Chapter 21

BLAKE

The past week has been incredible. More than that. Words don’t really do it justice. And it’s all to do with Carrie. I wonder if it’s because it is Carrie specifically, or if I would feel this way were it some other girl?

I’ve been thinking that all week, and I hate to admit it, even to myself, but I am pretty sure that it is all Carrie.

She is just so incredible. Physically, she is supreme. Her body is amazing, and whenever we have sex, I relish in the chance to touch her and have her all to myself. And we have been having a lot of sex, too. Even though she isn’t ovulating, all we do is have sex. Every night and every morning. Even right now, it’s only lunch time, and I want to rush home so I can have her again. It doesn’t get old.

But it is more than just the sex. It’s the companionship. It’s strange, but I have spent almost my entire life single. The last really serious relationship I had was in high school, and the way that ended left a scar that took a while to heal. It’s because of that I’ve avoided relationships, and I’ve always thought that was best for me. But now? Well, now, I’m not so sure.

After we have sex, Carrie will snuggle by my side and the two of us talk. Not about anything special, just regular chit chat. But every second of it is amazing. I could talk to her for hours, and sometimes, I do.

It’s a feeling that I’ve never experienced, and I wonder if that is what all my friends are always going on about. Ben often tells me that his favorite night of the week is Sunday because the kids are with the babysitter and he and Janet get to be alone together. I told him he’s crazy, but now I’m not so sure.

I’m having a hard time concentrating. Like I said, it’s been this way all week. I should be working, but I keep on thinking about tonight. I just can’t wait to get home. What’s more is that I have a good feeling that tonight is the night I get Carrie pregnant. I can just feel it. Sure, she says that she isn’t ovulating until tomorrow, but something just tells me that tonight will be the one.

I have another go at concentrating on work, but soon realize that it isn’t going to happen. Maybe I should just go home and start again on Monday? I decide that this is for the best and begin to pack my things.

I am my own boss, after all, and can do what I want.

As I turn off my computer, my work phone rings. I stare at it as it continues to ring, wondering if I should even answer it. It might be important, but chances are, it’s just some client checking in on me, seeing if I still have their priorities in order.

I sigh and fall back in my chair. I let the phone ring one more time and pick it up. “Hello, Blake here.”

“Eight rings. What took you so long?” It’s Ben on the other end.

I wonder what he is doing, calling my work phone when he has my cell. But then I remember that he’s old fashioned and just has an affinity for landlines.

“I’m a busy guy, Ben,” I say, trying to sound important. “Clients, movies, directors. It’s big and important stuff.”

“Yeah, right,” he scoffs down the other end. “It’s a Friday, so I know you were just getting ready to leave for the bar.”

“What do you want?” I say, cutting him down. “Speak now or the phone is hanging up in three, two, one.”

“Okay,” he says quickly. “I was actually calling for a reason. I wanted to know what you were doing Saturday.”

“This Saturday?”

“Yeah, the day that comes after today. I’m sure you have big important meetings and everything. But is there any chance you can pull yourself away from them?”

Ben has always thought my job to be a little silly, truth be told. He’s not really a movie guy, and I think that’s the exact reason we get along so well.

“For you, Ben? I think I can make an exception.”

“Perfect. I’m having a barbecue, and I wouldn’t be totally opposed to you coming along.”

“Oh fuck, no I can’t actually.” Carrie and I had discussed staying in all night and trying as many times as possible.

“What, really?” He asks, surprised. “What are you doing?”

“I have a date if you must know. With Carrie.”

“Bring her along, then. I don’t mind”

“I don’t know,” I begin.

I wonder if I should. Not only because I want to spend the night trying for a baby, but I also don’t know if I am ready yet for her to meet my friends. I don’t even know if she would want to.

“Come on. I don’t bite, and I am sure that I can ask Janet not to as well. I want to meet the special lady.”

“I don’t think special is the right word,” I say dismissively.

“Yeah, right,” he scoffs again. “I don’t think I’ve ever known you to blow off seeing your friends for a girl. Come to think of it, I don’t think you’ve ever had a girl long enough to blow your friends off for.”

“Whatever,” I say, trying to shut him down.

But even I can’t deny that what he is saying is closer to the truth than I would like to admit. I can try to deny what Carrie means to me, but the evidence doesn’t lie.

“Is that a yes?” Ben asks.

“If it means ending this conversation, yeah,” I joke.

“Perfect! The barbecue starts around one. So come around then.”

I hang up the phone chuckling to myself. Still in my seat, I stare at the phone, lost in thought. I hate how well Ben knows me, and I hate how right he is. I can lie to him all I want, but my actions speak for themselves.

I just wonder how Carrie feels about the whole thing. It’s odd, but I hope she feels the same way. I hope that she isn’t in this just for the money, but maybe because she sees me as something more.

I shake my head as this thought hits me. It’s alien to me and scares me just a little. I need to keep my mind focused. I am using Carrie to have a baby and nothing more. At least that is what I am telling myself.