Chapter Twenty-Three
Walking away from Kathy at that moment was the hardest thing Kevin had ever done in his life. But he couldn’t continue on with the constant push and pull that they’d been doing. If he was going to be all in with this relationship, she needed to be too. And not just to say it, but to really believe it and live it. He shoved through the doors and walked to his car. By the time he stuck the key in the ignition, his hands were shaking.
Fuck, he wanted a drink.
He’d stayed sober all night because he wanted a clear head to talk to Kathy. Now he was regretting that decision. He no longer wanted to think straight or feel anything. Oblivion was starting to sound pretty damn good. Because he just walked away from the best thing he had. He’d needed to. It was the right decision and nothing told him that more than her reaction to what he’d said.
She let him go.
Not even a word of protest. She wasn’t ready to fight for them. Or fight with him. No matter what she’d said. The words sounded great, but like she said, when you’re a person who’s good with words, they don’t carry much weight.
He started the engine and drove to his apartment. He and Kathy needed more space. She needed to figure out what she really wanted, what she was willing to put out there. He’d hoped that the past week apart had been enough. It was killing him to not be with her.
By the time he got into his apartment, his thirst for alcohol had waned, but he popped the cap off a bottle of beer anyway. What he wanted to do was call Kathy and go to her, but this time, it was her move. She needed to decide if she was really in this relationship, if she was ready to put the work in.
Just as he raised the bottle to his lips, there was a knock at his door. He went to answer, confused as to who would show up at his apartment. He hadn’t expected to see Kathy standing there looking pissed off.
“That was a shitty thing to do,” she said as she pushed past him and entered his apartment without invitation.
She must’ve taken his stunned silence as permission to continue. She turned on him, pointed, opened her mouth, and then stopped. She took a deep breath and crossed her arms.
Damn. She was shutting down again. That was too bad because she looked damn good with some fire in her.
“You came all the way over here to yell at me and now you’re not going to do it?” he said.
“I didn’t come to yell.”
He answered with a raised brow. He knew a pissed-off woman when he saw one.
“Yes, I’m angry. Talking to you tonight was hard for me, and you acted like it was nothing. I know I screwed up and I want to fix it. I tried to tell you and I feel like you dismissed that.” Tears welled up in her eyes.
He didn’t care anymore about pushing her or waiting to see if she was ready. She was here, and so he pulled her into his arms and held her. “I wasn’t dismissing you. I want you to want this as much as I do. I need you to be pissed off at me and fight with me when you are instead of shutting down and holding it in. ’Cause, let’s face it. I’m gonna do a whole lotta shit to piss you off. It’s in my nature. If you can’t let me have it now and then, we’ll never survive.”
Her shoulders shook with her laughter. “I’m trying. I am. I don’t know how to do that.”
“What?”
She eased back and looked up at him. “Fight.”
“Come on. Everyone knows how to fight.”
She shook her head. “Nope. I’ve always been too afraid. Every time I’ve ever had a boyfriend, and things got rough, we broke up. That was it. The end.”
“You sure you’re best friends with Moira? Because I’ve seen the O’Learys fight. They’re not as rowdy as the O’Malleys, but they get into it.”
“I’m not stupid. I know people fight. I’ve seen it happen, and it makes me uncomfortable. I usually leave.”
He thought about that. Every time he and his brothers had gotten into something, even if it was playful, Kathy had made herself scarce. “You can do your best or your worst and you won’t scare me away.”
She paused before offering a quick nod. “Okay.”
He held her upper arms and pushed her gently back from his embrace. “So let me have it.”
“What?”
“You came in here pissed off, saying it was a shitty thing to do.” He held his hands out for her to continue, but he also saw she had no steam left.
But she straightened her shoulders and stiffened her spine. “You’re an asshole. I asked if we could talk, and you made it sound like we had a chance, you gave me hope. When I said I wanted to learn to fight for us, you laughed.”
“I didn’t—”
Her hand flicked up. “Don’t interrupt me. You absolutely did laugh at me. You thought I was being cute when all I did was try to make a point. That hurt.”
Fuck. Her point struck home. He had done that to her. And worse, he was doing it again. He stood there, thinking about how cute it was that she was going to fight, and her words actually carried weight and meaning.
He set his beer on the table beside them and reached for her. He held her head, threading his fingers through her curls, and kissed her. “I’m a fucking asshole.”
“Yeah, you are, but why are you copping to it so easily?”
He rested his forehead against hers. “I pushed you like I needed you to prove something to me, as if I needed to teach you something, and in one quick sentence, you showed me. I asked you to fight with me, to tell me when you were feeling insecure or upset. And then I treated your concerns like they were cute. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t like this,” she whispered. “Fighting.”
“It’s not like we do it all the time.”
“My parents did.”
“But they didn’t belong together. You know that. Did they ever love each other?”
She lifted her shoulders. “I didn’t bother asking my mom. I’m not sure I want the answer.”
“I know the answer here. We belong together.” His fingers skimmed down her arms. “Can you spend the night?”
She nodded. “I’ve missed you.”
“Not nearly as much as I’ve missed you.”
He knew things weren’t perfect, but they’d figure it out. They were definitely on the right path.
* * *
Kathy had no idea how she’d been roped into going to a hockey game and then out for drinks with the O’Malley family on a Sunday afternoon, but that’s where she found herself a week later. She and Kevin watched Tommy, Sean, and Kai on the ice and cheered with Norah, Deirdre, and Emma in the stands. Her life felt balanced and normal. She and Kevin were happy and working.
And she’d found herself surrounded by a whole new family who accepted her.
She and Kevin still didn’t see each other as often as she’d like, which was part of why she was sitting at McGinty’s drinking with a bunch of hockey players at four in the afternoon, but they were working on it. Kevin had brought up the idea of them moving in together a couple of times. She thought it was a little too early yet, but the thought no longer scared the crap out of her. The idea of settling down with Kevin was beginning to feel like it was where she belonged, and that made her happy.
She sipped on a margarita because the bartender looked at her like she was crazy for asking for a cosmo. Judging by the amount of tequila burning her throat, she shouldn’t have asked for a margarita either. Kevin was on his second beer and he was in party mode. She hadn’t seen him like this in a long time. He’d shaken off all vestiges of city-hall, suit-wearing Kevin, and he was just another loud-mouthed, cursing O’Malley.
He wasn’t vulgar or disrespectful, just different. She’d forgotten this side of him. The side that needed to let loose. He moved from one group of people to the next. At tables, at the bar, it didn’t matter. He spoke with everyone. When he was like this, she could see him being a politician. He was good at charming everyone.
Kathy sat by herself. She’d talked with players’ wives and girlfriends, but she was talked out. She didn’t know how Kevin did this. He never ran out of things to say. Kevin came by, kissed the side of her head, and asked, “Need another drink?”
“No, this one isn’t all that good. I think I’m going to head out.”
“Come on, let’s stay for a while. We haven’t been out like this in a long time. Not just for fun. No work, or networking, or responsibility.”
He was right, but she wasn’t having much fun. “You can stay.” They’d come in separate cars, but had planned on going home together.
“No. Stay and we’ll leave together. A half hour.” He offered a broad smile and wiggled his eyebrows at her. His charm always worked on her and he knew it.
“Thirty minutes for real,” she said.
“Yep.”
Then he was gone again. Kathy turned her drink in circles and played with the condensation dripping on the glass. Kevin was having a good time, and she didn’t want to ruin his fun, but that’s what she felt like she was doing.
“Hi. Is it okay if I sit here?” one of the hockey players asked.
She looked up. His dark hair was artfully messy and he was built much like Kevin’s brother Sean—long and lean.
“Sure,” she said.
“I’m Craig,” he said with an extended hand.
She shook his hand. “Kathy.”
“I don’t think I’ve seen you at a game before.”
“This was my first one.”
“Who do you know on the team?”
“Sean and Tommy O’Malley. Their older brother Kevin is my boyfriend.” She checked the time on her phone.
“Have somewhere to be?”
“Not really, but I’m tired and ready to head out.” She peered behind him at Kevin, who was still standing at the bar. “My boyfriend, however, still doesn’t look ready to go.”
“I’m leaving in a few minutes. I could give you a ride if you want.”
“Thanks, but I have my car. I told Kevin I’d wait a half hour. Just feels like a long thirty minutes.”
“Can I at least get you a drink since you’re stuck here?”
She shook her head. “I already tried a margarita, and it about killed me.”
Craig laughed. “Someone should’ve warned you that beer and whiskey are the only safe options here.”
“I’ll keep that in mind for next time.” She laughed.
“Let me know if you change your mind.”
She watched Kevin make his rounds and tamped down her jealousy when two young women stopped him near the bar and were standing much too close for a simple conversation. They were obviously flirting with him.
He smiled, said something, and they laughed. One stroked his arm. He didn’t brush them away or step out of reach. It didn’t look like he was pointing her out to them as his girlfriend either. Kathy took a deep breath. She couldn’t control the actions of other people. Kevin was coming home with her.
He loved her. She had no doubt.
But when one of the women leaned over to whisper in Kevin’s ear, Kathy lost whatever patience she had. She slid from her stool and walked to Kevin and the women. Taking a page from his book, she stepped next to him and simply said, “Hey, babe. Care to introduce me to your friends?”
Her words were sharp enough that even if the women were drunk or stupid, they’d understand her meaning. Kevin leaned back and put an arm around her shoulder. “Hey, sweetheart.” He pointed to the women and said, “This is Tiffany and Sam. This is my girlfriend, Kathy.”
At least he had the decency to introduce her as his girlfriend. “Hi,” she said.
The women looked her up and down with a smile. “See you later, Kevin,” one of them said before flouncing off.
He turned to Kathy. “Please tell me you weren’t jealous of some puck bunnies.”
“Jealous? Hardly. I’m tired of being here. I’m not having a good time.”
“You looked like you were having a good time with that hockey player.” He took a swig of his beer.
“What?” She thought back and realized that he was talking about Craig. “Craig sat down and we talked. I immediately told him I was here with you. Can you say the same?” She didn’t wait for a response because she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer. She was being bitchy and it was uncalled for. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then said, “Look. You’re having a good time. I don’t want to ruin that. Have fun hanging out with your brothers and their teammates. Come over later. I’ll be at home.”
He looked from her face to the crowded bar. “You sure?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. I’ll be over in a while.” He kissed her cheek.
When she pulled away, a pit settled in her stomach. He hadn’t bothered to offer to walk her out. He hadn’t even given her a real kiss. It shouldn’t have bothered her, but something nagged. By the time she got home, she’d worked herself into a frenzy with thoughts about why Kevin wanted to stay at the bar and what the hell he’d meant by puck bunnies.
She parked in front of her apartment and tried to calm herself, but nothing seemed to work. She knew she was being irrational, so she changed into running gear, tied on her gym shoes, and went for a run.
The moment her shoes slapped the pavement, her head started to clear. She filled her lungs with the cool early fall breeze in the late afternoon sun. She told herself she was seeing the dark side to everything.
Kevin was a good-looking guy and women would flirt with him. Men flirted with her too. She dismissed it because it didn’t mean anything. She loved Kevin.
The thought rang out as clear as light blue sky above her. She loved Kevin.
Which was why she got pissed when he flirted with other women. She turned the corner and crossed the street without waiting for the signal. Traffic was light, so she had no cars to dodge. Her momentum felt too good to slow.
She was irritated by his actions at the bar. Her irritation fueled her pace. It wasn’t about whether or not he would cheat or even if she trusted him not to. She didn’t like the way he’d treated her. They were supposed to be on a date. He’d said he wanted to spend time with her, but he hung out with everyone but her.
As she reached her block, she slowed to a walk to catch her breath. Nearing her building, she saw Kevin leaning against the gate leading into her courtyard. Hands tucked into his jeans pockets, he watched her walk.
Most guys would’ve waited in the car or at least played with their phone while waiting, but Kevin had been looking for her.
Of course, she liked that, but she had something to say to him before she would let that knowledge warm her.
* * *
Kevin had been watching up and down the block for the last ten minutes. When Kathy hadn’t answered her phone or her door, he began to worry that things weren’t okay between them. Over the past two weeks, their relationship had been working, but at McGinty’s this afternoon, something was off.
“Hey,” she said, the breeze blowing her ponytail forward.
“Well, I’m glad my guess was right and you went running and weren’t ignoring me.”
“I didn’t expect to see you for hours.” She reached down to her ankle and snagged her key. When she straightened, she looked him in the eye. “We need to talk.”
Ah, fuck. Like every man he knew, he hated those words. He followed her into the building and into her apartment without saying a word. Once inside, he asked, “Is this a sit-on-the-couch kind of talk or yelling-in-the-living-room kind of talk?” He tried for levity he wasn’t feeling.
She turned to face him. “Closer to the latter.”
She toed off her shoes and kicked them aside. Then she crossed her arms and huffed out a breath.
Before she could launch into yelling at him, he raised his hands and said, “I’m sorry you weren’t having a good time at the bar. I wanted to spend some time together. When I got there, I just wanted to let loose. I can’t remember the last time I went out just to drink with my brothers.”
“I don’t care about that.”
Now he was truly baffled.
“I’m pissed because of the way you treated me. You had me tag along to this dive bar and then you abandoned me so you could flirt with—what did you call them?—puck bunnies.”
He stepped forward and reached for her hand. “I told you, you don’t have anything to be jealous of.”
“I’m not jealous!”
Her harsh yell startled Kevin into releasing her hand. Her light brown eyes, the color of cool whiskey, were now burning hot. He’d never seen such a fierce look on her face. He stood in stunned silence.
“I get that you are charming and you’re a talker. You talk to everyone in that friendly let-me-get-to-know-you way. It’s who you are. In fact, it’s one of the things I like about you. But I didn’t like you charming those women when I was in the room, waiting to hang out with you. You said yourself that you wanted to spend time with me.”
As sick as it made him, seeing her pissed off and yelling at him was a turn-on. “I wasn’t trying to charm them. Yeah, they were flirting, and I’m a guy, so I enjoy it. But they meant nothing. Harmless conversation. Why do we have to keep talking about this? You either trust that I’m going to be faithful or not.”
“God, would you listen to yourself? I don’t think you were making plans to fuck them. I’m trying to tell you that I don’t like the way I felt when I was in the bar with you. At first, I recognized that my reaction was a little irrational. And if you’d called me on that, I’d understand. But I went for a run to clear my head and it did wonders. You asked me to come to that bar with you.” She came close, pointing a finger. “You should’ve spent time with me. Even if it meant ignoring your fans.”
He smiled, even though it might’ve caused her to physically hurt him.
She shoved his chest. “This isn’t funny, asshole. I felt like you were testing me at the bar and that was a dick move.”
“What?” She’d lost him again. Sometimes he wished he’d spent more time with his sister because then he might have a shot at understanding the female mind.
“I think you wanted this.” There went her arms flailing again.
“You think I intentionally pissed you off? Why the hell would I do that?”
“To make me fight with you. That’s what you’ve been pushing for, isn’t it? To make me prove that I love you? It’s a crappy way to treat me.”
He was so mesmerized by her body, her fluid movements as she yelled, that he almost missed the words. “What’d you say?”
She crossed her arms again and clenched her jaw. “I said it’s a crappy way to treat me.”
“Before that.”
Her brow furrowed and instead of waiting for her to retrace her thoughts, he said, “You said I wanted you to prove that you love me.”
She shook her head, waiting for more.
“Do you?”
“Of course, I love you. You know that.”
“But you’ve never said it.” He moved in again, pulling her body into his embrace. Her arms were trapped between their bodies. “I don’t need you to prove a damn thing, Kathy. I love you.”
She sighed and relaxed in his arms, wiggling her own free. “This wasn’t exactly how I thought I’d say it to you the first time.”
“I’m sorry I ignored you at the bar. You’re right. I should’ve been with you.”
“Or next time, you can go alone. I don’t need to be with you all the time. I’m okay with you hanging out without me. That was way more your thing than mine.”
His smile broadened.
“What are you smiling at?”
He walked her backward until she was against the door, and he was flush against her body. “First, you fought with me. Like really fought, no shutting down and running away. With a little practice, you’ll be able to give the O’Malleys a run for their money. Second, you fucking love me.”
She tilted her head up. “Why does the fight get top billing?”
“Because you know what happens after a fight?”
“What?”
“Makeup sex.”
Her laugh filled the room, and it was the best sound in the world. She wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him down for a kiss.
“I love you, Kevin O’Malley. You taught me that I don’t have to be afraid to fight with you or for you. Now I’m really looking forward to you teaching me all about makeup sex.”
“I love the sound of that.”