Mira
On Friday morning, I woke up with the same attitude I’d had the night before. I turned over in the bed and looked at Ryan, sound asleep and snoring loudly. He must have crept back in late last night after staying out with Miles at that bar. I had come home — tired, mentally exhausted and my heart feeling heavy in my chest. I was irritated, annoyed and just wanted things to go back to where they had been before Miles popped up, but unfortunately, I couldn’t turn back time. I did suddenly wish I had slept in one of the guest rooms, because my fondness for Ryan was quickly wearing off.
When Miles first started talking about everything I was sure that Ryan was going to cut him off, but when he didn’t I knew I had to voice my feelings. Obviously, I was mistaken about how much he cared for me, because instead of stopping it and taking me home, he took his friend’s side and I was left to get myself a cab and go home alone, feeling slightly more than defeated. But hell, it was exactly what they wanted, right? The drama, the heartbreak, it was what made good TV.
I shook my head and got out of the bed, knowing Evelyn would be there any minute. I knew I should wake Ryan, but in reality, I didn’t even want to talk to him right now. I just wanted some time alone, even if there was a camera shoved in my face. I headed into the bathroom and changed into a pair of shorts and my T-shirt. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and put on some lip-gloss just to give my face a little shine. It was the most I could muster for the cameras right now and I really didn’t care.
I crept out of the bedroom and headed down the hall, stopping and staring at Miles, passed out, fully clothed on the floor of one of the guest rooms. I assumed that between the alcohol and the giant ego, his head was too heavy to make it five more steps to the bed. I rolled my eyes and kept walking, trotting down the stairs to the kitchen. I started a pot of coffee and looked over at Evelyn who was on the phone, taking down some notes on a piece of paper.
“Excellent,” she said into the phone. “I love the numbers, let’s keep going with it.”
She hung up the phone and looked at me with a smile. “Good morning!”
“Morning,” I said, trying to fake my way through it.
“I guess Ryan is still passed out from last night?”
“Yeah,” I chuckled. “Out like a log.”
“No matter,” she smiled. “I just want to say that I absolutely loved everything about last night’s taping. The drama is exactly what will keep bringing the viewers back. We would never have a second show if it was all lovey-dovey happily ever after, would we now?”
“I guess not,” I shrugged, pouring a cup of coffee.
“Are you all right?” she asked.
“Sure,” I said. “You know, I love being embarrassed by some idiot from Indiana. Make that two.”
“Oh,” Evelyn said, standing up and walking over with a pouty face. “Try not let it get to you. Men are assholes, they just are, and we just have come to accept it and expect untoward behavior from time to time. You have your own reasons for being on this show, so don’t let them make you miserable. Do you, be you, handle Ryan however you like. Why don’t you have your mom over for dinner tonight? Maybe she can break up the tension between the three of you.”
“Okay,” I sighed. “I miss seeing her every day anyway. I’ll go call her and see how she’s doing.”
“Perfect,” Evelyn smiled, nodding at Harrison.
I picked my phone off the counter and turned, carrying my coffee in the other hand to the garden room. I looked down at my phone as I walked, slowing down hearing the footsteps behind me. I turned around and saw Harrison, camera rolling, following me into the room. I sighed and shook my head.
“Sorry,” he said. “Bosses’ orders. I’ll stay on this side and not hook up the microphone. I’ll just pretend I screwed up.”
“Thank you,” I smiled.
Even with Harrison being a nice guy, it was really starting to get annoying that my life had somehow turned into a show, and a spectacle for all to see. I had never anticipated it would ever include something really precious to me, to my heart. I didn’t want people to see me broken up about Ryan. I wanted to be strong, but as I put the phone to my ear and heard my mom answer I burst into tears.
“Honey?” my mom said. “What in the world is going on?”
“Ugh. I got my damn feelings hurt,” I sobbed. “They flew Ryan’s best friend in, who is a total asshole, and we all went out for drinks. Well, while we were there he just went into this monologue about what a player Ryan was. I didn’t like it, and instead of sticking up for me, Ryan told me to just deal with it, so I left and went home. On top of that, Miles made me feel like I was nowhere even close to being Ryan’s type. It really made me feel like I was nothing more than another one of Ryan’s conquests.”
“Oh sweetie,” my mom said, with a comforting tone. “So, before all that, you and Ryan were doing better?”
“Yeah, really good,” I said, sniffling. “We had really started to bond, and I thought he actually cared about me. I thought that his feelings were real, but it looks like they were just an act for the cameras. I fell for it, thinking that he actually cared.”
“And I bet he still does,” she replied. “Men can be weird sometimes, they act aloof and uncaring around other men. They are much kinder and gentler without that influence and all that testosterone. I bet he still has feelings for you, he is just afraid to show that in front of his friend, especially if he is the asshole type. I’m sure once the friend is gone, things will go back to the way they were.”
“But why would I want them to?” I asked. “Why would I want to be with a man that can’t even stand up for my feelings?”
“You could always walk away if you have to,” my mother said.
“I know, but I don’t want to,” I sighed. “Things were clicking for us, and I want to see the six months out so we both win.”
“I’m proud of you for sticking with it, but don’t ever feel like you have to,” she replied. “You don’t owe him anything.”
“I know,” I said. “Would you mind if a car came and got you and brought you to dinner tonight? I don’t want us to be alone with Miles again, and I’m pretty sure if you are here he will mind his p’s and q’s. Plus, I really want to see you, I miss you a lot.”
“Of course,” she cooed. “I would love to come to dinner and see your sweet face.”
I finished the conversation with my mother and got off the phone, patting Harrison on the shoulder as I left. When the guys got up, the cameras were all pointed at them, so I took the opportunity to put on a one-piece bathing suit and go for a swim. I loved swimming and it was always something that helped me get out my stress, relieve anxiety and just get my heart pumping. By the time I was finished I felt quite a bit better and snuck upstairs past the guys to get a shower in. I wanted to avoid them as much as I could while Miles was still around. Besides, maybe it was good for me to take a step back and get some perspective, so I used the distraction of Miles coming to town to get in some quality me time.
The rest of the day was pretty quiet and lazy, and most of it I spent lounging out in the sun reading a book. I knew it wasn’t exciting and it wasn’t what Evelyn wanted, but I couldn’t deal with any more drama, not in that moment. I just wanted some peace and quiet before I started making dinner.
That night, after I had finished making the lasagna and Ryan had set the table, we all sat around, including my mom, listening to stories from the childhood years that Ryan and Miles had shared. Miles was on his best behavior, obviously showing respect for my mother, but not for me. I tried not to let it bother me and just went on with the night, trying to wait it out until Miles was back on a flight to Indiana — the one thing guaranteed to make me feel better.
My mom was polite as always, looking across the table and giving me a wink. When dinner and dessert were over, Miles and Ryan agreed to clear the table while I walked my mom out to the car that was waiting for her. It had been a lot of excitement for her and I could tell she was more than exhausted. I didn’t want her to go, but I knew that she needed to.
“Thanks for being my backup, Mom,” I smiled.
“Any time,” she said. “And remember, they are just two men, don’t let them have that kind of power over you. Be strong like the woman I know. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“I love you,” I said, helping her into the car.
“I love you too, sweetie,” she smiled, as I shut the door and tapped on the roof.
Standing there, I watched the car disappear into the darkness before turning around and walking back inside. By the time I got there, Miles was already headed upstairs for bed, and I was exhausted from the day myself. When I got up to the bedroom Ryan was there, waiting for me. He walked over and put his arms around me, leaning down to kiss my lips. I turned my head, not in the mood for his passes.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, looking confused. “Are you all right?”
“I can’t stand Miles,” I said, pulling away. “He is rude, inconsiderate and I have to compete with him, just to not get my feelings hurt. I don’t like it, and I don’t like the fact that you don’t stand up to him when he is saying things you both know will upset me. I’m just tired of him being here, and I want things to go back to normal.”
“Look,” he said, a little stern. “I’ve known Miles most of my life, and he has been my best friend since my freshman year in high school. We have been through so much together, including the death of my mother. He is like a brother to me, not just a best friend. You’re just going to have to get over how he acted last night when he was drinking. There is nothing I can say to him that will make him give two shits about how you feel about him. He is just that way, and it’s not going to do any good for you to mope around holding a grudge.”
“I see,” I said, annoyed. “Well, you have fun together while he’s here then, because I’m not doing anything else with him.”
I turned and grabbed a couple of things and marched out of the room. I went down the hall and to the left where the guest room I’d slept in before was. I didn’t want to be away from Ryan, but how could I justify sleeping with him when he’d offended me like that? I couldn’t, that was the answer, so the best thing for me to do was just separate myself from the whole damn thing.