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Hard To Stay (The Hard Series Book 2) by S Jones (37)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Lexi

We arrived at our hotel and quickly checked in. Brad set our bags down onto the king- sized mattress and pulled the curtains back to let some light into the room. I stood off to the side and forced myself to look at him. I felt awkward and unsure of what to do. My nerves were shot because I still didn’t know what to expect. I watched him walk over to the minibar and grab a water bottle out of the fridge.

He stepped forward and grabbed my hand. “Are you okay?”

I nodded my head while he rubbed slow circles against my skin. “I’m better now.”

He pulled on my arm and led me over to the loveseat in the corner of the room. “Come on, we need to get this talk over with.”

I was so nervous that I thought I was going to throw up. “I’m sorry that I lied to you. Walking out on you was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.”

He laced his hands behind his head and exhaled. “Lexi, what the hell were you thinking?”

“I thought I was protecting you.”

Tears formed in my eyes when I thought back to that god-awful day. I wished I could go back in time and change everything.

He pulled on the back of his neck as he stretched it from side to side. “I’m so pissed at you. I don’t know whether to strangle you, or pull you into my arms right now.”

“I’ll take option number two, please.” I said with a smile, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ears.

“Don’t get cute with me.” He straightened up and pulled a pillow out from his back and threw it across the room. “You should have told me, Lexi.”

My hands grabbed onto the armrest firmly, trying to squeeze the tension out of my body. “I was trying to protect you. Don’t you care that your career would have been over? What about Lucas and Sawyer? Was I supposed to let them get dragged into this mess, too?”

Didn’t he understand that leaving him felt like my only option? A part of me understood that I shouldn’t have made that decision for him, but I did and I couldn’t take it back.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and mumbled under his breath. “I’m trying real hard right now to control my anger. You lied to me, broke up with me, and then left town with a man who terrorized you for years. Did you honestly believe that is what I wanted?” Irritation spread through the edges of his voice.

I felt the heat emanate from his body. And not the good kind either. No, he was pissed. He needed to understand I had no other choice, or at least it seemed that way at the time.

“No, I never thought for a moment that was what you wanted. I did what I felt was needed. I knew what would happen to you and your friends.”

“Our friends, Lexi. They are your friends, too. It was our life you blew apart.” He stood up and paced the room. “I’ve been a fucking wreck since you left.” He shook his head and let out a sarcastic laugh. “And to think this all could have been avoided.”

I stood from the couch. “Really? How? Tell me how?” If he wanted to fight, then it was a fight that I would give him. “You didn’t know what I knew. Colton had pictures of when you beat the shit out of him. He was setting you up. Your career would have been over. You could have been sent to jail.”

“I’m not a cop anymore. I quit.”

I blinked at him, confused. “You mentioned that earlier. What is that all about, anyway?”

He looked away uncomfortably. “I resigned.” He pressed his lips together. “It’s a long story, but after you left, my whole world was blown apart. I decided I needed to make a few changes and start over.” He shrugged.

Something was off in his tone.

“What do you mean, ‘a few changes’?”

He took a measured step towards me. “I don’t want to talk about that right now.” His eyes examined my face. “Are you okay?” He asked, his voice barely a whisper. “Did he hurt you?” He asked, clenching his jaw. I knew what he was referring to.

“No. He hasn’t touched me.”

“Thank God!” He said, seemingly relieved. He placed his hands on my shoulders and moved them slowly down my arms. When he got to my wrist, his eyes zeroed in on my left hand where Colton’s engagement ring still sat on my finger. His eyes hardened into steel. He picked up my hand, slid the ring off and threw it across the room.

“The only ring you will wear on that finger will be the one that I give you. Understood?” Tears formed in my eyes. It broke my heart knowing how much I had hurt him. “God, Lexi. I thought I had lost you forever.” There was a break in his voice that was my undoing.

“I’m so sorry.” I sobbed. “I felt backed into a corner. Don’t you understand that?”

He grabbed my chin forcing me to look at him. “I understand why you did what you did. Don’t ask me to agree with your choices because I never will. You put yourself in danger. You broke my fucking heart. You walked out on me. Just promise me right here and right now that you won’t ever leave me again.”

“I promise.” I started to draw in short breaths when I felt his hands move up against my neck. “I hate what I did to you. Please tell me you forgive me.”

“I already have. I mean it, Lexi. I love you. I’m never letting you go again.” He gripped the back of my neck, pulling me to his mouth. I ran my hands over his shoulders. I clung to him needing to be as close as physically possible. His strong fingers pressed tightly against my scalp. “You’re everything to me, do you know that?” He said against my mouth.

I had no words, so I kissed him with everything I had. Our tongues pushed together—all the pain, and all the sadness, I wanted it gone.

When he broke the kiss, I rested my hands on his shoulders and blinked up at him. “I wouldn’t have been able to stay away from you forever. I was trying to find a way to make it back to you. Tell me you believe me.”

“I believe you.” His eyes dragged over my face as if he was committing it to memory. “You have to promise me that you will never do anything stupid like that again.”

I bit down on my trembling lip. “I did it because I love you.”

His eyes softened. “I know.” He leaned in and kissed the tip of my nose. “But, he could have hurt you or…” His voice trailed off contemplating the worst. He had every right to be worried. Colton made me wear his ring again and was expecting me to move back in with him. It wouldn’t have been long before he would have wanted me back in his bed.

I rubbed my sweaty palms down my side, drying the moisture from my hands. It was time to stop letting my fears and insecurities guide me any further. He needed to know about the baby.

“There is something I need to tell you.” He stared at me. My legs felt weak, but I was determined to get the words out. “I’m pregnant.”

His eyes slowly moved to my stomach. “We’re having a baby?” He asked for confirmation.

I nodded my head. “I know it’s a lot to take in. I’ve barely had time to process it myself. I haven’t told anyone else, but I had every intention of telling you. I just wasn’t sure how or when.” He just continued to stare at me and it was freaking me out. “You do believe me, don’t you?”

“Can I touch it?” He asked nervously.

I laughed. “Of course you can. It’s yours, too.” He placed his hands on my stomach and looked up at me in awe. “I can’t believe we are having a baby.” He said before going down on his knees and pressing a kiss to the spot that held our child. I feathered my hands through his hair wishing I could pause this moment in time.

“Do you have any idea how much I love you right now?”

Swiping the tears that continued to fall I looked down at the man who owned my heart. “I love you, too.”

Brad stood up and placed both of his palms on my face, the love that shone through his eyes was everything. “I’m going to take care of both of you.”

“Good, because I don’t want to live in a world without you in it. I want to go back to New York with you.”

His hands stilled. Something was wrong. God, please don’t let it be too late.

“I want nothing more in the world to be with you and the baby. But New York isn’t an option anymore.”

My body tensed. “What are you talking about?”

Worry lines stretched his face. “Remember how I said I had made a few changes? Well…” he buried his hands in his hair. “My father owned a security company.” I remembered that little detail from earlier. I still wasn’t sure why it was such a big deal.

“When he died, he left his share of the business to me.”

“Okay?” I said confused. This was the first I’d heard of this, but that didn’t explain why he was acting so weird about it.

“In the back of my mind the plan had always been that when I had enough years to retire that I would take over my father’s share of the business.” He swallowed. “The office is in Washington D.C. I’ve already canceled my lease and started boxing up my stuff. I’m sorry. I know this is a lot, but the plan is already in motion. I have to do this.”

“Oh.” Was all I said.

Wow. He really had moved on. Guilt sliced through me. I had really done a number on him. I knew I had no right to be angry that he made such a huge decision without me. We were broken up. But it still hurt. What did I expect? That he would just put his life on hold? That the world would stop moving while I was gone? It had me wondering what other changes had taken place over the past few weeks. Why was I so upset about this?

“Is that all?” My heart felt heavy. If he had been with anyone else, it would wreck me. I would be devastated, but I would have to accept it.

He drew up his eyebrows. “What do you mean, is that all?”

“Have there been any other changes in your life that I need to know about?”

He put his hands on his hips and studied me. “What exactly are you asking me, Lexi?”

God. He was going to make me say it out loud. I swallowed past the boulder in the back of my throat. “Has there been anyone else?”

His eyes held mine; I could see him fight the smile growing at the corners of his lips. “Look at you all jealous and territorial.”

I smacked his shoulder, and he dramatically stumbled backwards emitting a laugh. “Just answer the question. It’s okay if you have.”

I totally lied, but it was the right thing to say.

He pulled me into his arms. “What would you do if I said yes?” My mind plotted out revenge on anyone who dared to touch him. Was he testing me?

“I would have to accept it.”

He grinned at me and brushed his nose against mine. “You’re such a shitty liar.”

“No, I’m not. You’re just a good detective. Now answer the question.”

He looked into my eyes and pulled me close. “No. Lexi. I promise you there hasn’t been anyone else.”

I wasn’t big on promises because I learned early on that promises were always meant to be broken. But, I believed him. I wrapped my arms around him, thinking about the beautiful life growing inside me.

Very slowly, I moved my lips to his. “Every part of me belongs to you.” My voice shook as I tried to work out the jumble of words in my head. My heart was his. Everything I had to give was his. “You are the best man I have ever known. You are not just a man who cares about himself. You’re a man who stands by the woman he loves. A man who fights and stands up for what he believes in. You’ve showed me what real love is. The love I feel for you is so deep that it terrifies me.”

His hands traveled up my back, and it felt like I was teetering on the edge. “Do you want to know what my biggest fear is?” The look in his eyes stopped my heart. “The scariest part about loving you is that I could someday lose you. I won’t be able to survive it next time. Not now. Not after this.”

“Then I guess you’ll have to come find me. I will always want you to come find me.”

He pressed his forehead against mine. “Even if I give you a thousand reasons to run away?”

My mind drifted back to everything we had gone through. I was a fool to think that I could ever live without him. “I will always want you, Brad. We’ve gone through hell together, but here we are, together. We will always find our way back to each other.”

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