***
Mikey was gone by the time I walked out of the back bedroom, which was a good thing. I didn't need to hear his holier-than-thou shit about leaving my youth behind and becoming the man he knew I could be.
Fuck that.
I was the man I wanted to be.
"Lies," I grumbled to myself as I grabbed my coat and pulled it over my shoulders. I snatched the keys off the table and heading out of the apartment. Ashley would sleep for a few hours and leave when she was ready. Her husband wouldn't be any wiser to her visit to the wrong side of town unless he was more perceptive than I was giving him credit for.
The cool fall air greeted me as I jogged down the stairs toward my bike. It would be a nice day for a drive outside of the city, but I wanted to see Jenna. She'd be working at the coffee shop I'd been haunting for the last year. Little did she know, she was the reason I showed up regularly. I fucking hated coffee.
Where Ash represented everything I wanted to run from, Jenna represented everything I wanted to run to. Sweet and kind, beautiful and bright. She didn't seem to have a lot going on outside of the coffee shop, or maybe I had convinced myself of that to feel better. Less jealous about who she might be going home to.
No ring on her finger.
I strapped my helmet on and got on the bike to head down toward the NYU campus. Where I figured I would stand out like a sore thumb, I didn't at all. Plenty of cocky bad boy types ran amuck on campus. I just looked like another tatted dick amongst them. It worked. It gave me a safe place to hide out and watch my girl.
Your girl? I snorted at the thought. Jenna would never be mine. I wouldn't allow it. She deserved all the pretty things in life. Things that I had no clue about.
Maybe Ashley was the best it was ever going to get. Maybe I should settle down and be thankful that someone was willing to take me into their arms after all the shit I'd done. Drug dealer. Pimp. Murderer.
The last one stuck out more than the rest.
Poverty did strange things to people. Luckily enough, it wasn't my problem anymore. My dirty deeds had finally started to pay off, and where I'd most likely traded in sleep and sainthood, both were highly overrated.
I drove in mental silence for the next twenty minutes, just letting my thoughts fade away as the beauty of autumn rose up around me. The leaves on the trees had finally started to change colors, and the streets beside the park near campus were littered with burnt orange and crimson leaves.
After parking the bike, I pulled off my helmet, locked it up and checked both ways down the busy street that ran in front of De Luca's Coffee Shop.
I lifted my hand and jogged across, giving the nice old people who chose to slow down and not plow my ass over a friendly wave. They smiled back and the older woman blew me a kiss.
I chuckled as I walked into the coffee shop and breathed in deeply. The smell of peace. Not the coffee, but what it brought with it. Jenna.
She glanced up from the register and gave me a cute smile. "Hi. What can I get started for you?"
How about a slow dance? Naked? Under the stars?
"Cup of coffee. Black." I pulled my wallet out of my back pocket and swallowed my desire for something good and clean. Making love to a woman sounded like a waste. Carnality? Fucking? Yes. Making love? Hell no.
But for some reason, it's all I could picture between me and the pretty brunette ringing up my drink order.
"Anything to eat?" Her warm brown eyes moved around my face, causing my heart to flutter.
Stop it. Fucking pussy. Get over yourself.
"Yeah. You." I smiled and walked down to the other side of the counter.
The older woman with bright red hair glanced up and gave me a flirty smile. "We were thinking the cops finally got you. You haven't been in lately." She winked and worked on my coffee. Cynthia. She’d started about two months after Jenna. I liked her. She was a riot and didn’t seem to give a shit what people thought about her.
"Nope. Can't lock someone up just for looking dangerous." I glanced over toward Jenna to find her watching us. I winked and turned back toward Cynthia.
"This is true." She snorted and handed me the coffee. "Be careful not to burn those pretty lips of yours."
I laughed. "You hitting on me, Cindy?"
"Always." She wagged her eyebrows and went back to work. She could have been my mother's age. It was cute, but I enjoyed it more for the sideways attention it got me with Jenna than anything else.
She was too shy to say more than two words to me, and I was guarded for both of our sakes. A good girl like her wouldn't know what to do with a bastard like me. And I knew exactly what I'd do with her.
Taint her.
Tarnish her.
Make her scream my name.