ANABEL

 

The alarm starts buzzing, and I groan loudly in protest. I start patting around my comforter in search of the stupid device, but once my hand curls around the cold metal I realize that’s not the source of all that noise. Intercom is.

Who the hell is at the door at this unholy hour?

It’s Saturday, the day when I get to sleep in because although I don’t have classes during the week I still have to get up early and go to the internship and then in the afternoons I work on my thesis or book.

Once the classes are done, that’s when real life kicks in.

So far, it sucks.

School simply can’t prepare you for real life. Eight to four or nine to five job. Getting up early in the morning five days a week. Doing the same stuff over and over again. At least while you’re in school you get variety in subjects and you don’t have to do the same thing every single day.

So yeah, real life sucks, and I’m one of the lucky ones who gets to do her own thing once this is all over. I can have my own schedule and be my own person.

Standing from the bed, I hurry to the door. Black spots darken my vision and I feel my legs wobble underneath me. I stumble, but somehow manage to stay on my feet.

Once I’m at the door I grip the door frame tightly. Closing my eyes, I will myself to take a few deep breaths in.

The intercom buzzes again, so I push the answer button blindly.

“Yes?”

“Bel? Where the hell are you?” Val’s annoyed voice greets me.

Shit!

I totally forgot about wedding dress shopping!

“I’m so sorry, Val! I overslept. Come inside, I’ll be ready in a few.”

Val finally pressured me into going wedding dress hunting. Pressured me, AKA told me she made reservations in a few salons and I have to show up.

I guess she’s just doing her job as the maid of honor. Because, let’s face it, I suck at being the bride. Mom and Emily are organizing the whole event and I couldn’t even get the one thing on my list done.

I unlock the door so she can enter once she’s here and hurry to my dresser to get something to wear. Obviously, that’s a wrong thing to do because the dark spots appear in my vision again and I can feel myself swoon on my legs. I’m drenched in cold sweat and my stomach is rolling unhappily.

What the hell is wrong with me?

The last few weeks have been stressful, but there is no need to feel this weak. Is there? I drink enough fluids, and even when I’m not hungry I make myself eat because I don’t have time to be sick. I try not to stay up too late, but I’ve been pretty restless lately and sleep doesn’t come easily.

The door opens and closes behind Valentina. A light breeze that enters with her brings the smell of her perfume to my nostrils.

“How the hell did you oversleep? You are never late!”

She leaves her stuff on the desk and turns to look at me. Her eyes narrow. “Are you okay? You look pale.”

My stomach rumbles in protest. Her perfume is so strong it fills the whole room instantly, and I feel the last night’s dinner making a reappearance. I cover my mouth with my hand as I turn on the heel of my feet and rush to the bathroom.

Good thing is I live in a small apartment, so I get there on time.

“Bel!” Val calls after me, but I don’t turn around. If I stop, I’ll make a mess all over the place.

My legs give up on me once I’m in the bathroom and my knees connect hard with the tiles. So hard I think it’ll leave a nasty bruise.

I empty last night’s dinner in the toilet. There wasn’t much to begin with, but I can’t seem to stop. Over and over I gag and heave, but there is nothing more in my stomach to empty.

“Are you okay?” Val rushes in bathroom and the scent of her perfume fills the room making me gag even more.

“Please … Just … Window …”

More than see, I feel her leave. Slowly, my breathing returns to normal and I feel the nausea withdraw.

My hands grip the seat tightly. My whole face and neck are sweaty from the extraction.

Val opens the windows in the main room and I can feel the cool breeze touch my skin.

After the need to throw up my intestines withdraws I get on my shaky legs and walk slowly to the sink. Turning on the cold water, I dampen the towel and squeeze out extra liquid before I press it to my sweaty skin.

Cold towel feels good, so I repeat the process a few times, washing my face, neck, and cleavage.

“Are you okay?”

I turn around and look at the doorway where my best friend lingers.

“Yeah, I just …” The smell of her perfume reaches my nostrils again, but thanks to the open windows it’s not so overpowering as it was before. “What the hell did you put on yourself? A whole box of perfume?”

Val frowns at me. “No, I put a bit on my wrists and neck. It’s the perfume I always use.”

“That is not the perfume you use. They must have changed something.”

She’s been using the same perfume for years. It’s a sweet flowery scent. That shit she put on? Not her scent at all.

I grab my toothbrush and vigorously start brushing my teeth. The stale taste of puke still lingers in my mouth. It’s disgusting, and I’m afraid if I don’t get rid of it soon I’ll throw up all over again.

When I finish I turn back to look at her. I can still feel my stomach roll all over the place, but I don’t think I’ll throw up again.

Is there even something left to throw up?

“You mind if I grab a quick shower? I’m all sticky.”

Val shakes her head. “I’ll pick some clothes for you and leave it here to change.”

*

After my quick shower we rush out of the apartment because the taxi is already waiting for us downstairs.

We were supposed to take the bus, but because of me we’re already running pretty late.

Val wants to stop so I can grab breakfast and coffee, but the mention of food makes my stomach protest. I don’t know what is wrong with me.

Dizziness could be the result of too much work and not enough sleep, but throwing up? I don’t think the sandwich I had for dinner last night was bad. It didn’t taste or smell funny.

Putting my worries at the back of my mind, I concentrate on my friend and her plan for today.

Val organized a meeting with a few wedding salons here in Zadar. There isn’t a lot of them, but I’m sure there will be at least one dress I’ll like. I hope, at least. I’m not in the mood to travel all the way to Zagreb to hunt for the perfect dress.

We spend the next couple of hours in three different, smaller salons. They have nice dresses, but … they aren’t for me.

At the end of those two hours I feel like I’ve seen it all. From traditional pure white dresses to champagne colored. Long sleeves, short sleeves, stripes, no sleeves. Some fall, some are cut in A or extra puffy in the waist. There are princess dresses, the dresses that have mermaid tail … Some are short on the front and long on the back while some have cut on the side. With sparkle and glitter, lace or just simple, clean white.

I could take my pick, but no, none of them work for me.

And I tried. I really did.

Val made me try every dress that I looked for more than five seconds, but in the end, she agreed. They just weren’t me.

“I’m done,” I whine loudly once we exit the last shop. “This wasn’t supposed to be difficult. Get in, try a few dresses, pick one and get out.”

“Riiiight, because of that we’ve already been in three shops and you’ve tried over twenty dressed.” Val rolls her eyes laughing.

“That’s just sad. I’ll see you once you have to find your perfect wedding dress.”

I want to slap myself as soon as the words leave my mouth. Just a while ago Val confessed to me about her uncertain relationship with her long-time boyfriend. I could feel the distance between them when they were at the engagement party. And if that’s any indication I was afraid how everything is working out when they’re alone at home.

There is sadness in her eyes, but she smiles softly. “If I find the perfect dress in first fifty to a hundred I try I’ll take it as shopping went well.”

She takes my hand and starts walking. “Come on! There is another one we can look at, before they close for the day.”

We walk in a hurry. Val fills me in on her thesis status—she can finally present it to the teaching committee yay!—and I tell her all about my thesis and book I’ve been working on.  

Fifteen minutes later, we stumble into the shop, this one slightly bigger than the previous.

Val tells the woman what we’re looking for. Somewhere along trying all those dresses I got a general idea of what I’d like in my dress. Cream white dress with short sleeves to no sleeves since the wedding is in June. Preferably lace, although sparkles or diamonds can pass if there aren’t too many of them. After all, I don’t want to be a Christmas tree. I’d like the bottom part to fall or be in a slight A. Nothing too puffy or with a long tail.

Simple.

Classy.

Elegant.

Those are the first words that come to my mind when I think of my wedding dress.

Although I loved Sienna’s dress with naked back I knew I wouldn’t be comfortable in a similar dress. Same goes for deep V on the front of the dress or deep cut on the side.

While Val explains what we’re looking for I look through the dresses in the shop. The two of them join me and I show them the ones I like and would love to try.

The first one is pretty simple. Classic white dress. The top is sleeveless, and it ties behind my back like a corset. There is a fine layer of glitter on it and diamonds that are sewed on the sweetheart neckline. The bottom part is puffy and falls down my legs. There is a see-through layer that goes over the petticoat.

Val waves her head as soon as I get out of the dressing room. “Too big. This dress swallows you whole.”

“Maybe you should try it with high heels? It will give you a few extra inches.” The saleswoman suggests, but both of us shake our head no.

Maybe I seem picky, but I can’t help myself.

Do you know that feeling when you try something on and you just feel like it’s made for you? It fits you perfectly and you just know this is it? I didn’t find the dress that makes me feel like that. I didn’t find the dress that will make Will pause and look at me a second longer.

I try two more dresses. One of them has short sleeves and is covered in lacy material from head to toe. The other one is extra tight, in the color of champagne and has a tail longer than I’d like.

Our wedding is outdoors, so I don’t want it to get dirty on the grass.

I’m about ready to give up when the saleswoman comes back with one big white bag. “I found this one in the back. It fits the description you gave me. If you’d like to try …”

Sighing, I get up from my chair. I’m already in my underwear so why not try it while I’m at it?

She hangs the dress in the dressing room and carefully opens the bag and gets the dress out.

“This is …” I stare at it, not knowing what to say.

Val peeks over my shoulder and excitedly claps her hands. “Try it on! Try it on!”

I slip it on with the help of the two of them.

Once I’m completely dressed, I step out of the dressing room and go to the big three-sided mirror in the main room.

 “You look stunning, Bel!” Val squeals excitedly. “Turn around so I can take a picture and send it to your Mom and Si.”

I comply, although it’s hard to take eyes from my own reflection. Even pale and with bags under my eyes I can’t take away the shine of this dress.

“It’s perfect,” I murmur softly, staring at my reflection.

“Will doesn’t know what’s coming!”

*

Once we arranged everything at the bridal shop, Valentina decided it was time to go and eat something.

Finally.

I didn’t eat anything since last night and we all know how that ended—thrown up down the toilet drain. It wasn’t even strange I started to feel light headed as soon as we left the cool space of the bridal shop and started walking toward the Old Town. April can be a tricky month, but today is unusually warm.

We could have probably waited for the bus, but they pass so rarely here—even less on weekends—that we didn’t bother with waiting.

“I still can’t believe that after the whole day we found the perfect dress for you!” Val squeals excitedly.

“Actually, it was the morning, but …”

“Don’t be a party pooper, Bel,” Val scolds me with a frown. “Are you sure this is the dress? We can look more if you want.”

“This is the dress Val. I’m sure.” I squeeze her hand in mine. “And my answer doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that I want this to be over as soon as possible.”

“You’re the worst!” She shoves me and we both giggle.

On the walk to the Old Town and the Wok stand that just recently opened, Val talks my ear off with all the wedding details. She knows more stuff about weddings and has a clearer picture of how my wedding will look like than me. Val talks about wedding, jewelry, reception, colors, and cakes like a pro. At least somebody is excited about all the small details. I just want it to end so I can be Will’s wife. Nothing else matters.

We place our order, my stomach turning in the need of food. I didn’t even know how hungry I was until all the smells reached my nostrils. Nothing like rice, chicken, veggies, and sweet and spicy sauce.

Thankfully, we’re the only ones here so we don’t have to wait too long. When the food comes, I start shoving it in my mouth.

“This is so good!”

“You eat like you’re starving,” Val says and takes a small bite.

“I am! My stomach was acting all funny this morning, but now I’m so hungry I could probably eat a horse.”

Even so, I slow down. The last thing I want is to look like a starving Neanderthal. Or throw up again because I was eating too fast.

My phone rings just as I’m finishing. I look down at the table and smile, connecting the call. “Hey, Si! Did you get the picture?”

“Hey, girl! Yes! It’s gorgeous, Bel! I’m here pouting because I couldn’t go wedding dress hunting with you two.”

“We missed you.” And I’m not even lying. I would have loved to have my two best friends with me today. “What do you think of the dress?”

“It’s completely you …” She sighs happily. “You’ll be one beautiful bride, Bel. Will doesn’t know what’s coming!”

“Val said the same thing!”

There is a slight pause on the other side of the line.

“Si? You there?”

We usually do video calls or Skype, but mostly when I’m home because phone connection can be tricky sometimes and calls get cut. Trust me, in the last year I’d tried all the ways to talk to Will and Sienna.

“Yeah … I just … Have you talked to Will lately?”

“I tried texting last night, but he didn’t get back to me until after I went to bed. He texted around three in the morning. Said he was out with J.D. Why?”

“You didn’t read the paper?”

I frown even more.

“What is going on, Sienna?”

“There’s gossip going around, Bel.”

“What kind of gossip?”

She swallows so loud I can hear it all the way through the line. “That Will is cheating on you …”

After that, I don’t remember much else. Only blackness.