Mira
Ryan hadn’t thought twice, without a moment’s hesitation, he took me by the hand and led me straight outside to the car. He could see that my brain was running a million miles a minute, but I didn’t have the slightest idea what to do with my emotions. He even thought to grab my purse for me. He put me in the passenger seat of the car and buckled the seatbelt before running around and getting into the driver’s side. He zoomed straight to the hospital, not giving two shits about the speed limit.
When we got there, he took my hand and lead me straight to her floor, waiting outside the room while I went in first. My mom was asleep and hooked up to all kinds of different beeping and flashing machines. I stood at the end of the bed staring down at her, my hand clapped over my mouth. It was the most helpless I had ever seen her. It was also the most helpless I had ever feel.
From behind, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned to find Ryan, with a concerned look on his face. Immediately I buried my face into his chest, letting him pull me into him, the tears staining his blue button-up shirt. I let myself go for a couple of minutes before finding my way over to one of the chairs and sitting down. He pulled a chair over next to me, and we sat there all night, watching my mom, hoping and praying she would be okay.
“You can go back,” I said, looking at him. “You don’t have to stay here.”
“I know I don’t have to, but I want to,” he said. “I’m right here, just relax.”
In a way I was thankful that he decided to stay, despite that I’d told him he could go several times. I needed the support and at that point there was no one else on earth I’d felt that comfortable with. He became my rock really, really fast.
“Thank you for staying with me,” I said, watching the heart monitor. “It really does mean a lot.”
“I want you to know something,” he said, turning to me and taking my hands. “No matter how it started, you are my wife, and that woman right there is my mother-in-law. I am going to be here to support both of you, no matter what.”
Smiling, I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. I found the sentiment to be incredibly sweet. No one had ever made that kind of sacrifice for me, and though we both knew the wedding would have to be dealt with and resolved somehow at the end of six months, he was trying to be the best partner he could be in the meantime. It was something that I hadn’t expected from him, especially after how he had acted with Miles. I would have thought he’d be cold and withdrawn, feeling awkward and uncomfortable in the situation.
That wasn’t what happened at all though. He went back and forth getting water and coffee for us, finding different snack machines and bringing things back to the room and just genuinely being there for me. At one point he even sat and rubbed my mother’s feet while she slept. It was almost as if he was my real husband, even if it was only for one night. I realized that if he could get past allowing Miles do whatever he wanted, he was going to make a very good and loving husband for some woman one day. Part of me almost felt sad that it most likely wouldn’t be me. Still, it was nice not having to be alone in these trials.
I waited there for the doctor, watching the nurses come in and out, checking on her, and explaining the different medications they were giving her. She was uncomfortable, so pain medications were given, and because of that she was either groggy or completely out the whole time. I was just glad to know it wasn’t a coma or something like that. When the morning hit, my mother’s regular doctor started his rounds, pulling me out of the room to talk to me.
“Your mother seems to be stabilizing now,” the doctor said, “However, it appears that her kidney function is getting worse, and the deterioration is accelerating at a very high rate. I have got her name moved up on the transplant list, but that is no guarantee of anything at this point. Please understand that I have seen the number one person on the list wait six years for an appropriate donor.”
“So, what does all that mean for her?” I asked.
“She is going to have to stay in the hospital and be on a very tight dialysis regiment,” he explained. “She will be on all liquids to keep the kidneys working as little as possible, and she will have to be monitored, especially her heart and blood pressure. She will be given medication as well as pain medications whenever she needs them.”
“Does she know any of this yet?” I asked.
“No, and I think that for right now we should just let her rest, get her strength back, and maybe get some liquid foods on her stomach when she comes out of the next round of pain meds,” he said. “Then we can all sit down and talk about everything. It’s important that your mother not get upset. She needs to stay calm and keep up with everything we need her to do. The longer we do that, the longer we can keep her stable and waiting for her kidney to arrive. Since she doesn’t have other family that would be compatible, we’re just at the mercy of the list.”
“I hate that someone has to die for her to live,” I said. “I just wish I was a match.”
“I know you do,” he sighed. “We wish you were commutable too, it would make things safer and more secure for your mother. We’re going to take good care of her here, but I need you to know that if she doesn’t get a donor within thirty days, she’ll be sent home. Of course, we’ll see that she has the necessary machines, and hospice care, of course. She just can’t stay here indefinitely. Some patients feel a lot more secure being at home anyway. For right now though, she is safe and sound right here with us. I prefer to have her here so if something goes wrong, we’re right here to help her.”
“No, I completely agree,” I said. “I think the best place for her right now is here, even though she may fight us on it. Even if I was able to take her home and care for her, I wouldn’t know what do in an emergency.”
“Good, then go on back in, stay as long as you like, and when she is up and stable, even if it’s days from now, we’ll go into all the details of everything, okay?”
“Okay. Thank you,” I said, shaking his hand.
When I walked back into the room, Ryan was at my mother’s bedside, helping her to sit up in the bed. She was awake and had asked to wait on the pain medication for a little while. She wanted to be awake and alert to talk to her family first. The nurse had agreed and left us alone in the room. I walked over to her bed and took her hand, smiling at her with tears in my eyes.
“There will be none of that,” she said. “I’m not dead yet, sweetie. Don’t go bringing me down with your sappiness.”
I laughed and leaned over, laying my head on her chest. She stroked the back of my hair and looked at me with caring eyes as I stood back up. Ryan pulled the covers up on her and smiled.
“I’ll let you have some time, I’ll just be out in the hallway,” he said. “If you need anything, I’ll be right there, just holler for me, I’ll come knocking down the door if I have to.”
“Nonsense,” my mother said, grabbing his hand. “You don’t need to give us any private time, we’re fine.
I was beyond upset, and my worrying went from ten to a thousand every time I looked at her struggling through the disease that was slowly killing her. Ryan reached his other hand across the bed and took mine in it, pursing his lips. Thankful was insufficient to describe the gratitude I felt for having Ryan there, and that he stayed with me. I wasn’t nearly as strong as I liked to pretend to be and sitting there in that hospital room I felt pretty sure that he was the only thing holding me in one piece.
“I saw you when you first came in last night,” my mother said. “I was just high as a kite on morphine and ended up going to sleep instead of saying hello. Ryan, you have been so amazing over the last twenty-four hours. Not only have you taken care of me, and helped the nurses with me, you have stayed right here, standing next to my daughter and comforting her in a really difficult time. I know men who have been married to their wives for thirty years who wouldn’t do that. Thank you.”
“It’s my pleasure, Carolyn” he smiled. “And like I told her, family is family, even if it’s not blood related. I will be here for anything either of you need.”
“That brings me to my next point,” she said. “I want the two of you to go on home for a little while. I am not gonna kick the bucket today, I have some fight still left in me. You need to get some rest, you don’t want to have bags under your eyes on the TV.”
I laughed and shook my head. “But I want to be here for you. You’re my momma and I love you.”
“And I love you, honey, but you need rest, too,” she smiled. “I can’t take care of you if you collapse from exhaustion.”
“I think your mom might have a point there,” Ryan said, looking over at me.
“Traitor,” I chuckled.
“Maybe, but it’s because I care about you,” he said. “It’s important that you keep your wits about you, stay strong, vibrant and ready to go. That way, when your mom gets that transplant, you can be in the right mind, well rested, and ready to nurse her back to health.”
“And the same goes for Ryan,” my mother said. “He needs to rest, because he just pledged himself to this family while you got the show going on, and I’m holding him to that. He will be responsible for taking care of you while you take care of me. I know you’re stubborn, so it will take someone with patience.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I laughed. “You two are ganging up on me over here.”
“Nah, we’re just caring about you,” he said, with a smile.
“All right,” I replied, leaning forward and kissing my mom on the cheek. “They better call me with any news. You get some rest, and I’ll be back real soon.”
“Of course,” she smiled. “Now, back to my pain meds and those amazing naps.
We left the hospital and headed straight back to the house. I didn’t say a lot, but Ryan stayed right there with me the whole time. He really cared about me and my mother, and that meant a lot to me. When we got back he waited in the bedroom while I took a shower, and then he got in while I was changing my clothes. When he came out he helped me into the bed, then he pulled the covers up to my chin and kissed me on the forehead. I fell asleep feeling nothing but love.