Chapter 30 – Jacob
When Kina invited me over to her place, I was surprised. We’d fucked in her car, but that didn’t make me any surer where we stood. She was still so distant from me, unwilling to accept my affection for her. Whatever it was that she felt for me, she made a point of keeping it very far away.
And I knew how unhappy she was that her relations with me had gone public. I didn’t have the feeling she wanted to take anything further. In fact, if anything, she blamed me.
But with her asking me to come over for a chat, I wasn’t going to say no. I wanted to see her, to hear her out, see what she had to say. I cared for her, and it was important to me that she’d given me a chance.
I took an Uber to her place so my car wouldn’t be recognized on the road. The last thing we needed tonight was paps following us around, photographing us the way Brian had told me they’d done with him and Sadie at the start of their relationship. I didn’t need anything more to go wrong and get between us.
The driver wasn’t from the States and didn’t seem to recognize me. Thanks to the GPS system that Uber used to book a ride, we didn’t have to communicate other than hi and goodbye. I ended up in front of Kina’s door at seven on the dot.
I took a deep breath, swallowed down my nerves, and knocked.
When she opened, she looked great. She always looked great, of course, but today, she wore a sky-blue top that brought her blue eyes out, making them look bright and beautiful. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, accentuating her jaw, and she was wearing makeup. She’d gotten dressed up to see me tonight.
That was a good sign.
“Kyle is here,” she said. She stepped forward to give me a hug, and it was very PG.
“Oh?” I’d thought it would only be the two of us. I’d hoped we could talk about us. With Kyle here, her really pissed off brother, we weren’t going to be able to have a heart-to-heart. What exactly had she invited me over to talk about, then?
I stepped into her apartment, and it smelled like dinner. Kyle sat on the couch, glaring at me.
“Hey, man,” I said to him. He only nodded back at me. Well, this wasn’t awkward.
I walked to Kina in the kitchen where she was setting out dishes with spaghetti, minced beef, and vegetables.
“Do you need help with anything?” I asked.
She shook her head, smiling a little too brightly at me. “I’ve got it. We’re about ready to dish up.”
“I really wish you would have given me a heads up about this. I don’t know if you know this, but Kyle hates me.”
Kina shook her head. “I was scared you wouldn’t come if you knew he would be here.”
I frowned. “You didn’t think to even run it by me?”
She shrugged. “I did ask him about it, and he was okay to see you, so he’s not being held here against his will.
“So, you asked him but not me?”
She turned to me, those blue eyes brilliant, her expression difficult to read.
“I told you I was nervous you wouldn’t come. It’s important to me, Jacob.”
I sighed. What if it was important to me that I’d known before I came? But I didn’t say it because I would still have come, regardless of who she’d invited. I would have liked to her to talk to me about it, that was all.
“You boys can dish up,” she said and called Kyle from the living room. He came into the kitchen and dished first as if there wasn’t a lady present. When he had his food, I let Kina dish up before I took a plate of my own.
“This looks nice,” I said when we sat down at the dining table Kina had in the corner of the living room. “Thank you.”
We ate. Kyle looked irritated all the time. We make small talk, and he barely partook in it, glaring at me often, making everything unpleasant.
“Do you have a problem with me?” I asked after I’d just about had enough of him. I was already done eating. Kyle hadn’t cleared his plate, but he seemed done, too. Kina was the only one still eating.
“Yeah,” he said. “As a matter of fact, I do.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Kina asked.
Kyle groaned. “Do you know how unfair it is watching you live the life when I’m screwed almost every day of my life?” he asked me.
I didn’t know how to respond to that.
“No, you won’t know,” he said. “You’re the bigshot, aren’t you? Doing everything your heart desires because you got your big break, and then you nearly threw it away, too. God, it’s sickening.”
I blinked at him. “What the hell are you on about? Are you pissed off that I had the opportunity to go pro or pissed off that I didn’t refuse it? Even if I didn’t take it, they wouldn’t have given it to you, Kyle.”
“Jacob—” Kina said.
“No, he’s right,” Kyle said. “They wouldn’t have given it to me, which pisses me off. Because no matter how badly I fuck up, no one cares except you, Kina.”
I didn’t know what Kyle was trying to get at. The conversation was bizarre.
“What do you want to say with that statement?” I asked.
Kyle sighed. “That I’m sorry.”
I had no idea how the anger, the accusations, and the apology fit together.
“What?” I asked.
“I’m so fucking angry that I threw it all away this badly,” he said. “And blamed you for it. When I found out about the two of you, I tried to find every reason why I should hate you, but I can’t because it’s all me. All this shit in my life, it’s all me.”
I didn’t know what to say. I had no idea how it had started at one end and shot through to the other end.
“That’s all I have to say,” Kyle said to Kina. “That’s what you wanted, right?”
Kina opened her mouth to answer, but Kyle carried on. “I’m going to go to my room, now. You guys should talk your shit out, too. I’m tired of seeing you two sneak glances at each other like you think no one knows that you care so much. It’s making me sick.”
Kyle turned away.
“It’s not like that,” Kina said to his back.
He looked over his shoulder. “Don’t do what I did, sis,” he said. “Don’t throw something away before it’s even started.”
We watched him walk away. Kina looked at me when Kyle was gone, and she looked like she didn’t know what to say.
“Well, it was honest, if not tactful,” I said.
Kina nodded. “I just wanted him to get whatever was bothering him off his chest. I didn’t realize it would be that heartfelt.”
“People seem to feel a lot more than you give them credit for.”
She was suddenly angry, her mood crackling in the air all around us.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she asked.
“I mean you’re expecting me to feel nothing at all for you even though you ought to know better. And you know you feel more, too. Why aren’t you just honest about it?”
“Why don’t you stop telling me how to feel?”
I shook my head. “You have no idea how hot you are when you’re angry,” I said.
That seemed to push her even further. “Don’t you dare. Compliments won’t work. You can’t get into my pants every time we have a fight.”
I shook my head. “It wasn’t my intention. I just want you to talk to me, Kina.”
“Well, there’s nothing to say. I can’t do a relationship with you, no matter how much I want to. I have too much going on. I have Kyle to look out for, and all this shit up in the air with my job so close to falling apart, it’s not even funny. I didn’t even think about a relationship before it all went wrong.”
“But you do want one,” I said.
She started to protest, but she couldn’t say anything to that because she’d just told me that she wanted a relationship.
“I have a lot of stress, too,” I said. “I have a reputation that I’m constantly running from, and being with you hasn’t made it a lot easier for me. In fact, I don’t know if it’s still going to bite me in the ass. You’re not the only one who can’t afford to have a relationship right now.”
“So, wrong place, wrong time?” Kina asked.
I nodded. “I guess, so. Sometimes, it just isn’t the right time, even when the people are right.”
She nodded, and we sat together in silent agreement. She pushed the food she hadn’t finished around her plate, the fork in her delicate hands. I looked at her, tracing the contours of her face with my eyes, her lips, her beautiful nose and her long lashes.
What was I doing?
It was time to make a move. A sacrifice. A risk. For Kina—anything.