Jolene and I each had a pint of Talenti in our laps, feet kicked up on the ottoman, a bottle of wine between us-no glasses needed, and stared at Ryan Reynold’s sexy ass while we watched Deadpool. I’d walked in the door, my eyes dry but puffy and red, and Jo had given me a sad look that lasted all of two seconds, before heading to the kitchen for ice cream and spoons.

I plopped on the couch and when she brought an uncorked bottle of wine, I tipped it back with a few long pulls. Then I reached my hand out for mint chocolate chip and dug in. It was about seven scoops, two more chugs, and five minutes of the movie that I began spilling what had happened. Jolene respectively gave me a lot of “Fuck thats”, “I’m sorrys,” and “What a bunch a dicks,” which made me love her even more.

Then she’d taken long pulls from the bottle. Which was how we ended up with a second bottle of wine, half of it gone, when the knock on the door came.

She turned to look at me with eyebrows raised. “We can pretend to not be home.”

“Deadpool is kind of loud. Ryan Reynolds is giving away that we’re home.”

“What a sexy dick.”

We giggled like two girls who’d drank two bottles of wine in less than an hour. When the knock came again, Jo was the one to stumble to the door. I didn’t turn around, too scared to see who it was, and finished off the last of the wine.

“Are you the bearers of good or evil?” Jo asked in a dramatic voice that sounded slightly British. I laughed into my hand.

“I like to think I’m a little bit a both, but if I had to choose one, I’m pretty evil,” Evie said.

“Ugh. Stop it.” It sounded like Luella hit Evie. “We’re here to see Jules. See how she is.”

“Come on in,” I called from the couch.

Evie and Lu came to sit on the other two chairs in the living room and took in the empty wine bottles and ice cream.

“Guys want some wine?” Jo came back holding another bottle of wine. “We’re keeping it classy with no glasses, so I hope you don’t mind germs,” she said before taking a drink.

“These are my kind of people,” Evie said with a grin as she reached for the bottle.

Luella shook her head when Evie offered her some, then looked at me. “How are you?”

“Kind of shitty. Kind of drunk.”

She gave me a sympathetic look. “If it makes you feel better, we calmed Jack down a little. Evie bringing up how he was banging me, Jameson’s little sister, without being punched made him look at it in a different light. Kind of.”

“Ugh. I don’t care about stupid Jack and his hissy fit.” I threw my hands up and fell back on the cushion. Biting my lip, I weighed the pros and cons of the next question. “Shane?”

“He’s . . .Okay. I guess.”

“He left after your brother clocked him,” Evie said without softening the blow before taking another swig of wine. Lu elbowed her and she shrugged. “What? It’s what happened.”

“He was just shocked. You’re his baby sister.”

“I’m not a baby.”

“In his eyes, you are.”

“I mean, I think we all were a little shocked by you and Shane’s crazy sex,” Evie said, passing the bottle to me.

I took a drink and scoffed, passing the wine to Jo. “How were you shocked by this,” I asked Evie, accusation coloring my tone.

She raised one eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“This is all your fault. You pushed me at him. You made me love him.” I threw the words at her with a slur, letting myself unleash some blame onto someone else’s shoulders. Wrong or not, it was happening. “Now I’m in this mess because of your encouragement.”

“Jules,” Jo said softly, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“No,” Evie said, holding up her hand, her narrowed eyes trained on me. “First things first.” She pointed her finger in my direction. “You need to own up to your choices.” I opened my mouth to defend myself. “Period. Now, I’m not going to patronize you like your brother, or say you’re too young, because I can see you have your shit together. But having your shit together does not give you experience. Which is why I’m going to let that misplaced pissiness slide.”

I sulked back against the couch. Evie had a way with words that made you feel good about yourself while still having the upper hand. I knew I was wrong for laying any blame at her feet. I just needed to share the heaviness that weighed on me.

“How many relationships have you been in? How many men have you been with? Or better yet, how many men have you really wanted?”

“I dated Hudson, but it was more out of convenience and expectation. There was also a random one-night stand.”

“Anyone you truly chased? Someone you hardcore went after? Other than Shane.”

I shook my head, trying to figure out where she was going, but the wine made it hard. “Not really.”

“See,” she said with excitement, like her point was already made. When I just sat and stared at her in confusion she went on to explain. “You didn’t have experience to know that you would have gone after Shane even without my alleged permission. Nothing was stopping that.”

She reached across me and grabbed the wine bottle, finishing it off. I let her words sink in. Would I have gotten together with Shane without a shove from Evie? Probably. I mean, I did in Jamaica, and I’d been dying for a second chance ever since.

Rolling my eyes, I knew she was right. I needed to take responsibility for my choices, even if they did suck and I hated the way they made me feel.

“What do I do now?” I asked, almost whining.

“He said he loved you,” Lu said, reminding me like I didn’t have the words on repeat, haunting me.

“He didn’t mean it. We fucked, but he never said anything about wanting more. That was all me and my imagination conjuring more.”

“Then why would he say it?” Jo asked, returning from the kitchen with another bottle of wine.

I snagged it from her hand and drank.

“I don’t know. Maybe to sound better in front of Jack? That’s what he said when I told him I loved him. That he couldn’t lose Jack as a brother. That I wasn’t ‘worth it’. Maybe if Jack believed he loved me, he’d forgive him.”

“You said you loved him and he turned you down? Then comes in and shouts it out to everyone? Oh hell no.” Evie shook her head and pursed her lips.

“Yeah, I mean Jack is great, and I could see why he’d want to keep that friendship. But you’re a woman that will be his companion,” Luella said. “I mean, you have a vagina . . .that he can have sex with.”

“Here, here for vaginas.” Evie lifted the bottle and drank. Even Lu snagged it from her and took a sip.

We all fell into a fit of drunken giggles. But once that bottle was gone and Jo informed us we had no more, we got back to the heart of the issue.

“So, what do you want to do?” Evie asked.

“Not hurt anymore.”

“That’s up to you. You can believe him and go to him. Or you move on.”

“How?”

“I don’t know how to help you believe him or not, but if you want to move on, you make your decision and stick to it. Remove yourself from him and the temptation, because nothing is harder than facing him and trying to give him up.”

“Trust her, she would know. She failed that way with Jameson,” Lu joked, elbowing Evie.

“You have to be sure and strong in your choice. Don’t waffle back and forth. Like I said, you have your shit together. So be the strong independent woman who moved here to support herself without any help. You don’t need anyone. You’re Juliana MacCabe, badass bitch of the Midwest.”

Her hiccup at the end of her speech kind of dimmed it, but it still lit a fire in me. I was badass bitch of the Midwest. I didn’t need his love to feel good. I didn’t need his protection. I didn’t need anything but these awesome ladies here.

My mind began spinning with what I wanted to do to pull away from him, because as much as my heart was dying to believe him, I couldn’t be foolish anymore. I couldn’t let my imagination run free conjuring pictures of a happily ever after. He knew my body, but he didn’t know me well enough to love me. I had to face facts.

“I’ll have to pull out of the forensic position at the station.”

“You only had two weeks left anyways. Dr. Voet will let you do that. He’d let you do anything after Friday’s date.”

Both Evie and Lu looked at me with eyebrows in their hair lines. “Whaaa?”

I waved off their shocked interest. “The date didn’t go as well as planned. He’s great, but I just wasn’t ready.”

“Sorry, babe. This is growing up and unfortunately there are no answers,” Evie said.

“It kind of sucks,” Lu added.

Jolene fell back onto the couch beside me and we all stared up at the ceiling. “Life is such a bitch.”

True, but starting tomorrow, I was going to make life my bitch.