Didn’t mean to do that…

Stunned and trying to think fast I roll my eyes and tell my best friend, “It was an accident! You know I can’t stand him!”

Simone blinks at me.

I turn on my heel and storm off, because that’s what I usually do around Jason. And even though I’m having a hard time breathing, if I do this then she might believe that nothing just happened to me.

Just act normal, Sarah.

Our lips were locked before I even knew I’d been pushed. And we stayed there. I felt this unwelcome, dizzying rush of tingles spread throughout my body as he pressed the kiss a little harder into me. I didn’t want to pull away but I had to.

He’s my best friend’s lover.

Even if he weren’t, I hate the guy with a passion.

He’s way too good looking. He’s way too intelligent and quick witted. He’s way too close to his brother, which I’m jealous of. And chemistry-wise, we go together like whatever they make Pop Rocks out of. Explosion every time we’re in the same room. We rub each other the wrong way. We fight all the time. He’s too controlling of Simone and I’m the one who supposed to take control of her time — it’s what I’m paid to do and how she and I have gotten her this far!

So why, even with that chaste kiss with no tongue, did it feel so fucking insanely incredible?

I can take a lot. More than I dish out, in fact. It comes with the job of protecting someone as beautiful as my flaxen-haired, pop-singer best friend. But Jason has managed to push me over the edge of my fury-cliff more times that I’m proud to admit.

If he hadn’t looked so surprised just now I’d swear he kissed me like that on purpose to win. I wouldn’t put it past him.

But he looked equally as emotionally jarred as I felt!

And he’s not a good actor.

I can read him like an open book with large print. All those times he pretended he wasn’t moonstruck over Simone just to keep her interested. The moments when he was equalizing the tracks while she sang and I saw his disappointment or his awe, when he thought he was hiding it. And it’s so obvious how much he reveres his twin even when they gripe at each other.

Jason sucks at hiding what he’s really thinking.

I hope he didn’t see my goosebumps.

Fuck!!

Jason Cocker is an arrogant bastard! He’s the second most self-involved and conceited man I’ve ever met. The first is Justin. Luckily, I’ve had less contact with that half of the poisonous duo. They really put the ‘d’ in dicks.

He has been awful to me for months now, treating me as if I’m a flea making my living sucking the blood off my soon-to-be rockstar friend, rather than what I really am to her — the foundation that keeps her building from falling.

I run all of her business affairs. I’m the reason she got signed to the record label — I emailed and followed up again and again. I made sure they came to her concert to see how good she really is. I book the plane tickets. The hotels. The shows in all the cities, even before anyone knew who Simone Ross-Taylor was. And I’m happy to do it because I idolize her and always have!

She’s amazing.

And I just kissed her lover right in front of her.

I need to disappear.

Jason Cocker, what a jerk. He struts around like he’s the only one who can create a hit album. Like his schedule is more important than the one I set up for her. Like his dreamy green eyes are so incredible they’re going to make someone like my Simone change her semi-slutty ways so she can settle down in Atlanta and have his babies.

Yeah, right buddy. Never gonna happen.

Men are to be used. She’s taught me that.

Not that I use them.

Who has the time?

What am I supposed to do, juggle them between keeping her wild life on course and losing a much needed fifteen pounds that won’t seem to vanish from my hips!?

It’s fine. I’m not lonely. Men are not in my future, and that’s alright. It’s no big loss for me to support Duracell single-handedly. Pun intended.

The games men play! No, thank you.

And for God’s sake, the whining to me after she tells them it’s over! It’s sad and so unsexy. I have to pat their backs and tell them, What’d you think was gonna happen? Grow some fucking balls. Don’t use up all my tissue. We still have a show in Austin, Texas.

Also, I never get asked out, so that’s good.

I’m saved the annoyance of dating by the sheer fact that when you’re only ‘average’ it’s nearly impossible to get noticed next to a glowing flame like Simone.

Maybe it was because of my inexperience that Jason’s lips had this vibrational effect on me.

My longest relationship was mid-college and lasted a mere two months long. It ended the night I handed him my virginity and he groaned in my ear right afterward, “Shit.”

“What?”

“Didn’t mean to do that.”

There I was underneath him and also under the false impression that maybe I could love the jerk (I was a bit naive then), so for the life of me I couldn’t understand the meaning behind his slurred statement.

Tracing his few chest hairs I asked in my softest voice, “You didn’t mean to do what?”

He was so wasted he didn’t think to pause and consider a girl’s feelings before confessing, “Simone will never date me now that I fucked her best friend.”

Sucker punch to the gently-used vagina.

The two months I thought we were dating were really him just hanging around me to be close to her. Then Vodka entered the picture and my virginity exited.

Yep. One time I had sex.

Not once upon a time, because that would suggest it was a fairy tale experience. I wish it were make believe. But it was very real.

And now those five debilitating words have come back to haunt me all over again.

Didn’t mean to do that.

Ouch and sigh and fuck you.

I’m outta here.

“Sarah!” she calls at my back.

With my heart slamming in my chest I glance over my shoulder. Simone is following me, her white wings hitting people on the way. Even furious and confused she looks stunning in a form-fitting, low-cut, white gown, petite breasts bouncing. So many of the other women at this party went for mini-skirts or even the whorish-thong choice.

Simone looks like she could be the beautiful bride to Archangel Gabriel himself.

Me? I went for angel-casual and I’m secretly very proud of my halo made from tiny white flowers.

But next to her I know what I look like.

Invisible.

Bursting out the warehouse’s back door into smoky air, overlapping conversations and twinkle lights, I stare at the asphalt beneath my heels in an effort to lay the bricks down around my psyche before she arrives. I just need a second to put my wall in place again! I hate the sudden ache in my chest, especially when my lips are still buzzing from his.

Why did it have to feel so good? What a fucking asshole that guy is!

She explodes through the door, grumbles, “Shit!” as one of her wings rips on it and storms at me, “What the hell was that kiss, Sarah?”

“Let me get it,” I mutter, digging into my handbag for a safety pin. “Turn around.”

There’s no hesitation on her part since I’ve fixed her stage costumes countless times over the years. While my shaking fingers nearly stab each other, I wrestle to secure her wing.

Over her shoulder she demands, “Well?”

“If you’d walked up a second earlier you’d have seen me slapping him! It wasn’t a kiss, Simone. Some guy shoved me into him when he was up in my face! Hold still.”

Planting delicate hands on her slender hips, my blonde superstar lets out an aggravated sigh. After a silent moment she mutters, “You slapped him?”

“Yep. Wasn’t a light slap either.”

Never really hit him because he ducked and grabbed my wrist, but that’s not important right now.

“I wish I would’ve seen that,” she smiles. “You fix it?”

Patting her back to let her know she can turn around, I prepare for the lie. As she turns on me with questions in her beautiful blue eyes, I reassure her, “The kiss was awful. Like kissing rubber.”

Believing me, she finally releases her ego and admits, “He’s just to pass the time. I like attention when I’m working. It fuels me. You know that.”

“Why’d you get upset with me then?”

She thinks about it. “I don’t know. Because I was supposed to, I guess? Jason’s okay but he’s not…I don’t know. I’m just not that into him.”

Exhaling relief, I mutter, “Jeez…I was scared I’d stepped way over a line even if it wasn’t on purpose.” Off her amused shrug, I shake my head. “You really love drama, you know that?”

She leans in to whisper in my ear, “No, Sarah, I make drama.” Pulling back she winks, “It’s why they pay me. I’m not boring.”

“They pay you because your music makes them dance.”

Simone laughs with a twinkle in her eye like I know nothing. “There are a lot of singer-songwriters out there. I’m headed where I am because I know how to entertain people. Part of that is creating heat. Drama is fire.”

“Which I always have to put out,” I mutter, glancing around the crowd of mostly smokers, a warm Atlanta breeze wrapping around us all.

A spark lights her eyes and Simone calls out, “Everyone!”

People turn, their conversations momentarily thrown on pause.

After a few beats of silence, right before things get awkward, Simone opens her lips, inhales a soft, deep breath and begins to sing her new, unreleased song Just For Me.

You used to say you needed me.

But you really needed you.

Watch me sleep-walking awake.

Going the distance it’ll take.

To heal this weeping wound.

Can’t let heartbreak find me

Before you come back too soon.

Can’t change my mind.

Don’t force a try.

This is just for me.

I need to leave the you that formed the we.

And walk away to put the past to sleep.

So I can have a future worth having…

Just for me.

It’s an abbreviated, a cappella rendition and when Simone closes her eyes and goes quiet, everyone is silent at first because they’re stunned.

The beautiful creature I call my friend was given a gift by God. While I know she’s no angel, she sure does sound like one.

Everyone goes nuts with applause, rushing forward to thank and try and talk to her.

In awe, I’d stepped back for her to take the stage when the song began. And there’s a tear in the corner of my eye.

With a sweet, shy smile Simone nods gratitude at their praise. She holds her hand up and motions for me to come to her. “Everyone, I want you to meet Sarah Daly, my personal assistant and best friend. Couldn’t be where I am without her.”

Blushing bright red I glance around the faces as I receive fresh applause, walking to her side. The attention is too much for me, so as Simone begins to answer questions like, “Did you always know you were going to be a singer,” I turn away to disappear.

I’m much more comfortable in my usual state of anonymity. It’s where I spend all my time. I like it. Hence the wall.

But as I go to hide I’m surprised to lock eyes with Jason’s narrowed gaze, those pale green irises slicing into my bloodstream in a way they shouldn’t be able to. I feel his presence all the way down to the arches of my feet.

Standing in the doorframe of the warehouse in a form-fitting, extremely sexy black suit, Jason Cocker holds my look as he starts to slowly clap, like he hates me.

I glare at him, cock my head a little, and give him the finger, mouthing, I hate you, too.

He turns and disappears back inside the party.

Staring after him, my face softens. Now if I can only forget how good you taste.