As soon as the apartment door shut behind me, I made a beeline straight to the liquor cabinet. Without wasting a second, I filled a single glass to the rim of Makers Mark and tossed it back in one gulp. I still had his blood on my hands, a gruesome reminder of how close I came to putting Colton out of everyone’s misery tonight. My erratic thoughts bombarded my brain. Between the ‘Emily’ stunt that I pulled at the club and what went down at Lexi’s apartment, I didn’t know which way was up.

Hearing the panic in her voice and seeing the look of crazy in his eyes caused a rush of fear to race through my veins like never before. My vision grew hazy with rage, and time seemed to move in slow motion. Once I got my hands on that sorry piece of shit, I couldn’t stop myself.

“Talk to me, Brad.” Lexi’s quiet voice broke through my thoughts. The second our eyes met, my heart started to throb in my chest.

“I’m so damned sorry, Lexi.” I admitted, dropping my gaze to the floor. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her.

“What are you sorry for?” She asked, taking a couple of tentative steps in my direction. I summoned the courage to look up into her baby blues, and then I lost it.

Lexi reached out and wrapped her arms around me. “For not getting there sooner.” I tried to explain, feeling the tears push through my eyes. I’d only cried twice that I could remember. Once when Emily left me and the other time at my father’s funeral. Neither of those times were as gut wrenching as this. I felt like I had failed her.

Her touch was soft and gentle. “I don’t want to talk about Colton.” My eyes slid shut. Great! She wanted to talk about Emily. I wasn’t sure which conversation would be worse.

“It killed me when I saw you run to her tonight.” She admitted, pulling her body away from mine.

“I know.” I told her, trying to hold it together. Her insecurities about Emily had tested our relationship from the beginning. I never thought I could hate myself as much as I did in that moment. My hand brushed away the tears that had fallen from her thick lashes. “I don’t know why I reacted that way when I saw her.”

She looked at me, her eyes were so sad. It was clear how much my actions had affected her. “Because you still have feelings for her. I’m not going to lie; it hurts knowing that I may never be able to replace her in your heart.” She turned away from me. “I don’t know if I can handle feeling like your second choice.”

“You will never be my second choice!” I bit out, a little harsher than I intended. Tonight made me realize that. The connection I had with Emily paled in comparison to what I had with Lexi. However, it wouldn’t matter what I said or how hard I tried to convince her, she was always going to have doubts. I had made sure of that tonight.

She shook her head and crossed her arms defensively. “Please don’t say things just because you think that’s what I want to hear. I want honesty. Just admit you still love her.”

“You want honesty?” I asked, her blue eyes staring back at me. There was no way to hide the frustration in my tone. “Fine, I’ll give you honesty. When I saw her, I felt absolutely nothing.” I watched as my words started to slowly sink in. “I realized in that moment that I was truly and completely over her. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always care about her on some level, but it doesn’t even come close to what I feel for you.”

I had finally put my finger on it. I’d been with Emily because she was the right thing at that particular moment in my life. Lexi, on the other hand was more than just a moment. I wanted her in a way that I’d never wanted anyone before. Not even Emily. I couldn’t imagine my life without her.

“How can I believe you?” She asked, with a crack in her voice. God, it killed me knowing what tonight did to her. I needed her to understand beyond a shadow of doubt that she was the only one I wanted. The only one I needed.

I grabbed her hand and placed it over my beating heart. “Do you feel that? That’s yours. Only yours. The whole damn thing!”

She looked up at me, wiping a tear from her cheek. “I want to believe you so badly.”

Jesus Christ, this girl was not making it easy. What more could I possibly do to convince her that my words were true? I was so flustered because we had made so much progress and one monumental fuck-up had pushed us back to where we started. A thought struck me in my moment of desperation. I just hoped it would be enough.

I immediately grabbed her hand and led her to my bedroom. “Brad, what are you doing?” She asked as I walked over to my dresser and opened the top drawer. My hands searched feverishly under my boxers until I felt what I was looking for. I pulled out the black box. I opened the window and held the box in front of her eyes. “Do you see this? Do you know what this is?”

A set of wide blue eyes stared back at me.

“This was the ring I bought for her.” I yelled as I threw it out the window. Lexi gasped as she covered her mouth with her hand. Before she could speak I walked back to my dresser and pulled out the collage frame off the wall. I smashed it on the floor as the glass shattered into a million pieces. I grabbed the picture of Emily in the center, tore it into tiny bits and then tossed it in the air like confetti.

Lexi followed me through the apartment as I continued to pull open drawers and fling doors open, grabbing various items and stuffing them into a black trash bag. I must have looked like a lunatic as I selected everything from shirts to coffee mugs to a set of bed sheets. I hesitated when I stared at the autographed 2012 NY Giants Super Bowl team photo that hung proudly in my living room. Fuck. This was the most painful of them all. It came off wall and got tossed with the rest of the stuff. Once I was finished, I tied up the bag and threw it out in the hall and slammed the door shut.

I spun around and stalked towards her. “There is not a trace of her left in my heart, my life, or in this apartment. Only you, Lexi. Do you believe me now? You are all I want. No one else! I will never put anyone else before you again. You will always come first from here on out.”

I gave her a moment to collect her thoughts. I could tell she was searching for words. “What’s the matter? Did I leave you speechless?”

Tears started to rain down her cheeks. Even with the mascara running, she was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She opened her mouth to speak. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

My hand trembled against her cheek. “Tell me that you believe me now.”

She blinked up at me through her tender smile. “I believe you, Brad.”

My lips landed on hers before she even had a chance to blink. There was nothing slow or soft about this kiss. With an urgent need, my hands slid around her neck demanding more from her mouth. I was officially done fucking up. From here on out, nothing or no one would ever come between us again. I loved this girl so much it scared the shit out of me. One day I would put a ring on her finger, but seeing that I just threw one out the window, it might be smart to wait a little longer.

I dropped my face in her neck. I was so caught up in the moment I had completely forgotten about Colton. I took a step back and cradled her face in my hands. I knew she didn’t want to talk about what happened, but leaving me to draw my own conclusions was only making it worse.

“We need to talk about what happened in your apartment tonight.”

She drew back and reached for my hands. “Let’s sit.” She said nervously as we made our way over to the couch. Something in my gut told me that I wasn’t going to like what I was about to hear.

She reached out and squeezed my hand. “When I heard the knock on the door, I thought it was you. I asked him to leave, but he was intent on making me listen to what he had to say.” She swallowed hard and took a minute to collect her thoughts. “He had followed me home from the club.”

And there it was. I knew in my gut that he had been tailing us the whole time. What kind of cop did that make me? Where I didn’t even notice that I was being watched? My stomach felt like it was going to bottom out as I surged to my feet. I plowed my hands through my hair. I should have finished that fucker off when I had the chance.

Lexi stood up and reached out to me. She placed her hands on either side of my head. “Please don’t allow your head to go there. None of this is your fault. He was going to make his move, eventually. There was nothing either of us could have done to stop him.”

I blinked and felt my blood pressure rise to an unhealthy level. No matter what she said, I knew this was all my fault. I should have paid closer attention. I should have fucking protected her.

“If I hadn’t pulled that shit at the club, none of this would have happened. So please don’t stand there and tell me this isn’t my fucking fault. Don’t ask me to not blame myself because I can’t.”

“Brad, I’m fine. I’m here. He didn’t hurt me. It’s okay.”

The amount of regret I felt was burning a hole in my stomach. I leaned my forehead against hers. “I shouldn’t have given you a reason to leave that damn club.”

“You’re here now.” She whispered, “and that’s all that matters.”

“He could have hurt you.” I explained, trying to contain the rage in my body.

“But he didn’t.”

This woman amazed me to no end. She just went through a traumatic experience and she was worried about me. I was torn between wanting to hug her or shake the shit out of her. Either way, she was too good for me.

“How’s your wrist?” I asked, pulling her arms back so I could get a better look. It looked like he grabbed her pretty damn good. The marks on her skin had me seeing red. First thing tomorrow morning, I was going down to the police station and using every ounce of leverage I had to make sure he could never get near her again.

“It’s fine.” She whispered, but I could still hear the tremble in her voice.

I grabbed her hand and gently rubbed my cheek along her wrist, hoping to erase his touch from her skin. I lowered my lips to hers and kissed her softly. “I promise you. I will never let him hurt you again.”

She inhaled deeply as my hand drifted up and down her back trying to ease some of her tension. I wanted her to feel safe in my arms. Never in my life had I ever wanted to heal somebody, to protect somebody, or to take care of somebody the way I did her. As I held her in my arms, I promised myself that I would protect her until the day I died.