The rest of the trip was a blur for Dani, but she put Sergei out of her mind and focused entirely on herself and the Olympic team. When they got back to Colorado Springs she threw herself into hockey, working harder than ever before. She turned to meditation and melatonin to help her sleep at night, and though it got better, she still didn’t sleep as well as she should. She was doing the best she could and everyone close to her respected her request that they not discuss Sergei at all. Instead, she lived and breathed hockey. Once in a while, late at night, she’d allow herself a few minutes of self-pity, to miss and yearn and ache for him, but then she would fall asleep and by morning she was on track again. At least she thought so.

“How long are you going to keep this up?” Hailey asked her as they got ready for practice one morning a few weeks later.

“Keep what up?” Dani asked without glancing up.

“Pretending your heart isn’t broken. Pretending you sleep at night. Pretending you’re okay.”

Dani shrugged. “Until I literally can’t. There’s nothing I can do about a broken heart, so what’s the point of wallowing in it? I loved him and he didn’t love me back. Happens every day. At least I’ve got hockey, good friends and a supportive family. In time, I won’t even think about him anymore.”

Hailey’s blue eyes darkened. “If you truly love him, it won’t be that easy.”

“It’s not easy. That’s why I don’t sleep well and stay busy from the minute I get up until I collapse at night. Anything else and I might fall apart.”

“Have you talked to him at all?”

“No. Just to Niko.”

“What does Sara say?”

“She said he’s been pretty quiet but he’s not home that much. He’s not spending a lot of time with Niko, either, so she’s frustrated, but when she said something to him, he just doubled her next paycheck. She tried to give it back and he said it was the equivalent of combat pay, that he knew he was a pain in the ass right now and she’d earned it. She actually used a little of it to pay for a babysitter so she could have some time to herself because his travel schedule is brutal.”

“Yeah, their schedule is nuts.”

“Well, not my problem. I feel bad for Sara but she said she won’t leave Niko until they find someone she likes because he’s interviewed a few more nannies and they all suck. Her words, not mine.”

“Has your sister-in-law or anyone said—”

Dani held up a hand. “Hailey, please. I truly don’t want to talk about Sergei. It just breaks my heart all over again.”

Hailey sighed. “I know, hon, but you’re a mess. I mean, look in the mirror. Those dark circles under your eyes are noticeable, especially at practice when you’re hot and sweaty. Everyone’s wondering if you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.” Dani took a deep breath and looked up. “Please nip any gossip in the bud. That’s not going to make him love me and it’s definitely not going to help us win a gold medal in Seattle. Can you do that for me?”

“I can try, but no one can miss how tired and sad you look.”

Dani groaned. She didn’t know what to do about that.

---

Seventeen days. Sergei had never been on a seventeen-day road trip before and it sucked. He was exhausted, jet-lagged and grumpy, with a three-year-old who wouldn’t stop talking, a nanny who was annoyed with him, and a heart so filled with anger he didn’t know how in holy hell he was going to keep this up. It wasn’t so bad on the road because hockey took up a lot of his time, but as soon as he got home, reality came crashing back and it sucked.

“But where’s my present?” Niko was demanding, tugging at his leg. “You promised, Daddy!”

“Let’s eat some pancakes first,” Sara said, trying to redirect him because she was now accustomed to Sergei’s dark moods and did her best to keep Niko from being subjected to them. He definitely didn’t pay her enough for all she’d done in the last six weeks or so.

“I hate pancakes,” Niko fussed, frowning and giving her stink eye. “They’re not good like Mommy’s!”

Sara sighed. “This is Mommy’s recipe and they’re exactly the same, Niko. She taught me how to make them just for you.”

“Nyet.” He stuck out his lower lip. “I hate pancakes and I hate you and I hate Daddy, too!” He stormed out of the room and Sara sighed.

Sergei glanced at her. “How long has he been having tantrums like this?”

“A few weeks. He picks up on your mood and because he’s a toddler, it escalates.”

“Damn, I’m sorry, Sara.”

“It’s okay. He doesn’t do this often, but right now he wants your attention and you’re not giving it to him so he’s acting out. I’ll talk him down.”

“Thank you. I know it should be me…” He ran a tired hand down his face. “I’m exhausted and today is my only day off. We’ve got games every other night for the next two weeks and then we’ll be on the road. Again. Does anyone even come to Alaska?”

“But then you’ll be going to Vegas for Thanksgiving.”

He nodded. “That’s about the only bright spot in this, seeing my family over the holiday weekend. Are you sure you’re okay flying alone with him?”

She smiled. “Of course. Thank you for sending us early so I can spend time with everyone.” She didn’t mention Dani’s name; that never went well.

“Tell Niko if he behaves for you today, I’ll take him skating later.”

“Sure.” She put a comforting hand on his shoulder as she left the room.

Damn, he was being an asshole. Taking out his dark mood on his toddler and the nanny wasn’t like him but he couldn’t seem to snap out of it. The simple truth was he missed Dani. Her bright eyes and gentle laughter had been what made this house a home, and though Sara did everything he asked of her, she would never replace the woman he loved. Not even on a day-to-day level that only included taking care of Niko and making sure there was food in the kitchen. He still reached for Dani in the middle of the night, picked up the phone to text her about something, bought her gifts he was never going to give her. Yet he couldn’t stop. Her words, the loving things she’d said to him, played on repeat in his head.

Maybe I don’t see you as broken because when you’re with me, you’re not.

He had a woman who accepted him just the way he was and had given herself to him completely. Physically, emotionally and sexually. He’d been her first everything. Boyfriend, lover, soul mate. Just thinking about the night he’d taken her virginity got him so hard he nearly had to find a quiet place to relieve the pressure between his legs. His sweet, innocent virgin loved sex and his kid and even Alaska. What the hell was wrong with him? Why was he torturing both of them?

Because it’s better for her, he thought with a grimace.

Maybe I don’t see you as broken because when you’re with me, you’re not.

With a growl of frustration, he stomped up to his room and slammed the door.

---

The one good thing that had come out of his breakup with Dani was his newfound friendship with Jake, Aaron and Kane. The four of them were single, now that Jake and Adrianna were in the midst of a trial separation, and spent most of their days off together. It was nice to have camaraderie on a team again; Sergei had missed it. Though he, Jake and Aaron were struggling, Kane loved the single life. He was younger than the others, though, just twenty-six to Jake and Aaron’s thirty and Sergei’s thirty-three. He’d had a girlfriend but she hadn’t wanted to move to Alaska, so they’d gone their separate ways.

None of them had tried much dating yet, though. While Alaska had a reputation for having far more men than women, the ratio wasn’t as extreme as they’d initially thought. Sergei had gone online and found a government site stating that there were approximately 111 men for every 100 women in Anchorage, which wasn’t that big of a difference. So the dating pool existed, it just wasn’t all that interesting. For him it was because of Dani. Jake was technically still married and unsure what he was going to do so dating wasn’t an option yet. Aaron just seemed incredibly picky now that he’d finalized his divorce, and Kane said there were plenty of puck bunnies on the road—he didn’t want to shit where he slept. Which left them together most of the time.

“That blonde in Chicago was smokin’,” Kane teased Aaron one night as they hung out at a sports bar.

Aaron grinned. “It had been too long—I caved to peer pressure and the delightful shade of blue my balls had turned.”

The others laughed. “I don’t know what color mine are at this point,” Sergei grumbled.

“You did that to yourself, my friend,” Aaron said.

“Not true. Even if we hadn’t broken up, she’d still be in Colorado and I’d be here, with my balls woefully blue.”

Jake grimaced. “He has a point.”

“You still fucked up. She’s special.”

Sergei made a face. “I’m aware. That’s why I let her go. She deserves better than me.”

“That’s a pansy-ass excuse if I ever heard one.” Kane shook his head. “I mean, she’s gorgeous, smart, athletic and loves hockey. I’d fucking kill to meet a woman that looked like her and loves hockey. Other women don’t get it. They don’t get what we do, how we do it, what it takes… You found the perfect one and let her go.”

“You should ask Dani out,” Aaron said, deadpan. “I talked to her the other day and she said she’s going out on a date Friday night, so she’s ready to move on.”

Sergei made a sound that was a cross between a growl and a clap of thunder, and Jake had to hang his head to hide his laughter.

“Too bad she’s so far away,” Kane said.

“You guys think you’re funny,” Sergei muttered.

“And you fall for it every time,” Aaron chuckled before sobering. “But I did talk to her the other day.”

Sergei tried to act nonchalant, as if he wasn’t interested, so Kane spoke up instead. “Is she really going out on a date Friday?”

Aaron shrugged. “That’s what she told me. Guy named Lane. Works as some kind of trainer on the men’s team, and that’s what she plans to do in the future, so it sounds like they have a lot in common.”

“You found it necessary to tell me this?” Sergei asked, his eyes darkening.

“I find it necessary to point out you’ve made a huge mistake,” Aaron corrected. “You love her. I don’t give a fuck how much you deny it.”

“I never denied it,” Sergei said quietly. “That’s the whole point. I’m a fucked-up hot mess and she deserves better. I love her enough to know she’s better off with someone else.”

“But she loves you.”

“Jesus, is that what we’re talking about tonight? I’m tired, horny and have a really cranky kid who cries for his mommy every night. If I wanted aggravation, I could stay home.”

“Fine,” Aaron waved an impatient hand. “I’ll let it go for tonight, but if she has fun Friday night, you’re going to be sorry.”

Sergei was about to change the subject but then cut his eyes to Aaron. “Wait, do you talk to her often?”

“Well, yeah. We’re friends. Is that not allowed?”

“Does she ask about me?”

“Actually, no. Sometimes I mention you and she asks me not to, says it hurts too much.”

“Ouch,” Kane grimaced.

“However,” Aaron cut his eyes to Kane. “She did say her friend Hailey Dobson thinks you’re the bee’s knees.”

“Me?” Kane looked startled.

“Rumor has it she was checking you out during warm-ups in Colorado and told Dani you were the hottest guy on the team.”

Kane laughed. “I don’t know about all that, but is she cute?”

“Super cute.” Aaron got out his phone and pulled up a picture of Hailey and Dani taken a few nights ago.

“Why is Dani sending you pictures?” Sergei asked, trying to mask his annoyance but failing miserably.

“Because she wanted me to show Kane the picture of Hailey.”

The two men glared at each other but Sergei turned away first.

“Oh, she’s definitely cute,” Kane nodded. “How old?”

“Twenty-four.” Aaron apparently had been prepped with information. “She was going to go to law school but took a year off for the Olympics.”

“Nice.” Kane had pulled out his own phone and was looking her up online.

“She meets your hockey criteria,” Jake pointed out.

“And looks,” Aaron added.

“Brains too,” Sergei said. “Although I don’t know if that’s a selling point for you.”

Kane glanced up. “With a girl I’m going to get serious with? Of course.”

“Well, now you just have to meet her and convince her you’re not a douche canoe,” Jake laughed.

“Maybe after the Olympics,” Kane said, motioning to the waitress. “In the meantime, enough talk about women. Jesus, I feel the estrogen practically seeping into my skin.”