CHAPTER 15
JOE
Leaning against the restroom toilet, I vomited.
While Lana had been sleeping, I’d gotten up, gotten dressed, and made myself some lunch. And now my lunch was in the toilet.
I flushed and washed my hands, face, and mouth in the sink. My phone buzzed in my pocket as I was drying my hands. I knew without looking that it was Doug. I had to take the Post-it notes and pen out of my pocket first to reach my phone.
I threw them into the trash.
I didn’t know what the hell I’d been thinking—writing her those notes, pulling romantic crap like that, wishing for a small moment for something I couldn’t have.
I’d never been in love before, not even close. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure what love really was. But I think I’d felt a spark of it with Lana, and I’d chased that spark like an idiot, wanting something I shouldn’t have wanted.
We need to speak, said the text from Doug. You’re fucked.
I blew out a breath. For a small moment, I stared at myself through the mirror, trying to decide if I should march out there and tell Lana the truth.
I was protecting Kitty—and her future that Doug held over me. Now that I knew Lana had known Doug personally from her past, I knew that whatever she’d done to piss him off was entirely on her. I couldn’t protect both Kitty and Lana in this situation. And if I’d have to choose? I’d have to choose Kitty.
But that didn’t mean I wasn’t sick about the whole situation. Thus, the vomiting. And the debating in the mirror.
I left the bathroom with every intention of walking right past Lana without a single word, but as my eyes landed on her from across the shop, with her sitting there a little awkward with our two coffees, I knew I couldn’t just leave.
My heart thumped in a steady, quick beat as I sat down across from her.
“You okay?” she asked.
“I’m fine.” I forced a smile. “Well, not entirely. The woman that was with your friend from college . . . I used to know her. We used to fuck. It was unexpected seeing her again.”
I was lying through my teeth. And to date, I’d never lied like this to Lana. Withheld the truth? Yes, I’d done plenty of that. But straight lied to her face? No. I did it because I knew I couldn’t mask the pain I felt churning in my stomach. Instead, I made up a small story I knew Lana wouldn’t question, and I delivered it harshly.
“She didn’t even acknowledge you.”
“Yeah, I know. Ouch.” I picked up my coffee and took a sip. “So, was Doug Maddox . . . um, is he any relation to the hotel chain Maddox’s?”
I couldn’t read her. I’d snuffed out that glowing, innocent, wide-eyed thing she’d be doing for me all afternoon. And now who the hell knows what she must be thinking of me.
“Yes, his cousin is Leo Maddox III, heir to the Maddox Hotel Company. They share the same grandfather, Leo Maddox senior, but Doug didn’t inherit any of the control of the company. He was always very bitter about that.”
“I knew Leo. The third, not senior.”
“Really?”
Now this wasn’t a lie, and I wasn’t entirely sure why I was telling her. I guess a part of me wanted to combine stories.
“Leo and I went to the same private school in New York City. He was in my small group of friends. I haven’t spoken to him in years, though. We shared some addiction issues.” For all I knew, Leo turned out exactly like his cousin. A mean, rich, asshole with no heart. “Can we take these to-go?” I asked, changing the subject and nodding toward our coffees and her muffin.
“Um?” She glanced out the window. The rain beat down on the pavement, cars, and any soul stupid enough to be outside in it.
“I’m not feeling so great,” I added. “That woman meant a lot to me once. I think a nice walk in the rain might do me some good.” I didn’t even know who that woman was. Nor did I care beyond using her as my scapegoat.
“Sure.” Lana picked up her muffin, stuffed it into her mouth, and swallowed it down in a few quick bites.
It broke me watching her eat that muffin. Because she was so damn cute. And because I’d more or less just told her I still had feelings for another woman, and there she went—being accommodating for me again.
She tossed her coffee. I kept mine, continuing to take small sips, hoping it might calm my empty stomach.
Within a minute of going outside, we were soaked. She took off her shoes and carried them, stretching out her hands, feeling the rain.
Despite what a dick I was being toward her, she had a smile on her face. The smile grew to a laugh as she enjoyed the rain and our walk.
It was when we neared the house that I, once again, could not help myself. I caught her hand and pulled her wet body toward me. With an opened mouth, I slammed my lips to hers, breathing her in deeply. All my emotion went into this kiss. She tasted like the rain, smelled like the rain, and my fingertips got stuck in the small holes of her shirt as I held her as tightly as I could.
Was this a goodbye kiss?
I dropped my coffee to the street; she dropped her shoes. I hoisted her up into my arms, needing her closer, needing to be inside her. Her legs wrapped around me, and I stumbled up my driveway with her still in my arms.
When I reached the garage door, I blindly hit the button. I steadied myself against the side of the wall as I waited for that damn ancient thing to open. Once it did, I hit the button again and dipped inside with Lana as the door started to shut once more.
After that, I couldn’t get her naked fast enough. Setting her on the empty work table inside my garage, I fought with the wet fabric of her shirt as I peeled it off, then my own. Then her skirt and my pants, until we were both fully naked. I was so hard and ready for this woman that I could barely see straight. Pushing apart her knees, I settled between her legs, guiding my erection to her hot center, and began to slowly push inside her. On any other day, I’d be all about foreplay, but not right this moment. Right this moment, I only needed inside her, the desire for her was clouding every other thought.
My hair was still very wet from the rain, dripping into my eyes, and I brushed it back out of my face. I needed to see her clearly. I needed her to see me. I needed to know she was okay and to judge her reaction.
I moved painfully slow, with ample opportunity for her to stop me, but she didn’t. She only dropped open her mouth and spread her legs wider to try to help. It wasn’t like I could slam inside her with all my force. I was too big, too thick, and she was a petite woman.
I loved this pussy.
I planned to treat it right.
The slow push inside was heaven. The look on Lana’s face was heaven. Her eyes shifted between my eyes and my cock. When I made it as deep as I could go, I dipped my thumb inside my mouth and then I brought it to her clit.
Before anything else, I was going to feel her come. Because I knew once I started to move, I wouldn’t be able to last long.
I began to make feather-light, little circles against her most sensitive spot. My dick throbbed and begged me to move—but I ignored it. My focus was on making Lana scream, and I’d never been more focused in my life.
“Joe,” she breathed out. “Joe.” It was a protest, but a halfhearted one. I’d move soon. This was only going to take a minute. I continued, kissing her like I needed her to breath, pushing a little deeper inside her, as another level of desperation rolled through me.
Like always with this woman, it didn’t take me long. Her breathing escalated. Her cries grew more and more desperate. And then I felt it. I physically felt the waves of her ecstasy as she came and as the walls of her tight pussy squeezed against my dick buried deep inside her. It was the best damn feeling on this Earth, the only feeling that mattered. I had to catch her body, using my strength to keep her right with me, otherwise I think she would have dropped hard against the solid wood table beneath her. Wonderful breathy cries left her lips. A shiver ran through my whole body because the intensity of her eyes on mine during this moment was all consuming.
I moved.
I had to move. I began to slide in and out slowly, working at stretching her. Each movement brought on a new rush of ecstasy through my veins. I knew her orgasm had helped, otherwise I might have hurt her.
Still I worried.
The wooden table was old, cracking, and the last thing I wanted was for her to get a splitter in that fine ass of hers. “Come on, Lana, you have to move.”
“What?” We’d only just begun, and I could tell she didn’t want to move.
“I don’t want to hurt you here. The table’s old.”
I pulled out and then picked up her petite body, setting her feet on the cement floor. Her legs were a little like gelatin. I hugged her from behind to keep her steady, holding her up, squeezing her tits, kissing her shoulder. “You’re so much better than any drug,” I whispered against her skin. I trailed my hand softly down her stomach, parted her lips, and slipped a finger into her warm, wet pussy. “I could live here.”
“I wouldn’t mind.”
Of course, she wouldn’t. I think this woman was made for me. I moved my hand and placed her arms against the wood, helping her lean against the table. “Just be careful of splinters,” I told her. “I won’t last much longer, and I’m going to be rough. Tell me if it’s too much—if it’s too hard or too deep.”
I worked to guide my cock inside her from behind as she stood still.
“Oh my God, Joe!” she cried out.
I knew what she meant. It was so perfectly deep this way. I started to move, thrusting inside her, with more and more force, holding her tight, making love to her knowing this would be my one and only chance. The world melted away. And those painful moments we’d spoken about earlier went forgotten too.
Her screams grew louder while her head dropped to her arms and her thighs went weak. Her pussy grew wetter. I was blind to everything but her, only caring about how good this felt, how perfect, and how much I fucking loved making this girl come. It was when her small screams subsided and she grew quiet, that I knew another orgasm was about to hit her hard.
At this point, I was completely holding her up. I moved one of my arms under one of her thighs, to open her wider for me, to better my position, and to keep her from falling over. It was so damn beautiful and cute—the way an orgasm could completely overtake her body.
Then, finally, it hit her. And it was everything. Her walls began to convulse around my cock as she came harder than ever before. That was when I exploded inside her. It happened so fast, I wasn’t fully prepared for it, and I sank to floor with her still in my arms as I pulsed for what felt like forever inside her.
The feeling was complete bliss. A tidal wave of bliss.
I shut my eyes and enjoyed every second of it.
Two years and one month was a long fucking time to go without this. Actually, nothing had ever felt this good, this right, this overwhelming. Being sober made all the difference in the world. So, really, a lifetime was a long fucking time to be missing this.
When I opened my eyes again, I realized I was on the cold, hard cement. Lana laid on top of me, her body limp, while I was still balls-deep inside her.
She tried to roll off me, but I kept my arms in place around her body, holding her tighter. “Don’t move yet,” I breathed out, my voice hardly sounding like my own. Every few seconds I felt her pussy convulse—aftershocks, I think—and I wouldn’t miss this for the world.
I kissed her neck and then nestled my nose against her skin.
Yep, I was done.
And it was so fucking bittersweet. To find someone like Lana, someone to help ease the pain the woman who raped me caused, someone who I actually enjoyed spending time with, who I could focus with, but also knowing that Doug would ruin Kitty if I continued this. Because I think I understood Doug’s motivation now. He loved Lana. He wanted her—the same way I just had her. I knew it because . . . well, how could a person get to know Lana and not fall in love with her? It had taken me, what, a week?
This was love I felt, right?
Or maybe I’d just gone too long without sex.
Maybe that was all this was.
It was hard to tell. I needed more time to figure it out. But I didn’t have more time.
With a sigh, I pulled her off me. We were both quiet as I used my wet shirt to help her clean up. We were in a bit of a predicament, stranded in this garage with only our soaking wet clothes.
“I’m going to sneak inside and find you some dry clothes.” I held Kitty’s black holey shirt in front of my junk. “Hopefully none of Kitty’s friends are here.”
Lana cracked a smile, but I didn’t return it. I wasn’t just going inside for clothes. I needed Kitty’s help. Leaving Lana naked in my garage, with a growing ache in my gut, I disappeared inside the house.
I didn’t give a fuck that I was naked. This was my house. And I was already pissed that it smelled like marijuana at the moment. I found Kitty on the couch playing a video game with Larry. Everyone else had gone home.
“Hey,” I said to get her attention.
“Ew!” She paused the game, grimacing in my direction. “That’s my shirt!”
Larry covered his eyes.
I didn’t have time for this. “You said I could borrow it,” I reminded her.
“Well, now you can have it.”
“I need your help. I fucked up. I fucked Lana.”
“What?”
“Yeah, it just happened in the garage. She’s still out there. Doug knows something is happening between us. He saw us holding hands at Weird and Wired earlier.”
Kitty narrowed her eyes. “So he saw you and then you screwed her? What, like a revenge fuck against Doug?”
“No.” How could my sister think that? “It’s not like that. But I need Lana to leave before I do something really stupid like confess my love to the woman.”
“You love her!”
“No. That was hypothetical. Just . . .. I’m going to change and get Lana some dry clothes. Give me five minutes in the garage. Then I want you to come in, tell me you’re pregnant, or something equally dramatic, so there’s a reason she needs to leave. I know that’s the fucking coward’s way out, but I swear to God, if I go back in there alone, I will fall under that woman’s spell again.”
“Joe,” she stood, being sincere and serious for once in her life, “you don’t have to do this for me. You shouldn’t be the one paying for my mistake. I can handle the repercussions.”
She couldn’t handle the repercussions, as evident by her consistent falling on and off the alcohol/drug wagon. Also, what was Larry doing with her on the couch? Had she already moved on to a new guy? No offense, maybe he was a good guy, but there was no chance in hell I’d let Doug do his worst against her.
She wouldn’t survive it.
And I’d never forgive myself for it.
Lana was my price. I realized that now, and I was willing to pay it. Not that I wasn’t going to do everything in my power to start playing this game smarter than Doug. To save Lana, in the process of saving Kitty, I needed to be smarter than him.
“Please, Kitty. I need your help.”
“Fine. Go get dressed. And get ready to see the best damn acting skills Portland has to offer.”