Chapter 5
“MR. Hill is in the back room,” said Vadim. “This way.”
As Vadim and Seb escorted John Page through Royal Hill’s taxidermy establishment on the mainland, John tried to mask his disgust. The store was full of Hill’s taxidermy projects. Birds dotted the shelves, lurking as if they’d flown in by mistake and were biding their time until they could fly out again. Larger creatures were posed around the room, many of them with paws raised and mouths open. Beady eyes shone from the faces of whooping cranes, spotted owls, wolverines, gray foxes, and grizzly bears. John was pretty sure Hill specialized in stuffing endangered and threatened species. It probably gave him some sort of sick thrill.
A new addition stood in the corner near the door to Hill’s office. It was the mother bear Hill had slaughtered in the woods. It stood on hind legs, teeth bared, her infant cubs conspicuously absent.
Seb opened the door to the office and pushed John in. Hill sat at his desk. Vadim and Seb flanked him, standing next to his chair, no doubt ready to crack a few more bones.
“Have a seat, John.” Hill smiled. He perused some papers at leisure. “I thought it was a good time to touch base. You’ve been working for me for a while now.”
“Yes, Mr. Hill.”
“And yet you haven’t quite held up to your part of our little bargain.”
“I’ve been collecting information on my coworkers. I sent you those documents.”
“A few, but not as many as I’d hoped. The Ursa Resort is a big place. You’ve only provided me with information on a handful of people.”
“I, um, I’m still working on it.”
“Oh, I see.” Hill’s head dipped in a patronizing nod. “That can’t be easy when you’re spending all your free time at the casino.”
“Excuse me, sir?”
“I have connections at the casino, John. My associates there tell me you’ve been spotted numerous times. Still gambling, it seems, and with my money.”
John shut his trap. He had nothing to say.
“You really should see someone for your addiction. It pains me to think you’ve neglected your promise to me. And what about all that interest? It compounds every day. Do you enjoy living with that sort of stress?”
“No.”
“I’d hate to think I was wrong about you,” said Hill. “I’m not sensing a lot of enthusiasm for your work. That’s disappointing.”
“It’s not that. I’ve just been so busy.”
“Let’s review what you’ve sent me so far.” Hill nodded, and Vadim walked over to a filing cabinet at the side of the room. Vadim opened a drawer and retrieved a pile of photos. He spread them out on a table in front of Hill so that all the faces in the photos were visible.
John snuck a look. They were printouts of the photos he’d emailed Hill, photos of a few of the people who worked at the Ursa Resort, taken at long distance so he wouldn’t be caught. The faces in the photos seemed to follow John, silently accusing him. There were photos of Ryland, his wife Lia, Soren, Gioia, Bart, Charlotte, those weird Moon twins, Percy and Byron, the ones who shared a mate. John had also managed to take photos of the elusive Elaine Gleason and her kids, although Connor Church seemed to be in the background of every single one.
Rummaging through the photos, Hill stopped moving when he saw the photo of Elaine. He paled. His jaw dropping, he plucked out the photo from the pile and held it with shaky fingers. “Jinny?”
“No, that’s not her name, sir.”
The man’s face grew even whiter. “What is her name then?”
“Elaine Gleason. She’s a bear shifter. Her mate used to work at the resort.”
“Used to work at the resort?”
“Yeah. From what I hear, he was killed.”
Hill’s eyes took on that strange cast again, a brightness that made John want to shrink and hide from the light. “Recently killed?”
“It’s been almost a year, I think. I didn’t know him.”
Hill returned his gaze to the photo, and his eyes widened in wonder. He gulped. “Fascinating. And these are her cubs?”
“Yeah.”
“She’s…she’s perfect.”
“Perfect for what, Mr. Hill?”
Hill wove in his spot for a second but steadied himself. Frowning, he tucked the photo away in a separate drawer. “Never mind. I want more information on this Elaine. Do you hear me? Concentrate your efforts on her.”
“But she’s always with her friends. There’s this dude Connor—”
“I don’t care about this dude Connor!” Hill smashed his fist down on the set of drawers. “Listen, John. Right now, your efforts at the Ursa are the only thing keeping you alive. I want more photos of her in every light and by every angle. I need to see her features up close. Do you understand me? You will get me those photos of Jinny, and you’d better do it soon.”
“You mean Elaine.”
Hill blinked several times. “Yes, I meant, Elaine.”
“Okay, I just don’t understand why you need all this information. Why is the Ursa so important to you?”
“It’s not the resort.” Hill clenched and unclenched his fists a few times. “It’s the people there who interest me.”
“I don’t follow.”
“You understand what I do, right, John?”
It’s better if the organs are fresh when I extract them. “Yes.”
He pulled up another chair and sat next to John. “The people at the Ursa Resort are all shape shifters, right?”
“Right.
“People like us. Part human, part animal.”
“Yes.”
“Emphasis on the animal.”
John’s entire body went cold. “You want to hunt shape shifters?”
“Here’s the thing. My contacts pay a lot of money for animal organs. They ship them off to some God-forsaken country where little old ladies make tea out of bear gall bladders or some such thing. Frankly, I don’t care and I don’t want to know, but I do know this. These same contacts of mine are openminded men. They see the world as we do. They understand its aberrations. And as much as they would pay for animal organs, they would pay ten times that amount for shape shifter organs.”
“But…that’s murder.”
“It’s only murder if someone finds out.”
John’s hand began to shake, as much as he tried to keep it still.
“John, John, don’t look so depressed. Why do you think I made you my spy? I’ve heard there are some superior specimens at the Ursa. You know, quality product.”
“But you want to hunt our own people.”
Hill shrugged. “They’re not my people. I might shift like they do, but I feel nothing for them. They’re strangers to me. As for what I do to them, that’s just business.”
John shook his head, aghast.
“Look, my friend, your debt is considerable. I need you to provide me with all the necessary details on the people at the Ursa. And one day soon, I’m going to pay the resort a visit. If you do your job well, your entire debt will be erased. Wouldn’t that be good? Think of how much better you’d sleep.”
“Please don’t ask me to do this.”
“Oh, but I’m not asking.” Hill pinched him on the chin, making him look up. “I’m not in the habit of asking for anything. Do you feel me?”
“Yes, Mr. Hill. I feel you.”
“Of course, if you’d prefer, I can forget about the Ursa staff and take a better look at your organs. You seem healthy. How would you like to join Mama Bear out there?”
John’s organs seemed to shrink away at the idea. “Please, don’t. I’ll do whatever you want.”
Hill let him go and smiled. “Wonderful. Don’t disappoint me.” He patted him on the cheek. “And don’t forget the photos of Elaine Gleason. Now get back to work.” He waved him off.
Vadim slugged him on the shoulder. “You heard Mr. Hill. Get lost.”
His eyes red and blurry, and his heart racing, John ran from the office and out onto the street.
The glass eyes of the stuffed animals followed him.
* * * *
“Ohmigod.” Fleur groaned. “More coffee, please. Do you people always eat this early?” She held out her empty mug.
“Life with kids,” replied Elaine. “No sleeping on the job.”
The day before the grand re-opening, Connor grabbed an early breakfast with Elaine and the kids at the resort pub. Jani and Fleur joined them, but Fleur looked as if she would rather have had a late brunch. Connor grabbed the coffee pot left by the waitress and refilled Fleur’s mug, laughing when she downed the hot liquid right away. “What are you guys going to do when you have kids? Looks like you’d get those early morning feedings, Jani.”
“That’s what my little wolf princess thinks.” Jani tweaked Fleur’s nose. “Little does she know I had a special clause put in our marriage contract. It clearly states she takes all the morning shifts and all diaper duties with any future offspring.”
“I didn’t sign a contract.” Fleur gave him a playful shove. “You’re too slippery. I know better than to sign anything you’re written. Offspring.”
When Jani drew Fleur in, kissing her slowly, Elaine glanced in their direction but then turned away.
Connor’s mountain lion sniffed her and voiced a low “ouch” sound, the same sort wild mountain lions used to announce their presence to other cats. The creature purred, as if trying to say, “Look at me!”
Stop it. She has enough to worry about without you drooling over her.
He didn’t understand it. His cat had never paid Elaine much attention before. All of a sudden, it couldn’t get enough of her. No doubt it had just seized on his intention to help Lloyd’s widow and had gotten confused.
Yeah. It was the cat’s fault he couldn’t get her out of his head.
“Connor?” Elaine held out a platter. “More bacon?”
She smiled and somehow his world brightened. Her blue eyes twinkled for the first time in so long. A beam of sunlight shone through one of the windows, landing on her hair, making the blond strands glisten. She licked her lips, quite innocently, and it was all he could do not to gawk at her mouth.
That mouth. Why did it seem perfect for kissing all of a sudden? Her bottom lip, fuller than the top one, was so fleshy he wanted to bite it. He wished he could run his tongue over the bow of her top lip.
Perfect.
What was happening to him?
“Connor?”
“Yeah, thanks.” He grabbed a couple of rashers and shoved them in his mouth, chewing rapidly. Maybe if he ate more meat, he’d stop thinking about what it would be like to nibble her lips. As he swallowed, he stared at his plate, trying to stop his head from reeling.
It wasn’t working. His head spun.
Get a grip.
Another female voice chimed in. “Connor?”
“What?” His response came out almost as a shout. Embarrassed, he looked up, only to find Marcelle Burgess standing at their table.
“Why are you yelling?” asked Elaine.
“God, I’m sorry. Just distracted.” He stood and greeted Marcelle with a hug. “Hey, Marcelle. It’s been a while. Good to see you.”
The deer shifter woman smiled. “You, too.” Her gaze traveled over his shoulders and arms and back up again. “You look good.”
“Thanks. So do you.” His face heated up when he caught Elaine watching their exchange.
Marcelle had been a waitress at the Ursa for a couple of years but hadn’t been back since last Christmas. She had been one of his regular hookups. The deer woman had entranced him with her big eyes and soft dark skin. They’d been an item for a month or two, so much so Lloyd had teased she would finally be the woman to pin him down. However, Marcelle was as much a free spirit as he was, and neither had been interested in making things final.
Besides, his mountain lion never gave any signal it was interested in her as a mate.
“Marcelle, sit with us.” Elaine indicated a free chair.
“I’m sorry, I can’t. Ry asked me to come back and do some waitressing for the re-opening. It’s been a while, so Marci’s showing me around the new lodge this morning.” She tapped Connor on the shoulder. “I saw you from a distance and was just wondering if you’re free for a quick drink tonight.”
“Oh.” She was asking for a hookup. In all their time together, she’d never shared a quick drink with him. They’d always gotten right down to business.
He should say yes. God only knew his mountain lion was chomping at the bit. Maybe if he indulged with Marcelle, he could help it forget its crazy fascination with Elaine.
Which was wrong on so many levels.
“You should do it.” Elaine spoke for him, bubbling with strange energy. “Connor would love to spend time with you, Marcelle. Wouldn’t you, Connor?”
“Um.” He looked to Jani for support.
Jani shrugged and bit back a smile. No help from him.
“If you’re busy,” said Marcelle, “I understand.”
“No, it’s fine. I’ll be busy working security this afternoon, but I’m free tonight. It’s just…I was going to spend some time with Elaine and the kids.”
Elaine touched his hand. His pulse sped up. No, it didn’t speed up.
It jackhammered.
“Connor,” said Elaine, “go. You’ve been with us twenty-four-seven already. You need a break.”
“Great.” Marcelle handed him a key card. “I’m in Cabin 27. See you around nine?
“Yeah, sure. See you then.”
When Marcelle shimmied out of the pub, her ass wiggling in a way that used to make his pants tight, he could only look at Elaine.
She offered him a tight smile and nodded, almost as if persuading herself she’d done the right thing.
Even still, for the rest of the breakfast, she sat silent and still.
* * * *
Elaine hadn’t even left the breakfast table before she knew she’d never been more wrong.
You need a break. You need a break. Her words continued to ring in her ears, long after she’d spoken them.
And you gave him a break, sister. Great job.
As they left the restaurant, her bear moaned and groaned, making her ribs hurt. If the kids hadn’t grabbed her hands, wanting to hold them as they walked out, she would have shoved her fists right up under her rib cage to distract herself from the discomfort.
Jani and Fleur headed off in another direction. Elaine and Connor faced off outside the restaurant.
For the first time since seeing him again, she wasn’t sure what to say. Her wonky heart skipped a few beats.
Layla came to her rescue. “Mommy, Auntie Suzan told me she made a library here. She said she got lots of princess books just for me.”
“And truck books for me,” added Andy.
“Can we go see, Mommy? Please?”
Elaine had almost forgotten about the new library at the resort. Before Suzan met Percy and Byron, she’d been a librarian at the Lake Gemini library. When Ryland was making plans for the new resort, she pitched the idea of developing a small collection of books onsite. Ryland had loved the concept and had put her in charge.
Libraries. They were calm and soothing. Elaine could appreciate calm and soothing right about now. “Great idea. Let’s check out the library.”
Already comfortable in the new lodge, the kids raced down the hall.
Elaine turned to Connor. “I don’t want to keep you. I know you need to get to work soon.”
His stare unnerved her. Why wouldn’t he stop staring? “I have a few minutes. I’ll come with you.”
Together, and yet somehow not together, they walked slowly down the hall. His hand swung so close to hers. His fresh scent teased, making her head spin. Even the hairs of his beard enticed. For one crazy second, she wished she could pin him down, straddle his chest, and contemplate every one of those hairs. She wanted to count them, to smell them, to rub her cheek against them.
They’d become the most fascinating beard hairs she’d ever known.
I’m nuts. This is nuts. This is Connor.
As they reached the library, he held open the door for her and she had to pass by him. As she did, he gave her another of those I-want-to-eat-you-alive stares, and heaven help her, she almost swooned.
Oh God. This is the man who’s spent much of our friendship giving me noogies.
He didn’t look like he wanted to give her noogies anymore.
The kids were already inside. Suzan was there, helping them choose a few books. She looked up and waved. “Hi, guys. Come on in. Let me show you around.”
Suzan proceeded to give them a short tour around the library. She said something about books. She mentioned something about story times. Elaine wasn’t sure because her bear wouldn’t shut up and all she could hear was its lonely moans.
That and Connor’s breath.
For some reason, she was entirely aware of Connor’s breath and the way his chest rose and fell. His lips were parted, and his breathing seemed shallow, quickened.
Musical.
His breath was music. She wanted to lay back, plug in some headphones, and listen to a recording of him breathing all day long.
“Elaine?”
She didn’t respond. Her eyes had drifted shut.
A soft hand landed on her arm.
She opened her eyes.
“Elaine?” said Suzan. “Would it be all right if I signed the kids up for library cards?”
She licked her lips. They were so dry. “Sure. Thanks.”
Suzan brought the children to the desk and showed them what library cards looked like.
Elaine didn’t notice the cards. Her gaze spiraled over to Connor, who seemed insistent on burning a hole through her head with that stare.
Shit. He would see Marcelle tonight. He might even stare at her the same way.
What had she done?
* * * *
“Come on in!” Elaine held open her cabin door to the women.
Fleur, Lia, Gioia, Charlotte, Marci, Nina, and Suzan filed through, each of them bearing bottles of wine and bags of goodies. She gave them all hugs as they entered.
Reinforcements. She breathed a sigh of relief. It hadn’t been her intention to host a girls’ night so soon after her arrival, but sometimes plans had to change. The cabin had felt so empty when she returned home without Connor. After his shift, he’d gone straight to his own cabin to prepare for his date with Marcelle.
His sexy date with sexy Marcelle.
Okay. You can do this. He should be seeing other people.
The waters were muddying. Emotions were getting confused. She needed to give him some space and embrace a new clarity.
Yes, tonight was all about seeking clarity, and maybe a couple of glasses of merlot.
And yet, even as one of the girls handed her a tempting bottle of red wine, Elaine’s grumpy bear wanted to run out, snatch Connor, and hold him hostage for the next few years.
Connor had been around so much and she’d gotten used to seeing him there. She liked hearing his voice in the next room, reading to the kids, or listening to his off-key singing when he was in the shower. The sight of his boots on the mat in the front hall cheered her, and it was nice to see four sets of plates drying on the rack next to the kitchen sink.
He seemed at home with them, and having him around brought her great comfort, despite this strange new awareness.
Then again, maybe she just missed having a man around the house. Maybe she was using Connor and taking advantage of his good nature.
She’d been thinking something along those lines when she’d turned him in Marcelle’s direction. It was a good thing, setting him up with another woman. It was the right thing to do.
Then why did she feel like crap? Her heart wobbled into an uneven gallop. She wanted to shoot the lame, old thing and put it out of its misery.
“Are the kids asleep yet?” asked Lia, lowering her pregnant body into the nearest chair.
“No, just pretending. They’ll probably be listening at their door all night, so no swear words.” She pointed at Charlotte. “That means you.”
“Me? Fuck.” She clapped a hand over her mouth. “Sorry. I need to fix that habit before little Lloyd catches on.”
“I’m glad Bart could take the baby tonight and give you some girl time,” said Elaine.
Charlotte snorted. “Who’s kidding who? You know the guys are all over our place right now, cooing over Lloyd and offering to change his diaper. I’ve never seen so many eager uncles.”
Elaine smiled. “He’s good for you guys. For all of us.”
Charlotte kissed her on the cheek and headed to the kitchen to grab wine glasses.
“So what’s with the impromptu invitation?” Gioia Snow popped open a couple of bags of chips. “Didn’t Doctor Josh say you’re supposed to be resting?”
“You mean Doctor Hot Pants?” said Suzan.
They all looked at her.
“What?” Suzan held up her hands. “Don’t tell me the rest of you haven’t noticed. Josh is gorgeous. With those blue eyes and that wave in his blond hair, he looks like the guy on the cologne commercials.”
“Ooh!” Gioia laughed. “The one standing on the balcony in Paris. I love that guy. When that commercial comes on, even Soren checks him out. I called him on it, too. You should have heard him. He got defensive and said he was ‘admiring the Parisian architecture’.”
Suzan cackled. “Well, I happen to know something about Doctor Josh. That man is hungry for a mate.”
“How do you know?” demanded Marci.
Suzan, being an empath and attuned to the emotions of others, merely grinned. “I know. I felt it the last time he was here. He’s…on his own too much. His practice is demanding, and he works long hours. The guy’s lonely. It’s just too bad his office is on the mainland. It would be nice to have him around more.”
“What on earth would Byron and Percy say if they could hear you right now?” asked Lia.
“I’m devoted to my men. I just think it’s a shame a hunky bear like Josh is all alone, that’s all,” countered Suzan.
Nina wagged her finger. “Lady, you know too much. You make me nervous.”
“Lady.” Elaine didn’t realize she’d said the word until she realized the others were all staring at her.
“What do you mean?” asked Nina.
“Oh, it’s nothing. Connor’s taken to calling me ‘lady’ since I got back.”
The stares continued.
“So,” said Fleur, popping a potato chip into her mouth. “Connor and Marcelle, huh?”
Elaine shrugged.
“Marcelle’s nice,” said Gioia. “I always liked her. It’s too bad she got that job in town. It would be great to see her around the resort on a regular basis.”
“Maybe now she’ll hang around,” said Fleur, her eye on Elaine. “You know, since Elaine invited her to rekindle her ongoing booty call with Connor.”
When the conversation stopped again, Elaine blurted out, “What?”
Fleur’s eyebrow hit the sky. “Doesn’t it bother you Connor might be doing the nasty with her right now?”
“Why should it bother me? If he likes her, I’m happy for him.”
“Elaine,” implored Fleur. “Come on. Do I need to spell it out?”
“What?” This conversation was making her sweat. She could feel it, a slight trickle of perspiration under her hairline, at the back of her neck.
One of the bedroom doors creaked open. Andy appeared and trudged over to Elaine, rubbing his eyes.
“Can’t you sleep, sweet pea?”
Andy shook his head. “When’s Daddy coming home?”
“Baby, we talked about this.”
“No, not Daddy Lloyd,” he said. “Daddy Connor.”
“Oh.” Elaine’s heart bottomed out. When her hands began to shake, she sat on them to quell the tremors. One of the notions that had terrified her since Lloyd’s passing was that his kids would eventually forget him. They were so young. How could they possibly remember how he used to play with them and sing to them? Had they already begun to forget? Her hands moved up to support her head. Her chest rose and fell, and she couldn’t regulate her breaths.
Stress is the enemy. Elaine could hear Josh’s voice in her head. If you start to feel bad, talk to someone.
Would her friends judge her? Elaine couldn’t help judging herself.
“Hey, Andy.” Marci ran over to the boy. “Your mom told me you’ve set up your room again. Can you show me?” She brought him back into the bedroom.
Lloyd. Connor.
Dreadful sickness raged through Elaine’s core. Bile filled her throat. She tried to force it down, but every swallow made her gag.
Not Daddy Lloyd. Daddy Connor.
She’d failed Lloyd. She hadn’t been able to keep his memory alive, even though it haunted her every moment of every day.
She raced to the bathroom. Hurling herself in front of the toilet, she clutched the cold edge. All her misery, all her worry, came forth in nasty chunks that seared the tender flesh of her throat. She wretched and wretched, hoping to spew her guilt and shame into the bowl as well.
After a couple of minutes, a gentle hand appeared at her back. It was Fleur. “Let me get you a wet washcloth.”
Fleur grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom cabinet and drenched it in water, wringing it out. She handed it over, and Elaine washed her mouth and face, disposing of the dirty cloth in the laundry bin. It didn’t matter. Her face was a mess and her life was a mess. Lloyd was dead and Connor was probably humping Marcelle right now.
Fleur helped her into the living room and made her sit next to Suzan.
The empath rested her hand on Elaine’s. “Feel better?”
“A little.”
Suzan frowned. “Why do you feel so guilty?”
Elaine met her gaze. “You figured that out, huh?” She swallowed a couple of times but still tasted bile. “I do feel guilty. I think I’ve been…relying on Connor too much.”
“Connor doesn’t seem to mind. Are you sure that’s all that’s bothering you?” Suzan’s gaze was steady, calming.
She already knew. They probably all knew.
Oh, Lloyd. Just putting a voice to the feelings that had been plaguing her since her arrival on the island made her feel like even more of a traitor. “I’ve…I’ve…”
Fleur piped up. “You’ve got the hots for Connor.”
“Fleur!”
“Someone had to spit it out.”
“Oh God.” She hung her head.
The others raced to her side, crouching around her.
Nina reached for her hand. “It’s okay, Elaine. You can’t blame yourself for feeling this way.”
“Yeah,” concurred Charlotte. “Connor’s your best friend, but you know what they say about friendships between men and women. They’re fucked. Look at me and Bart. We tried the friendship thing. It didn’t work. I needed that man between my legs.”
Elaine groaned. “You’re not helping.”
“I get it.” Lia’s voice was quiet, her tone sad. “You feel disloyal to Lloyd.”
“I do! It hasn’t even been a year. What does that make me? What sort of woman starts noticing other men’s asses when her mate hasn’t even been in the ground a year? I’m feel like I’m cheating on my husband.”
“It’s not the same.” Gioia squeezed her hand. “Elaine, honey, your husband’s gone. If any of us could bring Lloyd back, we would do everything in our power, but we can’t. He wouldn’t want you to torture yourself. He would want you to be happy.”
If anyone understood, it was Gioia. She had lost her mate, Paul, years ago, only to discover a strange new truth about him after she’d fallen for Soren. By that time, even her young son, Gunnar, had developed a relationship with Soren. Learning Paul’s fate had thrown her entire life into upheaval. Eventually, she’d learned to carve out a new life with Soren, and now her son divided his time between the two sides of his family, happy to have both.
Only in this case, Layla and Andy didn’t have their dad anymore.
“Wait.” Fleur made a face. “If you like Connor’s ass so much, why the hell did you practically force him into a date with Marcelle?”
“Because I was hoping if I saw him with another woman, I’d forget how I feel. Connor deserves better than having to chase around a widow and her two children. He deserves a life.”
“Don’t you think it’s up to him to create his own life? What if he wants you in his life?” asked Suzan.
“Stop it.” Elaine pouted. “Stop making sense, all of you. This is ridiculous. I know what this is. I’m just lonely and confused, but I have no right to feel that way.”
Marci walked back into the living room. “I heard some of what you guys were saying.” The lynx woman knelt next to Elaine. “If roles were reversed, and you’d died, would you want Lloyd to pine for you forever?”
“No, of course not. But so soon?”
“Sometimes,” said Suzan, “the universe has it all planned out for us. People come into our lives for a reason, and I hate to say it, but sometimes they leave for a reason too. Who are we to question our hearts?”
“If I died,” declared Charlotte, taking a gulp of cranberry juice, “I’d want Bart to pine for me for at least five years. No. Make it ten.”
“See?” Elaine pointed. “Charlotte knows what I’m talking about.”
Charlotte shook her head. “That was a joke. Listen, Elaine, you didn’t go looking for this, did you? You didn’t set out to seduce Connor and everyone knows how much you loved Lloyd. It’s not as if you spent your time at Lloyd’s funeral eye-fucking his best friend. We all know you were devastated by his death. You don’t need to prove anything to us. And if anyone says a word, fuck ’em.”
“Actually, I think it’s sweet.” Gioia smiled, and her dark eyes lit up. “Lloyd and Connor were so close they could have been brothers. Maybe this is Lloyd’s gift to you. Maybe this is the one good thing to come of his death. Of all the men in the world, I’m sure he would have preferred for you to be with Connor than anyone else.”
“I don’t know.” Elaine struggled to laugh. “He was possessive. He probably would have kicked Connor’s ass first.”
“You left Gemini Island,” said Suzan. “You left, determined never to come back, and yet here you are. What if these feelings of yours are meant to be? I still think the universe is trying to tell you something.”
“Oh, yeah?” Elaine rolled her eyes. “Well, I wish the universe would shut the fuck up. I didn’t want this, but I can’t stop thinking about Connor. I can’t stop wondering every time he gives me one of his looks.”
“What kinds of looks?” asked Marci, grinning. “Does he undress you with his eyes, Elaine? Because we want details.”
“He just looks…he looks like a kid eyeing a cream puff in the bakery window.”
“Does that mean you think Connor feels the same way?” asked Lia.
“I don’t know what he thinks. One thing’s for sure. He was just as loyal to Lloyd as I was. If he feels anything at all for me, it’s probably killing him too.”
“Well,” said Lia, her face uncharacteristically stony, “I don’t think you should act on your feelings.”
“Lia!” The other women all turned to her.
“I’m just stating my opinion.” Lia crossed her arms over her chest and turned to Elaine. “You’ve been through a lot. I think you’re confused, too. I wouldn’t want to see you do something that only brings you agony later.”
The ball of guilt sitting on Elaine’s chest swelled, taking on monstrous dimensions.
The slight tone of disapproval in Lia’s voice made her want to hurl all over again.
She was right. Elaine couldn’t do this to Lloyd.
And yet Connor…?
“We all appreciate what Lia’s trying to say,” said Nina, a stern knit to her eyebrows. “But are you willing to sacrifice your future happiness, Elaine? What if you miss out on something wonderful?”
She wasn’t sure she deserved wonderful.
Connor was probably enjoying a huge helping of wonderful with Marcelle right now.
“Elaine,” said Marci, “you have to be prepared for the fact your feelings for Connor might not go away.”
They wouldn’t. She just knew it.
They might be inconvenient, annoying, and inexcusable, but they were here.
“I just have one question.” Fleur nodded at the cabin door. “Do you want me to go boot him out of Marcelle’s cabin for you?”
Marcelle’s cabin. Pain lanced through Elaine’s head, throbbing with insistence. God only knew what they were getting up to. If Connor’s reputation was to be believed, he’d already have Marcelle up against the nearest wall. She could just envision her beautiful long legs wrapped around his waist as he thrust into her.
“Oh God.” She ran toward the bathroom, clutching her stomach. “I’m going to be sick again!”
* * * *
“You seem nervous.” Marcelle smiled but only for a second.
“Do I? No, no. I’m not nervous.” Connor paced her living room floor and then stopped pacing, realizing how it must look. “I’m not nervous at all. Do you mind if I help myself to some water? I’m just a little thirsty.”
“Go ahead.”
Connor hurried to the kitchen, grabbed a glass from the cupboard, and filled it with cold tap water. He downed it in a few gulps but still felt parched. He refilled it and drank it all, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.
Marcelle waited for him on the couch, her long legs tucked up under her butt. Although it was cold outside, it was warm in her cabin, thanks to a toasty blaze in the fireplace. She’d worn some cute shorts and a tight T-shirt. Her black braids were pulled back into a ponytail, showing off her round cheeks and healthy skin.
She was fucking beautiful. He was an idiot for standing here in the kitchen when this amazing woman awaited him on the couch.
And yet he couldn’t move.
He remembered the first time they’d hooked up. It had all unfolded so easily. He’d finished working a late shift and so had she. They’d crossed paths at night, each of them walking to their separate cabins. Their eyes had met. She’d smiled and nibbled her bottom lip. He’d moved to her and touched her cheek. It had been that simple. Within seconds, they were in her cabin, naked on the floor.
They’d been able to give each other what they needed, with no questions asked.
Tonight, his questions numbered in the thousands.
“I don’t want to leave a dirty glass behind.”
Marcelle inclined her head. “That’s kind of you.”
“Just let me wash this.” He grabbed a dish sponge.
“Connor, the glass can wait. Please put the sponge down.”
He did, dropping it into the sink. Swallowing hard, he braced his elbows on the counter.
Why was this so fucking hard? He and Marcelle had slept together many times. He’d slept with other women, too. He knew the moves. He understood the signals. He didn’t need to play games with Marcelle. They got each other. All he had to do was turn around and say, “Let’s do this.” She’d be there in a flash.
And yet his feet seemed wired to the kitchen floor.
She appeared behind him and put a hand on his back. “Are you okay?”
He jumped and pulled away from her.
“Whoa. It’s all right if you don’t want to be here.” Disappointment softened her words. “No one’s forcing you to stay.”
“I’m sorry, Marcelle. I’m being a fuckwad.”
She ran her finger over his shirt buttons, popping the top one open with sly finesse. “No, you’re not. It’s been a while since we, you know. I’m a bit nervous too.”
“You are?” She smelled good. Fruity and nice. Not like Elaine’s rose scent but still pretty. He invited his mountain lion to take a sniff. The creature turned its head, disinterested in her perfume. Sulking, it padded back to its corner.
“Sure. When I saw you sitting with Elaine, at first I thought maybe you guys were together.” She laughed. “But then I realized how crazy that sounded. I mean, you and Elaine? She was your best friend’s wife. I knew you wouldn’t touch her with a ten-foot pole.”
“Right. Crazy, eh?” Acid made his stomach churn.
“But there’s no reason for us to be skittish. We have done this before.” She drew closer, and her hot breath danced over the exposed skin at his throat. “And if I recall correctly, we did it very well.”
Connor sucked in a breath as she slowly popped the rest of his shirt buttons and slid her hands over his chest. His own hands remained at his sides, like weights.
What’s wrong with you? A hot woman is practically begging to have no-strings-attached sex with you. This should make your day, your fucking week.
Only he couldn’t get the image of another woman out of his head. One whose laugh was so sweet he would do anything to hear it. Stand on his head. Cross his eyes. Whatever it took.
What was Elaine doing right now? It was getting late. Maybe she’d fallen asleep on the couch.
What if she was having another night terror? He should be there with her.
Marcelle’s lips brushed his jaw, and the tip of her tongue darted out to taste him. He should be rock hard, but his cock was so out of it, it could have been snoring.
She moved closer, and her breasts crushed against his chest. Her lips neared his.
How would it feel to have Elaine’s lips on his?
No. Remember your vow to Lloyd. It’s wrong of you to think of Elaine in that way. It’s not just wrong. It’s pathetic.
He’d let his sense of loyalty take over. Lloyd would be disappointed in him.
Goddammit. If Lloyd were watching, he’d be egging him on to take Marcelle. This was nuts.
Angered, Connor didn’t push Marcelle away when she kissed him. He kissed her back, but as much as he told himself to enjoy the kiss, he couldn’t. He kept his lips shut, and his tongue didn’t even want to engage.
He tried but felt nothing.
His cock remained limp, his mountain lion hid, and his heart hurt more than ever.
He moved her gently aside. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”
“I see.” Rather than get upset, her lips twitched into a half-grin. “It’s all right, Connor. You can’t force it if it’s not there.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Who, me? I think I’ll survive. I know I was never the great love of your life. Thankfully, you’re not my grand passion either. I’m sad we can’t help each other out, but I’ll get over it. We had a good run.”
“We did, and I’m sure one day soon I’ll wake up and regret this moment.”
She landed a soft punch on his arm. “No, you won’t. It’s not the same anymore. We’ve moved on. You haven’t hurt me.”
“Are you sure?”
“I promise. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
“I wish I knew what that was.”
“Connor. Dear, sweet man.” She quirked an eyebrow. “Don’t be stupid. Go home.”
Whose home? His? Elaine’s? He didn’t imagine Elaine would appreciate him sauntering in after what was supposed to be a night of debauchery. “I suppose I should go home. Big party tomorrow and all. I’ll see you there?”
“You bet.” She went to the door and opened it, holding it open. “Catch you later.”
“Yeah. Have a good night, Marcelle. And thanks.”
He threw on his bomber jacket and marched through yet another layer of fresh snow toward his cabin, swearing under his breath. Would the goddamn spring never come? He kicked a chunk of ice but felt no satisfaction in the pathetic show of violence.
Whatever the hell was wrong with him, he needed to fix it and forget it.
On the way home, he passed Elaine’s cabin. The lights were on, and he heard the voices of the women. Good. She deserved a nice night with her other friends. Her real friends, the ones who didn’t spend hours wondering what her panties looked like.
He stood still for a moment, his gaze trained on the front window. Although the blinds were drawn, soft light shone through the slats, beckoning him. With the evening chill at his ear and a light snow falling all around, Elaine’s cabin had never seemed so inviting.
He could simply walk in. He had a key. No one would question him. The kids, if they were still awake, would careen out of their rooms and jump into his arms as they always did. Elaine would beckon to him, a shy smile on her face. The rest of the women would drag him in and force a beer into his hands. They would welcome him. He could sit back and relax as if it was his own home and share the evening with them.
His mountain lion awoke and started to sniff the air. It let out an aggressive yowl and nipped Connor’s insides, prodding him toward the cabin.
“Go back to bed, you freak of nature.”
He moved toward her front step and climbed it. He retrieved her spare key card, Lloyd’s old key card, from his pocket. Almost immediately, he shoved it back in his pocket. Feeling like an interloper, he raised his hand to knock on her door instead.
He didn’t knock. Instead, Connor turned and stormed down the path.
There would be no Elaine tonight. He was stronger than this bizarre need to take care of her. He would go to bed and fall asleep.
Okay, he’d probably jack off a couple of times, but then he’d fall asleep.
He’d feel better in the morning. He was sure of it.
Looking over his shoulder, he glanced at the cabin.
The curtain at the front door window twitched. He thought he saw a wave of blonde hair.
When the curtain fell into place once more, he was left wondering all over again.
His mountain lion scraped its claws on his gut, trying to force him back, but Connor turned and headed into the dark woods.
* * * *
“Connor.” The deep voice called to him. “Connor, can you hear me?”
Connor opened his eyes and found himself in a dark room. Not his bedroom, some other place. There was no furniture. The only thing in the room was a table, set up in the middle of the large space. A white sheet was draped over it.
“Connor?”
He knew that voice.
“Lloyd?” He looked all around, but no one was there. “Is that you, buddy? I can’t see you.”
“Turn around, dickweed.”
Connor whipped around to face him. “Fuck me.”
Lloyd Gleason stood there, dressed in a nice suit, a shit-eating grin on his face. “No, thanks, dude. You’re so not my type.”
Connor laughed, but his nerves made it sound like machine gun fire. “Where are your clouds?”
“That was your warped invention, not mine.”
“But I’m making this up, right? This is a dream, right?”
“Call it what you want.” Lloyd plucked at his dress pants. “What do you think of my duds?”
“Slick. So unlike you. I’m used to seeing you in jeans and lumberjack shirts.”
“I know. This was my funeral suit.”
“Oh, yeah. You’re right. I guess I didn’t notice what you were wearing that day.”
“That’s because you were crying so hard. I appreciate the sentiment, but you should probably be a little bit embarrassed.”
“Screw off. If you were at my funeral, you’d be bawling. Admit it.”
“I admit it. I’d need two hankies.”
“Look, buddy. It’s not that I don’t like seeing you, but you’re freaking me out a little. Why are you here? Am I having some sort of Ebenezer Scrooge moment?”
“I came because you made a vow. We need to talk about Elaine.”
“Oh, shit. Lloyd, I’m sorry, man. I’ve been trying so hard to break through to her. But after you died, she went to Alaska and I realized I missed her so much. Now she’s back and we’ve been spending a lot of time together and…I think I have feelings for her. It’s so wrong. So, so wrong.” He put his head down on the table and banged it a couple of times for good measure.
On the third bang, Lloyd smacked him on the arm. “Stop it. You’re giving me a headache.”
“I betrayed your trust.”
“No, you haven’t. You made a vow, and you kept it. You’ve taken care of my mate, as much as she’d let you anyway.” He grinned. “I know she’s hurt right now, but that woman is a force of nature. She’ll always do whatever she thinks is right. You couldn’t have stopped her from going to Alaska.”
“I know.”
“Connor, you know me. I’ve always spoken my mind. I never meant to die. That day when the Alpha Brethren attacked the lodge, I thought I had it handled. Even with the rest of you fighting them at the compound, I figured I could deal with the few guys who took the lodge. There was no way in hell I was going to let them hurt Lia and Charlotte. But then one of those sons of bitches got me right in the heart. All I could think in that moment was I’d never get to kiss my mate again. I’d never get to hold my kids. Even then, when the breath was fading out of my body, I knew you’d look after them. That thought gave me a lot of comfort at the end. I didn’t feel quite so alone. That’s down to you.”
“Jesus. Are you trying to make me cry?”
He laughed. “No. In fact, I came here to give you a gift.”
“What gift?”
“Can’t you see? The gift is right here on this table.”
From out of nowhere, Elaine materialized on the table. She was completely nude. Writhing in apparent desire, she held a hand out to Connor.
“Ah, fuck.” Connor backed away. “What crazy shit is this?”
“Hear me out,” said Lloyd. “I know you’re conflicted, but I can tell you care for Elaine. A lot. I see the way you look at her. Truth be told, you’ve always looked at her that way.”
No. Fucking. Way.
This was the worst nightmare ever.
Was it possible he’d always harbored an affection for his friend’s wife? Sure, he thought Elaine was amazing, but had he been so transparent with his interest that he’d offended Lloyd?
Had Lloyd noticed all of Connor’s surreptitious glances?
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.
“It’s okay. Dude, I know you’ve always been honorable, and I know you never put the moves on my mate, but I could still tell you cared.”
“Lloyd, I’m sorry. I never meant—”
“I know. Look at her, Connor. She’s beautiful and smart and fun. I fell in love with her, too.”
Connor dared a glance. She arched her back, displaying her breasts. Her mouth was curled in an inviting smile.
Jesus, God. I am in hell.
“I want you to know you have my blessing. With you, Elaine and the kids will always be safe and they’ll be happy. In the end, that’s all I ever wanted for them.”
Lloyd began to back away. The details on his suit, the buttons and pinstripes, began to fade.
“No, don’t go. Lloyd, please. We need to talk about this.”
“She’s yours, Connor. Fulfill your promise to me and make love to my wife. Protect her and share your life with her. If you don’t, I’ll come back and haunt your ass.”
“Lloyd, no!”
Elaine wiggled her hips. “Connor, make love to me.”
As Lloyd disappeared, Connor’s hands moved of their own volition. They tore at his belt buckle and pushed his jeans over his hips, taking his underwear with them. His cock, ramrod straight now, aimed at her. She spread her legs, and his mountain lion issued a low, gargling growl.
The vision flashed and vanished.
Connor awoke with a shout. He hurled his legs off the side of his bed, all too aware of the hulk between his legs, and cradled his aching head. Reaching for the light, he flicked it on.
No table. No naked Elaine.
No Lloyd.
That was the worst part of all.
Fulfill your promise to me and make love to my wife.
“Shit, shit, shit. Goddammit.”
He sat in the darkness of his room, not moving for a long time. When he did move, around three in the morning, it was just to pad to the kitchen for a drink of water. He meandered back to bed, lay down, and stared at the ceiling for the rest of the night.
There were no sounds in the cabin, and the wind outside was muffled.
All he heard was the frantic thump, thump, thump of his cheater’s heart.