Toli and Tessa had taken the kids somewhere and were still gone when they got home and Dani went up to their room. She stood in the doorway looking around sadly, memories of the last six days washing over her like a light summer breeze. She didn’t know if she wanted to kiss him or smack him, but then his arms were around her and she squeezed her eyes shut tightly. As if that would somehow make the pain of leaving him less acute.

“What do you want to do?” he whispered.

“I have to move my shit across the street to my brother’s, but I’d rather do that after you and Niko are gone.”

“Okay. I think Toli is grilling tonight so everyone will be here and we can tell them what we’ve decided together.”

“What you’ve decided.”

He nodded. “Yes, but you said that’s not our story.”

“I don’t even care about the story at this point,” she muttered, running her hand through her hair.

“Would you rather I spent tonight at a hotel?”

“No.” Her eyes puddled with tears.

“Ah, baby, this is what I was afraid of, that no matter how honest we were, I was going to hurt you.”

“It’s not hurt so much as…loneliness? I’m excited about my future, but without you and Niko, it feels a little empty.”

“It won’t for long.” He rested his chin on her shoulder. “You’re going to be busy, and within a few weeks, you won’t have time to miss us. You’ll be working harder than you’ve ever worked in your life as far as hockey is concerned, making new friends, and getting ready for the Olympics.”

“Feelings don’t just disappear because you’re busy.”

“I know, baby. Believe me, if anyone knows that, it’s me.”

They were quiet.

“Let’s just get through tonight,” she said at last.

“What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to make love to me,” she said, slowly pulling her shirt over her head.

“Honey…”

“We’re alone. You’re leaving tomorrow. I need this. You asked what I wanted; that’s what I want.”

He pulled off his shirt as well. “Then I’m in.”

---

The next morning, Sergei called the airline to delay his departure by a day and transfer Dani’s ticket to Sara. Dani had been gone before he woke up and he hadn’t heard from her yet today. Toli told him she was working out but it had been hours and there hadn’t been any sign of her.

“You going to tell me the truth about what’s going on?” Toli asked when the kids were taking their afternoon naps and Tessa was upstairs doing laundry.

“What do you mean?”

“Dani didn’t decide she wanted to stay here because she missed her family. What did you do to make her not want to live with you in Anchorage anymore?”

“I told her we had no future, that I wasn’t capable of loving anyone ever again.”

Toli reached out and smacked him on the back of the head, cursing a blue streak in Russian, Italian, and German. “Are you fucking stupid?” he finally asked in English.

Sergei scowled. “Don’t, okay? I’m doing what’s best for her, not for myself. It would be easy to let her get caught up in the romance, the fun, all the presents I can buy her and let her give up her dreams to raise my kid while I fly off all over the continent playing hockey. In what universe is that fair to her?”

“The universe where you go home and love her back. The universe where she and your children are waiting at the door when you come in and their smiles light up your life. That universe.”

“That’s your universe, big brother, and Dani isn’t Tessa. There’s nothing wrong with Tessa, but she wanted a man to take care of, to make babies with… Dani’s going to the Olympics and then she’s going to work for the Sidewinders. I’m not taking that away from her the way I did both Maria and Tanya.”

Toli shook his head. “You took nothing from them. They loved you and they chose to go. Maria was never good for you, and you know it. Moving her to Russia didn’t end your marriage; the fact that she wasn’t the right woman for you did. And Tanya made choices, Sergei. We’ve never talked about this because it seemed wrong to speak ill of the dead, but dammit, she made the choices she made. By the time she got caught up in her father’s mob lifestyle, I was already in the NHL making a lot of money. I may not have been the perfect boyfriend, but she could have come to me. I would have taken her out of Russia and paid for her to go to medical school here. She chose to stay and get revenge on her father instead of walking away. It wasn’t until she got pregnant that she put someone before herself and agreed to move to the U.S.”

“What the hell are you trying to say?” Sergei furrowed his forehead in anger.

“I’m trying to say she did what she wanted and it had nothing to do with you. Not really.”

“You’re saying she didn’t love me.”

“On the contrary. I’m saying you and Niko were the only things she loved more than her need to get revenge on her father. She may not have ever realized it if you hadn’t gotten her pregnant.”

“That was an accident.”

“I know.”

“Dammit, Toli, I don’t know what you want from me!” He got out of his chair and stalked outside even though it was a thousand degrees and he was already uncomfortable.

Toli followed him slowly, leaning against the wall of the house and folding his arms across his chest.

“All I want is for you to not make this mistake with Dani. She loves you. It’s all over her face. I thought her skin was going to crack from how hard she was trying to convince us last night that her staying here was her idea.”

“The convincing was her idea, not mine.”

“So you’re just going to leave her here?” Toli was shaking his head. “Sergei, I—”

“It’s the right thing to do,” Sergei said firmly. “I’m not going to make her choose. Not again. Both of the women I’ve loved in my life got hurt because of me and I love Dani enough—”

“So you do love her.”

Sergei nearly growled at him. “Weren’t you the one who let Tessa go back to her husband because she had to come to terms with her failed marriage before she could truly be with you? I have to let Dani go, and I’m tired of having to convince people I’m right.”

“Who else have you had to convince? Dani?”

“Yes, Dani. And now Niko, although it’ll be a different type of conversation with him.”

“You’re my kid brother and I love you,” Toli said slowly, “but you’re an idiot.”

“Thanks.” He made an impatient motion with his hand. “Maybe in a few years I’ll retire from hockey, but until she’s had a chance to live, I’m not tying her down to my life, my schedule.”

“You’re thirty-three. You’re not retiring any time soon.”

“Not all of us are you. I don’t want to play until I’m forty.”

“I love the game, I make a lot of money, and I’m healthy. Why would I stop?”

“I guess it’s different because you have someone at home helping you. I’m doing this alone now and it’s exhausting, even with a good nanny. Niko needs me, not a nanny.”

“Which is why you need Dani.”

“That’s not going to happen, so let it go, okay? And please, don’t mention this to Zakk. She’ll kill me. She asked me to allow her to retain some dignity with her family, so she’s not the girl who got dumped by her first and only boyfriend.”

“Her first…” Toli narrowed his eyes. “You were her first boyfriend?”

Sergei pursed his lips, unwilling to say anything else so personal and intimate about Dani. “Guys were intimidated by her and she was picky, so yeah, first adult boyfriend.”

“Indeed.” Toli didn’t say anything other than, “Of course I won’t tell Zakk. I don’t want him to kill you.”

---

Dani took Sergei, Sara and Niko to the airport the following day. She’d kept her distance yesterday as he’d made arrangements for Sara and they sorted out the details, but she’d wanted to drive them today. She’d been too busy helping Sara pack and get organized to think much about what she would do when they were gone, but now that they were actually leaving, she wanted to be close to him for as long as possible. This wasn’t what she’d thought a breakup would feel like, because he wasn’t telling her he didn’t care about her. He just didn’t think he cared about her enough, which made no sense, because no matter how he tried to quantify his feelings, she always came to the same conclusion: Whatever he felt right now was enough to make her happy. Maybe he didn’t have it in him to tell her he loved her in words, but she felt it every time he touched her, every time they were together.

“Why don’t we drop Sara and Niko at the terminal with the luggage and then go park so we can talk for a minute?” she suggested lightly.

Sergei didn’t respond but nodded. He unloaded the stroller and luggage, unhooked the car seat and then got back in the car as Sara and Niko waited on the sidewalk. Dani drove to the hourly parking area and pulled into a spot, putting the SUV in park but unable to look at him.

“What’s on your mind, honey?” he asked softly.

“Is this it? We just go our separate ways like there was never anything between us?”

“I think that would be easier for you, but Niko is going to take it hard.”

“I know.” She sniffed, horrified she would cry in front of him. Again.

“Damn.” He pulled her close.

“If this is the right thing to do, why does it feel so wrong?”

“Because I’m broken and I break everything around me.”

“You’re not broken,” she whispered. “You’re not.”

“Ah, baby, you’re too good for me.”

When he kissed her she almost melted, her mouth opening under his and giving him everything she had. This was all that was left; he was really going back to Anchorage without her.

He pulled away slowly and their eyes locked.

“Don’t stay,” he whispered against her lips. “I’ll walk to the terminal and tell Sara you said goodbye. I’ll call you tonight so you can talk to Niko.”

“Are we still letting him think I’m playing hockey now?”

He nodded.

“I can’t stand the thought that we’ll never see each other again,” she admitted sadly.

“I know.” He stroked her hair, gently pushing it away from her face. “God, you’re beautiful, Maryanne.”

She blinked away tears, managing a small smile. “You’re not too bad yourself, Wayne.”

“I’ll call you tonight, see how you’re doing, and let you talk to Niko.”

“Fly safe,” she whispered.

He pressed his lips to hers one last time, hard, and then he was gone, jogging through the parking garage towards the terminal.