I rested my head against the back of the headboard while Lexi changed in the bathroom. I had already stripped down to my boxers and climbed under the covers while I waited for her to finish up.

Thinking about her in that bikini earlier made a smile break out over my face. Even though that bikini had me spending more time in the cold Atlantic Ocean than it did lounging beside her. Because let’s face it, I only had so much physical restraint and there were plenty of times where it was downright painful.

She had no idea how beautiful she was. She was completely oblivious to all the muscle heads on the beach doing stupid shit to get her attention. Footballs and Frisbees landed near her lounge chair all afternoon, only to be retrieved by some idiot spouting a stupid pick-up line. Each time I peered over my sunglasses and made sure they saw me checking them out like I was her bodyguard. I shot them a look that said go throw your Frisbee somewhere else.

If I thought the bikini was problematic, nothing could have prepared me for that stunning baby blue dress she wore tonight. The second I saw her it nearly knocked the wind out of me. It wasn’t just her body that had me all out of sorts though. It was her lingering smile and trusting eyes that slammed me speechless every time I looked at her. Dinner tonight was brutal. Every time she would laugh or smile I had to fight the urge to rest my hand on her thigh or rub the back of her neck.

Apparently, I hadn’t been very discreet about it either. Whenever she would come close to catching me, I would just cough in my hand as a distraction. She was too polite to call me out, but Sawyer had my number. Every time I came close to being busted, he would raise his drink, smile and take a sip. He got pretty hammered.

My thoughts were interrupted when the sound of familiar footsteps made their way into the room. I pulled the comforter up to my chest and used my arm to create a visible line of separation down the middle of the bed when I felt the mattress dip slightly.

I propped up on one elbow and turned to face her. “Did you have fun today?”

I could see her soft smile through the glow of the streetlights peeking through the window. “I had the perfect day today. Thank you.”

Faith had made reservations at the Sea Salt, which was one of my favorite restaurants on Cape May. We were lucky enough to get an outdoor table with an incredible view of the water. Today had turned out much better than I had ever imagined it would, considering how badly I had fucked up last night. Actually, it was a miracle that she was even here to begin with.

I shifted my weight on my elbow and edged a little closer to her. “You look happy and relaxed. I like seeing you that way.”

Even in the dimly lit room, I could see her start to blush. “The ocean has that effect on me I guess.”

“Not present company?” I whispered against her ear, feeling my eyes grow heavy from her sharp intake of breath. I was so sick of fighting my feelings for her. I was sick of pretending I didn’t want her when it was the only thing I could think about.

“I guess you could say being with you makes me happy, and the ocean relaxes me so I guess you can both take the credit.”

“Lexi, I like making you happy. I love to see you smile and hearing you laugh.” My thumb brushed across her lips as I tried to steady my beating heart.

“Brad, what are we doing here?” She asked, as I inched my lips closer to hers. I kept telling myself that I only needed one touch or one kiss and I would be fine.

“Shh…” I pressed a kiss to her lips, “don’t think. Just feel.” I pleaded, as my mouth glided along her jaw, savoring the sweet taste of her skin. This wasn’t an exchange between friends, but the voice in my head told me it was right.

She folded her hands along the back of my neck drawing me into her. I ducked my head in search of her lips. She was quickly becoming everything I could ever want but the one thing I wasn’t ready for. Her mouth opened, granting me access inside. I wanted this so badly, but I wasn’t prepared for how real this would feel. How perfect she was for me. Her kisses grew longer and more intense with each stroke of my tongue.

This woman awakened parts of me that had been dormant for so long. It felt so fucking good to feel alive and wanted again. I’d missed having this type of connection with a woman. She had me wanting her in ways that were downright unhealthy and I would have sold my soul to the devil for just one night with her.

Our kiss started to slow as I fought to savor the very last taste before I pulled away.

My lips brushed along the base of her shoulder then back up to her mouth. “You’re so beautiful. Do you have any idea what you do to me? How crazy I am about you? I want you so bad I can’t see straight.”

Her eyes continued to stare into mine as if she were seeing me for the first time and didn’t want to look away. My thumb trailed along her cheek as she pressed her face into my hand. The way she watched me felt like she could see the things that I’d hidden from all the other women before her. There were plenty of reasons why this wasn’t a good idea, I just couldn’t think of one good enough to make me stop.

My mouth found its way down the base of her neck causing her to shudder beneath me. I reached my hand up and slipped it underneath her tank top, brushing my fingertips across her hardened nipple. “Oh God, that feels good.”

“I want to make you feel even better, Lexi. I’ve wanted you from the first moment I laid eyes on you.” I groaned, pulling up her top, so I could plant my mouth on her pink, little buds. The fullness from her breasts in my hands had me wanting to stroke, kiss and feel her all over.

Her soft, eager fingers dangled through my hair as I continued to memorize every inch of her smooth, silky skin. She arched her back and moaned. I swear I never heard anything more perfect in my life. “Brad,” her voice was strangled and thick with longing. “I’ve wanted you, too. It’s all I’ve been able to think about. Honestly, I want you so bad that it scares me. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you.”

Her words caused me to pull back and look her straight in the eyes. What I saw scared the shit out of me. In a moment, all the reasons I couldn’t think of to stop our advances had flooded back into my conscience.

This girl was my dream girl. She was practically putty in my hands. Yet, I wasn’t ready to let her in, not in the way she wanted to be. Not in the way she needed to be. She wanted something different, something more, and even though it felt like life had offered me a second chance, I wasn’t emotionally strong enough to take it yet. The thought that she could break me, or even worse, I could break her was stuck in my head. Despite how I felt or how much I wanted her, it wasn’t enough to change my mind. Even though I knew waiting would come with the risk of losing her. I still knew better.

When I started to move away, she reached out and grabbed my arm. “Brad, what’s wrong?”

I should’ve just said the hell with it. I should’ve just fucked her right then and there, buried myself deep enough inside her to get lost in her physicality. That would have worked if this was just about sex. But when she spoke those words, I realized that this was so much more than that for both of us.

There was no doubt that she was beginning to break down the wall I had placed around my heart. I could feel it cracking, but instead of letting it fall down I felt a sense of panic that only caused me to build the wall thicker and higher than before. Unable to meet her eyes, I looked away, feeling my walls go back up into place.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“What are you talking about? In case you couldn’t tell, I wanted that.” Her voice was uneven, and I hated myself for letting things get carried away.

I needed to explain this without completely screwing it up. Whatever ‘it’ was. I covered my face with both of my hands and sighed. “I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t let me hurt you. I let things go too far too fast and that’s on me. I had no business touching you like that. I’m really sorry.”

She jerked her body away from mine, putting some distance between us. Then she quickly sat up and adjusted her tank top without saying a word.

Having that space between us felt wrong.

I rubbed my jaw wishing I could take back the words I’d just said. I was torn between doing what was right and doing what I wanted. God help me, now that I knew her touch, the little sounds she made, and the way she felt beneath me. How the hell was I supposed to just forget all that? I should’ve just said the hell with it and dealt with the consequences later but I knew in my heart what was right.

She turned over and brought the comforter up to her chin “I’m sorry too, Brad, but I’m done. That’s the second time in the last forty-eight hours that you’ve kissed me and regretted it. I don’t want to hear how sorry you are. What I want you to do is to stop playing these mind games with me.”

She tried to sound pissed, but the tremble in her voice was still audible. I didn’t just upset her, I had hurt her. Again.

“You think this is a game to me, that I want to keep hurting you? Whether or not you believe me, you’re the last person I want to hurt.”

“I believe you. I do, but that doesn’t change the fact that’s all you seem to do to me.”

My mouth went flat, but I somehow managed to get the question out. “Tell me what to do so I can make this right?

“Just leave me alone.”

Her words felt like a slap to the face. It was clear that she’d had enough. She turned over, giving me her back after she had said all that was left to say.

I threw myself down on the bed and covered my face with a pillow. I had fucked up again, and I wasn’t sure if I would get another chance this time to make it right.