she found out, and it wasn’t all that different than the way she’d looked at me when I left. Her forehead twisted with concern, those amazing doe eyes boring a hole through me. I could still feel her emotions. The paranoia and insecurity that came with it was almost unbearable. I wished that I could be more open with her. Tell her the reason that this call couldn’t wait. But with her already questioning everything I was doing, I knew it would be impossible to explain without something getting lost in translation. She wouldn’t understand. It was too personal, and our relationship was too new.
Up and down my emotions traveled as my mind raced. And before I knew it, I had passed through San Bernardino, winding up the mountain canyons before arriving at a gorgeous lodge at Big Bear Lake just about an hour after I stepped behind the wheel.
The air was cool and dry as I marched through the front entrance, making my way to the bar tucked in the back. Kaycee was already there, sitting with her back to me, a half-full glass of beer sitting next to her.
Slowly, I walked toward her, appreciating her strawberry blonde hair cascading down her back. She wore a black, loose fitting blouse and blue jeans. It was the same casual style I remembered she always wore, and it was impossible to not think back to the happy memories we had shared that now seemed like a lifetime ago. “Kaycee.” My hand gently fell to her shoulder.
She turned her head and as soon as our gazes met, tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. “Kelly.”
I pulled her to her feet, needing to wrap my arms around her. She squeezed her muscles tight around my neck as if she, too, knew that things between us could be better than the way we’d last left them.
“It’s great to see you,” she murmured against my neck.
“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”
Kaycee dropped her heels back to the floor, letting her eyes continue to dance with mine as she hung off my shoulders. “God, Kelly. You look incredible.”
“You too.” I smiled, forcing my hands to release her warm body.
Her cheeks flushed a warm, welcoming glow each time she stole a glance in my direction. I couldn’t stop appreciating how familiar she was—her appearance, even the way she looked at me like I was the best thing she’d ever seen. Seeing her was like visiting home after being away for some time. Everything about her—her smell, the way her lips curled when too embarrassed to flash a full-toothed smile, the way she carried herself, relaxed, yet strong—transported me back to a younger time in my life when I thought I knew what it was I wanted to make of it.
“Can I buy you a drink?” she asked, looking toward her beer.
“No. I’m fine.” I pulled out the empty stool next to her and rested my tailbone on its edge. The wooden stools were hard, butting up against a brass foot rail at a high counter with crowded booths and tables behind us. “I stopped drinking.”
Her brows raised, but only slightly. “After the accident,” she whispered.
I nodded. “Got sober not long after the last time I saw you.”
Her mouth frowned and a small quiver shook her chin. “I’m sorry, Kelly. I should have known.”
“Don’t worry about it.” I reached out with splayed fingers and let my hand come to rest between her shoulder blades. “It was a long time ago.”
The bartender came and I ordered a sparkling water. When it arrived, Kaycee’s eyes moved to my glass. “You know I’ll never forget that time you, Nora, and I snuck into that party in Malibu—” her eyes sparkled as she smiled, beginning to tell her story, “—thinking that no one would notice we weren’t on the guest list.”
My fingers wrapped around my sweaty, cool glass as I stared into the popping fizz, nodding my head. “We nearly got away without getting caught.”
“And we would have, too,” her eyes crinkled with amusement as she glanced in my direction, “if you hadn’t gone back for that last drink.”
We both laughed.
“I’ll never forget the good times we shared.” Kaycee curled her lips over her glass and sucked down a gulp. “So, how have you been, Kelly?” Her shoulders drooped as sadness hit her eyes.
I knew what she was really asking. And the only response I had for her was to duck my head, nod, and say, “Good.”
“The pain never goes away.” Her voice was barely a whisper but it rang loud in my ears. Even through the murmurs of the crowd behind us, I heard her clear as day.
When I turned my head to meet her watery gaze, a stone formed in my throat.
A deep silence settled between us as we each thought about what could have been. I didn’t know what to say or where to begin. And when I caught a whiff of her beer, in that moment, I actually wanted one even though I hadn’t had a drink in some time.
The urge I felt to have a drink wasn’t because I wanted to get drunk and drown out the pain from the suffering both Kaycee and I had experienced but, rather, it was a desire to go back to when my life was good, organic, and I was happy—truly happy—with where I was and who I was with.
“Sometimes I wish I could have been there to stop it.” Kaycee’s voice cracked.
Overnight, our worlds had changed forever. No matter how many times we replayed those days leading up to the moment it all came crashing down, it would never be enough to rewrite history.
“Me, too.” I cleared my throat. “Me, too.”
Kaycee tossed back the rest of her beer and slammed the empty glass down on the counter. Her frustration was clear. We both felt hopeless knowing that no matter how hard we tried, there was no turning back the hands of time.
“We’ve been through so much,” she angled her body toward me, “shared so much of the same misery, and despite not seeing each other until all these years later, it still feels like it happened yesterday.”
I watched Kaycee’s hand lift to my arm. Her tender touch caused my heart to skip a beat. It was smooth and forgiving as her fingers ironed down my arm. “It’s really good to see you, Kelly.”
My eyes lifted and met hers. “It’s really great to see you, too.”
Her hand stayed on my arm. “God, it’s fucking great to see you.” She burst out laughing as if she couldn’t believe we were here, talking again.
“Kaycee—” she turned to look me in the eye, “what’s the real reason you called?”
Her hand lifted off my arm and she ducked her head, giggling with disbelief. Then she turned back to face me, shoving a hand through her thick locks. Shaking her head, she said, “Nora, she really loved coming here.”
Kaycee leaned back, taking a moment to soak in the lodge’s grandeur. I watched her face soften, and I knew that a part of her could feel Nora’s spirit in the building. When she wasn’t looking, I glanced at her ring finger. It was void of any kind of band and I couldn’t help but wonder if she ever married.
“It’s that time of year again,” she spun her knees around so she faced me, “when I start thinking of Kelly Black.” All those tears and sad faces she was making just a minute ago had now vanished with a renewed spirit.
Reaching out with palms facing the ceiling, I invited her hands to fall into mine. Kaycee didn’t hesitate to allow me to hold her. I could feel her pulse against the tips of my fingers, and when I looked up at her beneath my brow I asked, “You came all this way—made me drive for an hour—just so you could tell me that you’ve been thinking about me?”
Kaycee’s chin dropped to her chest as she snickered. “I need you, Kelly.” She lifted her head to show me the sincerity twinkling in her eyes. “You have to be there for me. I can’t do this alone.”
I licked my lips and let out a heavy sigh.
“You know it as well as I do.” She squeezed my large hands. “We are supposed to do this together.”