Chapter Seventeen
Hannah
Tully glares at me. Her eyes flash with a level of anger I’ve never seen before. My stomach churns, because I have no idea how to try and explain this. It’s everything I wanted to avoid. I’m so ashamed of my feelings. I hate myself for feeling the way I do and even more for acting on it.
“Declan? The same Declan that is responsible for murdering our sister, and you’re helping him? Hannah, how could you? How could you do this to our family?”
With Declan gone, it’s just Tully and me, alone in my apartment. I edge around the room, trying to get close enough to make her listen, but she steps back every time I go forward.
“Please, Tully, let me explain,” I beg. If she would just listen, then maybe I can talk my way out of this. Tears roll down my cheeks, as I plead with her, but she won’t even look at me.
“No,” she hisses, her eyes blazing. “You don’t get to explain. I can’t believe you could do this. How would Mum be if I told her you were fucking the man that killed her daughter? It would kill her, Hannah, and you fucking well know it.”
“Please, Tully—” The thought of my mother finding out is too much. I cup my hand over my mouth, feeling sick.
“No,” she cries, pushing me toward the door. I try to stop her and she lunges at me. “Just let me out. I can’t listen to you right now.”
She pushes past me until I let her through the doorway and slams the door shut in my face. I stand there, facing the front door, my heart racing, listening to the sound of her sobbing in the hallway. My sister is hurting because of something I did. She’s never going to forgive me for this.
What have I done?
I go straight to the hospital to see Mum. The fight rolls over in my head like it’s on replay. All I can think about is what if she tells Mum. Tully and I argue, but I’ve never seen her this upset. This has rocked her to the core. I’ve fallen in love with the one person I never should’ve even given the time of day. I wish I could go back to that day when I realised it was him and told him to leave me alone.
I never should’ve helped him, and I definitely should not have fallen for him.
As I walk down the hallway of the hospital, toward Mum’s room, I’m panicking. I’m thinking the worst, because that’s what I do. When I turn the corner and see Tully sitting by Mum’s bed, I stop and press my back against the wall. Oh God no. She didn’t waste any time getting over here, and that is terrifying. What if she’s telling Mum everything?
No. Tully might do things without thinking them through, but she’d never hurt Mum when she’s so fragile. I guilted her into visiting, that’s all it is. I should be happy she’s here. If only I could believe that. I watch them for a few more minutes, and then turn around and run out of the hospital.
I go over to Lily’s house, because right now I feel like Declan is the only person I can talk to. I’m too ashamed to speak to Max or anyone else who isn’t family, because I know how bad this is. What I’ve done is unforgiveable, and Declan is the only person I know who won’t judge me—even if his opinion is biased. I pound on the door continuously until he finally flings it open. The second he sees my face, he takes me in his arms and kisses my cheek.
“What happened. Are you okay?”
“No,” I sob. “I don’t know. She’s so angry, Declan. She hates me.”
“Hannah, I’m so sorry,” he mumbles. “This is all my fault. I never should’ve come to your house. I shouldn’t have come back into your life.”
I don’t say anything, because I’m not sure I disagree. If he hadn’t come back into my life, then I wouldn’t have fallen in love with him and my sister wouldn’t hate the sight of me. He leads me into the living room and I sink down onto the couch. I feel numb. Empty.
“Where’s Lily?” I ask suddenly. I wipe my swollen eyes, not sure how I’m going to explain my appearance if she’s here.
“It’s fine, she’s not here. She got called into work,” he says, shrugging off my concerns. “Maybe if you explain—”
“There’s no explaining anything, Dec.” I’m frustrated that he doesn’t get it. “This is it. I knew if she found out, then it would be like this. She’s never going to get over it, just as I wouldn’t be able to get over it if she had been the one to fall in love with you.” I close my eyes. I feel like I have to choose between him and my family and I’m not sure I can do it. At this point, I don’t even think ending things with Declan would fix it. I glance at him and see him watching me with an odd expression, but then just as quickly, it’s gone.
“Han, relax,” he urges me. “Breathe, we can work this out. There’s no use overreacting—”
“Overreacting?” I interrupt with a growl. “You know my family. You know what you put them through. I can’t stand the thought of losing you, but I can’t live with hurting them like this.” I shake my head, tears rolling down my cheeks. “I don’t know where this can possibly go from here, Dec. We’re not going to work. That’s it.”
I knew our relationship was doomed from the moment I started falling in love with him, but I was powerless to do anything about it. Now, I’m at a crossroads and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t think there is a way to fix it.
“Hannah, please—”
“I can’t talk about it right now,” I say, cutting him off again. I take his hands and wrap them around my waist. “I just need you to be with me, okay? Just hold me and let me forget all of this, just for tonight.”
He pulls me into his embrace, kissing my forehead. I sigh, breathing in his scent, loving the feel of his warmth against me. When I’m with him, it feels so natural, like we belong together, and then I remember all the reasons why we just won’t work. He kisses my neck, his fingers stroking my hair. My heart races, the severity of the situation finally crashing into me.
God, I love him. I can’t lose him.