We pulled up to my childhood home, and nothing had changed. I didn’t expect it to since the last time I was home, but sometimes it was nice to see things didn’t ever change. I’d had nothing but changes lately.

Tim got the bags out of the trunk and my mom ran out to hug me. “Oh, come and give me some love.”

I ran and hugged her. “Hi, Ma.”

“I can’t believe you’re here.” She looked at Tim as he came up behind us with our bags. “And, you! I haven’t seen you for ages. Did you finally let Hank take over for the weekend?”

He put our bags down and hugged her back. I narrowed my eyes when I looked at the luggage he set down. They matched. I put my stuff in duffle bags. I looked around. Tim caught my eye and gave a slight shake of his head. He put our stuff together. He was really playing the part.

I turned back to my mom when she put her hands on my arms again. “Let me look at you.”

“Ma, I was just here.”

“No, you were not. You came home in November, but the weather was too bad to make it after that. Then you were too busy.”

“That’s my fault. I work too hard, but I’m trying to get better.” Tim winked at me. “We’ll get that balance figured out yet and give Hank the reins every once in a while.”

It was too weird. The whole thing was too weird. I wanted to blurt out the truth and stop the charade that was messing with my head, but my cousin Cynthia pulled up.

“Tim, put the bags in the room you guys always stay in. You know the one. Then come meet us out back.” My mom ushered Cynthia and me to the backyard. I didn’t think about the sleeping arrangements. We’d be sharing a room. I looked at Tim as he walked toward the house. He looked at me just before he entered and blew me a kiss. I couldn’t share a room with him.

* * *

“How’s Dad doing?” I looked out the kitchen window as Dad and Tim put the temporary posts in to hold decorations. Cynthia approved of the plans my mother showed her and it was game on.

It was nice of my mom to offer their backyard for the party. It saved money. Cynthia’s mother was taking care of the food. I was grateful my mother didn’t have that expense. Our entire family was close, so I wasn’t surprised she was helping out so much. I hoped it was because she wanted to and not some surrogate event for my own wedding that wasn’t happening. It wasn’t going to happen for a while.

“Your father is fine. Why are you asking?” She looked out the window with me. When she didn’t see anything unusual, she nudged me with her hip. “Come on. Those mints aren’t going to make themselves.”

I rolled my eyes and pressed more into the molds. “I don’t know why Dad needs help with it.”

“Your father doesn’t need help, but I don’t want to do this alone, either.”

I turned to her. “What? That doesn’t make sense.”

“Sure it does. I could do all this myself, but I don’t want to. Your father doesn’t want to do that by himself, either.”

She looked at me as I yawned again. “Are you coming down with something? Do I need to take the mints away from you?”

“No, I’m fine. I’m just tired. It’s been stressful with everything that happened with Briggs and trying to get the certifications for the center.”

“That’s so sad about that boy. Rebecca down the street tried to off herself, but it didn’t work.”

“Ma! We don’t know what he was doing.”

“I’m just saying that she tried it and she was given another chance. It’s weird how the world works. Some people put stuff up their nose for a good time and die. Others hang themselves and the rope breaks.”

“Can we talk about something else, please?” I yawned again.

She backed up to look at me and put her backside against the counter I was working on. “I know you two have something to tell me, but I can’t wait. Tell me now.”

“How did you—” I shook my head. “Tim and I do want to talk to you, but it has to wait until after the party.”

“Oh, I know you don’t want to upstage their news, but I’ll act normal. Just tell me.” She looked around. “It’s just the two of us.”

“Later.”

“Okay, fine.” She went back to the counter she was working on. “Do you have any names picked out yet?”

“Names?” I turned to her. “For what?”

“What do you mean for what? For the news you’re going to tell me.” She shook her hands to the sky. “For what she asks like I’m a moron. I’ll have you know I birthed six children. I know what I’m talking about.”

“I’m glad you know because I haven’t got a clue.”

She turned and looked me over. She shook her head. “You don’t?” She looked to the side and then back to me again. “Is this some trick because you don’t want to admit it?”

“Admit what, Ma?” I shouldn’t have raised my voice, but she was driving me nuts. I should’ve asked Dad if she was doing okay.

“You’re pregnant.”

I stepped back and put my hand on my belly. “No, I’m not.”

“Oh, now you’re going to have to get a new glove.” She grabbed another disposable glove from the box and waved it at me. “Come on. No one wants your fibers all over their mints.”

Dad walked in at that time. “You’ve added fiber to the mints? Now you’ve just gone too far.” He turned to Tim as he walked in. “I told you she’s cramming this fiber crap down my throat.”

My mother yelled after them as they walked through the kitchen to get to the garage. “If you ate the fiber, you wouldn’t have problems with your other crap.”

“I need to go to the bathroom.” I took the gloves off and grabbed my phone.

I locked the door and looked in the mirror. “You can’t be pregnant.” I picked up my phone and brought up the calendar to count the weeks. “Oh, God.” I jumped when there was a knock at the door.

It was my mom. “Baby, can you open the door for a minute?”

I didn’t bother to hide the shock I had on my face when I opened the door. She hurried in and shut it behind her. “Mom?” I started to tear up and she looked into my eyes.

“Oh, baby, you didn’t know, did you?”

All I could do was shake my head.

“Okay, well, maybe your old mother is wrong.” She handed me a pregnancy test she took out from under the sink. “Take this and let me know what it says.”

“Why did you—”

She held her hand up. “After that last tramp tried to say she was pregnant with Matty’s baby, I make everyone take one who claims it if they can’t provide proof themselves.” She threw her hands up into the air as she walked out.

* * *

I lay on my side with my back to Tim. He was looking out the window. I felt empty. Not because of everything they did to my body, but because of everything I lost. I closed my eyes as tears fell again.

I knew Tim and I were drifting apart, but the Tim I fell in love with wouldn’t have been staring out that window when the room cleared. He would’ve been behind me, cradling my body and telling me it was all going to be okay. None of it was going to be okay.

The door opened and Dr. Bishop walked back in. She took a mental note of Tim standing across the room. I wanted to tell her not to judge him when she looked him up and down, but I didn’t care if she did. He should’ve been in that bed with me.

“How are you feeling, April?”

I shook my head and closed my eyes again.

“Are you still in physical pain?”

My voice was weak and broken. “Not as much, Doctor.”

She placed her hand on my hip. “Doctor seems too clinical. You can call me Emerson. If you need anything for the pain, we can help you.” She removed her hand from my hip and looked at Tim. “Are you going to be with her tonight? All night?”

Tim’s voice sounded as if he was still facing the window. It didn’t sound as if he had paid her any attention when she walked in. “Yes, I’ll be with her.”

“You know, there are several different ways of being with someone. She needs care right now, and if you’re not able to man up and do it, I will admit her to the hospital. I’ll ask again and I hope you have the decency to face your fiancée to answer the question. Will you care for her all night? Will you put her needs before your own?”

Tim was standing at the bed. I felt him grab the side they raised to ensure I wouldn’t fall out. “I said I’ll be with her.”

She looked at both of us as if she were deciding whether or not to say what was on her mind. “Don’t make rash decisions because of this. You each will blame yourself, but in all honesty, there is no way to tell what happened to cause it. Stress, poor diet, lack of exercise, and even God Himself have been blamed for miscarriages. No one knows for sure in most cases.

“With the lack of any trauma to the body, the same is true for yours. No one knows. Not even me. So, before you blame yourselves and then each other for why this baby didn’t come to be, why don’t you remember what it was that created the baby in the first place? Remember you two love each other to want to have children together. You want to get married and spend the rest of your lives together. Don’t spend them fighting and blaming the world for what no one can be blamed for.”

She signed something on the chart in her hand and looked at each of us again. “I’ll release you, but follow up with your doctor. If you have any further issues tonight, don’t hesitate to come in.”

She looked at Tim. “Take care of her.”

* * *

I looked down and saw the positive sign. “Fuck.”