Chapter 15

Rhys

 

As I tied my bowtie, I avoided my own gaze in the closet door’s mirror. Dressed head to toe in black, I felt like I was getting ready for a funeral, not my daughter’s wedding. Hopefully today’s mood was more wedding than funeral. At least better than last night. That wasn’t too much to ask for, was it?

Derek had already left, apparently riding in to the church with his sister, so thank God for that. I drove in my own truck and just prayed—repeatedly—that today was peaceful and focused on the kids getting married, not the two jackasses getting divorced.

I’d barely stepped out of the truck, though, when Derek appeared beside me. I bristled but tried not to let it show.

He cleared his throat. “Hey. Vanessa’s asking for you.”

“Oh.” I looked around. “Where is she?”

He motioned toward the church. “Go inside, go left, and it’s the third door on your right.”

“Okay. Sure.” I paused. “How is…uh…everything?”

Derek avoided my gaze. “I think it’ll be better after you talk with her, but everyone’s calmer than last night.”

“I guess that’s something.” I glanced at the church steps. The morning was bitterly cold, and there’d been ice on the road on my way in. Just to be on the safe side, I pulled my folded cane out from under the driver’s seat.

As we started up the steps, Derek paused. “Do you, um…” He tentatively offered his elbow.

Pride and a whole lot of other things made me want to insist I could make it on my own. Past experience—not to mention some shiny spots on the steps, especially closer to the metal railing—made me think twice.

Without a word, I took his elbow, and we carefully and silently made our way to the top. The steps weren’t as slick as they could have been, but better safe than sorry. Vanessa had dealt with enough bullshit without one of her soon-to-be-divorced dads winding up in the ER on her wedding day.

As soon as we’d cleared the top step, I let go of Derek’s arm, but he stayed close until we were through the door.

“Thanks,” I murmured, folding my cane as we stepped inside.

“Don’t mention it.”

We exchanged uncomfortable glances. Then he gestured down the hall. “She’s, um…”

“Right. Yeah. Thanks.”

I followed his directions to a Sunday school classroom that had apparently been designated for the bride and bridesmaids to get ready. Inside, Vanessa’s dress hung in a garment bag beside the door, a pair of white pumps arranged on the floor beside them. She was in jeans and a button-up shirt, her hair and makeup already done, but the tears she was valiantly trying to hold back were smudging the hell out of her mascara. The second she saw me, the dam broke, and so did my heart.

Without speaking, I set my cane on the table by the door, crossed the room, and hugged her, and she held me tighter than I thought she ever had.

“I am so sorry,” I said, stroking her hair. “We really, really didn’t mean to drop this on you today of all days.”

“I know. But I mean…even after I talked to Dad, I just can’t get my head around it.” She sniffed. “You’re really leaving?”

My heart broke all over again at the childlike softness of her voice. Christ. She was supposed to be focusing on getting married today, not grieving my marriage to her dad.

All I could say was, “I’m sorry, kiddo.”

“Have you guys at least tried to fix it?”

I squeezed my eyes shut. What was broken here wasn’t getting fixed. “We’ve tried.”

She sighed, and she was quiet for a moment, as if she was absorbing everything. “Will it be weird if I stay in touch with you?”

“Weird?” I pulled back and stared at her. “What? No. Of course not.” I clasped her hand between both of mine. “Your dad and I are splitting up, but it’s not like I’m going out for cigarettes and just not coming back. All our problems—they’re between me and him. Nothing has to change here.”

That seemed to ease some of the tightness in her features and her shoulders. “Okay. I…” She laughed bitterly and kneaded her forehead. “I still can’t believe this.”

“God, I’m so sorry. We should have told you so you didn’t find out like you did.” Sighing, I squeezed my eyes shut. And I’m so sorry your dad and I are getting divorced at all. Then I looked in her eyes and gently took her shoulders in my hands. “I know you’re upset. I don’t blame you at all. But this is still your wedding, and the one thing your dad and I want more than anything is for you to be happy. We want you to enjoy your day, not worry about us.”

Her shoulders sank beneath my hands. “I guess it’s just a shock.”

“It is, and it’s not one you should have to deal with today of all days. But I promise it’s bigger than it sounds. We’re still here this weekend for you, no matter what.”

Vanessa sniffed. “But if it sounds than bigger it is, why were you crying when I walked in last night?”

I winced. “It hurts. I won’t pretend it doesn’t.”

“If it hurts that much, then why are you guys still splitting up?”

Because I hurt your dad too much for him to stay with me.

“It’s not quite that simple.” I sounded resigned even to myself. “There’s a lot of emotions to sort through. I guess last night, it got the best of me at the worst possible time.” Probably because your drunk mother came at me at the worst possible time, but you don’t need to know that. “It’s a wedding. There’s a lot of stress and a lot of emotions. I’m just sorry this one came out.”

She nodded slowly.

“And yes, we’ll absolutely stay in touch. I promise.” I gently took her hand between mine. “Remember when your dad and I got married, and we had you come up to the altar with us? Because we wanted to have some vows that included all three of us?”

A tear rolled down her cheek, and she sniffed sharply as she nodded.

“Do you remember what I said?”

She pressed her lips together, then whispered, “You said you weren’t just marrying my dad. And after that day, we’d be a family.”

“Exactly.” I brushed the tear away. “And even though things didn’t work out with your dad, I’m not going to just ride off into the sunset and disappear. I made a promise that day to be there for you and love you like you were my own daughter. Because as far as I’m concerned, you were, and you still are. Nothing is changing there.”

She searched my eyes as hers welled up again. To my surprise, she laughed as she wiped her eyes. “I kind of feel stupid now for asking. I didn’t really think you’d…you know, disappear.”

“It’s okay.” I squeezed her shoulder. “You can ask whatever you need to ask to get through this. Even if you think it’s stupid or it’ll hurt our feelings. Capisce?”

Vanessa smiled. “Capisce.”

I smiled back.

She took a deep breath and, as she released it, rolled her shoulders. “Ugh, I need to pull myself together.” She wiped her eyes and cheeks, then glared down at her hands. “My makeup is going to be all fucked up if I’m puffy, and… ugh.”

“You’ve got time. Don’t worry.”

“I’m a bride. I’m going to worry.”

“You’re also your father’s daughter.”

“True.” She hugged me tight. “Thanks, Dad. I’m sorry I—”

“You don’t have to apologize. I’m the one who’s sorry.” For reasons I can’t begin to tell you. “We came together and kept things on the down low because we want today to be about you. That hasn’t changed. So, whatever you need from us to make sure today is still perfect, say the word.”

She pulled back and met my gaze, and there was a flicker of “don’t split up,” but she didn’t say it out loud. She was far too pragmatic for that. Upset, yes, but realistic. Which was probably why she was so upset—she was all too aware of the reality of the situation and what little she or anyone else could do to change it.

“I’m going to duck out so you can get ready.” I glanced at my phone. “I think the photographer’s going to be here soon.”

Vanessa nodded.

I hugged her one more time, and murmured, “Love you, kiddo.”

“Love you too, Dad.”

I smiled, then left her to get ready. The wedding wasn’t for a few hours yet, so she’d have plenty of time to get the redness out of her eyes and cheeks.

As soon as I was out the door and out of earshot, I stopped to release a heavy breath. This was not a conversation I’d ever thought I’d have to have with my daughter on her wedding day. It was not an exaggeration to say I was having some serious regrets right now about things I’d done in my relatively recent past.

There wasn’t much I could do about any of that, though, so I focused on whatever it took to keep today from going to shit for Vanessa. Step one, while she got ready, I needed to have a talk with Derek, so I went looking for him.

I found him outside the sanctuary, sipping from a Styrofoam cup of coffee. “Hey.” I steeled myself. “Can we talk?”

He glanced at me, features tightening. Then he drained his coffee, tossed the cup in a trash can by the door, and slid his hands into his pockets. “Yeah. Sure. How’s Vanessa?”

“Better. I think she’ll be okay. She just needed some reassurance that we’re okay. Each of us, I mean. Not…um…”

“I know what you meant.”

“Right. So yeah, she’s upset, but she’ll be all right. I, um…” I thought for a moment. “Listen, that agreement we made before we left on this trip? I know it’s easier said than done now, and it kind of blew up in our faces, but I think we need to go back to that. Put it all aside and don’t make today about us or our problems.” I swallowed hard. “Today has got to be about Vanessa.”

“I know it does. There’s just been…” He exhaled, rubbing his neck with both hands. “The last few days… Especially last night…”

“I know. It’s been rougher than I think either of us bargained for. But for her sake…”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah. I agree. I’m just worried… I mean, we’ve been trying all kinds of truces and…” He waved a hand. “Look where we are.”

“I know. But it’s not just us now. And I mean, you were still willing to give me your arm on the way up the stairs this morning. Which—thank you again, by the way. But the point is, there’s no reason we can’t do the rest of the day the same way, you know? Think of it like keeping each other upright so a fall doesn’t ruin everything.”

Derek’s lips quirked as if he were mulling it over. “Yeah, I can work with that, I think.” He still seemed skeptical. Not that I blamed him.

“We already know we’re over and we’re not going back. Everything that needs to be said has been said.” I struggled to hold his gaze and forced a cautious laugh. “If you can act like you like me for the next twenty-four hours, at least enough to not let me fall down the stairs and break my neck, I promise I won’t read anything into it.”

He actually chuckled too, avoiding my eyes for a second. “All right. I, um…yeah. I think we can do that.”

“So…truce?”

Derek hesitated, but nodded. “Okay. Truce.”

I released my breath and managed to smile. “Okay. Good. Good.” I looked around, clearing my throat. “So, do they need us anywhere?”

He shook his head. “Not really. The photographer’s going to want some portraits before and after the ceremony, though, so kind of hover around the sanctuary, I guess.”

“I can do that.”

He gestured at the cane in my hand. “You, um, want me to stash that in your truck so you don’t have to carry it around? And so it doesn’t disappear?”

I glanced down at it. “You don’t mind?”

“Nah. I’ll grab it before we need to leave for the reception. Doesn’t sound like the weather’s going to get any warmer, so it might get icy.”

“Okay. Yeah.” I handed it to him, then fished my car keys out of my pocket. “Thanks.”

He met my gaze, and we both managed subtle but genuine smiles.

Then he left the sanctuary with my cane and keys, and once I was alone, I exhaled just like I had after I’d talked to Vanessa. None of this meant our shit was resolved, but if we could get through today and tomorrow without any more blowups or breakdowns, if we could focus on our daughter’s happiness and nothing else, then I’d call it a win.

Please God, let us hold it together this time.