Chapter 9
THE morning after the grand re-opening party, Elaine awoke early. At least, it felt early. She glanced at the clock on her bedside table. Seven o’clock.
Groaning, she closed her eyes and turned to Lloyd, snuggling against his warm, hard body. As she’d done so many times over the years, she burrowed her face into the crook of his neck and slid her hand across his flat belly. Comfy, she moved her fingers just under his belt buckle and tickled the hairy skin there.
He stiffened.
Wait. Why’s he wearing a belt and pants to bed? Lloyd always sleeps in the nude.
With a tentative breath, she inhaled. He smelled different today. He smelled like…
“Connor.” Elaine removed her hand and sat up. “Oh God. I’m sorry.”
Connor lay still, his head turned to her. “It’s okay.”
“I was half asleep.”
“I know. I get it.”
Her face inflamed. She couldn’t have felt more embarrassed if she’d taken one man to bed and called out another man’s name.
Dear Lord. Might that happen one day too?
Her head spun. It must be the valerian Josh had given her. It made her loopy. Surely that was the reason she felt so turned around.
And turned on.
Connor looked disheveled and tired, but his eyes were alert. Focused.
What if she’d touched him there?
In her daze, she’d certainly been ready. It would have been easy to unbuckle his belt and slide her hand into his slacks. He wouldn’t have stopped her. His piercing gaze said as much. Pretending to adjust her hair, she glanced toward his crotch.
He was erect.
God, was he ever.
Unnerved, she slung her legs over the side of the bed. Her head spun even faster, so she cradled it in her hands.
Connor was at her side in an instant. “Are you going to be sick?”
“It’s entirely possible.”
His hand snaked around her shoulders. Once again, she took note of his pleasing scent. He’d worn some sort of nice aftershave to the party, but it had faded. Now he just smelled like man, and she wanted to drink him in.
He’d said he wanted to kiss her. She’d admitted the same.
Guilt bore down on her shoulders like an invisible yoke. Something else did as well.
Curiosity.
Lloyd was the only man she’d ever slept with. Their sex life had never been lacking in any way. After all, Lloyd was a shifter, and every woman in the shifter community knew their men were talented lovers. It was the animal side that drove them, making them insatiable. Lloyd had been the lover of her dreams. He’d been gentle when she wanted gentleness. He’d been aggressive when she wanted rougher play. He’d been her everything, and she would have been thrilled to be in his arms for the rest of her days.
But he was gone, and now, with Connor so close, so warm at her side, she couldn’t help wondering how he might compare. Would his touch give her the same shivers? Would his breath on her neck give her a thrill?
What about his body? She knew Connor was a gorgeous man and had seen him nude before. Because of their shape shifter nature, most of the folks at the Ursa had been in each other’s presence in the buff. She’d had opportunity to see most of them shift over the years.
For the first time, she wished she’d paid closer attention to the lines of Connor’s form, if only to alleviate the raging curiosity inside her.
Her bear bounded into the picture, its eyes bright. It huffed, a bit of drool at its lips. Groaning the same way she sometimes groaned during sex, the bear bumped its head against Elaine’s rib cage. When it couldn’t break its bonds, the wanton beast rolled over on its back and showed Connor its tummy.
Stop that. I can’t deal with this level of temptation first thing in the morning.
“Feeling better?” His voice was gravelly from sleep.
“A little.”
“Just for the record, lady, I like the way you wake up. I like the way you woke me up even more.”
“Connor, I feel so ashamed. I almost ravished you.”
“That’s a stretch.” He grinned. “Besides, I’m not complaining. Elaine, don’t be hard on yourself for wanting to feel good. People like us need a physical outlet sometimes. Listen, I know we said we’d take this slowly and I’m not pushing anything. I’m just saying if you ever feel…frustrated, come to me. I’ll make you feel better.”
She had to smile. “A no-strings-attached quickie?”
“If you like.”
“That’s very charitable of you. Helping out a widow in need.”
“I do it all the time. As you probably figured out from all of Lloyd’s stories, I’m popular with the widowed community. Practically a saint.”
“Someone needs to give you an award for humanitarianism.” Her laugh sounded forced. She knew he was trying to keep things light, but the reference to their fraught conversation at the party added an edge to their words. She prayed he wasn’t still angry at her. He couldn’t help his history, and she was certainly not in any position to judge him.
He reached for her hand, and his face lost all trace of its previous merriment. His eyes appeared darker. The lines around his mouth hardened as he contemplated her face. He looked serious and sexy and way too tempting for her peace of mind. “I mean it, Elaine. I’m not just trying to score a quickie. I want to be here for you in every way. If you’re in need of anything, I want you to come to me. Whatever you need, I’ll give it to you.” His lips turned up once again in the grin that was slowly and surely devastating her in an unfamiliar way. “No matter how often you need it.”
“Thank you, Saint Connor.” With another nervous laugh, she elbowed him. “I’m going to check on the kids.”
“I’ll join you.”
They headed into the living area of the cabin, and she realized how it must look, with Connor right behind her. Josh must have suspicions about whether or not they were sleeping together.
Of course, they had slept together. Just not together together.
Any concern about Josh’s suspicions flew out the window when she glimpsed the tension in the doctor’s stance. He stared out the front window, clutching the curtain. His knuckles were white.
Was there something wrong with the kids? “Josh?”
He snapped out of his funk. “Oh, hi guys. Feeling better, Elaine?”
“A little groggy.”
“Valerian will do that.” He walked over and reached for her wrist, checking her pulse. After a moment, he grabbed the stethoscope from around his neck and put the eartips in his ears. He listened to her heartbeat. She couldn’t miss the furrow of his eyebrows or the way his breath escaped in a quiet sigh.
There really was something wrong with her. He just didn’t have the heart to tell her how wrong it was.
Connor watched him carefully as well. “Thanks for staying the night. We appreciate it.”
“Yeah,” she added. “Thank you, Josh.”
“Not a problem. I wanted to be on hand in case the symptoms reoccurred.” This time, his sigh was more audible. He removed his stethoscope and put his hands on Elaine’s shoulders. “I want you to rest today. Really rest. Bed rest.”
“Why? I feel fine.”
“Elaine, Andy and Layla may have been the ones who shifted last night, but you suffered just as much emotional trauma. You passed out, remember? In fact, it was a good thing Connor was standing so close so he could catch you.”
She glanced at Connor. Her hero blushed.
“By all means, I don’t want you to feel like an invalid,” Josh continued, “but one day in bed isn’t too much to ask, is it? You need to recharge. Can the kids stay with someone for the day?”
“I suppose I can call Fleur. She said she’d take them anytime.”
“Okay, good. I’ll give you another dose of valerian, and then I want you to make the call. Peace and quiet is the order of the day.”
“But the kids—”
“The kids are fine, Elaine.”
It’s you I’m worried about. He didn’t have to say the words. She understood them anyway.
“I’ll call Bart,” said Connor. “I’ll ask him to cover my shift today.”
“You don’t need to stay with me. I’ll just be sleeping.”
“Actually,” said Josh, “I’d like Connor to stick around if possible. I need to head back to the mainland to freshen up before the clinic opens, or I’d stay myself. I’ll check on you tonight though.”
“Okay. Thanks for everything, Josh.”
“You’re welcome.” He turned to the living room table, where he’d prepared a dose of valerian. He held out a cup of water and a yellow pill. “Take this.”
She swallowed the pill and chased it down with some water. “There.”
“Good.” Josh stared at her for a moment. And then, although it was out of character for the doctor, he gave Elaine a hug. “If you feel restless, give me a call. You should sleep soundly, but sometimes, if people are already overtired, valerian can cause feelings of agitation.”
She already felt agitated but not because of some stupid herbal medication.
Josh went to the door and slipped on his boots and jacket. He turned to Connor, his mouth open, as if he wanted to ask something, but then shook his head. He put his hand on the doorknob and turned back. “Connor, did you know Marcelle was going to Europe for a year?”
“She is?”
“Yep.” Josh’s throat sounded constricted. “Trip of a lifetime. She leaves this week.”
“Oh. Cool. Good for her.”
“Yeah. Good for her.” With a strange look in his eyes, Josh left.
“What was that all about?” asked Elaine.
“I think Josh likes Marcelle.”
Elaine hoped her half-smile was response enough. She couldn’t seem to come up with a comment, not with her unreliable heart pounding in her ears.
Andy’s door opened, and she heard the shuffling of small feet. “Mommy. Let’s have breakfast in bed.”
“I’ll be right there, kiddo.” Galvanized by her son’s need to eat, Elaine stepped into the hallway.
Connor stopped her. “You heard Josh. You need to go to bed. I’ll get breakfast for the munchkins.”
“I’m sure I’m strong enough to make breakfast for my own children, Connor.”
He arched an imperious eyebrow. “I know you are, but you need to rest. Now get to bed before I pick you up and put you there. As soon as the kids are both up, I’ll send them in to see you. We can all have breakfast in your room.”
He was in alpha man mode, and she was too tired to argue. If she’d learned anything in her time with Lloyd, it was to pick her battles with shifter males. They needed to feel superior every so often. It appeased their raging testosterone. “Fine.”
“Fine.”
She marched down the hallway.
“Elaine?”
“Yes?”
“I didn’t say a word about how cute your wiggle is when you’re angry. I really do deserve that award.”
Biting her tongue so she wouldn’t smile, she headed into the bedroom.
* * * *
No matter how much valerian was in that little pill, Elaine couldn’t sleep. Or so Connor assumed after the third hour of watching her walk around her cabin like a zombie. Josh had warned them the pill could cause restlessness. Sure enough, after an initial period of calm, Elaine sparked back to life, but with a nervous energy that would make a squirrel envious.
He didn’t dare remind her of Josh’s order to stay in bed. The first five times he’d done so, she’d taken his head off.
“Rest, rest, rest,” she’d muttered. “Everyone’s always telling me to get some goddamn rest. I’m sick to death of resting.”
Elaine might be the picture of grace and loveliness, but she knew how to tell a man to go to hell when she wanted to. His lady was plenty feisty.
His. Funny. She wasn’t exactly his, despite the fact she’d almost reached for his dick that morning.
He’d frozen in the moment, weighing his options at lightning speed. He could have let her grope him, to see where it might lead, or he could have done the honorable thing and moved her hand away. While not encouraging her, he still hadn’t exactly discouraged her.
His mountain lion had spent the rest of the morning griping at him. The dumb cat practically frothed at the mouth whenever she drew near.
Elaine headed over to the fridge, yanked it open, and stared at its contents. Then she shut it, cursed, and opened it again. Pulling out a hunk of cheese that was left over from the kids’ breakfast, she plunked herself in front of the TV and clicked the remote. Turning to one of the daytime talk shows, she gnawed on her cheese and proceeded to blaspheme the producers of the show for making her watch “a stinking cesspool of daytime crap.”
Connor chose that moment to make his escape. He headed into the bedroom, grabbed his cellphone, and dialed Josh’s personal number. “Hey, Josh. Is this a good time?”
“Hey, Connor. Yeah, I’ve got a minute. What’s up? Is Elaine okay?”
“She’s restless. She can’t sleep.”
“How’s her mood?”
“Let’s just say it isn’t exactly sunshine and light around here.”
Josh’s sigh was audible. “Mood swings can happen to people in her condition. I was hoping the valerian might have knocked her out, but like I said, sometimes if the patient is tightly wound, it can have the opposite effect.”
“Give it to me straight, Josh. Is she okay?”
“I should really be discussing this with Elaine.”
“Come on, man. You know me. I want to help her as much as you do.” Even more.
“I have concerns about her heart. The beat is irregular. This morning, it was fluttering, much like that of a human with afib.”
“English, please.”
“After heart surgery, humans can develop atrial fibrillation. It can lead to strokes, blood clots, heart failure, and other complications. Of course, our people don’t develop this condition. However, I have seen it in those who’ve lost their mates.”
“So…you think she’s getting worse.”
“Like I said, I have concerns about her heart.”
No, no, no. This can’t be happening. Connor bit his lip, tasting blood. “What do I do?”
“I hate to say it, but I’d like you to bring her in.”
Connor had never been to the clinic so often. In general, shape shifters didn’t go to clinics. For the most part, they healed from their wounds, and most human illnesses couldn’t touch them. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d ever had to visit a doctor for his own health. He wasn’t sure he ever had.
“I need to monitor her heart rate, and I can do it better here.”
“Fuck.”
“I can talk to her.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll let her know and make arrangements for the kids. She won’t want to leave them.”
“I know. Give me a shout if you need me to talk to her.”
“Okay, thanks.” Connor disconnected the call and stared at the cellphone. His head swam. His mountain lion was in full-on predator mode, slashing at his insides, trying its best to get to Elaine to shelter and protect her.
How would he ever explain this?
He couldn’t even absorb this.
Steeling himself, he opened the bedroom door and walked into the hallway.
Elaine stood there, silent, her eyes downcast.
She’d overheard.
“Elaine.”
She looked up, her eyes wild and red. “I’m dying, aren’t I?”
“No one said anything about dying.”
“You didn’t need to. Your face says it all.”
“Sweetheart, let’s sit down and talk.”
“I don’t want to talk.” She turned on her heel and stormed into the living room. He followed, watching her every movement in case she bumped into the edge of a table and shattered. “I don’t want to sit. I don’t want to rest. I don’t want to be in this house full of memories, and I don’t want to die.”
“I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Her crazed laughter scared him. “You can’t fix this. Don’t you understand? I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop. I just didn’t think it would happen so soon.”
“You are not dying, do you hear me?”
“Oh, Connor. I’m glad one of us believes it.” She headed to the front door and pulled it open.
“What are you doing? It’s cold outside.”
She stared at the woods and began to take her clothes off.
“Elaine. Shut the door.”
She didn’t respond. Because she’d only been wearing a T-shirt and shorts for sleeping, it took no time at all for her to strip. Even though Connor wanted to reach for that door and slam it shut, he was awestruck by the beauty of her body. The curve of her shoulder, the indentation at her waist and the round wonders of her backside. She walked onto the snow-covered steps outside and glanced over her shoulder, her eyes full of tears.
“Don’t.”
“I’ve been a hostage in my own life, Connor. I’m done being a victim. I’m taking my life back, and I’m taking it now.” Without another word, she shifted into her brown bear and tore into the woods.
“Elaine! Get back here.”
The bear disappeared between the oak trees at the edge of the property.
“Fuck.” Connor undressed as quickly as he could. Surrendering to the shift, he transformed into his mountain lion. Eager to be unleashed and terrified for its female, the great cat took control of his limbs and propelled him into the woods on a raspy growl.
As he chased her, he could almost hear her irregular heartbeat.
No sound had ever filled him with such terror.
* * * *
Run. Just run.
Death couldn’t catch her if she ran fast enough, and if it did, she’d exhaust the hell out of the bastard first.
In her large brown bear guise, she could travel quicker than in human form. She might not have the same graceful movements as some of her friends. As a lynx, Marci was sleek. Nina’s jaguar was all sinew and hard muscle. And the wolves inside Charlotte, Fleur, and Suzan could run with ease. Bears like Elaine, Lia, and Gioia might have stockier limbs and heavier bodies, but they could still sprint. Many humans made the mistake of thinking they could outrun a bear at full tilt. They couldn’t be more wrong.
Elaine could move, but she knew full well she could never outrun Connor’s mountain lion. He was built for stealth and speedy attacks. His great paws enabled him to traverse terrain with ease. As a shape shifter, he was even larger than the typical wild mountain lion, and his muscles were a thing of beauty and intimidation.
She knew he’d catch her, but if he wanted her to stop, he’d have to take her down first.
Run.
Elaine’s bear twisted its large head. Connor’s great cat rasped somewhere behind her. He was close.
She sucked air into her expanded lungs and broke off to the right, away from the paths, away from the resort. She ran toward the far end of the island, into the deeper woods. The forest welcomed her into its majesty. Great maples and oaks towered above her, and snow fell from their high branches as she pounded the ground. She’d wandered these woods so many times with Lloyd it seemed his spirit watched her through the trees. His memory bore down on her, making her heart hurt. As much as she hated herself for it, she just wanted to escape him for a while. However, every tree seemed to bear his name, as if he’d carved it into their trunks with his own penknife.
Run.
Her movements became jerky. She never would have called herself graceful in her bear form, but she felt even less so now. With tears burning her eyes, she lost sight of her path. A couple of times, when she misjudged the openings between trees, she smashed into their trunks. Pain exploded through her hips, but she didn’t stop moving.
Damn these bear hips!
She dared another glance at her predator. The mountain lion bared its teeth. Connor’s normally dark eyes had lightened with his transformation, taking on the brighter sheen of the cat’s eyes. They gleamed in the dim light of the forest.
What was she thinking, leading a sexually frustrated shifter male on this merry chase? It would only give him more ideas.
The woods opened up ahead. Elaine sped toward the clearing, hoping to lose him. Connor’s cat lengthened its stride and ran alongside her. As it caught up, it kept low to the ground, readying for attack.
Desperate to shake him off, Elaine stopped and rolled, intending to backtrack and knock him off course.
Before she could get up, the mountain lion pounced. It tackled her bear, and the creatures rolled in the snow, their quick breaths as loud as their snarls and growls.
She should have known she couldn’t shake him. Connor was built for hunting prey, in both animal and manly forms. Her acrobatics were no deterrent.
She tried to push him away, but his claws dug into her fur, holding her where he wanted her. Angered, she shifted back into human form, intending to slide out from under him.
No sooner had she ordered her bear back into its cage than Connor shifted as well. The golden hairs covering his body disappeared into his pores, only to be replaced by the sparser black hairs on his chest and legs. His claws retracted, but his fingernails still gripped her. Every muscle in his body seemed tight and aggravated.
As their panting breaths washed over each other’s faces, both their bodies relaxed a bit. He lay atop her, his weight a sensuous burden. Against her slick core, his cock throbbed. The snow had chilled their skin on the surface, but their pounding hearts surrounded them in a glow of warmth.
He felt…so good.
Although he held himself still above her, his hips settled in, grinding ever so slightly against her. His motion seemed experimental, and his eyes remained watchful, looking for any sign of resistance.
Wet and vulnerable, she couldn’t give him one. He could have taken her then and there. She’d forgotten what it meant to struggle. This was Connor, after all, and she didn’t want to fight him.
The scent of blood reached her nose, distracting her from the different shades of brown in his eyes. She glanced at her lower half. A shallow gash marred her hip. He’d scratched her during their tumble.
Connor’s gaze was drawn toward the wound as well. “Dammit! I hurt you.”
He bounded away from her and stood a couple of feet away.
Elaine slowly stood and brushed the snow off her ass. She met his gaze.
His chest heaved. His thighs were taut. His cock stood straight out.
So beautiful.
He looked at her from head to toe, taking her in. She didn’t hide. She let him see her, really see her. Every wound, every scar, every fear.
Her lip began to quiver. “Connor.”
In two strides, he reached her. Pulling her against his hard body, Connor crushed his mouth against hers. He dug one hand into her hair. The other grabbed her ass, dragging her closer. She wrapped one of her legs around his and ground down on his thigh. His leg hairs tickled her pussy with sweet abrasion. Desire ripped through her core, and she couldn’t hold him close enough.
His tongue plundered her mouth, and she knew he was taking what he could while he could. She let him. She’d never needed a kiss more.
Although she’d expected to compare him to Lloyd, no comparisons sprang to mind. This was just Connor kissing her, and he tasted like manna from heaven. She knew she should feel guilty but couldn’t. Not now.
She probably would later, but right now she didn’t care. Guilt had no place in this kiss.
Running her hands toward his bottom, she scratched him with her fingernails. He moaned and thrust against her.
Yes. That was what she needed. She wanted him to throw her down on the ground and fuck her right here in the inch of snow until she forgot everything.
Would her heart even survive it?
Her tears flowed into their mouths, and Connor ended the kiss. His face was red, and his pupils had dilated. He stroked her cheek, his thumb caressing her swollen bottom lip.
“Connor,” she whispered. “I’m scared.”
“So am I. I can’t lose you again.”
Just then, his nostrils flared and he looked into the woods. His eyebrows came together as the scent of sweat and danger reached their nostrils at the same time.
Someone was there.
A bullet whizzed by Connor’s head.
Connor threw her to the ground and crouched next to her. “Stay down!”
Another shot ripped through the trees.
Good God. Someone was actually aiming at them.
She stayed put but shifted back into bear form. If she needed to defend herself, she’d do a better job of it as her bear. Her brown fur provided better camouflage in the woods than her blonde hair. She gave silent thanks to Lloyd for passing on his animal legacy and particular shading. Because she’d mated with a brown bear, she’d taken on the same spirit animal.
Connor shifted as well. His mountain lion bounded forth, enraged.
Her heart racing, Elaine steadied herself against a log, wondering if she should go after him. If anything happened to Connor…
No. He’s a good predator. One of the best she’d ever seen. If someone had intentionally tried to hurt them, he’d find the person.
She just hated to think about what he’d do when he found him.
Why would someone shoot at them?
Did the shooter have a beef with Connor? It was impossible. Everyone loved him. Even his former girlfriends adored him.
Quickly casting aside the theory a spurned woman had decided to take a pot shot at Connor’s head, Elaine wondered if the bullets had been meant for her. She couldn’t think of anyone she might have offended in such a way, but she supposed it was possible. It just didn’t sit right with her.
Besides who would want her dead when she was already dying?
Elaine almost laughed out loud at the irony.