CHAPTER 14
LANA
My stomach growled, waking me from a very deep sleep. I cracked open my eyes to find myself still in Joe’s bedroom with sunlight pouring in through his open blinds.
I’d fallen asleep.
Naked. With wet hair. In his bed. After he’d skillfully gotten me off yet again. His experience level intimidated me, leading me to believe that before he’d sworn off sex—for whatever reason—he’d been quite promiscuous.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
“Finally,” he said, alerting me to the fact that he was still right beside me. He dropped the book he’d been reading. It made a loud sound as it landed on his bedroom’s hardwood floor. He climbed out of bed, antsy. I guess at some point he’d gotten dressed because he now wore jeans and a T-shirt. He rested his hands behind his head, staring down at me.
I pulled the covers up to my neck, still very aware that I wasn’t dressed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep and take up your whole day. I can get going if you want.”
“You’re gonna go?”
“If that’s what you want.
“It’s not what I want.”
“Oh.” My chest instantly felt all warm and squishy. He wanted me to stay. He kept doing that—making me feel this way, making me fall a little deeper down his rabbit hole. “I can stay.”
“Good. I have to get out of this house, though,” he said as he grabbed my clothes, folded neatly at the edge of his bed, and handed them to me, “before I go crazy. I can’t sit still for long. You want to get lunch or coffee or something.”
“I’m starving, but I’d kill for a coffee first.”
“Java Beans or something else?”
“Something else. I drink Java Beans every other day of the week.”
“Alright. Get dressed there’s a Weird and Wired that’s walking distance from here.”
Um . . . yeah . . . no.
“I can’t step foot into Weird and Wired and risk someone recognizing me. That would be like a politician voting for the opposite candidate in an election—in front of everyone.”
“You don’t even look like yourself. No one’s going to recognize you. Hold on. I’ll be right back.” He walked out of the room and left me.
Meanwhile, I suffered from a mini-stroke. You don’t even look like yourself. He must have meant my hair. I felt my head, and like I’d suspected, sleeping on it wet had turned my hair into a lion’s mane. Thank goodness I had an elastic around my wrist. I used it to tie my hair up into a top knot. It probably didn’t help that I wasn’t wearing any makeup either.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I was hanging out with the most gorgeous man on Earth, and I looked like someone had thrown me into the washing machine. Wasn’t that the way things always went? Wear your baggy sweatpants with holes in them onto an airplane, and you’ll be seated next to some hot celebrity. Wear your makeup and your best outfit, and you’ll be seated next to a grandma who needs your help giving herself an insulin shot halfway through the flight.
Joe, in all his gorgeous glory, walked back in the room with clothes in his arms. He set them on the bed beside me. “A few of Kitty’s things. She said she didn’t mind if you wore them.”
Oh Jesus, The Queen of Black let me borrow some of her clothes.
I stared blankly at Joe.
“C’mon, it will be fun,” he said. “Like going undercover. You’re always wearing white. No one would guess it was you in these dark clothes. Think of it as research against your biggest competitor.”
He couldn’t be serious about this. But it was hard to say no to him, especially when he looked at me exactly the same, with or without makeup on. And, as it happened, Kitty and I were about the same size.
“Alright. Fine. Give me a few minutes to get ready. Can you at least get me some eyeliner from Kitty?”
He smiled. “Sure.”
He disappeared while I changed at hyper speed. I’d been naked in front of him earlier, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t self-conscious now. A black jean skirt—DKNY, no less—and a black shirt, long sleeve, with lots of little holes all over the fabric. Those were the clothes Kitty had let me borrow. I could see my skin and my white strapless bra through the shirt.
Um?
Joe came back a couple minutes later, giving me a strange look when he saw me. I returned it with a shrug, wondering what he might be thinking. Then I put on the eyeliner I’d requested—because, seriously, a person could not wear these clothes without eyeliner. After, we set off in the direction of Weird and Wired. I knew the location well. It was across the street from the Java Beans location Joe used to barista at.
“You’re quiet,” I said after a minute. He hadn’t really spoken since he saw me in this outfit—and it was starting to worry me.
“Well, to be honest—” He clutched his hand over his heart, cracking a smile. “You’re killing me, woman. Absolutely killing me in that outfit. I don’t think these thoughts in my head are appropriate considering those are Kitty’s clothes.”
By the way his eyes seemed to smile as he looked at me, I believed his words. I lit up inside. Nobody had ever made me feel this way in my whole life.
I couldn’t stop the smile that took over my lips.
“Tell me more about you,” he asked. “I barely know anything about you.”
“Like what?”
“Like, do you have siblings? Are you close with your parents? What kind of student were you in school? You know, basic stuff.”
I blew out a breath, catching his wrist, because he was walking entirely too fast and I couldn’t keep up the fast pace. I think he just naturally—like his internal clock—ran a little faster than most people.
He slowed for me.
“I’m an only child,” I told him. “My parents struggled to have kids. They had actually given up when my mom got pregnant. I’m her miracle baby. I’ve always been close with my parents, but since I moved to Portland, I don’t see them as much as I’d liked to. And school . . ..” School wasn’t as easy of a question for me to answer. I blew out a breath. “High school kind of sucked for me.”
“How so?”
I stopped walking. So did Joe.
“What were you like in high school?” I asked him instead of answering. “Let me guess. Popular. Prom king. All-Star athlete. Valedictorian. Am I missing anything?”
He didn’t crack a smile at my joke. I’d phrased it like it was a joke, but was I joking? I guess, even after all the years since graduation, I still felt the sting of high school.
“Don’t forget alcoholic and prescription drug addict on your list,” he added. “No, I wasn’t any of those things at my private school. I didn’t play sports. I didn’t go to prom, though I made it to the after party. I was more notorious than popular. I had a few friends, a small group I was close with, but other than that, I think people were a little afraid of me. And I was salutatorian. I missed valedictorian by this much.” He gestured with his thumb and forefinger. “So your turn. Why did high school suck for you?”
I sighed, hesitating.
“You don’t have to answer. Sorry I pushed.” He put his arm around me and we resumed our walk. There was slight tension between us now and I didn’t like it. From the moment he’d walked into my office, he’d been honest. So completely, surprisingly, refreshingly honest. I wanted to dive into this crazy thing with him. I wanted to return that honesty. His words, I have your back, rang in my head.
“I didn’t really fit into any group in high school,” I shared. “There was that. Then around my junior year, this girl named Olivia Baker, your typical blond-haired popular type, her boyfriend said something to someone about me. Something along the lines of ‘She’s almost hot, I’d do her.’ And everyone knew he’d said it. It turned Olivia insanely jealous, even though I had no control over what her boyfriend said, nor did I want to sleep with him. But she made it up in her mind that I did. If it weren’t for Chase, I fully believe that girl and her minions would have destroyed me. She nearly did even still.”
“Chase? Abe’s son? He mentioned him this past week. The one that’s getting divorced?”
I nodded. “That’s him. We’re the same age. Chase and I weren’t friends outside of family stuff, but he was popular and had influence. He helped soften some of Olivia’s viciousness. I didn’t go to prom, either. Olivia never would have allowed it. Anyway, it’s stupid that I still carry any of that with me. You know?”
“It’s not stupid. Those things shape us. One moment can shape you for the rest of your life. It’s how you use the pain to better yourself for the future that’s important.”
We’d arrived at the intersection where his old Java Beans store and the Weird and Wired store sat across from each other. Just in time, too, because some dark clouds were turning the blue sky gray.
“Do you have some painful moments you’re still holding onto?” I asked.
“Yep. Lots of them. I use them to keep me sober.”
Oh. That hurt my heart way more than I ever would have expected. “The pull for alcohol is that strong?”
“Some days, yes. Some days, no. There’s a line I walk and it’s terrifying, but today’s a good day.”
Thunder crackled in the sky. The dark clouds above us looked ready to split wide open. The signal on the crosswalk changed, and I was about to hurry toward Weird and Wired, when Joe caught my hand before I could go.
He kissed me on the street—soft and slow, cupping my face in his hands. The rest of world faded away. Nothing mattered. Nothing but this feeling that swelled inside my chest. When he broke away from my lips, my body still tingled from head to toes. Joe moved to pull something out of his pocket—it was a pad of Post-it notes and a pen. Odd, but then again, Joe was kind of odd.
He wrote me a note. You’re my good day.
My heart sped as I took the square piece of paper, read it, clutched it tightly in my hands so the wind wouldn’t blow it away, letting his words sink in.
He didn’t stop there. He wrote me another: You’re so fucking beautiful. You glow.
He had to be delusional. I wasn’t that beautiful, especially in this crazy outfit, and I didn’t know if I was the type of person who could glow. But for a moment, I believed him.
He wrote me another: I want you back in my bed after this . . ..
Number four: . . . for the rest of the day.
And the last said: If you’re not careful, I might just fall in love with you.
It was the last note that took my breath away, made my hands tremble, and rendered me speechless. Being with Joe . . . it was like jumping off the edge of a pool straight into the deep end. That feeling of the water hitting you on all sides and surrounding every square millimeter of your body. That was Joe—being with him completely consumed me.
A few rain drops began to fall. I pocked the notes he’d written me—I’d keep them forever. And then I took his hand as we hurried across the street.
I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face.
Nothing could ruin this day.
Joe pushed open the glass door, holding it as I stepped inside just as the heavens began to rain down outside.
I stopped still in my tracks.
Because in front of me was a blast from my past.
An old friend.
An ex-friend, to be specific.
He was leaving as we were entering, so there was no avoiding the awkward moment I knew was coming my way.
“Doug Maddox,” I said aloud, shocked to be running into him, “wow, it’s been a long time.” Because it had been a long time since I’d last seen him. Since the end of my freshman year of college.
Thank the Big Man Upstairs that Joe was with me. Not that I had any sort of defined relationship with Joe, but Doug didn’t have to know that. I wanted to show Doug I wasn’t alone. I laced my fingers with Joe’s, holding his hand tightly, leaning into his bicep. If that bothered Joe, he didn’t show it. He squeezed my hand firmly back.
Doug wasn’t alone either. He had a beautiful, tall brunette with him. She looked bored as she waited for us to hurry and finish our conversation.
“Lana Bitterman. It’s nice seeing you. Who’s this?” Doug smiled and politely nodded to Joe.
“This is my friend, Joe,” I said, making introductions. “Joe, this is Doug Maddox. We knew each other in college.”
They shook hands.
Joe said nothing while I kept holding his left hand, squeezing a little bit tighter now, trying to let Joe know without words how extremely uncomfortable I was on the inside. Because Doug seemed harmless enough on the outside, with his easy smile and classic good looks, but I knew better. I wondered if the brunette with him knew better too.
“How’ve you been, Doug?” I asked because it was the appropriate thing to ask next. After I ended our friendship, I also cut ties with him on all my social media accounts so I had no way to knowing what his life had been like for the past eleven years. Doug Maddox came from a very wealthy, affluent family, so no matter what, I knew, if nothing else, it had been a cushy eleven years.
“I’ve been really good,” he answered. “Judging by the success of your coffee chain, it seems you’ve done well for yourself too. It was nice seeing you, Lana. And nice meeting you, Joe. I wish you nothing but the best.” He gave me a small half-smile, surprising me, before he and his girlfriend—or wife, or whoever she was—left through the glass door.
It made me wonder, Can people change?
Maybe.
He seemed so much calmer now.
I’d been in my head for a minute, and when I refocused, I noticed Joe still stared at the door Doug had disappeared out of. Also, he now clutched my hand a little too tightly. My fingers were tingling from loss of circulation.
Was Joe jealous?
“That was Doug Maddox, an ex-friend of mine from college. We never had a sexual relationship, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
“It’s not what I’m wondering.” His tone was a little harsh.
“Oh. Okay. Well, you want to order coffee now?”
“Fine. Order for me, I need to use the restroom. Iced caramel macchiato.”
He pulled out his wallet and handed me a twenty-dollar bill. Before I could protest his money, he put the bill in my hand and disappeared for the bathroom.
I felt a little anxious. Something wasn’t right.