Rays of sunshine and the clanging of pots made me hold my head and groan in pain.

“Please, make it stop,” I whimpered, but I was alone in my room and no one heard my pathetic pleas.

I shifted my palms to cover my ears better until the noise stopped. I shared a single-story, apartment-style dorm with my bestie, Reagan, and another girl, Betsy, who was hardly ever home.

Unable to go back to sleep, I stumbled out of bed and found Betsy, not Reagan, making all the noise. She caught sight of me. “Rough night?”

I bobbed my head and scurried on bare feet to the bathroom. Bloodshot eyes greeted me in the mirror. My hair looked like a nest had sprouted on top of my head.

You’ve got to stop doing this to yourself.

Hazy memories of dancing with one of the hottest guys I’d ever seen came back. He’d kissed me… or had I kissed him? I didn’t know. What I did remember was feeling a tightening in my lady bits, and I nearly crossed my legs in the present as the memory washed over me.

Damn, he could kiss. If he did other things just as well, I might break my rule about no one-night stands.

Crazy thoughts. I made a fool of myself. He probably thought I was an easy hookup. I brushed my teeth and remembered calling his friend pretty, or was that beautiful. As I rinsed my mouth, I closed my eyes in mortification. I’d sounded all kinds of crazy last night.

I felt halfway human when I exited the bathroom. Reagan was up and on her computer like the study worm she was. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and guzzled it. Then I took a banana from the fruit basket—we always had them on hand. They were good for ending the hangover effects. I quickly ate it before joining Rae.

“Why did you let me drink?” I asked and flopped next to her on the hard sofa.

She gave me a death glare. “Let you drink? You dragged me to that place last night.”

She rolled her eyes and I did it back.

“You never want to have fun. I'm surprised you lasted that long at the University of Maryland.” She was a transfer student from there after a couple of semesters off, though she’d done some online coursework to keep her on track for graduation. I’d gone to a few parties there while in high school. “Now, they know how to party.”

“How would you know?”

I circled a finger in the air. “Oh, I have my ways. But I'll forgive you, you being homeschooled and all. Though all the other homeschoolers I know go ape shit crazy as soon as they get out from under their parents. Yet you…”

“I'm boring,” she answered.

“Yeah, but I love you.” I reached over and gave her a quick hug. “Are you going to lay out with me today?” She sighed. “Come on. Maybe some sun will help take away some of that crabbiness.” When she didn't answer, I added, “Gavin might be down there.”

She sighed. “It’s Gavin now? Who’s next?”

I poked out a lip. “I have to make up for lost time. That asshole took away three of my best years.”

Derrick wasn’t a bad guy, which was why I’d been with him so long. I wanted to hate him for breaking up with me, but he’d been honest about wanting to date other people. How could I fault him for that? He’d been upfront and truthful. Isn’t that the respect most want in a relationship?

That hadn’t meant it didn’t hurt—it had, which was why I’d spent last semester putting myself out there. I hadn’t slept with anyone, thank goodness, but I’d dated several guys. But all had been more interested in what was under my clothes than me, and that had been a total turnoff.

I lowered my voice. “And that hot friend of his with that sexy scruff had goo-goo eyes for you.” For emphasis, I clawed a hand in the air and made tiger sounds.

Her response wasn’t unexpected. “I'm not interested.”

I sighed. “When are you ever interested? Are you a lesbian? You know it’s okay. I'm cool with it. I've kissed a girl once or twice.”

Drunken dares. With my eyes closed, it hadn’t been different. But opened, it wasn’t there for me. I liked dick.

She glared at me. “I'm not a lesbian.”

I focused on her. “Are you a virgin, then?”

Some days I wished for my virginity back. All three guys that I’d been with had been long-term relationships and duds in that area. I’d never even had an orgasm with any of them.

“Why the twenty questions?” she asked.

I blinked, and then remembering what I’d asked, I shrugged. “I'm just curious. Gavin's friend was way hot. We had the best two guys in the bar and you didn't bat an eye.”

Gavin, if memory served, had darker hair than his friends. His beautiful gray eyes were full of storm clouds and I wasn’t sure if that storm had been directed at me or if he had secrets that he kept bottled up.

Reagan danced around the question as usual, with her excuses of school and wanting to graduate. She sounded like she recited words her mother would say.

“You need to spend more time hanging out with people your own age.”

That argument finally worked.

“Fine, I'll lay out with you today.”

Though I was thrilled she finally gave in, she so needed to get out more. But there was one more thing.

“And you promise to be nice if we run into Gavin?”

I held my breath until she sighed.

“I'll be nice, but that doesn't mean I'm hooking up with his friend. No judgment on whatever you do with Gavin.”

* * *

We ended up with a prime piece of real estate on the tiny beach area covered in sand across the two-lane road from the school and next to the water. The sun was warm on my back.

“Damn, look at that ass,” a guy said from somewhere behind me.

I could feel eyes on me, so I rolled over.

“Keep it moving, butthole,” I snapped.

“Nice rack.”

I gave him a stony glare. He took the hint and held up his hands before moving on.

Rae laughed. “Seriously, you think I’m a prude, but you won’t cuss.”

“Some habits you can’t break.”

My grandparents had grown up in a simple life community. It was a place where technology was frowned on and religion was law.

Everything they ate came from crops the community planted and animals they raised. They made their clothing all the way down to the weaving fabric. It was pretty interesting. Their modes of transportation were their two feet or horses with or without homemade buggies attached.

Besides living like pilgrims, women were expected to act like ladies and the menfolk lorded over everything in all senses of the words. Foul language was not allowed.

Had my grandmother not gotten sick, who knows what life I would have led. But Grandpa loved her more than their community, and when their healers couldn’t get her well, he opted to take her to a secular doctor. Thankfully, she lived. Her uterine cancer was gone with a hysterectomy and a run of chemo.

But leaving meant being excommunicated. Though they were forced out, that was the only life they knew. They recreated it on a miniature scale.

Grandpa had done well in the community—they’d sold excess goods at the open markets. Being a carpenter, he made many things with his hands. In the end, they bought a small parcel of land with the savings they had left and lived the life they loved outside of the community.

Mom and I lived with them until I’d left for college. Then Mom finally got a place for herself.

My thoughts of my grandparents shifted when Gavin’s friend walked out of the water carrying a canoe.

“Holy see you next Tuesday,” I muttered.

Rae ignored me while I gaped for a second. He was…something.

Then I remembered what a fool I’d made of myself the night before and tried to flag him down. He wasn’t exactly happy to see me and hadn’t really checked out my tits. That was a first. Instead, he kept glancing in Reagan’s direction.

“Where’s Gavin?” I asked.

“I’m not his keeper.” It was clear he wanted to be doing anything but talking to me.

I didn’t give up, though. He wouldn’t steal my sunshine. When I asked if he was English because I thought I picked up on a faint accent, he ignored me and stole another glance at Rae.

“Look, I’m sorry for—” I waved in Reagan’s direction. “She’s not good with guys like you.”

That got his attention.

“What kind of guy am I?”

And here was where I made a fool of myself again, because there was really no other way to explain it. “You know…pretty.” I did the game show hostess thing with my hands like he was the grand prize, which he was, in a way. The guy was off-the-charts hot.

“Look, I’d love to continue this conversation, but the café will close for breakfast soon,” he said.

“Sure. But can you put in a good word for me with Gavin?” I pleaded.

“I don’t know what I can say. I don’t know you, and Gavin has his own mind.”

I had a feeling they discussed us last night. Maybe Gavin had already told him he wasn’t interested in me. I felt my smile falter.

“Just tell him you spoke to me and I’m not that lunatic girl from last night.”

He nodded and took off. I found my spot on the sand and tried not to be discouraged. It wasn’t often I couldn’t find the bright side of things. Grams was good at telling me that if life gave you lemons, make lemonade with it.

“Told you,” Rae said.

She was implying that he wasn’t worth her time, and in turn Gavin wasn’t worth mine.

“Maybe,” I said.

Then, I set my mind to not thinking about the guy that made my insides all gooey. He wasn’t the last man on earth. And I was a good catch. Any guy would be lucky to have me.

Too bad there was only one guy that I couldn’t vanquish from my mind.