When Taylor left that morning, I drifted straight back to sleep. I’d lied to him and told him I’d slept like a baby when in actual fact, even after downing most of that foul cough medicine, I’d slept like shit. I was fully aware of his presence. Every move he made, every slight noise that came from his lips, the warm comfort I felt at having him so close. The way my body responded to him whenever he took my temperature. I could only close my eyes and will sleep to take over. Granted, I had fallen asleep at some stage during the night. I had tried to kick the covers off of me, feeling overly stuffy due to all the layers I’d needed in the beginning. When the covers wouldn’t budge, it was apparent that something, or someone, was forcing the covers to stay put.

I begrudgingly turned over and hit the night light on my bedside table to find Taylor asleep next to me. In my bed. He had fallen asleep, too. And while I knew I shouldn’t, I couldn’t resist. I watched him sleep. I watched the way his chest rose and fell with each contented breath. I watched the way his face contorted as if he were dreaming, and then I watched as a calm peacefulness washed over him, relaxing his face back to perfection.

Even sleeping, Taylor was beautiful. His dark lashes rested against his cheek and I was surprised by the jealousy that came over me—jealous that they could touch him freely while I could only dream of it. It was silly really. Then he all but caught me openly staring at him and I made up some excuse about his snoring waking me up. The truth was, when Taylor slept, he slept peacefully. I loved that about him. I wanted that kind of peace. One without questions—questions that seemed to plague my every moment. And fear—fear of not knowing. Just for once, I wanted to forget what a mess I was and embrace every moment of my life. Because I was alive, I just wasn’t living. I was merely existing. Taylor made me want to change the way I saw my life. He made the free spirit locked away inside of me want to come out to play. He made me want to break free from the hell that surrounded me.

By the time the afternoon rolled around, I started to wish I’d taken Taylor up on his offer to call if I needed anything, but I had no valid reason to have him come over. I didn’t need anyone to ply me with medicine or fetch the lost remote. I just needed him, but I couldn’t tell him that. He would run a mile. Stupidly, I had taken his kindness as something else. I knew in my head that Taylor was just being a good guy and that he felt bad for making me sick. He blamed himself, which was ridiculous. It wasn’t as though I’d complained when the dare had come my way. There was something oddly thrilling about being half naked around Taylor.

Deciding to bite the bullet, I messaged him. I tried to keep the messages as casual as I could, making sure I didn’t include any kisses or come across in a way that made me sound desperate. I ended up deleting the first one a million times before I felt satisfied. Once I’d hit send, I didn’t have to wait long for Taylor to reply. It was almost instant.

I’d missed him today and although the smell of him still lingered on my pillow, it wasn’t enough to get me by. I wanted to see him.

Scrap that. I needed to see him.

Throwing texts back and forth, I eventually worked up enough courage to invite him over. Not only had his replies been instant, but last night had led me to believe that maybe he cared. I was sure he would stop by. He didn’t. In fact, he never even replied. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t skulked around the house for the best part of an hour wondering why he didn’t want to see me. It was as if I’d stupidly, out of the blue, opened up to him. I’d even thrown in the fact that we could use the time to study. It was as if he could really, truly read my mind and knew otherwise.

After I was done moping around the house, idly cleaning things that didn’t need cleaning, I showered and changed into some My Little Pony pyjamas and began to feel better about Taylor’s ignorance. That was until my phone pinged with a message asking me to let him in.

My face paled. I was not ready to see him.

Rushing to my dresser, I reached into the right hand drawer for my tangle teaser and brushed through the knots in my hair before throwing it up in a messy bun. I sprayed on a little of my favourite perfume and decided on wearing no make-up. I didn’t look great, but I was a damn sight less scary than I had been last night. Besides, I didn’t have time to worry about that. Not when he was waiting at the door.

I blew out a breath and made my way downstairs. With a quick glance in the mirror, I opened the door to see Taylor standing there, his intoxicating aftershave instantly hitting me.

“Sorry. I was in the shower,” I apologised and threw on a cheery smile.

“I’m not interrupting, am I?” he asked, searching behind me.

Don’t be so ridiculous, I thought to myself.

“No, no. Come on in.”

Taylor nodded and stepped inside. I closed the door behind him and before I could face him, I wondered which room I should send him to. He’d already seen my room last night so I figured it wasn’t really a big deal.

“Go on up. I’ll grab some drinks,” I told him, and made my way to the kitchen.

My hands shook nervously as I opened the fridge and examined the contents. Cans of beer and bottled water lined the shelves. Without a second’s thought, I reached for a bottle of water, figuring I shouldn’t drink around Taylor, especially after the last time. As I wondered which drink Taylor would prefer, I suddenly remembered he had a game tomorrow. Would he drink the night before? I wasn’t sure of the answer but I grabbed a water just in case. He could always change it if he wanted to.

“Wow, you have carpet,” Taylor pointed out as soon as I made it back up the stairs and through the door.

“Funny.” I rolled my eyes in response and handed a bottle over to him. “I guessed water seeing as you have the big game tomorrow.”

“Water is good, thanks.”

I nodded and made my way over to the bed, sinking down on the edge. The bed wasn’t high, but it was high enough that my legs dangled above the floor. Taylor appeared nervous, and hadn’t moved an inch. I was pretty certain he hadn’t made eye contact with me at all since I’d opened the door.

“Are you okay? You seem a little off.”

“I’m fine. Sorry,” he apologised and shook his head, but he still wouldn’t look at me.

He sat down on the bed next to me—close, yet not close enough. I frowned. What the hell was going on?

Taylor seemed to notice the frown I was wearing. “Jake’s got a few of the guys round…”

“Right?” I said, which came out more like a question. I wondered what that had to do with anything.

“And the girls.”

I laughed under my breath and desperately tried to hide it. Why was I laughing? Had that been the reason why Taylor had ignored my text earlier? He’d been entertaining the girls? A sick knot formed in my stomach. I was suddenly a whole lot jealous.

Taylor frowned back at me. “What?”

“Nothing, sorry. I’m just... confused... Maybe. Taylor?” I sighed. “Why are you telling me about the girls?”

“I dunno. I wanted an early night, what with the game tomorrow. I can’t fuck it up, Lola. It’s my last shot. Jake knows this. He said it was just a few of the guys from the team, then he goes and invites Mel round because apparently, I need a distraction.”

I wanted to laugh. Taylor sounded like a whiney teenager. Then the name Mel slipped from his mouth and suddenly, I no longer found anything funny. I wanted to hit him. And her.

“Distraction?” I asked.

“Crazy, right?” He shook his head, his jaw ticking.

“I don’t mean to sound stupid, but… Why would you need a distraction from the game? It doesn’t make sense.”

He was fidgeting and anxious. This wasn’t the confident Taylor I knew. I wondered if he was on something.

“Not from the game,” he muttered. “A distraction from you.”

I opened my mouth to say something but quickly clamped it shut. Shocked, I pressed my hands flat to my thighs and pushed down.

“He thinks there’s something going on between me and you. I told him it wasn’t like that, but he kept going on and on, then the whole Melanie thing…” Taylor dropped his head in his hands, his fingers pulling at the ends of his hair.

A cold chill ran through me.

I was lost for words.

Taylor eyed me from the side. “He’s wrong, right?”

What the hell was I meant to say to that? Was he wrong? I guess so. Really, there was nothing going on between us. I was beginning to feel sick again.

Taylor continued to stare into my eyes, his expression slowly changing from confused to angry.

Why was he angry with me?

“Fuck,” he said, pushing to his feet. Another string of curses followed as he paced the short space on the floor. I just sat there, motionless.

Just as I thought he was about to leave, he stormed over to where I was sitting, his face red and his eyes impossibly dark. He grabbed my face with both hands and held them there. Not too hard, but enough to make me gasp in surprise.

He searched my eyes and shook my face slightly. “I really want to kiss you.”

My mouth fell open. Thankfully, Taylor was still holding on otherwise he’d have been picking my jaw up off the floor.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked. Gone was the rough edge to his voice.

“Me?”

“Do you see anyone else here?”

“Kiss me?” I repeated again. “Are you… are you sure?”

Taylor tipped my chin, his eyes soft and attentive. “As sure as I can be about anything right now.”

“Oh,” was all I could say, and before I could wonder if this was actually going to happen, I felt Taylor’s lips press down on mine, soft, yet firm, his hands still cupping my cheek as he brushed his lips back and forth across my own.

And that was how we stayed for a while.

Goosebumps peppered my skin as Taylor’s kisses became desperate. We were touching, tasting, melting against one another. I thought my first kiss with Taylor had been out of this world, but nothing could have prepared me for the way I felt right then. In that moment, our souls connected and the unspoken words we were both afraid to acknowledge no longer mattered. When his hands slid from my face and travelled down my arms, something stirred inside of me. A feeling in the lower half of my stomach ached with a need so strong I was sure Taylor could feel it, too. I could only hold onto his broad shoulders as I fell deep into oblivion. I just hoped that when the kiss ended, Taylor wouldn’t regret it like he had that first time. I wasn’t sure I could take that heartache again.