Chapter 32 – Hanson
I didn’t play well in the game against the Houston Hornets. We’d still won, but it hadn’t been thanks to me. I guess the team had gotten used to winning without me.
Lacey had been there to watch, but I didn’t get the feeling she’d been very interested. She had sat down the entire time, quiet and dejected when I’d found her next to Coach.
I knew what was getting to her, of course. She was pregnant with my child, and we weren’t together. I didn’t think it would make any woman happy, but Lacey was different.
At least, she was different to me. I had fallen for her. I had to admit to that. There had to be some way to make this work.
She was pregnant with my child. When I’d heard the news, I hadn’t known how to react. I hadn’t thought something like this would ever happen. I should have considered it, with how much I’d fucked around, but the truth is that you never feel it until it hits you personally.
At first I hadn’t felt good enough to be the father of this child and a partner to Lacey. She was the kind of woman that deserved a real man to court her, to take her out, to make love to her, to marry her. I was none of that. I was a player who had fucked her a few times and had been hoping to leave it at that.
She deserved more.
That was what it was about. She deserved more than me. I wanted her, but what was I offering her? A man that had been with so many women he’d lost count? Sure, I could give her money and security and all that, but what did she really want?
I felt like I wasn’t enough. My image was bad. She of all people would know. And I was an asshole. I was better some days than others, but a better asshole was still an asshole.
No, I wanted Lacey to have the best. And me? I wasn’t the best. Although, being a father did sound like something I could get used to. I’d always wanted to do it. Just not so soon. I’d wanted it to be when I was ready. When I was a better person.
I’d had a ten-year plan where I became so fantastic I was practically someone else. I guess meeting Lacey had just pushed me in that direction faster than I had been planning to get there.
“Are you going to be in this mood all the way home, or are you going to talk to her?” Brian asked next to me.
I glanced at him.
“Leave it alone, Brian,” I said.
He shook his head. “Look, man. You bailed me out when things were up in the air for me. I can’t exactly do that for you here, but I want to help you. And if you really want to be happy, you’ll go talk to her. At least try to work it out.”
I frowned at him. “What makes you think I want to be with her?”
Brian chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re an idiot, you know that? You’re running away from the one thing that might do you some good in that life of yours. The one you keep fucking up so much. Go talk to her. I know you’ve fallen for her.”
I wanted to protest, but Brian was right. And he knew me well enough.
“And if she doesn’t want me?” I asked.
“Then you’ll know you weren’t a pussy, and you gave it a shot.”
I swallowed. “Kind words,” I said sarcastically, getting up.
Brian clapped me on my shoulder.
“Remember, the worst you can get is a no. But imagine you get a yes. Right?”
I nodded. Right.
I walked through the curtains that blocked off the first-class section and scanned the seats, looking for Lacey. I finally spotted her, her head down like she was reading something. She had a window seat, and the kid next to her looked like he couldn’t be older than eighteen. I walked to him.
“Why don’t you go sit in my seat for a while?” I asked him.
I held out my ticket.
He frowned at the ticket. When he looked at my face, his eyes widened.
“You’re Hanson Bell.”
I nodded. “Yeah. First class is full of Sharks today. Go to Brian McMurray, and tell him I sent you. He’ll introduce you around.”
The kid got up and left. I grinned, looking at him go through the curtains.
“I think you just made his day,” Lacey said.
“Maybe even his whole year. What a story to tell his friends.”
“If they believe him,” Lacey said and smiled. She had dark circles under her eyes, like she hadn’t slept in a while. She looked worn out and tired.
“Do you mind if I sit down?”
She shook her head, and I sat down next to her. She held a book open on her lap.
“What are you reading?”
“Timeline,” she said. “But I can’t really concentrate.”
I nodded. I didn’t know where to start.
“Look, about us... I don’t want to lose you. I want to be in your life. And the baby’s life. I really do.”
Lacey shook her head.
I thought she was about to tell me not to talk about it in public, or maybe not at all. But she surprised me.
“No, I’m the one who should be saying this,” she told me, looking into my eyes. “I’m sorry I ran away. I was just scared.”
I frowned. “Why?”
She took a deep breath and let it out in a shudder.
“I don’t want kids,” she said. “I never wanted kids. I was the love child of a preacher who was too proud to admit to his mistakes. He left my mom to fend for herself and a daughter who always wondered what she did wrong. I don’t want that. I don’t want a family I can disappoint. I’m scared because I made a baby that might be disappointed.”
I blinked at her. “That was a very serious story in a very small nutshell,” I said.
She pulled up one shoulder and looked at me again. Her eyes were a brilliant blue.
“I don’t really like talking about it, but I thought you ought to know why I freaked out. And I want to apologize. I should have been stronger.”
I shook my head. “I totally get it. It’s a big deal. But life is about potential disappointment and also potential reward. You have to risk one to get the other.”
“Now you’re sounding like me,” she said.
I couldn’t help but laugh. But then I got serious again.
“Well that’s good. Because I fucking love you.”
Her mouth dropped open and I reached over and shut her jaw for her. She jolted like I’d shocked her. I realized I’d just said it on a plane full of people, many of them my teammates. I realized this meant for good, for real. But it was time I claimed what was mine, no matter how much she might protest. I knew it was best for her, for me, for our baby.”
“I love you, too,” she said. “But I have no experience at any of this. I don’t know that I could be a good mother. I don’t even know if I’d be a good girlfriend.”
“Sorry,” I said. “But I disagree. I think you’ll make a wonderful mother. And a great girlfriend. Or wife.”
She blinked at me.
“What?”
“I’ve been thinking about it. I’m not going to leave you hanging with a baby by yourself. But it’s not just because it’s the right thing to do. I want to be with you, Lacey.”
She shook her head, her face confused.
“I don’t understand,” she said.
“I’ve fallen for you,” I said, making it clearer. “And I want you to be my girlfriend. The mother of my child. My wife, eventually. I mean, maybe. As long as you lose all the baby weight.”
Her eyes widened in anger. “What the hell?”
I grinned sheepishly. “I’m kidding. Sorry, bad joke. But I was only joking about the last part. I meant the rest of it. I want to be with you.”
She shook her head but I noticed she couldn’t help but smile. Then she became sullen again.
“You don’t date. You sleep around. You’ve never been a one-woman guy.”
I nodded. “You’re right. I was all that. But then I met you. I don’t want to be all of that anymore. And yes, there’s a baby now and that egged me on. But it’s only made me realize how much I want to be with you. I want to do the whole family thing with you. Babies, toys, and diapers. Everything.”
She looked terrified when I talked about the baby. I leaned forward slowly. She held still, and I pressed my lips against hers. She trembled lightly, and she stayed frozen against my lips for a moment before she kissed me back.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said. “I don’t intend on leaving you in the lurch or abandoning our child. I’ll stick by your side. It’s you and only you, baby. And this baby, of course.”
I put my hand on her stomach.
“Can I feel it kick?” I asked her.
“It’s too early for that,” she said, and laughed.
As she laughed, her eyes started tearing up. When the tears spilled onto her cheeks, I wiped them away with my thumbs.
“We’re going to be okay, okay?”
“I don’t know how,” she said.
She leaned against me, her head beneath my chin. I put my arm around her shoulders and held her tightly against me.
I shook my head. I didn’t know either, but I knew that if we were together, we could make it happen.
“Do you trust me?” I asked.
Lacey moved so she could look at me.
“Yes.”
It was a serious answer, one she had thought about.
“And just for the record,” she said. “I’ve fallen for you, too. I’ll give being a girlfriend my best shot.”
“That’s all a guy could ask for,” I told her, happy at last.