***
"Grace. You need to take it. Seriously. We have to know." Jenna followed me around her apartment with the pregnancy test in her hand.
"I realize that, but give me some space. Shit. You don't know what it would mean if I found out I was pregnant."
She moved in front of me. "And you're for sure it's Erik's?"
"Yes. I've only slept with him." I turned away from her and walked back into the kitchen. "It's been weeks, but he was the last person, and the only person I opened my legs for."
"Then take the test and let's find out." She stopped at the edge of the kitchen, and I turned and screamed at her.
"Lay the fuck off!"
She sat the test down, lifting both her hands and nodded. "Sorry." She walked out of the kitchen, leaving me standing there alone.
"Jenna."
The sound of the front door closing caused my heart to ache. I shouldn't have yelled at her. Another door closed, I grabbed the pregnancy test and poked my head in the living room.
"Um... what's going on?" Nate walked in and gave me a curious look.
"Have you seen Erik lately?" I moved to stand in front of him.
"I saw him today. He's doing better." He glanced down at the test as his eye widened. "Is that for you or Jenna?"
Jenna's voice lifted from the hallway. "Me." She walked toward me and snatched it from my hands. "Alright. I'll take the fucking thing."
"Jenna. Stop." I let out a long sigh and turned back to Nate. "It's for me. My period is six weeks late."
"Oh thank God." He closed his eyes and let out a long sigh of relief before looking over at Jenna and apologizing. "I didn't mean it like that, baby."
"It's fine." She reached up and ran her hand over the top of her head. "Grace doesn't want to take the test."
Nate reached out and rubbed my shoulder. "Then don't take it." He winked at me and walked toward the kitchen. "Besides... what's she going to do if it's positive? It's not like Erik has the chance of coming back into her life. She chose Thomas over him."
My heart stopped in my chest. "Wait. What?"
"Don't listen to him." Jenna shook her head and walked toward the kitchen. "Hey, insensitive. Watch what you say."
Nate glanced back as I followed Jenna to the kitchen. "What? She did."
"He was going to murder my brother." I put my hands on my hips. "And he expected me to just stand by and let that happen? Are you fucking kidding me right now?"
"No. He's not an idiot, Grace, but you chose your life over his. You knew he would have to go back and take the hell his father reigned on him because of him choosing you over his father." He turned to face me, and I realized something. He was angry with me. He blamed me for whatever Erik was going through.
I turned without a word and walked to the door. Jenna had given me a lift over, but I didn't need one back home. The early evening air would feel good against my skin. The sound of Jenna calling after me only fueled me to walk faster.
I probably was carrying Erik's baby. Why wouldn't I be? My mother promised me the first time I let a man touch me that I would be knocked up... just like she was.
A hot ball of regret sat in the back of my throat, but I held it back until I was in the comfort of my own apartment. Thomas was nowhere to be found, but things had gotten back to normal with him. He'd delivered the twenty thousand dollars back to Mr. Bertinelli, and as far as he was concerned, the drama was over.
I was too weary to care at the moment.
After fixing myself a glass of water and downing it, I walked to the bathroom. It was the moment of truth, though I wasn't sure what difference it would make to know other than taking better care of the baby.
Warmth raced through me at the thought of having a life inside of me, and I knew I was sick. I was single. Broke. Plain. Me.
I tore the package open and laid the little stick out on the sink before stripping down naked. Why hadn't I just peed on the damn thing over at Jenna's where I had someone to talk to if it turned out to be positive?
My phone buzzed, and I walked back into the living room to answer it. A text from the library asking me to work the night shift. I replied quickly that I would. What else did I have to do?
I moved languidly back to the bathroom and grabbed the test and took it. After laying it back down, I put a timer on my phone and walked around my living room nude as a million thoughts played through my mind.
Some remote part of my heart hoped that I was pregnant. Erik might not come back to me because of the danger of doing so, but if he ever asked me to run away with him again, I would. He spared Thomas' life for me. Because he loved me. No matter if he admitted it or not. He had to.
My phone went off, and I walked numbly to the bathroom, knowing the answer in my heart before I ever turned the corner and picked up the stick.
Pregnant. With Erik's baby.
A cry left me as I moved over and sat down on the toilet. I pressed my face to my hands and cried long and hard.
It was sick of me, but the child in my stomach gave me hope. Hope that I wouldn't have to live without him, no matter how bad we were for each other.
He belonged to me in some fucked up way, and I belonged to him.