Chapter 5
Chase
I can’t sleep so I pull up my laptop and do some research on how to talk to people with suicidal thoughts. It takes about five seconds for me to realize I’m completely out of my element here. So far, I’ve done everything wrong. I mean, he didn’t jump so I guess that’s one right thing but there are tons of protocols that should be followed and I’m not doing any of them.
Just because I have a doctorate in psychology doesn’t mean I’ve kept current on every aspect of it. Over the past few years, I’ve done most of my research on the way technology influences personal relationships. I can’t even remember the last time I read an article about depression or suicide.
I should take him to a real therapist before I screw him up even more. Bringing him home was definitely not the plan. When Johnny begged me to intervene, I agreed to see what I could do about getting him some help. Bringing Mateo to my home is the opposite of getting him help.
It’s more like taking advantage of his vulnerable mindset.
A splash from outside catches my attention, so I climb out of bed and glance out the window. Apparently, Mateo decided to put the swim trucks I gave him to use. He looks damn good as his lean body glides across the length of my pool with the grace of a dolphin. I stand in the shadows for several minutes just watching him swim from one end to the other until he finally lifts his body out of the water then drops into one of the lounge chairs.
It’s warm out, but I don’t see a towel near Mateo as he lies back and closes his eyes. I should just get back in bed and give him some space. But I can’t do that. Even though he seems fine right now, he was about to end his life a few hours ago.
And his chosen method for taking his life was to jump into a body of water.
Nope, I can’t ignore him.
I slip on a pair of sweats and grab the t-shirt I threw on top of my hamper before my shower then head downstairs. Before I walk outside, I grab a pool towel from the laundry room in case it’s getting chilly. Evenings in Vegas are usually warm, but with wet skin, even a slight breeze could be enough to make Mateo uncomfortable. And in his delicate state, I want to keep him as comfortable as possible, at least until I can get him to a facility that’s better equipped to handle his needs.
“Mind if I join you?” I almost slam the back door in my attempt to not startle him before realizing that a slamming door is more jarring than a cleared throat. Duh.
He opens one eye then shrugs. “Sure.”
“I thought you might be cold.” I hold the towel out to him and wait for him to take it.
He tries to ignore me for a few seconds, but his good manners wear him down and he grabs it. “Thanks.”
I sit sideways on the chair beside him and just stare at him for a minute before I realize how creepy I’m being. Then I lean back on my chair and close my eyes. “It’s nice out tonight.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Not a cloud in the sky,” I say, stating the obvious as I attempt mindless chitchat. “That’ll make for a chillier night.”
Mateo instinctively shivers as I say the words. He seems relaxed enough, so I try to keep the conversation light. “How’s the water?”
“It’s nice.”
“You like swimming?”
“I do. The water has always been an escape for me. It’s the one thing I’ve always been good at.” Mateo is pensive as he stares off into the distance.
“Like, when you were in school?”
He scoffs to himself and I can see so much emotion in his eyes. “No, I didn’t go to school.”
“You were homeschooled?”
He shrugs. “I guess. What about you? Obviously, you liked school a lot if you’re a professor now.”
I groan. School wasn’t easy for me. I forced myself to get good grades because my parents expected it from me, but I didn’t love it. “I liked it okay.”
“Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if I was a normal kid who went to public school every day and had normal friends. Maybe I would be a professor right now.”
“It’s not too late, you know. You can always go back. Did you take any college courses?”
“Nah. I never got that far.”
“Oh, well, if you want to get your GED, I could help you enroll in some courses.”
“You must like to swim too. You’ve got this big pool and all.” Mateo waves his hand out over the back yard, clearly trying to change the subject.
“Yeah, in theory. When I bought this place, I thought I’d entertain more.”
“And?”
“Life,” I reply, sitting up in the chair. I glance his way and notice a small grin at the corner of his lips. “Seriously, though. I stay pretty busy at the school and with my research. So, I don’t usually spend a lot of time at home.”
“What type of research do you do?”
“Sometimes it’s simple hypothesis testing on the correlations between two variables among the students at the school. I’ve also worked with a fellow colleague in the department to perform similar research on a broader scale across the nation. Our recent hypothesis is that a person’s happiness at work can be directly correlated to their use of technology and...”
When I realize that I’m rambling, I snap my mouth shut. Mateo is staring at me as though I’m speaking Greek.
“Sorry, I get kind of excited about what I do.”
“I can tell,” he says, shifting his eyes to me briefly and then back to the sky.
“Anyway, that’s my boring life.” I stretch my arms. “Do you want to go to bed?”
Mateo’s eyes go wide as he turns his head to look at me.
The double meaning of my words suddenly come to mind. “Oh... Uh, I mean... Not together... Just...you know...to sleep.”
He stretches his hands above him and folds them behind his head. “It’s kinda nice out. I’m thinking I might just sleep out here.”
I can’t think of any reason not to but leaving him this close to the water by himself all night has me worried. “Uh...sure. Actually, it’s pretty warm and there aren’t any mosquitos out at the moment. Maybe, I’ll sleep out here too.”
Mateo simply nods as I settle back into the deck chair and stretch out. “Whatever.” He closes his eyes and inhales deeply as if settling in for the night.
I should have grabbed a towel for myself, but the night is warm, so I sit there with my eyes closed, fully aware of the sound of Mateo’s breathing.
After a few minutes, his breathing changes to a light snore, and I’m finally able to relax without having to worry about him diving into the water and never coming back up.