I was afraid he was just talking, that he was just saying what he thought I wanted to hear. It was what I wanted, for him to love me and care for me, but it was hard to reconcile that with what I had been thinking for so long. How was I supposed to believe that he really felt that way? That he really loved me? I wasn’t sure, and the longer the silence hung between us in the car, the more I knew that I needed to find out.
“How did you look for me?”
“Well, I went to your house and then tried to track down your friend. I called the emergency numbers in your file from when you were an intern. I hired someone to look for you while I was working, but no one found anything. You weren’t registered anywhere. It was like you just vanished.”
It sounded like he had devoted a lot of resources to finding me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I liked the idea that he had tried so hard, but I had made sure that I wouldn’t be found. I had done everything with cash; even my job had been paid under the table. I don’t know what I had really been hiding from, other than all of the feelings that he brought out in me. It was hard to think about it, but now that he was there, I knew that I had to figure it all out. I didn’t have a choice anymore. There was nowhere left to run.
“Sounds like that took a lot of money and time. We only saw each other a couple of times, Greg. It’s not like we were dating or anything.”
He pulled up in front of my apartment. I knew that I should just go in. I should just leave and hope that he didn’t follow. But the idea of him not following made me ask him to stay and have a drink.
“Well, you know, you can drink. I’ll have tea.”
“Of course, Desiree.”
I liked the way he said my name, and even though I was ready to pop, I liked the way he was looking at me. I could feel heat rising up inside of me. When his eyes devoured me like that, it was hard to think, especially with the memories of our past coming up and overwhelming all of my senses.
Fran was at work, and that left us alone. I worried about what was going to happen next. What was going to happen when all I could think about was his hands on me? I knew that I was different, though. I didn’t look the same, but that didn’t stop my body from readying itself like it always had. All I could think about was him inside of me. I blushed at the idea, hoping he wouldn’t see through me.
Going to the cupboard, I got out the whiskey that he’d drank before and offered him a half-filled glass. I can’t describe how badly I wanted to take a slug of it, but I knew that I couldn’t. I wished for the settling of nerves that came with a sip, but instead poured myself a glass of sweet tea. I was just going to have to pretend for a little while longer.
“So how have you been, Greg?” I was trying more than anything to get the topic back to something that wasn’t going to change my life forever.
“I’ve been miserable, Desiree.” He drank the glassful quickly and then looked back up at me like I was next to be consumed. It wasn’t hard to feel what it was that he wanted, and the more he looked at me, the more my body called to him. I didn’t know if he could feel it, but there was no denying the way he was making me feel.
“I’m sorry.”
“If you were really sorry, you would make it better.”
I bit my bottom lip and then wet my lips. There was no illusion about what it was that he wanted, and if he could feel how ready I was, he would know that I wanted it just as badly. My heart was saying yes, my head was saying no and my body didn’t care about anything but being touched by his magical hands once again. This time I wouldn’t try to stop him when he touched me. I wasn’t going to be impatient, either; this time I was going to make sure that he had all of the time he wanted.
***
“Do we really have to do this? I don’t really care about a piece of paper, Greg.”
He smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but melt a little. I wasn’t feeling well and I had to waddle down the aisle. I was going to give birth at any moment, but Greg had singlehandedly made the wedding happen.
“I told you that I don’t want our son to be born until we are wed.”
Greg kept telling me that, and even though I wanted it too, the contractions were getting worse and I was past ready to leave. The piece of paper was becoming less of a priority as the pain increased.
But I planted a smile on my face and we started the ceremony and the preacher started to talk over us. He was saying all the right words, but if he didn’t hurry up, I was going to have the baby right there. When our hands came together, Greg looked at me rather strangely when I tightened my grip with a sharp contraction.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m having the baby. This has to hurry up.”
My words spurred on the preacher, and before long I was married. Greg was beaming, and for a moment, the kiss that he gave me was enough to make me forget – but only for a moment, and then I was rushing him down the aisle to get to the hospital. Nothing had been normal since I had met him, and it seemed that even the birth of our son was going to be different.
“Just hurry, Greg.”
He looked at me and then pushed the gas pedal down. I’d always liked his lead foot, but I was especially happy with it just then.
He got me there before the baby came. I thought that alone was a miracle.