Chapter 11

It had been a long, hard day of work, and being such, Alex didn’t feel much like getting cleaned up and heading into town. He’d have preferred a nice cold beer on the front porch and then a long, solid night of sleep.

But Becca had been right this morning about this being overdue. The guys needed some fun, some flash of life off the ranch to remind them there was life off the ranch. There was life, period. Not just work and missions.

There had to be balance for all of them. He’d agreed to back off on the leadership stuff, but he was still the resident expert, so to speak. He was the one who knew how to do all the ranch stuff and knew what ranch life entailed. He was the one who had lived it. So there was still a certain element of knowing things the guys didn’t know.

It wasn’t being an overbearing leader to make sure they dealt with ranch life in a healthy, sensible way.

He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror after having taken a shower. The little spot of hair in the back that stuck up when it got too long was being obnoxiously stubborn. He pushed it down again only to have it pop back up.

He scowled at the reflection—one he wasn’t sure he recognized. Who was the man looking back at him? What was he trying to do?

He certainly didn’t want to dwell on the fact that the man in the mirror was some kind of stranger. That this wasn’t the plan. So, he focused on pushing the stubborn lock of hair down till it stuck.

He turned away from the mirror when it wouldn’t. Who cared? He was going to go out to dinner, have a few drinks, and relax. His friends were going to enjoy themselves and he…

He didn’t know. He wasn’t sure he could enjoy himself, but he would put on a good front for them.

He left the bathroom and headed downstairs. Gabe and Jack were standing in the living room looking at their phones. Becca was nowhere to be seen.

“This restaurant better have steak,” Jack muttered.

“If Georgia’s is anything like I remember it, you won’t be disappointed.”

“I’d take a pretty view over steak,” Gabe offered. “What’s this Georgia look like?”

Before Alex could answer, Becca jogged down the stairs.

“That’ll work,” Gabe said with a grin that had Alex bristling.

But Alex couldn’t deny she was quite the pretty view. She wasn’t particularly dressed to kill. Nice jeans that actually hugged her hips instead of hiding them. She had a flannel shirt on over a tank top that scooped low enough for Alex to purposefully keep his gaze from following the curve of fabric.

Besides, he was a little too distracted by her hair. He’d never seen it down. She always wore it in a braid, but today it waved and tumbled over her shoulders, thick and shiny and distracting.

“What? Am I not dressed right?” she asked, straightening her shirt.

“You look fine,” Alex replied gruffly.

“Then why are you all staring at me?”

Alex glanced at Jack and Gabe, who were still kind of slack jawed. Clearly, they all needed some…maybe not female companionship per se, but just getting back into the land of the living. They couldn’t all be standing here drooling over a perfectly conservatively dressed woman.

“Is someone going to answer me?”

“We’ve just…never seen you with your hair down.”

“Not exactly what I was looking at,” Gabe muttered low enough Becca wouldn’t be able to hear.

Alex narrowly resisted elbowing him in the stomach. So she had breasts and an ass. Plenty of women had those assets just as nice if not nicer. Plenty.

If only he could bring one of them to mind. “Let’s go, huh? Gotta beat the rush.”

Becca rolled her eyes. “Georgia’s doesn’t get busy, Mr. Sarcasm.”

Alex grabbed his keys from the end table. He’d come to hate what keys symbolized, what he’d have to do with them, but that didn’t mean he was going to chicken out of driving.

He could drive just fine.

“Let’s take my truck. I gassed it up yesterday,” Becca said.

They walked out toward the door and stepped out into the cool spring evening. The sun had already set behind the mountains, but the sky was a swirl of pink and purple. They walked over to where her truck was parked on a little gravel square in the front.

Alex held his hand out for her keys, ignoring the hitch in his gut and the hard knot in his throat.

Becca wrinkled her nose at him. “Why are you holding out your hand?”

“I’ll drive.”

Gabe cleared his throat, but when Alex glared at him, he didn’t say anything or make any more noises.

Becca’s attention was on Gabe, as if she stared at him with that soft, probing look in her eye, he’d explain. But after a few seconds, she turned that gaze to Alex. “No one drives my truck but me,” she finally said. Firmly.

He could argue. He probably should. He didn’t like being protected or whatever this was. He could drive. He’d driven in Texas when he’d been out of the hospital and waiting for Gabe and Jack to be released.

Sure, maybe he’d avoided it as much as he could, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t do it. It certainly didn’t mean he would step down from doing it. He’d gotten over the resulting…trauma of being the driver of the accident. For the second time in his life, he’d had to get over a fear of getting into a car. And he wasn’t a kid anymore. Not afraid.

“You know as well as I do your father never let anyone drive his truck,” she said.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“It means I thought that was a particularly good personal rule to follow. So I’m not letting you drive my truck, and there’s no point taking your dad’s truck, considering that it’s not gassed up. So you can get in the passenger seat and let me drive, or you can stay home.”

The funny thing was, as much as he wanted to be irritated, and as much as he was actually relieved he didn’t have to drive, mostly he was just…sort of in awe of her.

Because he could see a change in her. It was actually a lot like watching a new soldier get used to the rigors of military life. Some people withered away or shriveled into something else. Some people got used to it and managed to survive. And some people turned into something amazing—strong and certain where they weren’t before. That was Becca. Growing into this person she wanted to be. By her own sheer force of will.

He admired that about her. Too much for his own comfort. But there it was.

“If you don’t get in the passenger seat, I call shotgun,” Gabe offered in the ensuing silence.

Alex grumbled halfheartedly, but he climbed into the passenger seat as the other guys got in back.

With an all-too-pleased smile on her face, Becca hopped into the driver’s seat and started the truck. She drove them into town, chattering about the history of Georgia’s diner. Mostly stories he’d heard growing up. Histories he’d always known. Nearly folklore and like pieces of him.

They drove down Main Street of Blue Valley, and the stories and the same storefronts he’d always known—they worked though him. He loved it. He still loved it.

Becca parked the truck in the gravel lot of Georgia’s. The last time Alex had parked in this lot, he’d been with his father.

He hadn’t realized that everyone else had started getting out of the truck until he was the last one in it. He slid out, but he knew Becca was staring at him in that way she had. As though she could read every piece of grief he couldn’t seem to quash.

But he ignored her discerning eyes and focused on the small building ahead of them. It was squat, lined with a row of big windows with pretty, red-checked curtains behind them. When he stepped inside, he was greeted by the smell of burgers frying and the sound of people chattering. Two sheriff’s deputies sat at the counter and a variety of old men and families littered the booths and tables in the small restaurant.

Memories assaulted him. Places he’d sat, conversations he’d had, old friends. His mother. High school. Dreaming of making a difference. He’d accomplished all that. And lost it.

It was only when Becca put her hand on his arm that he realized he’d stopped. While the other two guys had moved to an empty booth.

He cleared his throat and followed suit, continuing to ignore Becca’s concerned gaze. She could be concerned all she wanted, but that didn’t mean he had to acknowledge it.

Coming home was weird—that was all there was to it. The first few times he went into places where he’d grown up, it was natural he’d be assaulted by those memories. Natural it would feel a little out of body.

It wasn’t…problematic. It was just one of those things you had to do. One of those things you had to experience. It’d wear off, like everything else.

Jack and Gabe had slid into one side of the booth, so Alex had to sit next to Becca on the other. He could smell her, something feminine and flowery. It was distracting but better than having to look at her.

The wavy hair, the all-too-shrewd green eyes, the compelling dusting of freckles across her nose.

Clearly he was just as desperate as the other guys. They needed to be around women more. But even as he tried to hold on to his usual denial, he couldn’t get over the fact that Becca, well, she was a different problem than he wanted her to be.

She represented something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. She was in none of those old memories, and yet she was connected to his father and his house and his ranch.

“Hey, Bec,” Georgia greeted with a distracted smile. “And, Alex, it’s been a while but I recognize you.” She turned her attention to the other side. “And these must be your two soldier friends.”

“Ah, small-town life is the same everywhere, I see,” Jack muttered.

Meanwhile, Gabe flashed Georgia a grin meant to weaken the knees of any woman on the receiving end.

But Alex couldn’t pay much attention to that. Georgia was nothing like he remembered her. She’d been a few years younger in school, named after her grandmother who had started this place fifty years ago.

She was older now. Of course he knew he was too. But instead of the bright, flashy teen who’d had dreams of getting the hell out of Blue Valley, there was a frazzled, harried woman waiting tables at a diner in the heart of Blue Valley.

What must have changed in her life? What must have changed in the lives of all of these people he had grown up with and known?

“Gabe Cortez,” Gabe offered, inching the wattage of his grin up. “And you are?”

“Georgia. The proprietor.” If she was charmed by Gabe, she didn’t show it. “What can I get you fellas?”

They ordered drinks and Georgia disappeared.

“Please tell me she’s single,” Gabe said, watching where she disappeared behind the counter.

“Are you going to ask that about any young woman who crosses your path?” Becca asked.

“If they all look like that.”

“Sad to say, I think she seemed wholly unaffected by your charm,” Becca returned, clearly amused by Gabe. Or maybe Georgia’s disinterest.

“Oh, don’t be jealous, Bec. I’ll ask it about ones who look like you too.”

Becca rolled her eyes, but Alex noticed she didn’t refute Gabe’s claim. Would she be jealous if Gabe was interested in Georgia? Was she that into Gabe?

Which was none of his business. In fact, it’d probably be better for him if she were interested in Gabe. But not better for their business. Which did make it his business if they…

He was really losing it. What Becca did in her personal life was none of his business, no matter how his gut roiled at the idea.

But who wouldn’t want her? Caring and sweet. There was a softness to her, but a strength too. She was beautiful.

So, one hundred percent off-limits.

He regretted inviting her. Especially if they were going to go to a bar. Especially if Gabe was going to flirt with her. Especially—

Georgia returned with their drinks and took their orders for food. She seemed completely immune to Gabe’s flirtation, though Becca seemed amused by it. Jack was quiet and stoic.

Alex didn’t know what was going on inside of him. He felt too jittery for his own skin. He felt like a ghost in a town that used to fit him like a glove. Every time a person walked by, he wondered if he’d known them, if he’d grown up with them. Had they known his father or his mother?

There were so many connections he’d lost without thinking about it, but now they were all around him.

When the food came—the same meal he could remember eating as a little boy—he had to excuse himself. He needed a minute alone to get his head together. And then everything would be fine.

Fine.

If the repeated fines were getting a little hollow, that just meant he was this close to getting there.

* * *

Becca knew she wasn’t the only one who thought Alex’s abrupt departure was weird. But she was also a little leery of saying anything since Gabe had jumped down her throat the last time she had.

But she watched as Gabe and Jack exchanged glances.

Gabe nodded, then slid out of the booth and went in the direction Alex had disappeared.

Becca looked at Jack, who was sitting across from her with blank eyes and a blank expression.

“So do I just pretend like nothing’s happening?”

“That’s the way we work.”

Ugh. Men. “Will you at least tell me what you think is wrong?”

“I’m not sure. And I’m saying that honestly, not because I don’t want to tell you.”

“I think he’s homesick.”

Jack’s eyebrows furrowed. “But he is home.”

“No, he’s in this new, different Blue Valley. He grew up here, but everything is different now. The people are older. He’s older. His parents are gone, and it’s a different experience. I think it’s a hard one, because you know…” Her heart pinched and her throat closed up a little bit. Because she’d had to go through a similar stage of her grief. When everything she had done reminded her of Burt.

“The thing is, you get to a point when you realize all of these things you knew for so long are never going to happen again. Since he hasn’t been here to sort of see that change and evolve with it, he missed what it was.” She noticed Jack’s expression was hard. “Which you probably think is silly.”

“No. I actually don’t,” he said on a sigh.

“You don’t?” This was the most open Jack had been with her in all the weeks they’d worked together and lived under the same roof.

“There is a reason I didn’t go home after I got released. I have a family and parents. Two little sisters, a brother. Grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. I have all of these people who would be very happy if I came home. But I came here. Which is not a short drive from Elk Grove, Indiana.”

“So…you didn’t go home because you were afraid it would be different?” she asked, wondering when he would cut off her questioning, wondering when he would clam up and turn into silent, stoic Jack again.

“Something like that.”

She could tell he was debating telling her more, so she held her tongue. If she pressed now, she’d get that blank guy she was so used to. But if she let him do it in his own time, she might have a chance to find out a little bit more about him.

“I grew up in a small town. A lot like Blue Valley. Midwestern instead of mountains, and instead of ranches, we had farms. I had a high school sweetheart. She went to college. I joined the navy. We planned to get married. Before my first deployment, I proposed.”

Becca had a bad feeling she knew what was coming, so she kept her mouth shut and tried to keep her expression from reflecting the pity she knew he would hate.

“I kept wanting to get married when I’d get some leave, and she kept pushing it off. Then on my last deployment, I found out she was sleeping with my brother.”

It hurt. That people could be like that. Hurt someone who was already sacrificing so much. Even though she didn’t know Jack all that well, she still hurt for him.

“So I knew going home wouldn’t be the same. It would be nothing. It would be tainted by that. By change. By what they’d done. Now you know my life story. Happy?”

“I’ll have you know, I didn’t prod you to tell you me your life story.”

“No, you just looked at me with those big, green eyes and didn’t say a damn word because you knew I would spill my guts.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you.”

He gave one of those bitter laughs and shook his head. “You know the thing I don’t get about you, Becca? You don’t know me, and I haven’t been particularly nice to you. But I know that you mean that, and that you care about people. I don’t get it, but I see it.”

“You have two little sisters. That’s what you said, right?”

He nodded.

“I always wanted siblings. Someone to protect and vice versa. Someone to stand up against my mom with or someone who could help me help her. I always wanted a bigger family. And Burt was the first part of that. I hope you guys will be the next.”

His eyes narrowed, not skeptically, but as if he was assessing her, much like Alex was always doing.

“You think of Alex as your big brother?”

Her face heated against her will. “I mean, Alex was my stepbrother there for a while, I guess.”

“For a while, you guess. You know what’s funny is neither one of you seem too keen on addressing that relationship full on. It’s a lot of ‘kind of’ and ‘I guess’ and ‘sort of.’”

Becca straightened because she wasn’t going to let Jack intimidate her or make her feel uncomfortable. She gave him a cool, regal stare, or at least the best she could muster. “Is there a particular thing you’re trying to get at, Jack?”

He stared at her for the longest time, and she did everything in her power not to fidget under Jack’s icy-blue perusal.

“I think…you’re a really good person, and you really care about people, and you want to see them happy. Alex is the same. He wants what’s best for everyone…except himself.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Becca asked, feeling like there was a point. Some point she was afraid of and so darn curious about.

But Jack looked behind her and Becca could only assume Gabe and Alex were on their way back.

She felt the cushioned bench depress before she glanced over. Alex sat stony faced and silent, immediately bringing the glass of water to his mouth.

Gabe slid back into his seat and if the look between Gabe and Jack communicated anything, Becca couldn’t read it.

She was out of her depth here. All three of these men had dealt with things she had never even thought of happening to people. Not just in their Navy SEAL life, but apparently in their personal lives as well.

But Jack had it right about her. She cared about all three of them, damaged men trying desperately to find a way not to be. How could she not feel protective? How could she not care and want to see them heal? How could she not want to help them?

They wanted her to stay back and not get in their way. They didn’t want her challenging their denial or whatever was going on in their heads.

But Becca was realizing that by following their orders to back off and give them space, she wasn’t helping any. She wasn’t being the strong, brave woman she wanted to become. Giving in to what they wanted, rather than what they needed wasn’t going to help anything.

She thought what they needed was more than just work. More than just the foundation. They needed life. They needed this—going out to eat and flirting with Georgia and being human. Being civilians.

She was in no way equipped to be their therapist or psychiatrist or whatever. But she was equipped to help them find lives outside of their goals with the foundation. She could give them Blue Valley and people, though people weren’t her strong suit. Still, she knew…things, and she knew that belonging would give them almost as much as the foundation would.

“Do you guys want to hear the story about how the new Pioneer Spirit owner got the bar?”

“I take it he didn’t just buy it,” Alex offered, sounding so far away and lost.

She was going to help him find whatever it was he needed. She was going to help all of them. Her own personal foundation for these three good men. “No, she did not just buy it. Did you ever know Rose Rogers?”

“I am somewhat familiar with the Rogers girls. I don’t remember which one Rose was.”

“Well, as the story goes, Rose won Pioneer Spirit in a poker game. Many legends have sprouted from said poker game.” Becca happily spent the next thirty minutes eating a hamburger and telling three men about Blue Valley.

Not the one Alex had grown up in, but the Blue Valley it had become in the past ten years. Not his old home, but his new one.

By the end of the meal, Alex was smiling. Becca would count that one as a win.