Each day that passed without another gift, without a text, I was sure he’d given up on me. Maybe he should have. I honestly didn’t know anymore. I’d talked myself in so many circles, weighing so many pros and cons—some that didn’t even exist outside of my own imagination—that I was frozen in doubt, mixed with a yearning I could barely stand.

When a gift came in to the lab on Friday, I set it aside without opening it. I couldn’t at work. And maybe Jo was right, I was acting like a baby-bitch. But for a few more hours, I immersed myself in work and tried not to think about anything outside of the lab. I had control over my procedure, running it step-by-step, like I’d always known. I had no control over the flat gift currently leaning against my desk.

I thought Jo was going to blow an artery when I told her I was going to wait until we got home. She became like a little child on Christmas day with the way she badgered me.

“Can we open it now? How about now? Now?”

When we got home, later than usual, she stared me down.

“Open the damn gift.”

“Can I use the bathroom first?”

“No. You went before we left, so stop stalling or I’m going to get you a shirt with a cat on it. Make you wear it around so everyone knows what a pussy you are.”

I glowered at her, but snatched up the gift and sat on the couch. She plopped down beside me and bounced like a child.

I opened it slowly, revealing a wide wooden picture frame holding a black and white photo. It was of the street sign on the corner of 5th and Vine.

“What the hell is that?”

Shrugging, I flipped the frame over to find a folded piece of paper taped to the back.

Juliana,

This is the spot I fell in love with you. I didn’t know it then. But I watched you laugh and twirl to the fading salsa music, not caring who saw or what they thought. Watching you felt like a punch to the chest. I couldn’t breathe. It felt like my heart was growing too big as it beat faster and faster, crushing my lungs.

You halted your dancing to look up at me and it all stopped. I leaned down to kiss you, trying to swallow up some of your joy. I was desperate for you that night. I was desperate to be deeper inside you, cover every inch of your body, leave my mark on you. I’d never wanted to be a part of someone as much as I wanted to be a part of you.

And it scared the shit out of me.

I’m sorry I pulled away.

I’m sorry I fought so hard.

But right there on that street corner, it changed everything. I wanted you to know, and have a memento of when you broke through my walls. I wanted you to know the exact moment you changed my life.

This will be the last letter. Not because I’m not sleeping with my phone gripped in my hand. Not because I’m not hoping you show up at my door. But because I want to show you how much I respect the decisions you make for yourself. And if space is what you need, then I hear you. I will always be here.

I love you,

Shane

“So help me god, if you don’t call him, I’m going to track him down and hump him against his will. If you’re too scared, then I will happily be his rebound.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned to narrow my eyes at her.

“Don’t look at me like that. You don’t get to claim him forever if you don’t go get him.”

“I know that.”

“Then go fucking get him.”

“I’ve waited two weeks,” I argued.

“Shut up.”

“Jolene.”

“I said shut your face. No more excuses. No more doubt. If that giant, ice-box of a man can write that, then you will shove your doubts aside and prance your happy ass over to him.”

Taking a deep breath, I thought of what to do next. Jo was right. I needed to go to him.

“Tomorrow.”

“What? No, you will go right now.”

“No.” I stood firm in my decision. “I need a plan and I want to return the favor. I want to get him something. He’s spent so much time sending me things to let me know how much he cares. I just . . .I just want to do something in return.”

“I think your vagina will suffice.”

“It’s not about the sex. The fact that he assumed it was, is what got us here in the first place.”

“Fine.” She rolled her eyes before pointing at me. “But you will go see him tomorrow, even if I have to drag you kicking and screaming.”

“Yes, mother.”

“Good. Now get some sleep. You look like hell and you have a man to go claim tomorrow.”

“You’re too kind to me,” I deadpanned.

Jo waved as she headed to her bedroom. I grabbed a shower and headed to bed. I did look like hell from the lack of sleep I’d had all week. I needed all the beauty sleep I could get tonight.

But it never came.

I stared at the ceiling, letting the memories of Shane and I roll through my brain. I remembered every gift he’d sent. His smile, his laugh, the feel of his calloused hands on my skin. The feel of his full lips pressed to mine.

I imagined showing up tomorrow and him not being there. Or him being there and mad that I’d waited so long to come to him.

I imagined him opening the door and smiling, pulling me into a hug and holding me tighter than ever. I imagined laying in his arms as the sun rose in the morning. I didn’t want to wake up one more day without knowing he was mine.

Fuck doubts.

Fuck the fear.

Fuck all the angry words we’d thrown at each other.

I rolled over to look at my clock and saw it was half past one. So late. Too late.

I didn’t care. The idea came to me of what I wanted to give him and once it was there, I needed to implement my plan immediately.

I took a picture of my rumpled bed with my phone. Not the greatest photography, but it’d work. I loaded it to my computer, added some fancy filter, made it black and white, and printed it off.

Then I looked around my room, landing on an old family picture in a frame. Prying it open, I set the photo aside and placed the picture of my bed inside. Then I grabbed one of the cards he’d sent me, and wrote my own note in it. Licking the envelope, feeling lighter with each step I took toward him, I spotted the shirt he’d gotten me laying on my dresser.

I quickly stripped out of my sleep shirt, skipped a bra, and pulled on the shirt he’d given me. I looked in the mirror and remembered the last time I’d gone to see him on a whim. It’s what had started all of this. I nodded at the confident woman, armed with a photo and a card, and made my way to my car.

Adrenaline coursed through me as I tightly gripped Betsy’s wheel. The street lamps passed one by one, each marking the shrinking distance between me and the man I was going to claim as mine.

The streets were mostly empty as the clock got closer to two. My mind took off, trying to imagine all the outcomes of the night, but I refused to let them form, solely focusing on the one that started tonight’s journey.

By the time I’d reached his building, my hands were sweaty from how tightly they gripped the leather steering wheel. My heart hammered in my chest, and my legs trembled with each step I took closer to him.

My head buzzing with excitement, I lifted my fist to knock on the door. Ready to stand there all night if need be. But it only took two knocks, and by the time I’d lifted my hand for a third, I’d already heard the shuffle of feet approaching the door.

I was hit with a sense of déjà-vu when my future opened the door with low slung sweats hanging precariously on his hips. One word slipped past his lips and sank into me.

“Juliana.”