25
Dinner that night was at Zakk and Tiff’s house. Once again, the food was plentiful, varied, and delicious. Steaks and burgers came off the grill, plus scalloped potatoes, baked potatoes, four different salads, corn on the cob, broccoli casserole, and beverages that ranged from pitchers of homemade sangria to bottled water and everything in between. It was a family event, but here in Las Vegas family extended to a lot of close friends. The house was full, the back patio was full, and the kitchen bustled with activity.
Dani couldn’t remember the last time she’d had such a fun birthday and if it wasn’t for the strange undercurrent with Sergei, it would’ve been the best day of her life. Nothing was wrong between them, but the constant barrage of questions about their future weighed on her. She’d known leaving him would be hard and had tried to mentally prepare herself for the sadness that was inevitable, but her feelings for him grew stronger with each passing day, diminishing the excitement of the Olympics and her new job.
“You shouldn’t be thinking about such serious stuff,” Sergei whispered, coming up behind her and sliding his arms around her.
“How do you know what I was thinking about?” she laughed, leaning into him and soaking in his warmth.
“You always get that tiny little frown between your brows when you’re thinking about something that makes you unhappy.”
“You know me too well,” she sighed.
“What were you thinking about?”
“What do you think?”
“Us.”
“Yeah.”
“Not today, okay?” He turned her around and pulled her close. “Enjoy your birthday. Enjoy your family. And presents… Did you see that stack of presents out there?”
She smiled at that, nodding. “Oh, yeah.”
“Let’s not ruin tonight with all that other stuff. Tomorrow, let’s go out on a date, just the two of us, and we’ll talk. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Dani hadn’t been expecting much in the way of gifts because of the incredible one she’d received this morning from Zakk and Toli. However, her parents got her new Under Armour to take with her to Colorado, Sara got her the new mystery novel she’d been wanting, and Tiff, Tessa, Sara, and Rachel had all chipped in for a spa day tomorrow. The last bag came from the Michael Kors store and she frowned slightly as she picked it up. There was no card, just a tag hanging from the handle that said “Love, Sergei.” She dug through the paper and pulled out a gorgeous handbag and matching shoes. They were in a trendy blush-pink color, very similar to the dress she’d worn out to dinner with him, and she bit her lip to keep from crying. He’d remembered what she’d said about wanting shoes and purses that matched.
She met his eye and smiled, blinking away happy tears. “Thank you,” she whispered. “You heard me say I wanted these…” Though she hadn’t specified these exactly, he would know what she meant and no one else needed to know the details.
“I do listen,” he said lightly, kissing her lips when she leaned over. “Sometimes.”
“Time for cake!” Tiff called out.
Dani made a wish and blew out the candles, her eyes meeting Sergei’s as she did. She usually wished for things like new sticks or skates for her birthdays. This year she wished for Sergei, in whatever capacity she could have him. It was getting close to the time she would have to leave him and her gut told her he was thinking about it too. Every time their eyes met she sensed a sadness in him she’d never felt before. It could only mean one thing, but she refused to think about it. Not tonight anyway. Maybe not even this week. If he was going to end things, it would have to be when they were back in Anchorage.
The next few days went by quickly between the spa day, visiting friends, and spending time with her parents, so it was the day before they were supposed to go home before they had a chance to go out and spend a little time alone. They were together in bed every night but, except for the night of her birthday, they were usually naked and all over each other immediately. Sergei had tried, starting the night of her birthday, to scale back their insatiable sexual appetites, but the following night she wasn’t having it and had his dick in her mouth before he had a chance to say he was tired. There were no excuses after that and he didn’t bother trying to hold back. In the back of his mind, he knew he had to let her go, and he was going to enjoy every moment they had left. Especially since this would be their last day together. He’d made the decision last night after a lovemaking marathon that left them both completely spent.
She was growing on him in ways he didn’t want to accept, and if it was happening this fast—technically just over a month that they’d been sleeping together—he couldn’t imagine what it would be like in another month, when she left. Niko was beyond attached to her, calling her Mommy and stuck like glue to her whenever she was around. Niko loved his father, but Dani was his go-to for everything, and the only reason it bothered Sergei was because she was leaving them. Well, he was going to send her away, even though she didn’t know it yet.
“You’re the one thinking about something serious today,” she said as they settled into a booth at a local restaurant. “You were thinking about it last night, too. Well, after you turned me into a quivering puddle of orgasmic goo.”
He chuckled. “I wasn’t thinking about anything except that luscious body of yours,” he said.
“Uh-huh.” She cocked her head. “What’s going on, Sergei?”
He took one of her hands between his and gently rubbed his thumbs across her skin.
“Sergei?” The worry in her eyes gutted him.
“I think…” He took a deep breath. “I think you should stay in Vegas.”
“This thing between us is intense. We’re both getting attached and it’s not a good idea.”
“Because I’m leaving?”
“Niko is really attached, Dani, and we don’t know what the future holds. It’s not fair to let him think you’re going to be his new mommy when that’s probably not going to happen.”
Dani looked like he’d punched her in the face and he tried to back-pedal. “I don’t mean we’re completely through, I just mean you should be able to focus on your dreams without worrying about the family you left behind. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to Niko. He’s three. He doesn’t understand the significance of the Olympics. All he’s going to know is that you’re gone.”
“But I can come back,” she whispered.
“Honey, you have a job waiting for you. How many NHL teams do you think are going to hire a woman who’s just out of college to be the assistant team trainer? It’s the chance of a lifetime and I’m not going to let you give it up.”
“Shouldn’t that be my choice?” Her green eyes were emerald lasers even though they’d filled with tears.
“You’re going to choose between your first lover and your first job?” He shook his head. “That’s unfair. And if things didn’t work out with us, you’d hate me.”
“But Sergei…”
“Listen to me.” He gripped her chin with his fingers and stared deep into those emerald depths. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be in Anchorage raising my son and playing hockey. You go do your thing. We’ll keep in touch. I checked my team’s schedule and we’ll be in Denver in October, so I’ll come see you. Maybe you’ll have moved on or—”
“Stop it,” she hissed under her breath. “I won’t have moved on! Don’t try to ease your guilt by putting it on me. I’m crazy about you, Sergei, and after the Olympics I’d be willing to do whatever it takes to make things work. All you have to do is say you want me to.”
He hated himself for what he was about to do, but he had to do it. He’d already had one woman give up her dreams for him, and all that had gotten her was dead. He wasn’t directly responsible for her death, but it boiled down to her making all the sacrifices for him. He’d asked the same of Maria and that had gone badly as well. No, the best thing for Dani was for him to let her go now, before he hurt her even worse.
“Honey, I can’t make you promises for the future. I care for you, but I decided I wasn’t going to get married again, and that hasn’t changed. I know you, and after meeting your family, that would eventually be important to you.”
“You don’t think you could ever love me?”
Her eyes were so full of hurt he nearly cried himself.
I already do, he thought miserably, but what he said out loud was entirely different. “I don’t think I can love anyone like that again. Tatiana took that with her when she died.”
“Seriously?” She was staring at him, her eyes blazing despite the single tear that leaked out of the corner of one. “Did my family scare you off? Or were you just using me all along and felt like a big jerk when you had to pretend I meant something to you in front of others?”
“Then why don’t you want me?”
“Because I’m going to hurt you. That’s what I do. Maria gave up her career to follow me to Russia and I broke her heart. Tatiana gave up everything for me—her medical career, her family, her country—and then she died for me, too. I won’t ask another woman to sacrifice for me, no matter how much I want her.”
Dani closed her eyes, her jaw working as she struggled to maintain control.
“Please don’t cry.” He tried to wipe the tears that were falling faster now, but she batted his hand away.
“You will not humiliate me,” she hissed under her breath.
“No, of course not.”
“The story will be that I broke up with you. That being here this week made me realize how much I missed my brother and friends here in Vegas. You will not tell anyone the truth, especially not your brothers, because they’ll tell Zakk. Do you understand?”
He tried to reach for her again but she’d scooted away from him and he didn’t pursue it. “Yes. I’ll do anything you want to make this easier for you.”
“And you’re going to pay to ship my fucking car here.”
“I can have it shipped to Colorado if you want,” he said quietly. “That way you can fly and won’t have to drive that far by yourself.”
“Whatever. I don’t care.” She swiped at her eyes.
“Dani.” He grabbed her hand, holding on even when she tried to pull away. “Please. Stop.”
“What?” She met his eyes squarely, wearing the same expression she’d worn the day he’d snapped at her for letting Niko call her Mama D.
“We can do this any way you want, but please don’t let Niko see you angry.”
She wilted a little at the mention of his son. “I would never take it out on him.”
“Taking it out on him and letting him see us at odds with each other is different.”
“We won’t be at odds. We’ll go home and say I’ve decided to stay here and then I’ll talk to Sara about trading places with me. I can take over what she’s been doing for Tiff and Tessa and she can get settled in Anchorage.”
“If that’s what you want.”
“It is.”
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry.” He put one of his big hands on the side of her face and nearly lost his resolve when her eyes fluttered closed and she leaned into his palm.
“I know. But you warned me. I thought maybe you’d want me now more than you’d want to hang on to the past. I guess I can’t compete with her.”
“You’re not competing with anyone,” he said quietly. “You’re a treasure. That’s why I can’t take the chance I’ll fuck up your life. Everything about this guts me.”
She wouldn’t look at him but finally asked, “Sergei, how do you do this?”
“Do what, sweetheart?”
“How do you breathe when your heart is broken?”
He swallowed. “You just put one foot in front of the other, day after day. One day you realize it stopped hurting at some point.”
“That sounds awful.”
“It is.”
“And you’re doing it to me anyway.”
“I’m doing it to protect you, baby. Please believe that.”
“I don’t. I can’t. ’Cause then my heart would be broken for you, too.”
“I don’t deserve your sympathy.” He pulled her against him and she buried her face in the hollow of his shoulder. He waved away the waitress when she came by to get their order, keeping Dani close to him.
They sat at the restaurant for a long time, ordering drinks but neither of them had much appetite. Talking didn’t seem necessary and Dani didn’t move from where she’d had her head on his shoulder for a long time. Sergei kept one arm around her, wondering how stupid a man had to be to let a woman like her go. It would be better for her in the long run, but it sucked right now. Hopefully, hockey and her family would distract her.