Chapter Fourteen
Kevin was dog-ass tired as he dragged himself into his apartment. No lights were on and as soon as he stepped through the door, he knew Kathy wasn’t there. He felt the lack of her presence.
Well, damn. He pulled out his phone and sent her a text. Everything okay? I thought you were coming to my house.
He loosened his tie as he walked through the apartment with his phone in his hand, waiting for a response. He tried calling, but the phone went straight to voice mail, so she had it turned off. Why would she do that?
He stripped and went to the bathroom to take a shower. Thinking back over their evening together, he couldn’t come up with any reason why she would’ve changed her mind. When he dried off, he still hadn’t heard from her and his anger was mounting.
He had half a mind to go to her apartment and demand to know why she hadn’t come over and was ignoring him now. But he also knew that if she wasn’t already asleep, she would be by the time he got there. Making a scene by waking all her neighbors wouldn’t win him any points.
So he crawled into bed alone and set his alarm. Kathy might be avoiding him now, but he’d get to the bottom of it first thing in the morning.
* * *
When his alarm rang, Kevin slapped at it and didn’t want to move. He made a mental deal with himself that if Kathy had sent him a text to explain last night, he could sleep in. Maybe it had been a simple misunderstanding.
He swiped his phone on, the bright blue light nearly blinding him. No texts. No calls. She’d been awake for at least a half hour, so she would’ve seen his text and missed call from last night.
Unless she hadn’t turned her phone back on yet.
He rolled over with his phone in his hand, willing it to buzz with some acknowledgment.
He dozed off and when he rolled over twenty minutes later, there was still nothing. He got out of bed, determined to get some answers. The thought of calling or texting crossed his mind, but that was too easy to ignore. She couldn’t pretend he didn’t exist if he was standing in her shop.
The drive to Love in Bloom was fast, considering most of the world was still asleep. He peered through the front door, but saw no sign of her, so he walked around to the alley. He rang the bell meant for delivery drivers.
When the metal door clanged open, Kathy stared at him with a startled look on her face. Her eyes were impossibly wide. “Hi. What are you doing here?”
“You were supposed to come to my apartment last night.”
“I know. I was really tired, and I fell asleep.” Her eyes shifted away and he knew she wasn’t telling the whole truth.
“Can I come in?”
She nodded and stepped back, still holding the heavy door open. She made no move to give him a kiss. What the hell happened between dinner and bed last night?
The door thunked shut with a loud clatter. Kathy brushed past him and went to her office. He followed. Memories of the orgasm he’d given her there assaulted him. He cleared his throat to focus.
“Why didn’t you come over?”
She moved behind her desk and sat down. “I told you—”
He stayed standing, hating the distance the desk created between them. “Cut the crap. You could’ve gone to my place and fallen asleep. You decided not to come over, and then you turned your phone off to avoid me.”
His words were sharper than he’d intended and she gripped her hands together in her lap. She looked like a kid getting reprimanded by her parents. That’s not what this was supposed to be. He just wanted to understand what was going on in her head. He moved around the desk and squatted in front of her.
He put his hand over her clasped ones. “What’s wrong?”
“I freaked out.”
“About what?”
“This. Us. Going to your apartment, spending time there without you, spending the night with you. All of it.”
His thumb stroked her hand. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“I knew if I called you, you would convince me to come over.”
He smiled because she was right. He’d wanted to spend the night with her so of course he would’ve tried to talk her into it. But he would’ve tried to fix this first. “Why were you freaking out?”
“I’m not sure. It felt really fast all of a sudden.”
“You’re the one who initiated sex. You said you were ready.”
Her shoulders sagged. “I know that. And it’s not sex. It’s everything.” She took a deep breath and flexed her hands, stretching her fingers out, forcing him to release her. “I think mostly it was the key.”
“The key?”
“I had the key to your apartment in my pocket, and you weren’t going to be home. That’s a lot of trust.”
“I do trust you.”
She licked her lips and stared into his eyes. “But I don’t fully trust you.”
It felt like someone had just forced a rock down his throat and into his empty stomach. He’d known this. She had plenty of reason not to trust him, but he’d been doing everything possible to change that.
She wrapped her fingers around his. “I know you’re trying and I recognize that you’re not the same guy you were five years ago. But I don’t know how to get rid of this gut-level reaction of not trusting you. It’s not fair to you.”
“Yeah, it is. I’ve slept with a lot of people and I can’t even guarantee that I didn’t sleep around when we were together. I’ve led a life of very casual relationships. I always thought everyone was on the same page with me. You weren’t and there’s no changing that. But I’m willing to do anything you need to prove that you can trust me now. I won’t cheat on you. I won’t lie to you.”
She bit her lip. Every time she got quiet like this he felt like she was going to kick him to the curb.
“Swapping keys is too fast. I need to see you and spend time with you.”
“I know.”
“I know you know, but I don’t think you can make it happen. We’ve been trying for weeks now.”
“We can make this happen. In fact, I have some work functions to go to and I’m hoping you’ll be my date. Even if you don’t stay for the whole thing. I know it’s not quite the date you’re looking for, but my appearance is mostly for show. I have to chat some people up, but that’s all.”
She sighed and he half expected her to shoot him down. “Give me the details. I’ll be there. Maybe even go home with you after.”
He stood and pulled her up with him, his heart so much lighter than it had been moments ago. He loved the press of her body against his. “So you’ll spend the night with me as long as I don’t send you to my place alone.”
She nodded slowly. “I really like having sex with you.”
He laughed. “I really like having sex with you too.” He lowered his mouth to hers for a deep kiss. “I’d like to have lots more sex with you.”
She threw her head back and laughed with him. He took advantage of the moment and kissed her neck. Her breath hitched when his tongue made contact, and her hand pushed his shoulder.
“As much as I’d love a repeat performance here, I have a delivery due any minute.”
He smiled. “I can wait until the delivery is done.”
With a chuckle she said, “Anna will be in soon after. We have a crazy busy weekend.”
“Fine,” he said dramatically.
“Text me the details for your fancy parties, and I’ll do my best to be there.”
“No blowing me off. If you can’t make it or don’t want to, say so.”
“And if I say I don’t want to go, you won’t try to talk me into it?”
“Of course I’ll try to talk you into it. It’s not my fault you can’t help but fall for my charm.” He stroked her cheek. “In all seriousness, if you’re freaked out, you need to tell me, so we can deal with it. No running away and avoiding me.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
He pressed a kiss to her lips. “I’ll call you later.”
* * *
When Moira strode through the door of the flower shop, Kathy couldn’t help but smile. Her best friend always came with good advice and great food. What more could she ask for in a friend?
Today she needed a healthy dose of both. Kathy waved to Anna and said, “I’m headed to lunch. Call if you need anything.”
Anna nodded. “Have fun. Hey, Moira. How’s it going?”
“Good. How about with you?”
“Same. How’s married life?”
“No different. Jimmy and I have been living together for long enough that the only thing that’s changed is using ‘Mrs. O’Malley.’ Makes me sound old. And of course, my mother is pressuring me to give her grandchildren now.”
Anna laughed. “Moms do that. Enjoy your lunch. Bring her back in a better mood,” she said with a chin tilt toward Kathy.
Moira looped her arm through Kathy’s as they headed out the door. “So what was that all about?”
“Rough night. And morning.”
“What did Kevin do now?”
“Nothing bad. This is all on me.”
They walked in the late summer sun to a burger place around the corner. Kathy loved that they didn’t need to discuss where they would go.
“Well?” Moira prompted.
Kathy huffed. “I’m an idiot. Kevin and I haven’t been able to see much of each other lately. He’s been working a ton of hours and I get that. I’m not mad, but you know, I want to see my boyfriend.”
Moira made a face.
“What?”
“Just weird hearing you refer to Kevin O’Malley as your boyfriend.”
Kathy nudged her friend’s shoulder. “Would you prefer lover?” She added breathless emphasis on lover.
“Hell no. But go on with your story.”
“So I went to his office to surprise him with dinner and an office plant last night.”
“Oh no.” Moira stopped in her tracks. “Please tell me he wasn’t screwing his secretary on his desk.”
“What? No!” Kathy shook her head. “You really do think the worst of him.”
“How can I not?”
Kathy began to think that maybe Moira wasn’t the best person to talk to about this, but then she didn’t really have anyone else she was close enough to. They continued down the street.
“For the record, he doesn’t have a secretary.”
Moira snorted.
“We had a picnic on his office floor. He asked me to spend the night at his place.”
“Okay.” Moira drew the word out as if waiting for a bomb to drop.
“He gave me the key to his apartment so I could go there and wait for him.”
Moira pulled open the door to the restaurant. “Still not seeing a problem.”
“I know. That’s why I’m an idiot.” They went to the counter, placed their orders, and sat at a table to wait for their food.
Once they were settled, Kathy finished her story, telling Moira about freaking out, blowing Kevin off, and him coming to the shop this morning.
“I give him credit for waiting until morning. Kind of surprising when I think about it. Those O’Malley boys aren’t known for their restraint. I’d have expected him to pound on your door when you didn’t show up.”
“Me too, I guess. But he said when my phone went to voice mail, he knew it was off and I was probably asleep. So at least he wasn’t worried.”
“Be glad for that. Jimmy would’ve had the SWAT team knocking down my door.”
Kathy laughed because that sounded like exactly what Jimmy would do. Their number was called and Moira grabbed their food. When she returned to the table, they spread everything out and dug in.
“So what’s really the problem?” Moira asked.
“Ultimately, I don’t trust him.”
“Understandable.”
“Yeah. And he totally owns that, which makes it worse. He’s trying. He really is. I just don’t know what to do. He gave me his freaking key to go to his apartment without him. That’s total trust. He had nothing to hide.”
“That’s good. That’s what you need from him, right? Complete transparency?”
“In a way, yeah. But I don’t want to be the kind of woman who’s always checking up on him and verifying things just to make sure he can be trusted. I can’t live like that. I need to be able to trust.”
“It’s not like you’re asking too much. What does he say?”
“That he’ll do whatever I need to gain my trust.”
Moira put her burger down. “What does that mean?”
Kathy rested her head on her hand. “I don’t even know.”
“Maybe you’re saying you’re giving him another chance, but you’re not.”
“Huh?”
“What did he say about the last time you guys were together? Why did he cheat?”
Kathy’s stomach tumbled again. This wasn’t a good conversation to have with Moira. Moira was there after Kathy had caught him last time. Or thought she’d caught him. “We’re not even sure he did cheat,” Kathy said quietly.
“We’re not? Since when?”
“Since Kevin and I talked about it.”
“Oh, this’ll be good. That man can talk his way out of anything. No wonder you’re so twisted up about whether you can trust him.” Moira leaned closer, her ample chest pushing forward. “Maybe you just can’t.”
Kathy leaned back in her seat. “See? That’s a problem.” She pointed at Moira. “You can’t be objective when it comes to Kevin.”
“I don’t need to be objective. I need to be in your corner. Which I am. Always.”
“When I saw him with that woman five years ago . . . I didn’t confront him. I turned tail and left. I came to you and being the best friend that you are, you bashed and berated him.”
“One of my favorite pastimes,” Moira said with a smile.
“But an objective friend might’ve questioned what I saw and if I’d asked him about it. If I had, I would’ve found out that he hadn’t slept with her.”
“What?” Moira’s voice was loud enough that other people turned.
Kathy hung her head.
Moira clamped her mouth shut for a minute, sucked in a breath through her nose, and then asked, “Do you believe him?”
Kathy nodded. “I know you think he’s lying to get me to trust him, but it’s what he said after that made me believe him.”
She explained the rest of the conversation, including Kevin’s admission that there might’ve been other drunken hookups. “He thought we were casual. I didn’t. Both of us felt that it wasn’t casual, though. He just wasn’t ready.”
“Stupid O’Malley.”
Kathy looked at her friend for further explanation.
“The whole lot of them are emotionally stunted. God forbid they just admit how they feel.”
Kathy laughed and it was more at herself than at what Moira had said. Kathy herself was every bit as emotionally stunted.
Moira reached out and covered Kathy’s hand with hers. “You need to decide what matters. What might’ve happened five years ago or what you might have today. If you can’t really give him a chance, let him go.”
Kathy nodded. She knew Moira was right. She wanted to give Kevin—to give them—a chance. She thought she was ready. The real question was whether she believed he was ready this time.
“I mean, you could make him suffer some first. I’d be on board for that.”
“Remind me never to get on your bad side.”
Moira winked.