Thick clouds of smoke filled the small room in Melanie’s apartment. Each inhale hit the back of my throat and filled my lungs, pulling me down deeper into the place that seemed to make everything disappear around me, surrounding me in darkness.

When I forced my eyes open the following morning, it was apparent I wasn’t at home. I had seen this room so often before that I should have been used to it. I wasn’t. Each time I woke, I was met with the same guilt and overbearing need to run. I couldn’t stop coming back, though. I needed it. I deserved the empty feeling of knowing I had screwed everything up. I was hanging onto life by a thread, living in constant fear that soon it would snap, sending me plummeting into nothing.

When I saw Lola at the party, it was clear she was just as miserable as I was. The difference was, I had grown so used to putting on a front that no one really knew how I actually felt. To them, I was happy. I had Melanie by my side, and while I knew most guys would be envious of that alone, deep down I hated every second of it. After seeing my Dad, I’d gone straight over to Mel’s. Most girls wouldn’t touch me after I’d screwed them over, but Mel had no morals. She didn’t care that I used her, didn’t care that I was already in love with someone else—and I was. I was so in love with Lola it killed me every day. It was too late now, though. I had flaunted Melanie in her face and shown her just how calculating I could be.

I knew it wouldn’t take her long to see me for what I really was. The perfect picture she had in her head of what we could be was no more than a fantasy. I could never be what she wanted me to be—what she deserved. All I could do was live with the regret of never knowing what it truly felt like to have someone like her. She deserved to be happy and I couldn’t give her the happily ever after she needed.

Seeing the way Darren was with her at Brie’s party had pissed me off. I tried to curb my anger and remind myself that she wasn’t mine anymore. She never had been. I had to let her get on with her life, but forcing away the memories I had of her was hard when all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and beg for her forgiveness.

Memories from the previous night assaulted me as I searched for my clothing on the floor. I’d told Melanie everything about my dad, and my mum’s drinking. I’d even told her that I was in love with Lola. She didn’t seem surprised. It was as if she knew all along. I’d cried on her shoulder like a damn pussy and she’d said nothing, just held me in her arms.

I couldn’t remember coming to bed the night before. After I’d broken down, we’d ended up opening a bottle of Jack and sparking up a joint until long after midnight, losing ourselves in the ecstasy the buzz gave us.

Slipping my shirt over my head, I glanced back at Melanie sleeping soundly in the bed and left.

“I haven’t seen Lola around much lately. Something gone on between you two?” Jake asked as I walked into the kitchen later that afternoon.

“How many times? We were never together,” I told him. That wasn’t entirely true, though. We’d had something. I wasn’t sure what that something had been but it was definitely something. Lola was like a breath of fresh air in a gas explosion. I wanted her. I still did. I wasn’t sure that would ever change, but I’d ruined any chance I had with her, and that was something we would never come back from.

“Mate, you two were practically joined at the hip. If she wasn’t here, you were at hers, or having secret meetings in the park. Yeah, I heard about that, by the way. Then there was your little love declaration in the quad. You went away for that weekend as well, right?” He smirked.

“What you saw was the two of us working. Coach set her up to help me catch up on some work I was falling behind on. That was all it was. And now I’m back on track, I no longer need her. Simple. As for the weekend away? Riley couldn’t deal with Brie on his own, so he had me tag along. I guess Brie asked Lola, too.” I shrugged, hating the way it felt just saying her name.

“And the kiss?”

“Meant nothing,” I lied again, hating the way it tasted as I said it.

“So, that’s it? She helped you and now all of a sudden you have your shit together so she no longer matters?”

“Who said she mattered to begin with?”

“You. Well, maybe not in so many words, but it was obvious. I saw the way you looked at her. How different you were around her. Why pretend?”

“You sound like Brie.” I groaned.

“Yeah, and Brie’s right.”

“Look, I really don’t have the energy to argue with you. I’m tired, my head is pounding, and I just wanna go to sleep.”

“You didn’t get enough last night then? You were with her again, weren’t you?”

Chucking my head back, I groaned. “If you mean Melanie, then yes. I stayed there. Did I fuck her? No. And even if I had, it would be none of your damn business. I’m a free man, Jake.”

“You’re right. It’s none of my business. But we are family, and families look out for each other. Especially when they can see that something is wrong. So tell me, what’s really going on? And if you tell me that you don’t care about Lola again, I will knock you out.”

“It’s nothing, Jake. Just drop it.”

“Tay…”

“I went to see my dad, alright? Happy now?” I hadn’t told anyone about my Dad except Melanie, and I hoped the alcohol she’d sunk last night was enough to have her forget all about it.

“Your dad? When?”

“The other week. He kept sending me these letters—visiting orders—so I went to see him hoping he’d stop.”

“Wow. I can’t believe you went to see your dad.”

“That’s just it. He’s not my dad.”

“Look, mate, I know you guys have been through some shit, and I’d be angry too if I were in your position, but he’s still your dad. Nothing can change that.”

“No. I mean he’s not my dad. Told me so himself.”

“No.”

“Yep.”

“Are you sure he wasn’t just saying that? Prison must really fuck with your head.”

“It’s the truth. He was being serious, Jake. He’s not my dad.”

“Shit…”

Jake looked as torn as I had when I’d left the prison that day. It was obvious he was just as confused as I was upon hearing those four words, but it was the truth. The man who had raised me my entire life—the man who had given me my first ball and taught me how to play—wasn’t my father.

I’d never realised what those four words could do to someone. They had the ability to change a man, to ruin him. I should’ve been relieved. My biological father wasn’t in prison. He wasn’t serving time for sleeping with an underage girl. I no longer had to live with the embarrassment. I was free. At least I should’ve felt that way. I had spent two years hating and missing him. He was partly to blame for the mess I had found myself in. I blamed him for Mum’s drinking. For the house being taking away from us. I blamed him for everything. Only he wasn’t really to blame. She was. The only person in the world I should have been able to trust with my life.

“Did he tell you? Do you know who he is?” Jake said, pulling me from my thoughts.

“Nah. He said it was Mum’s business to tell me. I tried to get it out of him but he wouldn’t budge.” I gripped the back of my head and began to pace the floor. “I just can’t believe he’s staying loyal to her, even after everything.”

“Maybe he still loves her.”

I raised my brows. Sure he loved her. I guess he loved her while he was fucking his assistant’s underage daughter, too. Yeah, real love.

“Well, maybe he’s trying to do the right thing for once. ‘Cause, ya know, it’s not really up to him to tell you.”

‘What do I do?”

“Go and see her. Ask her straight out. What more do you have to lose?”

“I dunno, man. Last time I saw her she was off her face. I don’t think I’ll get anything out of her.”

“You’ve got to at least try, Tay. Who knows? She might even surprise you.”

“Yeah, maybe.” I shrugged.

Jake nodded, acknowledging that the conversation was over. I grabbed the bottle of water off the counter and turned to leave. Jake gripped my arm to stop me and I groaned. “Later,” I sighed. “We’ll talk later.”

“It’ll be too late then,” he said.

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s Lola,” he finally said.

“What about her?”

“She’s going out tonight.”

“So?” I shrugged. “I told you, I don’t—”

“With Darren,” Jake said, cutting in. “She’s going out with Darren.”

Like fuck is she.

She was going out with Darren.

Not only did I have the shit with my dad—Tom—to sort out, I now had to deal with the fact that the girl I couldn’t stop thinking about was with one of my teammates.

I couldn’t be mad at Lola. I’d fucked her over, ruined the friendship we’d built all because I couldn’t get over the fact that my dad wasn’t my dad. I’d pushed her away. She would’ve been there for me. She would’ve listened when I needed someone to talk to. Instead, I pushed her away, forcing her into the arms of another man. Lola was vulnerable. She needed protecting. It should have been me, not Darren.

Maybe this was her way of getting back at me. If that was the case then she’d succeeded. I was well and truly pissed.

I jogged down the stairs, pushing up the cuffs up on my shirt. “Jake, we’re going out.”

“You’re going to get her, aren’t you?” A half-finished beer bottle dangled from his fingers. He knew me too well.

“Damn straight I am,” I said, grabbing his keys on the way out.

Jake mumbled something before closing the door behind us. He ran to catch up with me. “If I’d known this was all it’d take to get you to sort your shit out, I would’ve done it sooner.” He grinned. “What are you gonna do when you see her? If you go in there all guns blazing, you’ll lose her for good.”

He had a point. I had no idea what I was going to do.

I climbed in the car and turned the key in the ignition as I waited for Jake to jump in. “Do I look fucking stupid?”

“No, you look fucking crazy,” he pointed out.

Maybe I was crazy, but I couldn’t let Lola make this mistake. I knew Darren. He might seem like a catch to someone like her, but he was dark, and I couldn’t let her get messed up. Not if I could stop it, anyway.

“Don’t act as though you aren’t enjoying every damn second of this.” I smirked.

“Mate, this is the best idea you’ve had since you convinced me to go to that damn strip club. Best damn head of my life.” He winked. “But yeah, what was I saying?”

I shook my head and continued to eye the road ahead.

“Oh yeah. Anyway, you know I want this to work just as much as you do. Just…. Go easy. Be careful.”

I pondered his words on the drive through town. Streetlamps lined the road ahead and I could just make out the neon sign of the club a few yards up ahead. My heart sped up as I realised what I was about to do. I wanted to rip into myself for being such a pansy, but I wouldn’t. Lola was an incredible person and I wasn’t about to lose her to some rebound jerk.

Parking was usually a nightmare this time of night, but somehow I managed to pull the car into a vacant space a few yards down from the club entrance. We walked the short distance in silence and eventually came to the doors. The queue was particularly long, but Luke, the doorman I knew through Jake, ushered us right in, ignoring the one in one out line that rounded the corner.

“I need a beer first,” I shouted over the loud music.

“Mate, you’re driving. I’ve already had three.”

“Don’t worry,” I told him. “We’ll fetch it in the morning.”

Jake shrugged and followed me to the oval bar a few feet away. The problem with this place was that everyone knew everyone, so it was sometime before we eventually made it to the bar and ordered a round of drinks. As we waited, I scanned the crowd. I couldn’t see Lola. Or Darren for that matter. I swallowed the feeling that rose in my chest.

Jake, clearly seeing my reaction, nudged my arm and pointed to the dance floor. “Over there, towards the right of the booth.”

Sure enough, there she was.

With Darren…

We continued to look their way until our drinks were handed over. I took a long swig, and as I did, Jake said, “So, what’s the plan?”

I shrugged. “We wait until he comes over.”

“Alright, well, wait here. I need a piss.”

I should’ve stopped looking their way. The more I watched them dancing together, his snaky hands gripping her hips as he moved against her, the angrier I became. As if sensing my presence, Darren clocked me and a surprised look crossed his face.

Yeah, I’m here, dick. Keep your fucking hands to yourself.

Darren leaned in, whispering something into Lola’s ear, his mouth lingering there longer than I was comfortable with.

I worked my jaw back and forth and tightened my hold on the bottle.

“Two Jack and Cokes. Make them doubles.” Darren appeared, gesturing to the dude behind the bar. Eventually, he looked my way. “I thought you weren’t coming tonight?”

I pressed my mouth against the beer bottle and shrugged. “Change of plan.”

“As you’re here, you should know I invited Lola out tonight. Figured you’d be cool with that seeing as you guys are done.”

Slamming the bottle down on the bar, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. “You thought wrong.”

“Mate, what’s the harm? It’s not like you two were a thing, anyway. In fact, according to Lo, you two were just study buddies.”

Study buddies?

“Wrong again.”

“Look,” he said, raising both hands. “I don’t want any trouble, but seriously, she’s a nice girl. I like her. If you cared an ounce for her you’d want her to be happy.”

“Back off, mate. Don’t make me tell you again.”

“And let you screw her over like you do every other fucker? Not a chance, bud.”

My hands balled into fists at my side and I reached forward, gripping his collar and leaning in. “I told you to back off.”

“You’ve got issues, mate.”

“Yeah, I have,” I agreed. “And you are currently my biggest one to date.”

“Taylor, mate, leave it,” Jake cut in, apparently back from taking a slash. He turned to Darren apologetically. “Go home, Daz.”

“What?” He frowned, looking between the two of us.

I smirked. “You heard him. Run along.”

He retreated back, shaking his head. “Sort your shit out, Tay. We both know you don’t deserve a girl like Lola.”

“For fuck’s sake, Darren, will you just go?” Jake ground out. I could tell he was getting annoyed, too.

“Fuck the pair of you. Really. Just don’t blame me when she comes running back to me after you screw her over again. Which you will. It’s what you do, remember? Lisa… Melanie…. Ring any bells? Anyway, I’ll be here when you do, and guess what? I can’t fucking wait.”

I raised my fist. I wanted to kill the little shit. He had no fucking idea what he was talking about.

“Leave it, Tay. It’s not worth it,” Jake said, pulling me back.

He was right. Darren was the least of my worries. I needed to convince Lola I was sorry and that wouldn’t be easy.

I clasped my hand on Jake’s shoulder and squeezed. “Cheers, cuz.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” he said, nudging his head to where Lola was standing, dancing alone. “You’ve got a shit tonne of making up to do, you know?”

“I know, mate. I know.”