I held my grin until the door closed. Ashley, the prettiest girl in school, was mine. Of course, she wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend and I was told by my father to stay away from girls. Still, we held hands at school and I’d kissed her a few times. The last time was even with some tongue.

Tonight, after Dad went to the basement to work, I’d slipped out. Ashley was making cupcakes for my birthday. The last time I’d had any type of cake for my birthday was before Mom died.

I spun around, not wanting to look weird staring at the door like some lovesick fool if she or her mom peeked out a window.

Only, my spirit died as I spied Bear at the curb, standing in front of a black, four-door car. Gingerly, I walked quickly out the little gate and onto the sidewalk. Though I knew he was there for me, I kept moving until he stopped me with one word.

“Come.”

He moved to open the door and I shoved my hands in my jeans pocket. I really didn’t want to get in that car. I’d seen enough gangster movies to know that was a bad idea. Still, I glanced over my shoulder at Ashley’s house, praying she wasn’t looking out of one of the windows.

“Either you come or I go in and shoot your little girlfriend, her kid brother, and her mother.”

I swallowed, fear forming a lump in my throat. The fact he knew she had a little brother meant he’d been watching her or the house too long.

I beat feet over to the car, where he held the door open, and ducked under his arm to scoot in.

“Good boy,” he said and slapped the top of the car before folding his large body inside. It sagged some under his weight.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” I spat.

I could have breathed out fire for all the hate I felt for that man.

“Sure she’s not, kid.”

I had to do something. Dad warned me this could happen. But it had been almost three years and they hadn’t bothered me until now.

“She isn’t. She’s just a girl I’m being nice to because she does my homework.”

That was a bald-faced lie. If anything, I helped her with homework. Still, he seemed to buy my untruth.

“Well, she’s a pretty thing. Got a nice rack on her.”

It was gross to think the old guy was looking at her tits. I balled my hands into fists, though I released them when he glanced my way. “She’s not like that. She’s just some girl. I’m not into her that way.”

“Could have fooled me. But with your pretty face, I’m sure you have all the girls.”

I shrugged, hoping he’d let the subject go. It was true—lately girls were paying more attention to me, but I ignored them. Just a few years before, the same girls had laughed at me along with everyone else, calling me fish boy. Dad worked alone and oftentimes I would go help him clear his traps in the early mornings before school. It was hard work and there wasn’t time to shower before trying to make it to school on time.

“They’re good for looking at.”

Bear’s meaty hand shoved my shoulder and he belly laughed. “You’re learning early. They’re good for feeling up on, and having them do more to you.”

He guffawed again and I mustered a laugh so he would think I agreed with him. I’d wondered if Ashley would let me touch her tits tonight—their softness against me when we kissed made me hard every time.

To my relief, we arrived at my house. I hadn’t been sure what to expect. As soon as the car came to a stop, I jumped out and headed for the front door.

“Hold up, kid.”

Bear got out. His partner, the one that had been with him the night he killed my mother, remained in the car with it running.

Although I had a key, Bear kept me in place with a paw on my shoulder and used his other one to beat on the door. When Dad opened it, he looked like he’d been about to give the intruders a piece of his mind.

“Jimmy,” he said instead.

Bear tapped my shoulder. “Ran into the kid and thought it was a good time for a talk.”

Dad stepped back after giving me a quizzical look.

With my glare, I tried to tell him that I hadn’t purposefully ended up with the man.

After the door closed, I noticed the bag Bear held.

“So, the kid turned thirteen today. Happy Freaking Birthday.”

He nodded like he was my uncle and he was proud of me. Only I didn’t have an uncle. I had two aunts, one on each side. I’d never met Dad’s sister. She’d left town years ago and hadn’t returned. Dad said his parents died not knowing what happened to her.

When I didn’t say anything to Bear, he sobered. “Well, all business then.”

Still, I kept my mouth shut. I was supposed to stay hidden whenever they came around. It was impossible to do that today, but I could keep quiet.

Bear slapped my back and I stumbled only a step before I caught myself. “Today is orientation day.”

Having no idea what that meant, I searched Dad’s face for something. All I saw was disapproval.

“Jimmy,” Dad began.

Bear held up a hand. “Did that sound optional?” He hadn’t meant it to be a question, and he turned his focus on me. “Today is test day.”

I found my words and launched them out my mouth. “I don’t want to be tested.”

Bear pulled a gun from behind him, where he’d had it shoved in his pants. So far, he kept it aimed at the ground.

“Like I said, this is a choice. I could go back and kill the girl and her family.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dad’s eyes widen. He didn’t know about Ashley. She’d been my secret, my one good thing.

From the coldness deep in my heart for the man before me, I pretended not to care.

“Do what you want. She means nothing to me.”

He tossed his head back and barked out a laugh. His rounded belly shook like he was some kind of evil Santa.

He pointed the gun at my feet. “Damn kid, that was cold.” He raised the gun, but shifted it from me to my father. “Well then, if you fail the test, I’ll kill your father.”

All laughter had been wiped clean from Bear’s face as if it had never been there. I didn’t need proof he’d do it. He’d easily killed my mom without a second thought. When Bear shifted his gaze back to me, hand steady in Dad’s direction, Dad shook his head.

He didn’t want me to do it. We had a plan if anything should happen to him. I was to contact my aunt Kristy, mom’s sister. Though I hadn’t talked to her or seen her since Mom’s funeral, Dad made me memorize her phone number. Since she’d yelled that Dad was a murderer and how she planned to get custody of me, I hadn’t forgotten her like I had so many things from back then. She’d made it easy for Dad to write her off—for her own good, he’d claimed. She would be in danger if she came around. He thought it bad enough I was already on the bad guys’ radar.

“What’s it going to be, kid?”

Dad still shook his head slightly. But I wouldn’t be the reason for his death.

“Yeah, whatever. Tell me what I have to do.”

Dad closed his eyes and I saw the defeat on his face. He didn’t speak. We’d learned when Bear spoke, you listened or you answered a direct question, nothing more. Mom getting killed for having an opinion was enough proof.

Much like Dad had done almost three years ago, Bear told me what I had to do and I had to repeat it.

As I rode the bike that was way too small for me, I had time to resent my father for not telling the cops what happened. He claimed it was for our safety, but what had his silence bought us? Time?

I rode through the woods on an overgrown trail. I had thirty minutes to do what Bear told me or Dad would die.

The ride to the gas station was at least twenty minutes. Riding through the woods could shave off some of that time. It was a good thing I didn’t have a watch or a cell phone, otherwise I might have panicked. As it was, I was dripping in sweat when the faded blue building came into view.

I crossed the two-lane road and dumped my bike next to a large ice container that was on the side of the building. I panted but tried to get my breathing under control as I entered the store. I’d given the pump area just a quick glance. Bear assured me someone would be watching. Inside, I walked down the aisle, eying the candy, chips, and coolers lining the walls filled with sugary drinks I had no money for.

The day was warm, so when a guy in a suit in our small town blocked my path, I thought fast.

“Say, kid—can I talk to you for a second?”

He wore sunglasses and looked like a Fed if I ever saw one.

The bell over the door rang as a man walked in. He wasn’t as big around as Bear, but bigger than my dad. Sweat ran down his face, and he wiped a big hand down and across his reddened neck.

“What are you, some kind of pedophile?” I yelled.

That got the attention of everyone in the store. But more importantly, the man that just walked in put something down at the front counter and narrowed his eyes on the skinny framed, suited man. I moved the other way and spotted the key the man had left.

I snagged it while everyone else was watching the big guy close in on the Fed. I thought I heard him say that he was a cop, but the door closed. The restrooms hadn’t been on the street side of the store, and the guy that came in with a key with a large metal weight attached had come in from the outside. So I went to the other side of the building. There, two doors stood closed. My hands shook as I tried to unlock them. It took two times, but finally I pushed in.

It smelled like shit inside. I held a hand to cover my mouth as I eyed two stalls. It was very possible they had more than one key and I needed out of here fast. I pushed the first one and it was reasonably clean, though the toilet was not like the one we had at home. There was really no place to hide it.

I stepped back and the other stall with an out of order sign was more promising. I pushed it open and sludge the color of mud filled the bowl. That was the source of the smell. Though the toilet was the same, hiding whatever was in the bag would make more sense here, especially since I’d been told to hide it behind the toilet.

In the backpack I’d been given was something wrapped in plastic multiple times. I didn’t take time to figure out what it was. Time wasn’t my friend. And though I might have been pissed at my father, I didn’t want him to die. He was all I had left.

My stomach roiled and I gagged as I backed out the stall and pulled the door shut. A man came in. So they did have more than one key.

“I wouldn’t go in there,” I said and darted out of the room.

The Asian man, tall and trim, didn’t look like he was from around here. The Fed wasn’t in the store when I went inside long enough to leave the key where I found it. I all but ran to find a pudgy boy getting on my bike.

“Hey,” I yelled.

He glanced back only for a second before he took off. I used whatever speed I had to catch him before he really got going. I leaped for him and we both went down on the asphalt. I’d have some scrapes, but there was no time to worry about that.

The guy wasn’t giving up, but Dad had taught me how to box. The boy, a few years older than me, didn’t know how to fight. He left his middle open and I got in a good gut shot. When he bent to protect his middle, I hit him in the face. He went limp. Though I felt bad, I had no time to worry about what I’d done. He was breathing and that would have to be good enough.

I got my bike up and took off. I was sure a car started to follow. But once I went across the road and into the woods, I was alone again.

The house was too quiet when I entered.

“Dad?”

Nothing. I hadn’t cried in years, but tears pricked the back of my eyes. “Dad,” I called out again, louder this time.

That was when I spotted Bear. He was out back. He’d seen me so I didn’t rush to him. I was afraid of what I’d find.

I pushed open the squeaky door that would have announced my presence. Dad refused to oil it, saying it was a cheap alarm system.

Dad’s face was a mask of calm as he stood to the right of a plastic tarp, the kind he used when we painted the house last year.

“Good boy. You passed. You had a minute left.” Bear clamped a hand on my shoulder and I didn’t flinch. But I was good and tired of him putting his hands on me. “Welcome to the family.”

Those words would haunt me. They were also the reason why I hadn’t gone to Ashley’s house or called her. Based on everything, I knew I was being watched closely.

The next day, when Ashley brought me my birthday cupcakes in a decorated box, I’d taken them but brushed her off. Her lips trembled and she asked me why I was being a jerk. I died a little inside when I told her I’d only used her.

What she didn’t know was that it was for her own good that she stayed away from me. So I watched from afar as we grew up and some other guy put a smile on her face.