Chapter Eleven

Jude

It seemed that the fall had taken its time getting in place and that the summer had lingered on, barely giving way to the cool weather by Halloween, and only splashing the trees with the anticipated shades of red and gold as the month of November came to a close. Veronica had spent the Thanksgiving holiday with Javi's family, so it had been more than a week since I had seen her. Seeing her walk through the doors at the first class, astonishingly early considering her track record with that particular lecture hall, had been like filling my lungs with the crisp air. The touch of her mouth had been intoxicating and having her sitting in her chair behind me for the duration of the lecture just wasn't enough. I needed to be near her for longer. Despite that, I was unsure when she asked me to join her for a walk around the nearby park to look at the newly changed foliage.

Something made me hesitate, but then I finally agreed. Now we were walking along a worn paved path dappled in sunlight that was streaming through the overhanging trees. I still remembered my wife talking about the sunlight. When we were still so young, still just beginning to fall in love, she talked about how the sunlight changed with the seasons. I had never thought of it before, but as she described it, I realized that she was right. In the spring the sunlight was delicate and pure, like the fresh new life that came with the season. It almost shimmered with the potential of what was to come and gave just the hint of warmth to the world around it. During the summer, the sun strengthened, becoming brighter and more intense, like a child gaining confidence as it grew older. It burned powerfully, heating everything around it to a point that was almost too severe at times. The fall had the richest of the light as the sun seemed to mature, giving down rays that were deeper, fuller, but not as oppressive and unyielding as the summer. Then came winter and sunlight that grew soft and gentle again, seeming to settle back and offer a quieter touch.

That was on my mind now as I looked at the pools of deep orange sunlight on the path ahead of me. As sunset approached they were getting richer, taking on the hue of amber in their last moments before they would fade away.

Please don't be alone.

I closed my eyes briefly and then looked to my side where Veronica walked, a smile on her lips. She seemed to be holding in a laugh.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

She glanced up at me as if she hadn't realized that I had noticed her.

"Oh," she said, her cheeks flushing slightly in the way that always made my stomach tighten. "I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"The look on Emma's face," she said.

I laughed, nodding. Veronica had gotten to the seminar so early that I thought I would have plenty of time to show her exactly what I had been thinking about while she was away and had immediately encouraged her to her knees at the podium. Her skilled little mouth was just finishing cleaning me off when the door to the lecture hall opened and one of the overachievers of class scurried in, clutching her books to her chest and looking like she was frantic at being late even though she was the only student to have arrived.

"I thought that you handled scrambling out from under the podium very elegantly," I said through my laughter.

"Oh, absolutely," Veronica said. "Nothing but the utmost of grace. Thank goodness it was too cold to wear a skirt today or I would have been sitting there with carpet burns on my knees all through class."

"It's not like that would have been the first time," I said, lowering my voice slightly.

She blushed again and leaned toward me, nudging me with her shoulder. I felt her hand brush against mine between us and it reached to intertwine with mine. Pretending as though I hadn't noticed, I took my hand away and shoved both into my pockets. She looked up at me for a moment but then focused ahead again.

"Tell me about your Thanksgiving," she said. "Did you have a nice time?"

"I didn't really celebrate," I said.

"You didn't?" she asked, sounding surprised.

I shook my head.

"I went to a few gatherings at the homes of some colleagues during the break, but nothing on the actual holiday."

"Why not?" she asked.

"I don't have any family," I admitted, realizing that it was the first time that I had given her any real details about my life beyond the University. "It's been just me for…" I hesitated. "Years. I always give my staff the holidays off to be with their families and even the ones who have quarters in my house leave for their visits, so the house is usually empty for a few days."

"So, you just spend it alone? Nothing special at all?"

She seemed devastated by that idea and I felt the strange compulsion to both reassure her and defend myself.

"Most of the time the cook makes dinner for me ahead of time so that I can heat it up when I want to. It's the way that it's been for so long that it's what I'm used to. I actually enjoy the solitude."

She looked up at me for a beat.

"I don't have any family, either," she said. "That's why I spent Thanksgiving with Javi. He's the closest thing I have."

I felt a hint of a smile touch my lips and I was starting to take my hand from my pocket, curious about what it might feel like to hold someone's hand in mine again.

"Jude?"

The voice startled me and I shoved my hand deeper again, turning over my shoulder toward it. Another professor in the literature department was walking toward us, a stack of books clutched under one arm and a steaming cup of coffee in the other hand.

"Hello, Kevin," I said. "Lovely afternoon for a walk."

He nodded, a somewhat suspicious look on his face.

"It was," he agreed. "I thought I'd bring a little reading out here, but it got dark faster than I anticipated."

His eyes drifted to Veronica.

"This is Veronica Parrish," I said. "She's my TA for my literature seminar."

"A TA?" Kevin asked, raising one eyebrow. "I thought that you were one who swore to never pawn off his work on someone else and would rather control everything rather than have help."

It was the exact reaction that I expected and I nodded with what I hoped would look like a self-deprecating smile.

"That is definitely how I have been in the past. But this semester I found that I wanted to do more complex research and publication and that would take my time and energy away from some of my teaching tasks, particularly in my seminar. She took the class a few semesters ago and was very impressive in her mastery of the topic, so when I found out that she was interested in an assistant position, I couldn't pass up the opportunity. She has proven invaluable."

"So, I assume that means I can expect to see more abundant publication from you in the coming months?"

It was a thinly veiled question, an implication that he hoped would trip me up and make me reveal something I hadn't intended to. Unfortunately for him, if there was anything that I got out of all that I have been through in the last few years it was that little could fluster me. I gave him another smile and nodded.

"As a matter of fact," I said. "The bulk of the research and outlining is already complete and I anticipate that the final product will be finished and submitted before the end of the spring semester. I'm really looking forward to sharing my new perspectives and hearing what my contemporaries think about them."

Kevin nodded, the suspicion gone from his face as he seemed satisfied with my response, if not somewhat disappointed that he hadn't been able to uncover a scandal. The evening was getting deeper around us and the tiny lights embedded along the walkway had come on. Kevin glanced down at them as if they were communicating directly with him, and then turned back to me. He lifted his coffee cup in some sort of strange, awkward toast to the unsteady end of the conversation.

"I guess I should be getting back," he said. "I look forward to reading that piece."

"Have a great evening," I said.

Kevin walked away, but turned around after a few steps and looked at Veronica again.

"If you're still looking for an assistant position next semester," he said. "Come talk to me. Someone who has proven so beneficial to the infamous Professor Ford seems like an asset that I could utilize. Have a good night."

I felt my jaw tighten and my hands clenched in my pocket. I waited until Kevin had disappeared into the shadows at the end of the walkway and then turned to Veronica.

"Are you going to give me a good recommendation when I seek out my new TA position?"

"Absolutely not," I said. "You won't be assisting anybody but me."

I meant it as light-hearted teasing, but her face didn't change. She seemed to be searching my eyes, looking for something that she didn't find.

"So, is that it?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Your TA? That's how you're going to introduce me to anyone that we might run into?"

Some of the humor drained out of me.

"Is there a different way that I'm supposed to introduce you?" I asked.

Veronica seemed to think about the question for a moment, her mouth opening and closing a few times but no sound coming out. Finally, she gave an almost imperceptible shrug.

"I don't know," she said. "It just felt like…"

"Look," I said. "There's no reason that anyone needs to know anything about us but us. Kevin likes to talk. Kevin also likes to embellish. He has also been gunning for my position for years."

"I thought that you were an Alumni Professor," she said.

"An Alumni Professor with an incredible amount of pull in the department and in the University in general," I said. "He would love to get me out of the way."

"But would that make any difference even if you were?" she asked. "I'm assuming that a lot of your pull comes from your alumni status and your…" her voice trailed off awkwardly.

"Money?" I asked. There was something about pointing out my wealth that made people squirm as if they didn't want me to know that they were aware of it. "That's certainly part of it. But if I was to leave the University it would open up a tremendous amount of influence. Influence that Kevin and a few others would be very happy to use to their advantage."

"He seemed so nice," she said.

I gave a mirthless laugh.

"Masterful manipulation," I said.

She glanced up at me as we continued our way down the path, walking aimlessly now as the darkness continued to deepen so that only the pale pools of light made by the bulbs along the path were visible.

"So, you don't want me to offer any of my expertise to him?" she asked.

I looked around to make sure that we were alone. Several yards away from the path I could make out the dark silhouette of an old water pump building that had been in place from the time that this land was traversed by horse-drawn carriages and comprised part of the property of one of the families that had established the area. I swept Veronica up and tossed her over my shoulder, running across the grass to the sound of her startled, delighted squeals. I stepped into the pump house and dropped her to her feet, pushing her back against the stone wall. She gasped as my mouth closed over hers forcefully, then I pulled back and looked at her.

"I am the only one who is going to experience any of your benefits," I growled.

My hands slipped under her shirt and closed over her breasts, kneading into them as I pushed her legs apart with my knee and plunged my tongue into her mouth. I took one hand from under her shirt and used it to release the erection that was already straining against my zipper. I took the other hand, pushed her shirt up over her breasts, and then grasped both of Veronica's wrists, pressing them up against the wall over her head and pinning them there. I leaned close to her so that she could feel my hand stroking my shaft against her belly as my mouth kissed along the side of her neck and my thigh nudged at her core.

The thrill of being in the park and the heat of our bodies combating the cold of the air around us increased my arousal until I felt primal, unhinged. I could see that Veronica was feeling the same excitement, straining against my hands and rocking her hips to grind against my thigh. I had felt an aggressive rush of possessiveness toward her at Kevin's suggestion, but it was only that. Possession. Her body and the pleasure that she could offer with it were mine, but nothing more. There was nothing deeper than my physical need for her and I didn't want anyone to think that there was. The truth was that there was nothing about our interactions that could cause any trouble with the University unless someone could prove that she was receiving preferential treatment in her grades, and since I wasn't teaching any of her classes there was no chance of that. And though tearing away as much of her clothing as I dared in the water pump building bordered on the possibility of legal trouble that could cause problems, the chances were slim.

In reality, I didn't want Kevin to know the true nature of my time with Veronica because I didn't want him to start making guesses about our relationship or what it might mean. This was about fulfilling my need to seduce her and satisfying cravings, nothing more. There was no chance of anything more. There hadn't been in far too long.