Michael

“Coffee?” Courtney asks after we enter her office.

I nod as I sit on one of the chairs in front of her desk. I lean on my knees and massage my temples.

I haven’t been able to sleep well since Grace’s death. Each time I close my eyes, her scarred face with those glistening blue eyes pops up in my head. Her laughter rings in my ears and turns into a haunting melody that grips my heart. Each time I sleep, I end up having nightmares of searching for her but never finding her, or finding her and chasing after her but never catching up to her, or holding her in my arms only to have her vanish without a trace. I end up waking with my breath coming in gasps or tears in my eyes and a horrible feeling wrenching my chest.

It’s because of that that I’ve decided to avoid sleeping altogether. I’ve immersed myself in work and limited myself to three to five half-hour naps in a day. They’ve given my mind enough rest to keep working, but I know the lack of sleep is taking its toll on me.

The last time I looked in a mirror, I barely recognized myself with all those circles under my eyes.

“Here.”

Courtney hands me the mug of coffee, and the aroma of the beans immediately lifts my spirits as it drifts into my nostrils. The warmth seeps into my palms.

Thank goodness the Pioneers remembered to bring coffee beans aboard the Vessel.

She sits across me. “I never had the chance to say this, but I’m sorry for your loss.”

I just give another nod.

“I know how hard it is to lose someone you love,” Courtney continues. “I looked up to my brother so much, and I felt shattered when he died on board the Vessel. I never expected that. I mean, we went up there to survive, you know, and still, people died.”

“That was a tragedy,” I agree as I lift the mug to my lips.

“Even so, the loss of the people dear to us doesn’t mean we should lose ourselves. Look at you. You’re turning into a corpse.”

I pause and narrow my eyes at her. “Am I?”

She nods. “Michael, you look terrible, and everyone’s getting worried about you. I’m getting worried about you.”

I take a sip.

“You should get some sleep,” Courtney suggests.

“I get sleep,” I tell her.

“More sleep,” she says. “And more food. Coffee doesn’t count.”

“You’re starting to sound like a doctor. Or my mother.”

She grins. “Well, your mother is a doctor. And I don’t care if I sound like her if it means you’ll listen. This is serious. If you don’t take better care of yourself, sooner or later, you’re going to collapse.”

I take another sip.

Courtney puts her hand on my knee. “If there’s anything I can do for you, Michael, just tell me. Please?”

I gaze into her bluish green eyes and see the genuine concern in them.

Most people look at me and see a means to get closer to power. That’s always been the way of things, even before the Icebreaker. But Courtney looks at me and makes me feel like a man. If I hadn’t met Grace, I would probably have ended up with her, which my parents would probably have rejoiced over. But I did meet Grace, and fell in love with her. And even though she’s gone, I’m not sure if I can love someone else.

I take Courtney’s hand and squeeze it. “Thank you, Courtney.”

She shakes her head and her auburn ponytail swishes behind it. “Don’t thank me. Tell me what I can do to help make you feel better. Anything.”

As she speaks, my eyes zoom in on her red lips. Come to think of it, I’ve kissed them once before. It was on board the Vessel, after her brother died. She was lonely and homesick and so was I, and it was one of those days when we weren’t sure if we would ever get back to Earth or if we still had an Earth to come back to. Nothing came of it, but I can’t deny it was good.

I cup her cheek and rest my thumb at the corner of her mouth. It doesn’t have to mean anything, but maybe, just maybe I can kiss her and it might make me forget everything for just a moment—all the pain, all the sorrow…

I lean forward and look into her bluish green eyes. Suddenly, they turn a deeper shade of blue.

I pull back.

No. It’s too soon.

“Michael?” Courtney’s eyes narrow.

“I’m fine,” I tell her before taking another sip of coffee.

“Sure you don’t want to ask me anything?”

I glance at the table and see her flash drive on top of the sheets of paper.

“Well, I’ve been missing my flash drive,” I inform her.

“The blue one?”

“That one. I haven’t seen it for days.”

“Well, when the last time you saw it?”

I shrug. “I can’t remember.”

“Of course you can’t.” She frowns. “Like I said, you haven’t been sleeping, so your brain doesn’t have enough time to store and process information.”

I glance at her computer. “Do you have access to footage from the cameras?”

Courtney nods. “Of course.”

I set down my mug and go around her desk to sit behind it. I pull the chair closer to the desk, face the computer and start typing.

She stands up. “Um, Michael, on second thought…”

“One second.”

I browse the video files from the various rooms I’ve visited the past days, hoping to catch a glimpse of myself with my flash drive around my neck. So far, I don’t see it.

I go to the next folder.

Just a little bit further back.

Suddenly, I stop. My eyes grow wide as I see the image of a woman in a gray dress in a screenshot taken from the footage from the facial reconstruction room a few days ago.

The same day Grace left.

I grab the edges of Courtney’s white coat. “Why was Grace here? What was she doing here? Why didn’t you tell me she was here?”

“I… I didn’t know.”

I sit down and continue watching the video with my breath held and my heart pounding.

That’s Grace, alright. And she’s going into the Rebirth Machine, the one that’s supposed to perform facial reconstruction and memory trims. It’s designed to heal facial injuries and help the victims forget the injuries ever existed, forget all the pain that went with them so that they’re completely free of scars.

One of my mother’s toys. Wasn’t it still in its experimental stage?

“Why did she go into the Rebirth Machine?” I ask Courtney.

“I don’t know, Michael.”

Maybe not. But there’s someone who does.

My mother.

~

“Calm down, Michael.” My mother gets off her bed and puts a hand on my shoulder.

I shake my head. I can’t calm down. “Why didn’t you tell me Grace was at the Lab? That she went into the Rebirth Machine? Why did she use it? Why was she allowed to use it?”

“I…”

I grab her shoulders. “Tell me what really happened to her!”

She sighs and sits on the edge of the bed. “Grace came to the Lab begging for help. She wanted to have that scar on her face removed. She said she wanted to look pretty for you at your wedding.”

My jaw clenches as my hands curl into tight fists.

“They called me, and I decided to help her. I mean, she was going to be my daughter-in-law. Of course I wanted her to look her best.”

“You should have called me,” I tell her through gritted teeth.

“I would have, but she wanted to surprise you,” my mother says.

“Then what happened?”

“The procedure went on smoothly. Her scar was removed. I also made some adjustments so that only the scar would be removed, not her memories of it, and I thought I was successful.”

“But you weren’t.”

“Grace was transferred to the medical ward to rest. The nurse said that when she woke up, she seemed confused and she ran off.”

I frown. “How dare you erase her memories.”

She stands up. “I didn’t mean it!”

“Are you sure? Because I think you did. You hated her, after all, didn’t you?”

She falls silent.

“And that’s not all you did.”

Her eyebrows go up. “What are you talking about?”

“I talked to Gordon, who was also in that room when the procedure happened,” I tell her, and her eyes grow wide. “He said that Grace took her ring and her necklace off and didn’t put them back on. You know what that means, don’t you?”

My mother’s cheeks pale as she drops onto the edge of the bed.

I step forward and take the silver ring off my finger. “This ring wasn’t on Grace’s finger. It was in some drawer, and you knew it. Yet you had someone get it and give it to me just so you could make me believe that she was dead.”

“For all I know, she could be dead.”

I throw the ring at her. “She could still be alive, too! No. She is alive. I can feel it.”

My mother looks at me and shakes her head. “Don’t do this to yourself, Michael. You know as well as I do what happens beyond the city walls.”

“You never even had someone go after her and try to find her and stop her, did you? Well, I’ve already sent out a team. They’re looking for Grace right now, and if they can’t find her in two weeks, I’m going out there to look for her myself.”

“No,” my mother gasps. She comes to me and takes my hands in hers. “Please don’t do this.”

“And I’m not going to come back until I find her,” I continue. “However long that takes.”

Her lips quiver as she shakes her head. “Michael, I’ve already lost one son.”

“No,” I tell her as I pull my hands away and step back. “You lost the second the day you decided you didn’t want Grace for a daughter-in-law.”

Her eyes fall to the floor.

I swallow the lump in my throat. She’s my mother, I know. And that’s why I always wanted to see the best in her. I always tried. But in so doing, I became blind.

That ends now.

I march towards the door.

“I’m not going to let you leave the city, Michael,” my mother says. “You’re too valuable.”

I stop. Somehow, I knew she’d say that.

I glance at her over my shoulder. “What are you going to do, mother? Put me in jail?”

She swallows. “If I have to.”

I shake my head and scoff. “Travis was right. You don’t care about anyone but yourself.”

I continue towards the door.

“Michael!”

“If you want to stop me, you’ll have to kill me,” I tell her as I leave the room. “Because if you put me in jail, I swear your precious Lab will go up in flames.”

I walk down the hall but stop after a few seconds to punch a wall.

If only I had found out sooner. Maybe Grace would be back by now.

Still, it’s not too late. Grace is a fighter. As long as she stays strong, she’ll live—and as long as she’s alive, there’s a chance I’ll find her.

No. I will find her.

Wherever you are, I promise I’ll bring you back, Grace. Hang in there.