Chapter 18

Becca studied herself in the mirror for approximately the millionth time. How was she supposed to know what to wear on a date? Alex had said he was taking her to a restaurant in Bozeman.

As if that gave her any clue. Nicer than jeans and a T-shirt, but, well, not the dress she’d worn to Burt’s funeral. But she didn’t have a lot of in-between clothes. She didn’t exist in an in-between world.

Eventually, she’d decided on a summery dress she’d bought on a whim three years ago, a sweater to go over, leggings to go under, and nice boots her mother had given her for Christmas. She’d curled her hair and put on makeup and she felt…

Well, like a fraud. And silly for putting so much effort into it. She didn’t know what kind of effort he was putting into it. Dinner in Bozeman was vague, but it was a step above a booth at Georgia’s. But where in Bozeman? What kind of date guy was Alex?

She didn’t have a clue. She knew where he’d been stationed in the navy, and she knew different things about his childhood that Burt had told her. She knew about his accident and his neat-freak ways, but hell if she knew anything about the man as a romantic-date-type person.

Except kissing. She knew how he kissed. She grinned at that. Good. Excellent. Brain melting. Couldn’t they just kiss all night?

Which was the answer to her current dilemma. Well, sort of. Because even with no kissing, when she looked at him, she rarely felt nervous. She never felt overwhelmed or scared. Sometimes he could make her heart pound like no one else, and she might stutter in the aftermath of all those little surprises he could evoke. But it wasn’t this all-encompassing, shaky, nervy fear.

Maybe it stood to reason that if she didn’t know how to act when he wasn’t here, once she went downstairs and saw him, she’d be fine. She’d know what to say and how to feel. Maybe it wouldn’t freak her out the way she was currently freaking out.

She looked at herself once more in the mirror. She felt a million different kinds of foolish, but she was also really, really, really excited. Her first date was with this good guy. Who knew she was not what anyone would call experienced, and not only didn’t care, but who was also really sweet about it. He was the kind of guy who’d care that she was comfortable or nervous or whatever.

Alex was thoughtful, and this was going to go well. What was the worst that could happen? Something awkward? She could survive some awkward. She was intimately acquainted with awkward.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake. Grow a pair,” she muttered at her reflection. She had initiated almost everything that had happened between her and Alex, after all.

She forced herself out of her bathroom and into the hallway. She brushed her hands down the front of her dress and wondered for the millionth time if she looked too…something. Trying too hard, being too silly, whatever.

But it was too late now. Too late, so she had to bite the bullet. She had to dive in, make some mistakes, maybe feel a little stupid, but live. Experience.

She walked down the stairs far slower than she normally did. It was hard to take a deep breath. It kept getting caught somewhere halfway in her lungs. Her heart was beating too fast and everything was too much. But that was good too. A new experience. Surviving the anxiety and the nerves and all of that.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs, all three guys were in the living room. Which obviously made her all the more nervous. It wasn’t just Alex. She had to worry about Gabe and Jack’s judgment too.

Except theirs didn’t matter. All that mattered was that she was going on a date with a decent guy.

The decent guy in question’s mouth was in that grim line while Gabe and Jack both looked inordinately pleased with themselves. So they were probably giving Alex crap for this whole thing. Which made her feel a little bad. That she was the cause of him being made fun of.

But they turned to face her, nearly in tandem, and they were all three just standing there staring at her in that open-mouthed-shock kind of way like she was…

The other night before the bar, it had made her feel like she’d done something wrong, but she was starting to realize that maybe that wasn’t it at all. Maybe they actually thought she was…attractive. That they were surprised to see her dressed up or with curly hair or makeup or whatever. And that they liked what they saw.

Which would be different than what she usually saw—a mousy little girl who didn’t know what the hell she was doing. Or getting herself into. But was doing it anyway.

“Hi,” she forced herself to say when they were all just standing there staring at her.

“Hi,” they chorused together.

“So am I going on a date with all three of you or…?” She smiled at herself, because that was the thing about them. They brought out this person who wasn’t afraid. She still didn’t know what she was doing, but the nerves didn’t hammer quite so hard. She had full use of her voice and her humor.

“Is that on the table?” Gabe asked with a grin.

Alex elbowed him in the stomach. Hard, by the looks of it, as Gabe doubled over with an oof.

“Go find something to do,” Alex said in that military-commander voice he had. One that brooked no argument.

“I want you two back by ten,” Jack said in a mock deep voice. “I’m a very strict curfew parent.”

“Fuck off and get the hell out of here, Jack.”

Gabe and Jack laughed, and even though Alex scowled after them, she thought maybe…if she wasn’t totally reading everything wrong, he kind of liked or appreciated that they were…

Happy, she realized. Even though they were giving him crap, he was glad they were because they were laughing and smiling and happy.

He watched them leave and didn’t turn to face her until he was certain they were alone. Then his dark gaze met hers and he took a step toward her.

Her heartbeat kicked up, the breath she’d inhaled catching in her lungs. He seemed to take in all of her—her hair, her outfit, her. She swallowed.

“You’re beautiful,” he finally said, low and sincere.

The compliment fluttered in her chest and she could only smile at him. He thought she was beautiful. What was she supposed to do with that?

“Are you ready to go?”

She nodded.

“Are you going to speak on this date?”

She nodded again, more out of humor than because she didn’t have anything to say.

“Funny girl,” he murmured. But he smiled and gestured toward the door and this was really happening. She was going on a date. With Alex Maguire.

She followed, relishing the little flutter of nerves as they pulled on their coats. It was different than the nerves from earlier. Because something about Alex set her at ease even as they walked out toward where the trucks were parked.

“Do you think we could take my truck?”

“Because you have to drive?” he asked drily.

“No. I just feel weird about going on a date in your dad’s old truck.”

His steps paused for a second, and when he continued, she noticed the little flinch of a limp before he smoothed it out. “Fair point. But I am driving. I don’t care about your truck rule.”

“If you insist.” She didn’t particularly care about it herself right now.

If he was nervous, it didn’t show. He seemed completely comfortable as they got into her truck and started driving toward town. He didn’t fidget. He didn’t stammer. He asked a few questions about her day and everything felt normal.

Except for the fact that she knew she was on a date, which was not normal at all.

“The bunkhouse is going slower than we thought it would, but we’re still making some progress,” he offered into the silence.

“You know, I was thinking that I wish we had some place for women to stay on-site.”

“Women? Plural?”

“Well, eventually we’ll have to hire more staff. We could hire all former military for that, but it wouldn’t have to be all male. It’d be nice for Monica and me to not be completely surrounded by gruff military men.”

“We’re not all gruff.”

She slid him a look. “Sure. Gabe is very personable. Till you piss him off. Jack grows on you once you get past all the prickly stuff. You—you are gruff.”

“Am I now?”

“Oh yes. And if three out of three have gruff tendencies, I’m going to need the rational, calming influence of women.”

Alex snorted and she scowled at him.

“I like the idea of hiring as much former military as we can,” Alex continued. “Men would be easier to start just because they could bunk in the house, but long-term, we can work on coed housing.”

Becca chewed on her lip. “Should we be talking about this? Work?”

“What else is there to talk about?”

“Well, you could tell me about Navy SEAL life.”

To her surprise, that’s exactly what he did. They managed to have a nice conversation all the way to Bozeman. He took her to a more upscale restaurant than she was used to, and it was really…comfortable. Nothing exciting or nerve wracking, but it was nice and relaxing and sweet.

Either Alex was an expert at conversation or they clicked really well, because she never felt like she was breaking down the communication or making things weird. If she ever felt like she’d said something silly, he either didn’t notice or pretended not to.

It was easy to see how he’d commanded a regiment. Easy to see how he was the kind of man who could walk into a dangerous situation and fix it. At least try to. He awed her.

He laughed at her goofy jokes, and he asked questions about whatever story she was relating to him. They talked a little about Burt, but mostly they had a conversation about themselves. As people.

She never would have imagined there was someone in this world who was this easy to be around. As much as she’d loved Burt like a father in the end, he’d still been someone she’d had to get used to in the beginning. Someone to learn to settle into. Someone she’d had to learn to trust.

But maybe because of that, she had learned. To trust. To open up. To give.

They walked back to the truck after their all-too-delicious dinner, and Alex took her hand. A very gentlemanly, sweet gesture, and there was so much about him that was…exactly that.

He had the truest, most intrinsic sense of goodness about him. She knew he wasn’t perfect. No one could be, and she couldn’t expect someone to be. But within all of his imperfections—including being uptight, a neat freak, and far too bossy—at the center of his being was true goodness.

He wanted to do right by people, and sometimes that could be annoying and frustrating. But she could trust that he wanted what was best for her. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt her, because that would hurt him, having hurt somebody.

She got into the truck, lost in her own thoughts, but it hit her then. What she wanted. What she needed.

“Stop,” she blurted as he started to pull out of the parking lot.

Alex stopped the truck at the exit to the restaurant. “Why am I stopping?” he asked.

But wasn’t that something? That he would, that he’d do it, and ask questions only after? “I need you to take me somewhere real quick.”

“Somewhere?”

“Yes. I need you to stop at, like, a drugstore or the like.”

“Okay.” He pulled onto the street. “Why do you need to go to a drugstore or the like?”

“Oh, you know, to pick up something.”

He gave her weird look, but he also drove toward the drugstore. Which made her even more sure of this spur-of-the-moment decision.

She was going to buy condoms. Even if that was awkward, and even if they didn’t actually do anything tonight. She wanted to be prepared. She wanted to be ready. Because that was something she definitely wanted.

Maybe she should care more about what that meant for the future, but she found right now she couldn’t. She didn’t want to worry about what might happen in a month or two or six. She didn’t want to worry about next year. She wanted to enjoy what she had, the possibility of what she had, right now.

She wanted him. To be with him and to experience all of these firsts with him. So she would do what she’d been doing all these weeks.

Go for it.