WILLIAM

 

Coming to her university feels like déjà vu. Reminds me of the last time I came here to get her back.

I guess it’s fitting since I’m kind of doing it again right now. The only difference is that she’s mine, and this time I’m not leaving without her by my side once the plane takes off.

Not long after I get there, she comes out of the building. Her head is tilted back, eyes closed exposing her fair skin to the May sun. Black hair falls down her back in the curtain of messy lock. She’s dressed professionally in black pants, silky top and black jacket with high heels on her feet.

When she opens her eyes, she blinks a few times before she starts running like crazy toward me.

For a second, I’m afraid she’ll fall, but she corrects herself and rushes to my awaiting arms.

The first feel of her body crashing into mine? Pure fucking perfection.

Her arms and legs wrap around me and her head settles in the crook of my neck where it belongs, and I finally feel at peace.

But peace is short lived, replaced by need.

Demanding, primal need.

So, I kiss her. I kiss her so hard and long until our lips are red and raw. My hands trail her body and all I can think about is more. I want more of her and I want it now. Unfortunately, we’re in public so more will have to wait at least a while longer.

When we finally take a step back to breathe and compose ourselves, I let my eyes trail her face from up close and I’m not happy with what I see.

Anabel put on makeup, but it doesn’t hide the weight she’s lost nor the purple smudges underneath her vivid blue eyes. She looks so small and breakable I’m scared. I’m genuinely scared of hurting her.

I have to tell you something.

Her words break through my haze and I look at her. She’s nervously biting her lip and her fingers dig into my shoulder so hard her knuckles turn white.

“You have to tell me what?” I ask, my voice cold and body stiff.

It’s not like I’m angry at her or anything, but whatever she has to say, won’t be good. I can already feel it.

Bel wants to get off my lap, but my hold on her tightens. There is no way I’m letting her out of my arms. Whatever she has to say, she can say from right here where she is.

She gets the silent message, so she settles in my lap, sighing loudly in surrender.

“I haven’t been to the doctor, but you’re right … I’ve been feeling off. Throwing up a lot, feeling dizzy, and just plain tired.”

“That’s it.” Fear like no other washes over me, but I fight through it. Anabel needs me to be strong. Composed. Reliable. Solid. Not to fall apart when she needs me the most. My hands tighten around her as I carefully stand with her in my arms. There is nothing more precious in this life than her, and I’ll be damned if I hurt her. “We’re going to the doctor right now.”

“I don’t think we have to …”

I shake my head. She’s not fighting me on this. If she isn’t feeling well we’re going to the doctor to get to the bottom of this. “Yes, we do! You said it yourself, you haven’t been feeling well, and I’m not going to look at you drift apart before my eyes. I’m not going to lose you—”

“You’re not losing me, Will. I think I’m pregnant,” she cuts me off mid-sentence, but I ignore her protest and continue.

“Losing my Dad was enough. I’m not—” Suddenly, her words register in my mind, and I stop dead in my tracks. “Say again?”

“I think I’m pregnant. No.” She shakes her head. “I know I am. Dizziness, nausea … I’m always tired, and I’m sensitive to smells, and my breasts hurt like bitch.”

“You’re pregnant,” I whisper. Shocked.

Pregnant.

Baby.

We’re going to have a baby.

What the actual fuck?

Babies are small and noisy. They cry and make demands and poop all over the place. They need a lot of shit and attention and did I mention they cry? Loudly. They never let you sleep at night and …

How is that even possible? We were always careful. She’s on pill and I’m … fuck!

I stumble back on the bench. Cold wood pressing against my back.

“I’m sorry, Will. I know this is not how it was supposed to go. We talked about it. We were supposed to wait a bit, but …”

A baby. We’re having a baby.

A little human being that is has a part of Anabel and part of me. Something we created together.

My eyelids fall closed, and I rub my face, my hands going through my already messy hair. A little girl like Bel with dark curls and vivid blue eyes. A girl with a mischievous smile that will make me do anything she want. Or maybe a boy with messy brown hair and brown eyes who I’ll teach how to play ball.

Images start appearing behind my eyes in flashes. So vivid. So real.

My heart aches with longing and I realize something.

Although I’m scared, I want it. I want that little human so bad.

“Will?” Bel’s shaky voice brings me out of my mind.

“How long did you know?”

She looks away, swallowing hard. “I never took the test. Everything was happening so fast. I was stressed about the thesis and internship and wedding … And after our talk when Si and J.D. announced their pregnancy I was scared of what you’ll say.” Tears gather in her eyes and I feel like a total dick. “Not doing the test meant I can keep living in the bubble of denial for a little while longer.”

Anabel thought she couldn’t tell me. She thought I’d be mad because she got pregnant before we planned it. I want to punch something. I want to yell at her and ask her does she really think I’m the kind of man who would turn his back on her just because things didn’t go the way we planned it, but I don’t.

A part of me understands this is not her talking, it’s the fear.

The distance that’s been between us on and off for the last year.

There were days when even I asked myself what if. What if she found somebody who’ll make her laugh over here? What if she fell in love? What if the distance becomes too much? What if …

“Let’s go.” I get up from my seat once again with her in my arms.

“Go where?”

“To buy the test.”

*

I didn’t let her go, no matter how much she protested. If I thought she’s precious before she detonated the baby-bomb, now I’ll be even more protective of her.

Her and our baby.

Because, yes. Anabel is pregnant.

At least, according to the three tests sitting on the bathroom counter.

I dragged her to the pharmacy and bought the tests and then I almost ran back to her place so that she can take them and we can find out if she’s really pregnant or if it’s something else.

“What are we going to do?” she utters, nervously biting at her nails.

Although she suspected she’s pregnant, she still seems surprised. Maybe she was holding onto the hope that this isn’t real. That there was a possibility that she isn’t pregnant.

“Nothing.”

Anabel’s eyes look at me, furrow appearing between her brows. “Nothing?”

“Nothing,” I agree, getting on my knees before her so we’re at the same level. Her bathroom is too small for this shit, but I’m not going out of here before I get my message across. I take her hands in mine, my lips kissing the inside of her wrists.

“We’re continuing how we planned.” With one hand, I lift her chin so I know she’s getting every word I say. “You’re packing and coming with me to the States. We’ll get married in a few weeks like we were supposed to, and we’ll go on our honeymoon before I leave for training camp.”

“What about the b-baby?” she stutters the last word out, almost like she’s afraid of it. Blue eyes grow wide.

What color will be our baby’s eyes? Brown like mine or blue like Bel’s?

“What about the baby? If I’m not mistaken, we still have some time before the baby comes to prepare everything.” I shrug. “But first and most important of all, you have to start eating. I don’t think it’s healthy for you or the baby that you’ve lost so much weight.”

“I should probably go and see the doctor. Maybe something isn’t right.” Her eyes, fill with tears look at me. “What if something isn’t right? What if all this throwing up was a sign but I kept ignoring it and now it’s …”

Her fear fills the whole bathroom. It’s so palpable I could take it in my hand and put it in a bottle.

My hands wrap around her, and I lift her in my arms. Her arms and legs hold onto me tightly, her face buried in my neck crying silent tears.

“Shh … You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“What if I did? We can’t know that,” she protests.

“I just know it. You wouldn’t do anything to hurt our baby.”

“Our baby.”

Anabel lifts her head to look at me. Her face is stained with tears, but her lips form a little O in surprise. I guess she really didn’t allow herself to think about the possibility of being pregnant before.

“Our baby.” I smile reassuringly, kissing her nose. “But you should call your doctor and arrange the visit. Just to make sure everything is okay. Or we could call your mom, or my mom and see with them.”

She shakes her head no. “I don’t want to tell anybody yet. Everything can happen and with the wedding, it’s just too much. Besides, I want this baby to be just ours for a little while longer.”

My hand covers her stomach instantly. Her much smaller hands settle over mine and give me a squeeze. There is no bump just yet, only a slight curve to her tummy. Or maybe it’s just my wishful thinking because in my head I can see Anabel carrying my baby. Her stomach round and her breasts full. She’ll look even more beautiful than before.

“Ours.”