Chapter 4
Calida
I stepped outside while Malcolm and Brenda went over the paperwork. Leaning against my car, I pressed my palms to my eyes and tried to wrap my head around things. I told him I wanted to check on Shawn, but I really needed away from him. He was buying a house, setting down roots here since his company only required him in the office once a month. He said he didn’t expect me to move in right away, but it was a lie.
Everyone told me I needed to sell my house, that I needed a fresh start. Now he was in there making an offer on a place for the future he saw. He’d said our house. Sharing a room with him, being with him; my chest tightened at the thought. I needed to tell him I couldn’t do this. No, I can’t do that. I told him to make an offer. I gave him more hope. Shit! I was digging myself a bigger hole.
“…you allowed the choice to be made…” Dr. Carr’s words replayed in my head.
Malcolm and Brenda strolled out a few minutes later talking and smiling. His smile broadened when he saw me. Malcolm was a good man. He deserved better, but he was intent on being with me.
“In forty-eight hours, I’ll know if I’m a homeowner,” he said, wrapping his arms around my waist.
I tensed. His large frame swallowed me. Being trapped between him and my car amplified the fearful, claustrophobic thoughts that were always in the back of my mind. My hands went to his chest. I needed some sort of a barrier. Brenda waved goodbye to us as she climbed into her BMW.
“Congrats,” I replied, fighting down the urge to push him back. Breathe, just breathe. “I need to go pick up Shawn.” I prayed that excuse would gain me freedom. It didn’t.
Malcolm placed his fingers under my chin, lifting my face toward him. His hazel eyes searched my face. His thumb ran across my lips, and he looked as if he were debating his course of action. He frowned and took a step back. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“I’m sorry about earlier. I don’t want you to feel rushed or pressured.”
“It’s okay. And I’m sorry too. I know yesterday, last night, you weren’t implying, or trying to—”
“Hey, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” He gave me that boyish grin I’d loved so much. A different time in my life it would have given me excited butterflies.
“So, what are your plans for the rest of the day?”
“I’m going to go pick up Shawn, then after that nothing.”
“Are you up for some company later? Dinner and a movie at my place?”
“I’ll have Shawn. My parents had him last night,” I replied in the hope that would be enough. He’d looked hurt when I turned down his invitation last night, and I didn’t want to do that again.
“He’s invited,” he answered, demolishing my objection.
Shit! If I turned him down again, then we could get into another argument, and I didn’t want to fight with him.
“Sure, what time?”
He gave a broad grin. “Six?”
“Okay.”
His warm hands were on my cheeks, and I instantly braced for impact. He’d wanted to kiss me moments ago; I saw it in his eyes. The look was still there. His six-foot-five frame loomed above me, and I mentally counted to ten, trying to not let my rising anxiety gain too much momentum.
Malcolm leaned down, resting his forehead against mine. His eyes were closed. He didn’t speak. He simply held me there, taking slow, controlled breaths. I watched him and waited. Taking my own controlled breaths as I worked to keep myself in check, and prepare for what would come next.
Being this close, I focused on his features for the first time in a long time. My eyes went to his lips first. They had a natural rosy pink hue that stood out against his warm bronze skin tone. His lips. Full, soft lips that kissed me yesterday. I recalled the tickle of his beard against my skin. He kept it close cut, but the fine hairs on his top lip had brushed against mine. His dreads were braided back, a style he adopted in the summer months. He and Macy shared the same honey brown hair color as well as the same eye color.
No denying Malcolm was a handsome man, but I’d learned the hard way, not all pretty faces could be trusted.
After maybe a minute, he kissed my forehead and stepped away. He gave a half grin. “I’ll see you at six.”
I nodded my agreement. When he reached forward to open my car door, I flinched. The smile left his face, and he looked down at the ground with a subtle shake of his head. He stepped away.
I climbed into my SUV. “I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah, okay,” he replied before shutting my door.
In my rearview mirror, I could see him standing in the driveway, watching my car as it drove away.
“What are you doing, Calida?” I asked, gripping the steering wheel tighter. “You’re making things worse that’s what!” I continued to scold myself.
Needing a moment to collect myself, I drove to the first parking lot I came to. I whipped into a spot near the back, threw the car into park, and then let out a long frustrated scream. I wasn’t ready for this; I should have told him that. Instead, I told him to put in an offer on a house. A house he expected me to live in with him.
If I had just opened my fucking mouth, yesterday or today, I wouldn’t be in this mess. I’d been doing okay. I’d been holding it together. But in one day Malcolm had managed to throw my delicately constructed life out of balance. Head resting on the steering wheel, I concentrated on taking slow breaths to calm myself.
A tap on my window startled me. I looked over to see a sweaty guy with a stack of flyers in his hand. He held them up, pointing to show they were coupons for a car wash. I shook my head. He shrugged then went off to put the flyers on the windshields of the other parked cars.
Malcolm kept touching me. Why wouldn’t he? It’s what normal people did in relationships. He’d wanted to kiss me. But he didn’t. Then I flinched when all he was doing was opening my door. He looked so hurt by that.
I covered my face and took a deep breath, attempting to shove all those feelings back where they belonged. I held up my hands and stared at the slight trembling. Opening and closing them a few times, I willed myself to calm before continuing to my parents’ house.
∞∞∞
When I arrived at their Druid Hills home, just when I thought this day couldn’t get any worse, there was Dorian’s car. She’d been coming to visit them more often. Our relationship had changed. She remained a snarky bitch more times than not, but I no longer let her walk all over me like I used to. Most of the time.
However, she proved useful when things came up with Jokobi Enterprises. I had no idea what to do with Seth’s company. I’d been an interior decorator, so dealing with acquisitions and whatever else that place did was way out of my league. My head hurt simply thinking about it, and I had zero desire to try. There’d been enough on my plate with trying to care not only for Shawn, but also myself. That was the hardest of all the tasks.
Mom had encouraged me to call Dorian since corporate law was her specialty. I’d expected her to shoot me down, but surprisingly, she’d been happy to help and had kept doing so on a somewhat regular basis when things came up. However, in true Dorian fashion, she disguised her nice acts behind insults, saying that without her, the board would swindle me out of my shares because I didn’t have the brains for business. Once a bitch, always a bitch. But that was Dorian, and I expected nothing less from her.
I pulled down the visor and checked my appearance in the mirror. Through the makeup, I noticed the dark circles under my eyes. I looked tired, but sleeping on the floor after drinking a bottle of wine would do that to a person. Although, these days I always looked tired, so I couldn’t really use that as an excuse. Reaching into my purse, I pulled out my compact to add more concealer under my eyes. Once I was satisfied all dark circles were hidden, I flipped the visor back in place and climbed out of my car.
Dad opened the door wearing a huge grin. “Hey, baby girl,” he said, hugging me. “What brings you by?”
I laughed. “Um, I don’t know, Dad. Maybe to pick up my son?”
“Now why would you do a thing like that?”
I followed the sound of Shawn’s laughter and Mom’s voice toward the back of the house. Dorian was playing with Shawn, tickling him, and his giggles filled the space. There were bags sitting beside the fireplace. More stuff, she was always buying him stuff. Dorian still hadn’t apologized for her horrid behavior toward me over the years, so it was her strange peace offering. Clothes, toys, more books, all more than he could ever use. I’d recently given away two bags of clothes he’d outgrown before he got a chance to wear them.
“Hey, honey,” Mom said.
“Hey, Mom. Hello, Dorian.”
“Hello, Calida.”
Shawn squirmed in Dorian’s arms when he saw me. She put him down, and he teetered over to me.
“Congratulations.”
“Huh?”
“Mom tells me you and Malcolm are engaged, so congratulations.”
I turned and gave my mom a look of disbelief. “Mom! Really? Engaged?”
“What? You might as well be as far as I’m concerned,” she replied, walking around the space, and picking up the toys. “Where is he anyway? I figured he’d come by with you.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and mentally counted to ten. I did a deep inhale and audible exhale. I knew she meant well, and I’d not given her any reason to think this wouldn’t be something I’d want. My crush on Malcolm had never been a secret, and he’d always been part of the family as much as Macy.
“No, we are…dating. Sorta. Not engaged,” I clarified, looking at Mom. “And I’m not sure where he is. Why would you think he’d be with me?”
“Because, you two…you know…”
“Oh my god, Mom! No. Malcolm and I have not…‘you knowed.’ I went home last night. Alone.” If I had longer hair, I would have pulled it in that moment.
Dad took that as an excuse to leave the room, taking Shawn with him. Didn’t matter how old we were, he still left anytime the mention of sex, or even the idea of it came up.
“Thanks for showing up, Calida,” Dorian said, laughing. “Before you got here, she was lecturing me on my failed marriage.” She moved to take a seat on the sofa.
“Oh, Dorian. Always with the dramatics. I was not lecturing you. I was merely suggesting you not give up so easily. Anyway, Calida dear, back to you and my future son-in-law.”
“Mom, stop! Please,” I snapped.
Mom’s lips pressed into a tight line, and I heard Dorian gasp. I let out a soft groan.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean to yell. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s been a crazy day. First Dr. Carr and then dealing with Malcolm and his expectations, it’s all been a lot to deal with today.”
I plopped down onto the floral print, oversized chair, dropping my head into my hands.
“Honey,” Mom said, squeezing in beside me. “You saw Dr. Carr today?”
Shit! Shit! Shit! I can’t believe I let that slip. “It’s nothing, Mom. I…I just wanted to tell her the good news. I mean, this is what everyone wanted, right? Me finally moving forward with my life.”
“Yes, that would be nice,” Dorian chimed in as she examined her perfectly manicured, red fingernails. “I think you’ve milked this victim role long enough.”
“Dorian!” Mom scolded.
“Milked it?” I asked incredulously, looking over at her. “Right, that’s what I’m doing.” My voice dripped with sarcasm. “How’s Daniel doing these days? Still fucking his secretary and happy to be free of a viper like you?”
Mom let out a loud gasp. “Calida, language!”
Normally, I tried to play nice in front of our parents, but it was not a good day for Dorian to mess with me. Her face turned beet red. She stood and stormed out of the living room.
“Sorry about my language, Mom, but she pisses me off, and I’m tired of it.”
“I really wish you and your sister would get along better,” Mom replied, rubbing my back.
“I’ve tried, Mom, but she can’t seem to stop being such a b…witch toward me. Not for long anyway.”
“She’s stressed right now, honey.”
I rolled my eyes. She wasn’t stressed. She’d been that way all her life, I didn’t know why they’d never seen it. Maybe it was a parental thing, not wanting to see the worst in your kid—I knew I tried hard as hell not to see it in Shawn—but I refused to let Dorian walk all over me any longer.
“Now, back to you,” she said, smoothing down the short strands of my hair.
Gently, I took her hand to stop that action, and then leaned over to rest my head on her shoulder.
“I’m okay, Mom.”
She put her arm around me. “You don’t seem okay. In fact, you seem rather upset. You wanna talk about it?”
“Hey, what happened with Dorian?” Dad asked, walking back into the room.
Mom gave my knee a pat. “She and Calida are at it again.”
Dad chuckled and shook his head. He walked over, and sat Shawn in my lap, and gave me a kiss on the top of my head. “What am I gonna do with my girls?” he asked before walking toward the kitchen.
I gave Shawn a tight squeeze. I wanted to go home and spend the rest of the day alone, but I’d told Malcolm we’d come over.
I spent another hour at my parents’ house. Dorian even came back out and joined us. I glanced down at my watch. By the time I made it to my house, I’d only have to leave again to get to Malcolm’s small, one-bedroom Midtown rental. We’d just go early. I’m sure he wouldn’t care. I called Mal to let him know we’d be over soon. As expected, he was happy about our pending arrival.