Chapter 8
ELAINE mumbled in her sleep. Connor sat up straighter, but she didn’t awaken.
He wasn’t sure how long she would sleep. Josh had given her a natural sedative, one that seemed to work well with some of his shifter patients. In general, shifters didn’t respond to many human medications, but Josh had studied a lot of ancient medicines as well as pharmaceuticals, and he knew what sorts of treatments had an effect on their people.
“This is valerian,” he’d explained earlier, giving her the pill. “It should help you rest.”
“My kids.” It had been the fifth time in as many minutes that she’d asked.
“They’re already asleep. The shift knocked them out. Their bodies need time to recuperate. Their heart rates were a bit elevated immediately afterward, but they’re calm now. Andy managed to give himself some deep scratches, but I’ve bandaged him up. I have an ointment that will help him heal quickly as well. If you don’t mind, I’d like to stay through the night to monitor them, just in case.” Josh had pointed a stern finger at her before leaving her bedroom. “Close your eyes. That’s an order.”
Connor would never forget the look on her face then. She’d glared at him, her mouth twisted with resentment, her eyes bright with tears. “I want to be alone.”
“Oh, yeah? Well, I want to win the title of Miss America. I guess that’s not happening any time soon either. I’m staying, lady. Get used to it and get some rest.”
She’d turned her back on him, and he’d remained in his seat, staring at her for the better part of three hours. He was thirsty, and he had to take a piss, but he didn’t dare move. He couldn’t.
She’d confronted a bear. A real man-eating bear.
Like a lunatic.
He couldn’t wrap his head around it.
He knew the bear probably wouldn’t have hurt her. Most wild animals perceived shape shifters as something superior, their alphas, in a way. Besides, his people in full shift tended to be bigger than their wild counterparts, more intimidating. He had no doubt if Elaine had been forced to defend herself, her bear would have rushed to the fore and protected her.
But this proved she wasn’t thinking straight. Even if the Alaskan bear presented no real threat, how was she to know the beast wasn’t rabid? She could still have been hurt, and if she’d been any more careless, she could have been killed.
Connor’s mountain lion hissed at the thought, scratching him with its claws.
“Okay, okay. I don’t like the idea either.” He shoved his fist into his gut. “Settle down.”
Unable to ignore the call of nature any longer, he padded toward her bathroom, leaving the door open a crack in case she called out. He took care of his business and washed his hands. As he did, he got a look at himself in the mirror above the sink.
“Christ. I look like shit.”
He’d been at his best just a few hours earlier. Now he had circles under his eyes. His lips were red from chewing on them. He’d removed his tie, the one he’d chosen because it matched the color of Elaine’s eyes, and had tossed it on her bed. One of the buttons on his shirt had popped off when he’d carried Elaine out of the party room. And his hair, the hair he’d combed so carefully at the start of the evening, was mussed from running his hands through it.
He was the one who looked half dead.
If he didn’t know any better, he’d swear his body was responding to Elaine’s emotions. When she was low, he was low. She’d had this huge cathartic moment in front of all their friends, but he was the one who looked as if he’d been through a war.
And to think he’d set out to seduce her this evening. He might have succeeded if he hadn’t opened his big trap. What had he been thinking, telling her about the dreams of Lloyd?
“Idiot.” Shaking his head, he went back to her bedroom and plunked himself into the chair.
Did he have any hope here at all? Elaine had walked up to a mature brown bear in an effort to reconnect with her dead mate. That kind of love should come around only once in a lifetime. Surely that sort of magic didn’t happen twice.
And yet, when he’d heard her cries of anguish, when the mascara tears began rolling down her face, his heart had broken. She occupied his every thought, and he wanted so badly to take her pain away.
He still wanted to kiss her too.
After the kids got settled with Josh, she’d changed out of the copper dress and into a worn T-shirt, silky boxers, and woolly socks. The comfy ensemble had given Connor the hard-on of his life. It was worse than seeing her all dolled up. Just something about the way her breasts bounced and the allure of her ass under those silk boxers…
It had taken all his strength to pretend he hadn’t noticed, but he had. He’d memorized each curve and the way the cotton fabric settled on her chest.
Even now, she slept, heedless of his gaze. Although a sheet covered her, he couldn’t miss the contours of her shapely figure. All those amazing peaks and valleys. The enticing dip between her legs.
His throat dried up, and his mountain lion’s growl sounded more like a rasp.
This was torture. He’d rather have his toenails ripped out with a rusty set of pliers.
If he didn’t think it would make her head for the hills, he’d rip that sheet off, tear those shorts off her, and spread those pretty legs. He’d make her come so hard she’d never need valerian again or any of Josh’s herbs. He would exhaust her thoroughly and put a huge-ass smile on her face.
Yeah, sure. There was a greater chance of Elaine running off with Mick Jagger at this point.
Connor’s thoughts began to muddy as the night wore on, and his fatigue caught up with him. Before he knew it, his head began to bob. He tried to shake it off and stay alert, but sleep called.
Just a few winks would do it. His head dropped.
“She looked great in that dress, didn’t she?”
Yeah, she sure did. Like a princess. Wait. His head snapped up. “Who said that?”
Lloyd materialized at the foot of the bed. He caressed Elaine’s foot, making her smile in her sleep.
Connor eyed him with suspicion. “Is this another dream?”
Lloyd shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.” He stroked her calf. “My poor baby.”
“She misses you. They all do.”
“I know. Can’t do much about it, though.” If it was possible for a ghost to look tired, Lloyd looked tired. Sort of wishy-washy, transparent in places.
“She was pretty angry at you tonight, and at me.”
“It wasn’t so much you, Connor. I’m the one who hurt her. Nothing will ever change that. Still, what happened tonight had to happen. She’s been bottling everything up, trying to be strong for the kids. She needed to crack and let it all spill out. It’s the only way she’ll ever heal.”
“Do you still want me to…you know?”
Lloyd grinned. “Yeah. Do you want to you know?”
Connor sat up. “Yeah. I do. And for the record, not just because you suggested it. I just want to.”
“Good. She needs you. Now that she’s starting to face her anger, it’ll begin to fade. Her other emotions will shine through. She’ll need help sorting through them.” Lloyd stood and walked around to the side of the bed. He leaned over and kissed Elaine on the lips. “I’m so sorry, my girl.”
Elaine sighed in her sleep.
“Lloyd?”
“Yes?”
“She’s in so much pain. Did you hear what happened with the wild bear?”
His face tightened. “Yeah, I know all about that foolishness.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. “Damned, headstrong woman. I was with her that day, looking out for her, even though she doesn’t know it. Can you tell her that for me?”
“Why can’t you tell her? Lloyd, she’s dying to talk to you. Can’t you go to her in a dream?”
“I can’t.”
“Why the hell not?”
“If I appear to her, Connor, she’ll never let me go.”
He had a point there.
Lloyd sat next to her and cupped her cheek. “You need to move on now, my mate. I want you to have a happy life. I’ll never forget the shy girl at the high school dance. You took my breath away then. You still take my breath away. I’m so grateful I got to spend my life with you, but now it’s time for you to release me. I know it’ll be hard, but Connor will help you. Trust him. Lean on him. Don’t be afraid to love him.”
Connor wiped his eyes. Goddamn tears. “You’re not coming back, are you?”
Lloyd shook his head and smiled. He kissed Elaine one last time, lingering, and then walked over to him. He clapped a hand on his shoulder. “My friend, take care of her.”
“I will.”
“Please tell her this. She wanted a sign. I’ve given her one. She can stop looking for them now. She won’t need any others after tonight.”
Connor nodded. “Just one last thing. Are you okay where you are?”
Lloyd’s smile grew wide, and he held open his arms, as if embracing the world. “I’m fucking awesome.”
With that, he disappeared.
“No!” As Connor shouted, he woke up. His head snapped up so hard he got a crick in it. Rubbing the back of his neck, he glanced at Elaine. Hopefully his shout hadn’t disturbed her.
She was already awake.
Although the room was dark, a soft beam of moonlight hit her window, illuminating her face. She was sitting up, completely alert. Her eyes were puffy from crying, and her lips were swollen. Her blonde hair stuck up in a couple of directions.
She was still the most ravishing thing he’d ever seen.
And she was smiling. It wasn’t a big, toothy grin. Her smile was subtle, barely there. A tease of something other than misery, and it nourished Connor’s soul better than water at the lips of a dehydrated man.
“Elaine. Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” Her eyes watered. “He was here, wasn’t he?”
Connor wasn’t sure what to say, concerned about her reaction to the messages Lloyd wanted him to impart. “Why do you say that?”
She nodded toward the bedspread. An old Polaroid photo lay on the covers.
That was odd. He was sure it wasn’t there before.
Connor sat next to her and picked the photo up. It was tiny but clearly showed Elaine and Lloyd years ago at some sort of party. They both looked so young. He was wearing jeans and a leather jacket, and Elaine had a frilly dress on. They were standing under an archway of pink balloons, looking as if they were ready to take on the world.
“This photo is from the high school dance where I met Lloyd. Someone had brought an old camera that night and took pictures of all the couples standing under the balloons. I brought it to Alaska with me. Connor, I left it in Alaska, packed up in a box with my photo albums.”
“Are you sure?”
“I looked at it right before I left. I taped it up in the box myself. It shouldn’t be here.”
Maybe his dream hadn’t really been a dream at all. “I think that’s your sign.”
“I think you’re right.”
“He’s okay, Elaine. I hope you realize that. He doesn’t want you to go searching for evidence anymore.”
She picked up the photo. “I have my evidence.”
“He said he was with you, that day with the bear.”
“He always was protective. Thank you for telling me.”
They sat together for a while in silence. She fingered the photo, tracing Lloyd’s form.
“He wants you to move on.”
“I know. It’s just so hard. If I move on, it’ll be like watching them throw dirt on his coffin all over again. If I hold him in my heart, a part of him lives.”
“No one’s rushing you, but you know at some point, you’ll have to give it a try.”
“I feel such guilt. If I’m happy, about anything, it’s like I’m making a mockery of what I had with Lloyd. If I stay in my hole, at least I feel like I’m doing him justice. As if I’m honoring his sacrifice.”
“This is Lloyd we’re talking about. He wouldn’t want that kind of honor, but I understand what you’re saying. The guilt is part of me too, and I’m sure I’ll feel it for a while.”
When she looked up, her cheeks were full of streaks. “I was a douchebag tonight.”
“No, sweetheart. You weren’t.” He laughed. “Besides, you can always flip out in front of your family. We don’t mind, and we won’t disown you.”
“I don’t know what to do, Connor.”
“I wish I had the answers for you. I do know this much. You’ll find your strength again. You will. I’ll help you in any way I can, but I can’t tell you what to do.”
Her cheeks reddened. “Tonight you said you wanted to kiss me.”
No more backpedaling. No more denials. “It’s true. I still do.”
“Because of what Lloyd said?”
“No, Elaine. It freaked me out to hear Lloyd suggest it because we both know, in life, he would have clobbered me for even thinking it.”
She giggled.
“Let’s just say Lloyd’s strange appearance reminded me of a curiosity I forgot I had.”
Her blue eyes widened in wonder. “Really?”
“I care for you, lady. I always have. I just didn’t realize how much.” In saying the words, the imaginary armor encasing Connor’s body fell away. It felt good to speak the truth, even if she eventually turned him down. She had to turn him down, right?
“Wow.”
“I know. Heavy stuff, huh?”
“Yeah. Heavy stuff.”
“Look, Elaine. I know you have a lot to deal with. I don’t want to be a complication for you. I want to be the man who takes away your troubles. Just let me spend time with you. We can see what happens.”
“Connor, I…I wanted to kiss you too.”
“You did?”
She nodded.
His heart took flight. He was sure that was his heart bouncing up against the ceiling. “I’m happy to hear it.” He leaned in.
“I just can’t right now.”
He pulled back.
“I need to focus on the kids and on getting my life back in order. You do understand, don’t you?”
Just like that, it was as if someone shot an arrow through his soaring heart, sending the organ plummeting to the ground. Squish.
He didn’t fault her. The wanton creature in his dream had been a thing of fantasy. This was real life, and they had to take this slowly. Connor caressed her wet cheek, wiping away her tears. “I understand. When you’re ready, I’ll be right here.”
Needing to put his stamp on her in some way while still respecting her wishes, he dropped a kiss on her forehead. Her soft whimper gave him hope. Hope for her future, for their future, and hope for the entire goddamn universe.
“Will you stay with me for a while?”
“There’s nowhere I’d rather be.” He threw his arm around her shoulders and held her close. “There. Better?”
“Better.”
Holding Lloyd’s photo in one hand, her other hand curled up on Connor’s thigh, she eventually fell asleep.
Seeing her tight grip on the photo, Connor worried at first his friend would always intrude in his relationship with Elaine. But after a while, he began to think this might be her last real moment with her mate, and he would never begrudge her that.
After about half an hour, her hand relaxed and the photo slipped onto the bedspread.
Connor was about to reach for it, to tuck it between her fingers once more, but stopped himself.
He couldn’t help thinking it was Lloyd’s way of saying goodbye.
* * * *
“I saw a big doggie.” Andy mumbled in his sleep, his eyes fluttering. He hovered on the verge of consciousness, but his head dropped to the side and he remained asleep.
“I’m sure you did, little guy.” Josh checked the pulse in Andy’s wrist. Nice and steady. He tucked the blanket around the boy and checked on Layla. She was sleeping soundly as well, showing no ill effects from the shift. Although he remained wary, he was relieved. The kids would be fine. Their premature shifts were clearly stress-induced.
Elaine’s condition, however, was more of a concern.
During her exam, he’d detected an arrhythmia where there had been none before. In speaking to her, he’d also learned she sometimes suffered from chest pain and breathlessness, the same sort of wasting disease he’d seen in other shifters who’d lost mates.
When he’d cautioned her about overdoing it and giving into stress, she’d brushed him off in typical Elaine fashion. If she wasn’t careful, her condition could worsen.
There was a soft knock at the cabin door.
He glanced at the clock. Six in the morning. Who on earth would be visiting Elaine now?
He strode over to the door and prepared to chastise the intruder, whipping it open. “It’s a bit early for a social call.”
Marcelle Burgess poked her head around the corner of the cabin. She held a tray with a couple of take-away coffees on it. Bright pink blotches of embarrassment covered the lovely cocoa brown of her cheeks.
“Marcelle. I’m sorry.”
“I know it’s early. I don’t want to bother Elaine. I was hoping to see you.”
“You were?”
“Yeah. We never got to have that drink last night. After I changed, a friend called me, and I got stuck on the phone.”
“No worries. I was sort of needed with Elaine and her kids anyway.”
“Of course. Still, I wouldn’t have kept you waiting without good reason. My friend was having a love life emergency and wanted my advice. I missed most of the commotion at the party. Anyway, I was heading back to the mainland this morning, and when I was walking to the dock, I noticed the light on in here. I saw you through the window. You’ve pulled an all-nighter, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, but I don’t mind. Everyone was worried about the kids.”
“Are they okay? I mean, have they shifted back?”
“They have, but considering the violence and spontaneity of the shift, I wanted to make sure there were no aftershocks, so to speak. I just felt better monitoring them through the night.”
“You’re so dedicated.” She knocked her boot toe against the stoop, shaking off some of the snow on it. “I don’t want to keep you. I can just drop off the coffee for you and run.”
“No.” The eagerness in his voice surprised him. “I’d love to have coffee with you, if I’m not holding you back.”
She smiled. “I have some time.”
That smile. It did things to him. Josh’s bear took a good sniff, sat up on its haunches, and huffed in curiosity.
Funny. His bear had always been sort of ambivalent.
Of course, he’d spent so much of his life studying and working and didn’t get to enjoy the company of women as often as he would have liked. Certainly not women who were anything like Marcelle.
She flipped her black braids over her shoulder, and her perfume teased his nostrils. So sweet. Was she wearing a peach scent? Or was it mango?
Who cares what fruit she wears? His bear’s deep voice crackled with interest. She smells tasty.
Josh coughed, worried she’d somehow hear his bear’s incoherent ramblings. Maybe he’d been inside too long. Maybe he needed some fresh air. “I wouldn’t mind stepping outside these four walls for a few minutes, but I don’t want to go far. Are you okay to sit here on the step with me? It’s not exactly fancy.”
She dismissed the idea with a wave. “Please. Do I look like a fancy girl to you?”
She didn’t look like a girl at all. Marcelle was all woman. With soft breasts and shapely legs and big brown eyes, there was no way anyone would ever mistake her for anything else.
“I’ll just grab my jacket.” He went inside, threw on his bomber jacket and shoes, and joined her outside. Using his arm, he brushed the light layer of snow from the step. She sat there, and he sat next to her, inhaling strong coffee and the softer scent of her perfume.
“It’s black, but there’s sugar and cream in the bag.”
“Black is perfect.” He drank the brew, swallowing with gratitude. “This is the best coffee I’ve ever had.”
“You poor thing, that might be your exhaustion speaking,” she teased. “You didn’t even get to change your clothes. You’re going to ruin your nice suit out here.”
Right now, sitting next to her, he couldn’t care less about his suit. “Don’t worry about it.” He grinned. “I didn’t even get to see your dress. I’m sure it was pretty.”
“Oh, it was. You missed out.” She winked.
“You’re a bit of a joker, aren’t you?”
“Maybe.”
“That’s good. I need some distraction. So…describe your dress for me.”
Yes. His bear’s ears perked up. We like this plan. We will imagine her later.
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Okay, if you insist. It’s black and sleeveless and comes down to just above my knees.”
His gaze strayed toward her denim-clad knees. They might be covered now, but he remembered exactly how cute they were under her waitress uniform.
“And it has a purple flower design that scrolls from my left shoulder all the way down to my right hip.”
Those hips. He’d taken a couple of long looks at those hips when she’d walked into the back room to change.
Josh’s bear prowled, hungry. A bit of drool collected on the beast’s mouth.
He cleared his throat. “Your dress sounds nice. Of course, seeing is believing. I won’t know for sure unless I get to see it. Maybe I could take you out for dinner and you could wear it.”
“I’d love to, Josh, but it would have to be soon.”
Sooner was better for him too. “Sure. My schedule at the clinic is tight during the week, but I’m sure I can work something out.”
She gnawed on her bottom lip. “You don’t understand. It would have to be really soon.”
“Okay.” His bear let out a triumphant roar, pleased with the timeline. “I can do Tuesday, but it would have to be a late dinner. Like, really late.”
She looked at her lap and sighed. “Josh, I’m headed to Europe next week.”
“A trip? Cool. Listen, if it’s easier, we can have dinner when you get back.”
“Sure, but then you’d be waiting a year for that dinner.”
“A year?”
“Yeah. One of those ‘experience of a lifetime’ things. I booked it ages ago. When I finished school, I never had a chance to see the world because I started working right away. I needed the money. When I turned thirty, I decided it was about time I started treating myself. So I’m going to do what I wished I could have done after college. I’m going to backpack through Europe. I start in France and then head to Germany, Italy, and finish off with England and Scotland.”
“That’s amazing. I’m glad you’re taking some time for yourself.”
No, we’re not, grumbled his bear. We like her. We want her to stay. She has cute knees.
Shut up.
“A case of bad timing, huh?”
He nodded. “Very bad timing.”
“Anyway, maybe dinner isn’t such a good idea.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded. “I like you, Josh. If we had that dinner, I have a feeling I’d grow to like you even more. It’s probably not wise to get involved with anyone right now. I’d hate to start something I can’t finish.” She glanced at her coffee cup “I just wanted to have that drink. Any sort of drink.” She stood and frowned.
No! Make her stay.
Josh jumped to his feet, almost upending his coffee. “Marcelle.”
“Yes?”
“I, um, I think you must have looked beautiful in that dress.”
Her face softened. “Thank you. I hope everything goes well for Elaine and her kids.”
“I’ll let her know you said so.”
“You’re a good man, Doctor Douglas. Don’t work too hard.” She stood on tiptoes and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. “I hope we meet up again someday. If some smart woman hasn’t snapped you up by the time I get back, maybe I’ll bring you a latte.”
A terrible, amazing heat swarmed Josh’s every limb, starting at his toes and washing toward his head. His bear reared up on its hind legs, forlorn, growling, and a sharp pain cut through his stomach. His clinical mind analyzed the strange symptoms. He’d seen them before but had never experienced them personally. He felt feverish and unsteady and never more alive than in this moment. Based on his cursory findings, he could arrive at only one conclusion.
Marcelle was his mate.
And she was about to disappear.
No. He had to be wrong. This was insane. In his experience counseling fellow shifters, he’d learned it usually took longer to recognize one’s mate.
Only sometimes it didn’t. He’d seen anomalies. His entire existence was an anomaly.
Perhaps he’d been working too hard. He’d been putting in a lot of hours. His bear just needed a vacation. A release.
Marcelle was gorgeous. Surely this was just a case of good, old-fashioned lust.
“Marcelle.” His voice sounded high and strange.
“Anyway, I’ve got a boat to catch. Lex is waiting for me. See you around.”
As Josh struggled with words, his bear howled in agony.
Perhaps they needed to talk a bit longer. Maybe if he gazed into her dark eyes some more, he wouldn’t feel as if he was drowning in them. He had to say something to make her realize she needed to stay.
Only he was worried if he opened his mouth, the only sound would be the infernal noise of his bear.
She’s our destiny, the creature wailed.
Awestruck, Josh could only watch as his apparent destiny turned and disappeared into the woods.
He clutched his lukewarm coffee cup, his only remaining connection to Marcelle. All the while, his spirit animal shook with frustrated need.