Chapter 43

BLAKE

It has been a long day. It’s been one of those days where even though the hours pass at a solid pace, there just seems to be too many of them. And indeed, today there was. I started early, getting up at six in the morning. And now, as the clock ticks onto eleven at night, I stroll through the front door, unable to believe how long I have been out.

There has been a problem with one of the productions I’m involved in, and what was meant to be an easy solution, turned out to be more difficult than we thought.

My throat is hoarse from yelling, my eyes are droopy from reading, and I just want to crawl into bed and snuggle up beside Carrie.

It’s thoughts of her that helped get me through the day. Whenever I felt myself about to implode or break down, I just pictured her at home, waiting for me with my unborn child in her womb. It gives me strength and makes the terrible seem bearable.

I creep through the house and into our bedroom, a little too excited to see her. Sure enough, she is in bed already, sound asleep.

I slowly undress, careful not to wake her. As I do, I watch her sleep. She is so beautiful, so perfect. I just cannot believe how lucky I am to have her.

I have been thinking about it all day, and I think it’s time I tell her how I really feel. Sure, I’ve shown her how I feel. I’ve invited her into my home, I’ve introduced her to my friends, and I’ve showered love and attention onto her every time I can. But I haven’t actually said the words. I am going to tell her that I love her.

I was planning on doing it today, when I got home. But that clearly didn’t go to plan. Instead, I’ll do it tomorrow night. I booked a table at a nice restaurant that I know she wants to try. The mood will be perfect, and then, I will tell her everything. And I just hope that she feels the same way.

I slip into bed, snuggling up beside her. I kiss her on the cheeks, and she smiles without waking. I wrap my arms around her and lay my head gently on the pillow.

“I love you,” I whisper.

***

Dinner is going perfectly.

It started with me leaving work early for once, and it continued through to the appetizers we had and the entrees. The place isn’t too crowded either, so the atmosphere is perfect for what I plan to tell her. Really, I can’t imagine how it could have all worked out better.

“You look amazing tonight, by the way. Have I told you that already?”

“This is the third time,” she says, smiling. “But good things happen in threes, so I’m okay with it.”

She does look incredible. Her hair is straight, flowing down her back. She wears a tight black dress that perfectly shows her curves, and she offsets this with a shade of red lipstick that makes me want to lean across the table and kiss her every time I look.

“Well, you do,” I stop myself. “Ah, damn. That’s four. My bad.”

“I’m okay with it,” she says. “And besides, you are only human.”

I’m still trying to decide the right way to tell her how I feel. I don’t want to just tell her that I love her. That’s boring. I want her to feel it, to know that it’s more than just words.

“How’s everything going with the baby?” I ask. “It’s all fine?”

I regret it as soon as the words leave my mouth. What a silly question. Just because it is so obvious. I may as well wear a sign saying that I have something else on my mind.

“Yeah, it’s all good. Is everything all right?” She frowns at me. “You seem nervous.”

Of course, she has noticed that I’m not myself. I’m not exactly subtle.

“What? Yeah, why would I not be?”

“Well, first of all you keep on repeating yourself. You’ve asked me five times how I’m feeling. You’re also fidgeting. Now come on, tell me. What’s going on?”

I let out a deep sigh. It’s time.

“Carrie, you know how great these past few months have been for me, don’t you?”

“Of course, they’ve been great for me, too.” She smiles at me, and I feel my heart skip.

“One thing that we’ve never really spoken about is my past. I’m not exactly a girlfriend type of guy. In fact, I never even thought I would have a serious partner, and I never thought I would want one. But you have changed that. The last time I had a serious relationship was high school. Back then, I wanted a girlfriend, and back then, I was glad I had one.”

“Blake,” Carrie interrupts me. “Please don’t.”

“Please, Carrie, let me finish this,” I say. I’m not looking at her. If I were, I might see the tears starting to form in her eyes. “She broke my heart. After her, I never thought I would feel real feelings for another girl. But then you came along. Carrie, what I’m trying to say is—”

“Blake. Take me home. Please!”

I look up at Carrie, and my face drops. She is in tears. Literal, flowing tears. For how long or why, I have no idea.

“Carrie, what’s wrong?”

“I just want to go home.” She stands up and walks from the restaurant, leaving me where I am.

I stay seated for a moment, trying to think of what I have done. The last time Carrie acted like this was on the beach. It suddenly hits me. That night, I was talking about Lyndsey, too. That night, I was telling her about my past, and she acted the exact same way. Only after that, we didn’t speak for a week.

Is she mad that I have an ex? Is she mad that I’m talking about her?

I stand up and hurry from the restaurant. I can see Carrie standing by the car, waiting. As I reach the car, she refuses to look at me. I want to ask her what is wrong, but I don’t know if I should. I hate seeing her upset. It tears me up inside. But more than that, I hate being the cause of it.

I start up the car and begin the drive home. Carrie still refuses to look at me. I decide that I am going to ask her.