CHAPTER 12
MELANIE
I woke up the next day to the world still coated in darkness. I lay there and tried to get back to sleep, but it wasn’t doing me any good. My mind was whirling with thoughts of the night before. My lips still felt swollen from Evan’s kiss, and my head pounded with the pressure of unreleased sexual tension.
I had told myself that I was going to stop holding back, but it had been easier said than done. Once I’d felt Evan’s erection through his jeans, I’d frozen. Letting go of everything that had happened to me was not going to be so easy, and it fucking pissed me off.
I hopped out of bed and went into the bathroom to shower. I dried off and dressed in the fresh clothes Evan had let me borrow. I had to roll the waistband of his sweats numerous times before they stopped dragging on the ground, and I was swimming in his t-shirt. I inhaled the scent of him as I pulled the flannel over the t-shirt and felt aroused and frustrated all over again.
I headed out to the kitchen, only to find that I was the only one up. I decided that I would be the one to make breakfast this morning, as a thank you for how much Evan had done for me so far. I also hoped it would serve as a “sorry I gave you blue balls last night.”
I put the biscuits in the oven then started on the eggs. I made them into folded sheets so they could easily be placed on the biscuit, then I started frying up some ham. The smells permeating the kitchen caused me to salivate, and soon I heard people stirring from the back of the house. Hadley was beginning to grunt and groan and Liam was calling out for Evan. Part of me wanted to go back and get him up myself, but I couldn’t leave the food to burn.
So, I relegated myself to setting the table.
I set up Hadley’s high chair and placed a plate where Liam usually sat. I took the biscuits out of the oven before I set everything off to the side to cool down. I started brewing a pot of coffee that I knew Evan and I would drain, then I felt a small pair of arms wrap around my legs.
“Good morning, Mew,” Liam said.
“Good morning, kiddo. Come here.” Picking him up, I held him close as he wrapped his arms around me. Evan was rubbing Hadley’s back as her head laid on his shoulder, but I could tell his attention was elsewhere. His eyes were darting around the table I’d set and the food that had just finished cooking. There was surprise there.
“Figured you could use a break,” I said.
“Biscuits!” Liam exclaimed.
“I was wondering when you’d notice,” I said, giggling. “Want one?”
“With honey?” Liam asked.
I looked over at Evan before he put Hadley in her high chair.
“I’ll get some out of the pantry for you, kiddo,” Evan said. “Why don’t you sit down?”
Liam scrambled from my arms and quickly made his way to his seat. His excitement over breakfast lit up my heart and swelled my chest with pride. I put a biscuit on his plate just before Evan drizzled some honey on it, and I watched as the boy tried to shove the entire thing in his mouth. I threw my head back and laughed as Evan put chunks of eggs and biscuit in front of Hadley and, just as I went to make my own biscuit, the coffee pot went off.
“Thank heavens,” I said breathlessly.
“Up early?” Evan asked.
“Yeah. Don’t even know why, but I was up before the sun,” I said.
“Thank you for breakfast.”
I turned to look at him and found those gold-speckled eyes staring at me.
“You’re welcome,” I said. “It’s not a problem.”
“Thanks, Mew!” Liam exclaimed with a full mouth.
“You’re welcome, handsome,” I said, giggling. “Now, you be careful. We don’t need you choking on anything.”
“You didn’t have to cook breakfast. I would’ve tackled it once we all woke up,” Evan said.
“It’s not a problem. I figured you could use the rest. And you’ve been so amazing to me, I just wanted to say thank you.”
We stood staring at one another for a moment before the growling of his stomach broke the silence.
“We should get that stomach of yours full,” I said.
We made our plates of breakfast then sat down with the kids. The biscuits turned out better than I was expecting, and it gave me great joy to watch Evan eat four of them. Hadley ate all her food instead of merely playing with it, and even Liam went back for seconds before he was spinning around the room and trying to destroy everything. It was the most I’d seen the kids eat in one sitting, and I smiled as I finished the rest of my biscuit.
I looked up at Evan sitting across the table from me and our eyes locked again. Liam was running around and Hadley was banging on her high chair tray, but for the moment there was only us. His eyes danced between mine before flickering down to my lips, and I allowed myself to remember the events of last night. How wonderful his hands had felt on my body and how warm his lips felt against mine. I remembered how I’d gotten past my anxiety to allow myself to enjoy the sweetness of his tongue before his hands rushed up my back. I’d panicked. I felt him pulling me closer and closer, getting me into a position where I wouldn’t be able to get out if I tried.
But it wasn’t the panic I was dwelling on.
It was how easily he let me go when I paused.
“Mew stay?”
I looked down at the little boy who was staring up at me and my heart started to break.
“I’ve gotta go back home sometime, buddy,” I said.
“You come back?” Liam asked.
I smiled at him before I picked him up and placed him on my lap. His arms wrapped around me as his head settled onto my chest. I rocked the little boy side to side, allowing myself to be in the moment with this precious child. I held him close as Evan cleaned up Hadley, then I pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head.
“I’ll come back,” I said, into his hair. “I promise.”
Liam answered by snuggling closer into my body.
Evan cleaned up the dishes and Liam eventually scampered off to play. Hadley was placed in her playpen so she could roam without getting hurt, then Evan walked over to the fireplace. He stoked up a fire before the two of us emptied the coffee pot, sitting next to one another while the fiery flames licked their heat over our bodies.
“You know, I could use a babysitter since our nanny is sick,” Evan said.
“You have a nanny for the kids?” I asked.
“I do. But she got pretty sick a few days ago. Between the snowfall and her still not feeling well, we probably won’t see her for another week or two. But that puts me in a bind.”
“So, you’re watching your kids for your brother and you need a nanny to help. How long is he gone for?” I asked.
“Long enough for me to need a nanny to help,” he said.
His tone was guarded, same as the last time I asked a question about the kids’ parents. There was something he wasn’t telling me, and it made me slightly uneasy. Though I really couldn’t blame him, could I? He didn’t exactly know my deepest secrets.
“Okay. I mean, I’m not trying to be a smartass, but you don’t work so, why exactly do you need a nanny?”
He looked at me for a moment and let out a small laugh. “I guess that does sound kind of silly, doesn’t it? Well, mostly it’s because I really have no clue what to do with two kids by myself. But also, I occasionally build furniture and take it into town to sell it.”
“You do?” I asked, intrigued. He had told me he was a tech guy, so this new piece of information was surprising.
“I do. Actually, everything in this room and the kitchen, I built myself,” he said, a hint of pride in his voice.
“Wow,” I said, looking around at the furniture. I would never have guessed it hadn’t come from a store. It was rustic, yet still looked expensive. “Where do you work?” I asked.
“In my shed out back,” he said. My hands instantly gripped around the coffee mug as my entire body pulled taut.
I felt the palms of my hands sweating as images started to bombard the forefront of my mind.
I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. I focused on the hot coffee mug in my hands. I tried to think about anything else—anything that would get my train of thought away from what was about to happen. I thought about horses and unicorns bouncing through fields. I thought about the Northern Lights and staring at them from igloos. I thought about the rolling waves of the ocean and the mountain peaks of the Himalayas.
I thought about Evan and his sparkling eyes; anything to pull me out of the panic attack I felt closing in.
“Melanie? Are you okay?” he asked.
Opening my eyes, I could feel the trembling in my body slowly subsiding. Evan’s eyes. There was something calming about them. It took every ounce of energy I had to turn myself toward him, but when I did I locked on his eyes immediately. I could tell they were worried, studying me closely.
The longer he looked at me, the more I felt the panic and anxiety slowly slipping from my body.
“I’m okay,” I said breathlessly. “I didn’t know you did woodworking. Do you enjoy it?”
He studied me hard and I could tell he wanted to ask. I knew he was curious and I knew he was aware that I was hiding something from him. But the two of us, we had plenty to hide. I knew there was more to the story than just his niece and nephew staying with him ‘for a little while’.
“I do,” he finally said. “It’s calming. Helps to center me when I’m feeling—overwhelmed.”
“Well, you know I’ve already become quite attached to these little ones, I’d love to help out if you need someone,” I said.
“I would really appreciate that. They obviously adore you too. And I’ll pay you for it. You said you needed a job, so maybe we can help one another out.”
I almost refused payment, but then remembered the pile of medical bills on my kitchen table at home. I couldn’t afford to turn down money. “Okay, that sounds good.”
Evan got up and went to the window. “Apparently that last snowfall missed us. It looks like things are melting a bit, and I can hear the plow trucks down a ways. They’ll probably have the main road cleared in a bit and you can head out.”
I thought I detected a note of disappointment in his voice, but I shook the thought away. As much as I didn’t want to leave him and the kids, I was eager to get home and check in on Dad.
We finished our cup of coffee and then I started gathering my things. Liam was upset that I was leaving, but I assured him I would be back tomorrow. He threw his arms around my neck and covered my cheek with kisses, and I had to blink back the tears that were threatening to pour down my face. I hugged Hadley before I nodded toward Evan, then I headed out for my car.
I slowly made my way back down the road I had come up and by the time I got to the turnoff to the main stretch to my house, the county plows had cleared the fallen tree and plowed a path to our place. I pulled up in the driveway and cut off the engine. As happy as I was to be home, I was missing Evan and the kids already.
When I got into the house, I found my father standing at the stove making himself soup from a can. He turned to look at me and the color in his cheeks looked better than it had in months. I rushed forward and threw my arms around him, surprised by the strength of the hug he gave me in return.
“Melanie! I’m so glad you’re home!” he said.
“Me too, Dad. How are you? You look good,” I told him.
He nodded. “I’m feeling pretty good. A little more like myself.”
I hugged him again and then went to take off my coat and boots. I looked down at myself, still dressed in Evan’s clothes and I couldn’t help but smile. I needed a long, hot shower and my own clothes but, for now, I wanted to sit a bit with my dad.
I joined him at the table, where he’d set two bowls of soup, and I smiled. It had been a while since he had been well enough to serve me, let alone himself. I picked up the spoon and scooped a warm bite into my mouth.
“So, how are you? You okay, kiddo?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yes, I’m okay.” I recounted the story of how I’d ended up at the cabin and how Evan had helped me and taken good care of me. I told him about the kids and how great he was with them, as well as how attached to them I’d grown in just a few days.
“And he offered me a job as their nanny for a while,” I finished. “It will be a big help with the bills.”
My father shook his head and looked sad. “Melanie, I don’t want you worrying about these bills. You should be off looking for a teaching job up in Helena or somewhere, not taking a nanny job on the mountain.”
I placed my hand over his and looked into my father’s eyes. “Dad, you’ve taken such good care of me all of my life, I want to do the same for you for as long as you need it. And besides, I’ll still be using my degree. I’m sure it won’t be forever, but for now, it’s something.”
We sat and finished our lunch. All the while, I tried to tell myself that I didn’t need ‘forever’ with Evan and the kids.
It was the biggest lie I’d told myself in a long time.