Chapter 3
Mateo
I’m so stupid.
I don’t know why I think I can handle reality when clearly, I can’t.
Which means they’re all right. I am totally worthless…and always will be.
The wind on my bare skin actually feels good, but the vibration from the tank against my balls has my dick harder than I think it’s ever been. Yet another thing I can’t get right. When I’m with a client, I can barely get it up enough to fake my enthusiasm. But when I’m finally ready to end the madness and jump to the punchline, I finally find the trick for a steel dick.
Without thinking too hard about it, I end up at my favorite thinking spot. There’s a short bridge over the reservoir where I like to go fishing. Right now, there isn’t much water but that’s okay. I’m not here to relax in the afternoon sun. No, this time I have a different purpose in mind. Something I’ve been thinking about for the past few weeks but only decided to pull the trigger on a few minutes ago. When I ran out of The Vault, I knew it was for the last time. That’s why I didn’t bother to explain myself to Johnny. The less he knows the better. I don’t want anyone to think they’re responsible for my decision because they aren’t.
This is all me.
I’ve pretended for a long time but tonight was a test, and as usual, I failed. I failed it desperately and urgently…and pathetically.
No one is on the road, so I drop the bike at the base of the bridge and then walk along the foot path until I’m at the center point of the steel structure. Usually I sit on the edge and dangle my legs through the railings, but not this time.
This time, I climb onto the rail and sit on it, hooking my feet behind the posts for stability. I’ll let go when I’m ready…but I’m not quite there yet.
I close my eyes and let the breeze skate across my bare body, lulling me gently. A few times, I almost lose my balance and sway forward. But I manage to catch myself each time. The drop into the rocky stream below is at least eighty feet, so there’s no way I’ll survive it. When I do finally let go and let the wind carry me to my end, it’ll be a fast escape. The gentle flow of water will wash away the majority of the mess so only my naked body will need to be removed. I might be useless but I’m not inconsiderate. I would never do this at The Vault where my friends would have to deal with me. This is the best place for me to say goodbye to this life, so I can get in the queue for my next one.
I’m not religious or spiritual, but if there’s a chance at a next life, I’m ready to start it now. This one hasn’t quite worked out for me, and hanging around is just prolonging the inevitable. The only way for me to get to the next…whatever it is…is to get on with it.
I take a deep breath and shrug out of the robe, letting it fall from my shoulders so it’s draped over the rail under my ass. I’m about to stand up when I hear a car rolling to a stop behind me. I don’t want to speed up my exit plan, but I also don’t want to deal with the drama of strangers. With a newfound determination, I carefully lift up and stand on the rail with only my hands behind my back holding me up.
“Mateo, wait.”
My body stiffens when I hear my name. The voice isn’t familiar which means the stranger drama is already happening. “Leave me alone.”
“Please.” From the corner of eye, I see the man who was in the parking lot with me and Johnny at The Vault. “Just hear me out.”
I’m not sure why this guy followed me here...unless Johnny put him up to it. Hell, it may be some stalker client looking to have his way with me. If so, he’ll have a rude awakening because I’m off the clock right now and don’t have time for anyone’s bullshit.
I’ll end things the way I want to.
And guy can take whatever twisted fantasy he has back with him to The Vault.
“Go away, man. I’m not open for business right now.”
“Mateo, please. I’m not here for that. I just want to talk. Please. Will you give me a few minutes?”
I turn my head toward him, studying the man with his arms low and stretched out in front of him. He’s definitely one of the more attractive men I’ve seen since I started working at The Vault. Most men who come in are either unattractive and rich, or attractive but have a crazy fetish. Since this guy looks like he can easily get ass on his own, I’m going to go with the latter.
“There’s nothing to say.”
“How can you even think that?” His tone is so sincere that I’m caught off guard. Do I know this man? Why does he care?
A tingle runs through me as he approaches. I know he’s getting closer, but something keeps me planted in place. I won’t be rushed. I don’t even know who the hell he is so I’ll make my move in my own time. I’m not going to let a stranger force me over just to avoid talking to him.
But I do need to get rid of him.
“Look, you don’t know me, and I don’t know you. But let’s just say that my life isn’t exactly at a high point, at this moment. So, if you don’t mind. I’d like to be alone.”
“I’m Chase Ryan, a professor of psychology at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas.”
“Great, you’re a shrink.” My shoulders droop in frustration. “But, I’m not crazy.”
He takes another step forward. “I don’t think you’re crazy. Most people who seek counsel aren’t. But we all need a way to relieve a little of what’s hurting us on the inside. And I can help find that person for you.”
“Thanks, but no thanks. I’m doing just fine on my own.”
“Is that why you’re standing naked on the side of a bridge, overlooking a deep ravine?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, it is. I’m doing things the way I want for a change.”
“That’s great. But does it have to be something so dangerous?” Chase has sidled against the railing and is now about five feet from me. “Do you think you could come back over to this side while we talk?”
“Why, so you can convince yourself that you’ve saved me and go on about your happy life?”
Chase lets out a snort. “You don’t know me either. I’m far from having a perfect life. As a matter of opinion, I don’t believe in the true existence of a perfect life. Each person has a notion of what they believe will make them happy, but someone else who may have those exact things might want something different. That’s the conundrum of life. We always want what we don’t have.”
“If we had it, we wouldn’t want it then, would we?” I don’t know why I’m even debating this guy. I couldn’t care less who he is or his philosophies on life. He just needs to move on.
“I suppose that’s true as well. But maybe having the perfect life isn’t about wanting what we don’t have but learning to love the things we have and who we are.”
“Spare me.” I roll my eyes with my hands still attached to the railing. I look down at the rocks below me, wondering if I’ll die instantly or be in pain for a while before I drown. “And trust me, I don’t need to love who I am. That would make me a crazy person.”
“And why’s that?” He cocks his head toward me as if inspecting me. “Maybe I’m the crazy one, but to me, you seem like a nice, attractive young man who’s just hit a rough patch.”
“If you call my whole life a rough patch, then sure. You nailed it.”
“So, all the aspirations you had as a kid haven’t come to fruition, and now you think you’re the only person having a crappy life. Is that it?”
This time, I turn to face him completely, astonished at what he’s saying to me. “Are you serious right now?”
“Listen, I’m just calling it as I see it. I know you’re having a tough time, and the last several years may not have gone your way. But that doesn’t mean you have to give up on life.”
As he inches closer, I lean away, hanging more precariously over the edge until he stops just a few feet away. “Did you ever think it might be the other way around?”
“What do you mean?” He leans against the opposite side of the railing with his hands casually outstretched on the metal while being close enough to grab me if he wants to. It’s almost comical that he thinks he’s being subtle about his little rescue attempt.
“Maybe life has given up on me.”
“I doubt that. Besides, look at the great friends you have. I know Johnny and Brent both care about you, along with Tanner.”
I shake my head and lean back in a more secure position. “I’m just a burden to them right now. They don’t need me mooching off them forever.”
“I don’t think they see it that way.” Chase extends his hand to me. “Did I mention my name is Chase?”