CHAPTER 28
JOE
The plane ride home was much easier than the plane ride to New York. After taking Lana to as many touristy spots that I could think of, late into the night last night, we’d both collapsed onto the cushy bed in our hotel room at the Maddox Hotel.
I got to hold her as much as I’d liked all night long. It was something I’d never really done before with a woman. Sure, I’d spent the night in random beds with random women countless of times before, too fucked up to even realize where I was or who I was screwing, but never sober and never with someone I truly cared about.
The difference was pretty incredible.
The best part, late in the night, we’d both woken up. Not sure why, especially after our exhausting day, but it happened.
It was pitch black and neither of us said anything. She kept tossing and turning, wiggling against me, like she couldn’t get close enough, and I knew exactly what my girl needed. Slipping her panties to the side, I entered her from behind. I held onto her tight, making love to her at this slow and lazy speed.
There was no rush.
It was just her and me in the darkness.
My perception of time was shot to hell. For all I knew, this slow sex thing I’d never done before only lasted minutes or maybe it was hours. But I brought her to an orgasm, soon finding my own, and we fell back to sleep in that perfect, hazy, half-awake state of mind.
I was on some kind of high and was still floating today. Still trying to calm my heart and my overwhelming emotions. If I knew falling in love felt this good, I think I would have had the strength to put the liquor back on the shelf long before it got the better of me. I had this fear, though, that as soon as we got to Portland everything might shatter.
Doug had given Kitty back the tapes, and at first, I’d been elated. Now, I was worried. It couldn’t be that easy. It just couldn’t be. The man had tormented me for two years holding those films over me. He wouldn’t just give up his power in one single moment. He had to be planning something else.
And then there was Lana. I told her I loved her. The moment—not the best, I’ll admit that. I said it on the brink of coming inside her, when I’d lost control over everything coming out of my mouth. But I’d meant my words. I’d never said them to a woman before. And she hadn’t said them back. But I knew, with certainty, she loved me. I felt in my gut. In the way her eyes seemed to devour me whole each time she looked at me. In the way she’d let me hold her all night long last night. In the way she cried out my name each time she let me inside her.
I wasn’t exactly sure why she hadn’t told me the words I wanted to hear in response. But I’d get her to say them, and soon. Because I was confident in everything now. I didn’t want to let a sliver of doubt in between us, to start fucking with my mind, over something so simple as her hesitation to say the words back.
The plane touched down, and too soon we were parting ways to our separate cars. She needed to change and get to work, and I needed to check on Kitty. And then she wanted me to come into the office today too.
I guess I had a legitimate job now. It hadn’t felt that way before this moment. “Do we really have to go to work today?” I argued, slipping my hands under her shirt in the parking lot beside her car. “You could come over to my house instead. Spend the day in my bed. No Nancy grating on your nerves.”
I kissed her neck, flicking my tongue across her warm skin.
“Joe,” she moaned.
“I have not gotten the proper opportunity to taste you.”
She breathed out deeply. “What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean.” I tugged on the edge of her skirt. In her office, that one time, I’d almost gotten a chance to taste her but not quite. I wanted more, so much more. Desperately. Now.
She buried her face against my chest, mumbling my name once more and a few curse words.
“Okay,” I said, pretty satisfied with myself that she was at least feeling half as tortured as I was. I removed my fingers from her clothes. “I’ll back off.” I bit down on my lip staring at her, wondering how I got so damn lucky. “But can I see you after work? I know I’ll see you at work, but that barely counts. Not when I have to play by the rules.”
She didn’t want anyone in her office to know we were dating yet. I understood why, that it might look like she hired me for all the wrong reasons, but that didn’t mean I had to like it.
“I don’t know,” she muttered. “I have two days’ worth of work to catch up on. I might have to stay at the office pretty late tonight.”
The crib mattress hidden under her desk popped into my head. I’d forgotten about it. This frustration rippled through me at the idea of her curled up under her desk, sleeping in such a tight space tonight. No, just no. She would not be sleeping on that damn thing ever again. I couldn’t stomach it. “I don’t care if it’s four in the morning. When you’re finished working, you call me, I’ll pick you up, and you can stay in my king-sized bed tonight.”
“Joe.” It was a protest.
“Lana.”
I did not want to argue about this. There was no point to it. We were together now. That meant I wanted her in my arms—where she belonged—each night. And that certainly meant not sleeping under her desk anymore.
I swallowed hard, surprised by my anger over this. First chance I got, I would be removing that mattress from her office and throwing it in the nearest dumpster. But for now, a little afraid to let her see the full extent of my stubbornness, I let it go. I had the rest of today to convince her otherwise.
I kissed her forehead. “We can figure it out later. I’ll see you soon. I love you.”
Shit. Shit. Holy shit! My chest tightened as I realized moments too late that I’d let the words slip out again. As if I had no filter whatsoever. Fuck. “Bye,” I blurted out before she could respond. I turned on my feet, left her at her car, and headed in the direction of mine. And I didn’t even walk . . . I jogged.
Seriously. Fuck.
Reaching my car, I yanked open the door. Then I left as fast as I could.
By the time I reached the house, my stomach was in knots. I shouldn’t have said that. She needed more time. Time worked differently for me. Slower at times. Faster at times. And besides, I was the type of person who, once their mind was made up, it was a done deal. I don’t think Lana operated the same.
After waiting in the line to go to the Top of the Rock, reading some of her emails, I now knew that she was looking to switch to a whole new coffee bean supplier. There were several farms she was considering and had been considering for several months. If it were me, I’d pick one and be done with it. But not Lana. Lana needed to weigh up and agonize over the details of this decision. Was she weighing up and agonize over the details of the decision to date me too?
I thought this thing between us was a no-brainer. Maybe she didn’t see it the same way I did. I wasn’t boyfriend material. I wasn’t even really friend material, either. But for her, I could be both.
I dropped the keys on the table by the door, walking into the living room. Kitty sat on the couch, eating Cheetos with her feet propped up on the table, watching a kid’s superhero show on TV.
Her fingers were bright orange. I rolled my eyes. Sometimes she was hard to live with. If she got orange on my couch, I’d lose my shit.
“How was New York?” she asked. “Run into Mom and Dad?” I could hear the teasing in her tone.
“No, thank God.”
“And Lana?”
“We’re good.”
“That’s sweet.” She licked her fingers.
I heard the hint of sarcasm in her voice, but I ignored it. I noticed there was a cell phone on the coffee table to the right of her feet. It wasn’t hers. She didn’t have the money for a cell phone that nice. “Whose phone is that?”
“Doug Maddox gave it to me yesterday.”
What. The. Hell. My eyes went wide. I reached over and snatched it off the table.
“Hey!” She jumped up, diving at me, trying to grab it back from me with her gross Cheetos hands.
Jesus, little sisters, they never change.
“It has my personal videos uploaded into it,” she cried out. “Give it back!”
I immediately gave it back, too afraid I’d hit a button and they’d start playing.
“They’re the only and last copies, or so Doug says.” She pocketed the phone quickly as if she were afraid I might try to steal it again. “And, weirdly, I think I believe him.”
“Well, why don’t you delete the videos and destroy that phone? Be done with all this crap once and for all. You want to go light a bonfire in the backyard right now. Maybe take a hammer to it. Oh, I know, a baseball bat. Like in Office Space. It could be fun.”
“No, thank you. I’m trying to decide what I want to do next. The videos, as Doug pointed out, are evidence against Zane. So I can either delete them, do nothing, and try to forget him for good. Or I could press charges against that asshole and use the videos to implicate him. I can’t decide.”
My stomach swirled. I wished Kitty didn’t have to decide something like that. I wished it never happened in the first place. And I hated that Doug had been the one to point this out to her. It was hardly his job to protect her. I sighed, unsure what to do. “At the very least, you should transfer those videos onto your computer. And then destroy the phone. I don’t like you carrying around something Doug could track your location with. He gave us the first video on a thumb drive. Why give us the rest back on a nice phone like that?”
“I just figured he’s got so much money, he never thought twice about wasting a phone on me. Plus, it’s not like he doesn’t know where we live already.” She mumbled all this in her sarcastic voice.
“I’m serious.”
“So am I. Doug doesn’t scare me.”
“Well, that’s nice, because he fucking scares the shit out of me. Destroy it, Kitty, today. Okay?”
“Okay. Fine.” She sat back on the couch, arms crossed and eyes glued to the TV. “You should be thanking me. Now you and your girlfriend are free to be together and be in love and all that bullshit. You’re welcome.”
“It’s not bullshit. And thank you. Speaking of Lana, I need to go get dressed for work. She’s expecting me at the office today.”
She dramatically slapped her hands down onto the couch. “You’re still going to work there? Are you kidding me?”
“Lana needs me.”
“Lana needs you to get her off. And that’s about it.”
I sucked in a breath. I couldn’t believe my sister was speaking to me so harshly.
“I’m not trying to be mean, Joe. I’m trying to point out the obvious truth. That company, and her job, they will always come before you. She loves Java Beans more than she could ever love you. Didn’t you learn anything growing up with Dad? How many more missed birthdays would it have taken for you to see that? Because I can see it pretty clearly. Let me guess, she wants to keep your relationship a secret back at the office. She wants to wait until it’s the right time to tell people. You’re hot, big brother. You know that, and I know that, and right now, Lana’s enjoying having you between her sheets. But what happens when you threaten her precious Java Beans?”
My jaw locked. A one stupid tear betrayed me by slipping down my cheek. I wanted to scream at Kitty and tell her she was wrong, and demand she take those words back. But I didn’t. I only turned and left the living room.
Because what if she was right?