Two days later, I’m staring off into space as I count down the hours to the end of my shift when I look up and meet those same steel grey eyes that mesmerized me four months ago. His entire body is tense as he makes his way through the early Saturday crowd. I’ve been screening my calls since the scene with Harris in the office, my heart still shell-shocked from the bomb dropped on me two days ago.
I walk around the end of the bar, not wanting to make a scene in front of everyone, and stop short when he pulls me into him, his arms snaking around my back.
“Hey.” His voice is tight as he brings his mouth to my ear.
Something’s different, though. It’s gentle, as if I’m crystal and he’s the bull about to obliterate me. It’s his touch, the way he’s holding me, and the fact he isn’t letting me go.
Needing space to get my wits about me, I pull away and step back. His brows narrow, his expression darkening. “Kenz, what’s going on?”
“Not here,” I grind out, leaving absolutely no doubt that he’s not my favorite person right about now.
“Let’s go then,” he says and before I can argue, he’s wrapped an arm around my waist and he’s leading me down the hallway, not stopping until we’ve climbed the stairs to the roof of the bar. The moment the door slams shut behind us, I jerk free of him. The anger, the doubt, and the completely fucked-up thoughts that’ve been racing through my head for the past two days all fight for supremacy inside of me.
“Why have you been avoiding me?” he asks, not beating around the bush.
“Why?” I splutter.
“Do you know what it’s been like knowing you’re far away when all I want is to be near you all the fucking time? Work, Mom, the wedding, all of it, I’ve wanted—no, needed—you so much more than you could know. Especially—”
“But now things have changed.”
His head jerks back as if I’ve struck him, and I know I’ve caught him off guard. If he was coming here to tell me the truth about Lana, then I’ve just beat him to the punch.
“Can we sit down?” he says, taking a step toward me.
I put my hand up to stop him, knowing I need distance if we’re to have this out properly.
“You know…”
“Yep,” I reply, the word clipped. In no way is this situation okay, and he needs to know that.
“How?”
“Harris was in the office on Thursday,” I say.
His eyes narrow. “What was he doing here?”
“Checking in on his investment apparently. Why now of all times, I have no idea.”
Millen turns his back and walks to the edge of the roof, bracing his hands on the wall and dropping his head. Silence stretches between us, a low hum from the bar beneath and the distant sound of patrons on the sidewalk below the only noise. Without warning, Millen straightens and roughly rips his hand through his hair. Facing me, he stalks forward, his chest rapidly rising and falling as he stops in front of me and reaches up to cup my cheeks.
The logical part of my brain is screaming at me to pull away, to get off this roof where there are so many good Millen memories likely to pull me back into the love-tinted bubble I’ve become used to existing in these past two weeks.
Then the anger hits me and I jerk free from him, stepping back until I’m out of reach. His eyes narrow on mine. “Kenzie, this doesn’t—”
“That’s the thing, Millen. It does. It changes everything. You lied. If not just to me, but yourself.”
“I—” He moves toward me, and my hand darts out to stop him.
“You said you didn’t sleep with her,” I screech, my voice echoing into the night, no doubt carrying down to the street.
His head drops, his shoulders falling just as hard. There’s no denial though. That secret part of me still holding out hope that it was physically impossible for him to be the father withers away and dies at his silence.
“No denial then? No ‘Kenzie, it’s complicated?’ C’mon, Millen. I think I deserve at least a little bit of fight, don’t you?” I retort scathingly.
He turns and walks over to the bench swing, sitting and covering his face with his hands, his arms resting on his legs. Scrubbing his face, he lifts his eyes my way. “It is complicated. Actually, it’s all kinds of fucked up.”
“You’re not telling me anything I don’t know,” I say, my voice tight. Somehow, I’m keeping my shit together, and I have absolutely no idea how. Inside, my broken heart is being hit over and over again with a battering ram, the shattered pieces now ground to a fine dust.
Tears sting my eyes and I give up trying to stop them. Everything I thought we had, everything we had to look forward to once we’d gotten over this “hump” is now impossible. The road block is no longer temporary—it’s a ten-foot steel-enforced wall.
“The night after I came into the bar with Lana, after the hallway and Drew?” he says, his voice rough. He sounds as resigned to his fate as I am. I nod, urging him to continue. “I went back to my hotel and got drunk. I was stuck, confused as hell about my feelings for you and the intense reaction I had to seeing Drew touch you. So I got stuck into a bottle of whiskey, and Lana came to my door to say goodnight.”
I don’t want to hear this. I don’t even want to think about it. “Please don’t—”
“She made a pass at me, and I stopped her. Then she said she needed a drink. I don’t remember much after that but I know that I woke up the next morning in my boxers and alone in bed. Lana didn’t say anything about it after that so I was sure that nothing happened.”
“Well apparently something did,” I snap, unable to stop myself.
“I wasn’t lying when I said I hadn’t slept with her. I was sure I was right in that belief.”
I stare at him, looking for any discernible hint that he’s not telling me the truth. He had nothing to lose when I asked if they’d slept together. I knew they had years ago but he swore to me that this time, they hadn’t. I still don’t know what Lana had to gain by telling me what she did at the grocery store, but when it comes to Lana Mason, who knows how her mind works? She’s all about appearances and looking better than everyone else around her, doing whatever it takes to make sure that happens.
I can’t fault him for what has happened. There’s no basis for me to do so. I may be justified in being angry about the situation but I can’t be angry at Millen for telling me what he believed to be true at the time.
“There’s not much more to say then, is there?” I take a deep breath and stay true to my plan to always be upfront and honest, to both myself and to him. I stare into those deep grey eyes I love and swallow the hard lump in my throat threatening to choke me.
I take a handful of the dusty remnants of my splintered soul and throw them up in the air, letting the pieces fall at will. “I thought fate bought us together,” I say softly, my voice breaking. “Maybe the plan was to give us a taste of bliss before reality decided to kick our ass.”
He launches toward me, long strides closing the distance until he’s standing as close to me as he can. “Did you ever think that maybe—just maybe—fate led us together because—” He lifts his hand and cups my chin, pressing his thumb against my mouth.
“Please don’t say it. Don’t tell me this will all be okay. Don’t say we can still be together when you know there’s nothing else I’d rather do.”
He rubs his finger across my skin as his other arm wraps around my back. His eyes fixate on my mouth before lifting up to meet mine. “I want to stay with you. For tonight and all the tomorrows like we’d planned. I choose you, Kenz. But it’s you that has a decision to make now. One I wish you’d never have to even consider. I want you to choose me. I need you to trust that I’m going to make this right. Nothing has to change.”
“I’m not a homewrecker, Millen.”
“You can’t be a homewrecker when there isn’t a home to wreck,” he shoots back, his grip around my back tightening.
“I wish I could choose you. I wish I could tell you what we both want to hear. But it’s not just me and you and even her now. You have a duty, and as much as much as it kills me to even say this, as much as I wish it could be any other way, I have no choice.”
His voice drops to a rough whisper, his eyes filled with regret. “Please don’t say that. I want you, Kenzie. I need you. If there’s any choice to be made, it’s you. It’s always going to be you.”
I have no words. Everything I want to say sticks in my throat. Knowing this is going to be the last chance I have with him, I need to make it worth it.
Raising my hands, I cup his jaw. Tears fall as I bring my lips to his, a sob echoing between us, the sound of my heart being ripped apart at the seams roaring in my ears. His arms wrap around my back, tugging me hard against him and tightening to the point of pain as he deepens the kiss, pouring everything into it.
I cling to him as if it’s the only thing I can do. Because it is. After tonight—after this kiss—there will be no more tomorrows. Everything I thought we’d have together has now been taken from me, gone in the blink of an eye and the appearance of that pink line of the pregnancy test. A Mason wins again. It’s just that this time, it’s me they’re tearing apart instead of my parents.
When I pull away from Millen, his entire body sags.
“You need to go, Millen. You need to go ahead and marry Lana, fulfil the contract, and be with her and your baby. Your child doesn’t deserve to be stuck in the middle of whatever will happen if you don’t go through with this.” I take a fortifying breath. “Every choice we make has a consequence, whether it be good or bad, and I deserve not to be anyone’s consequence. This is my way of making sure it doesn’t happen.”
“I’m not giving up, Kenzie. You may have the courage to walk away and do the right thing, but I’m not going to accept it. I can’t accept it.” His tone is resolute, his determination undeniable, something which hits me deep in the hole where my heart used to me.
“I guess I’m no better than Lana now because it’s me not giving you a choice in the matter. This is done, Millen. It’s over,” I say with a barely disguised sob. “We have to remember what we had and move on. It’s that simple.”
“Nothing is simple. Life isn’t simple.” With tears streaming down my cheeks, I lift up on my toes, rest my hands on his chest, and gently brush my lips against his cheek. “Goodbye, Millen,” I whisper before turning away.
I reach for the door when he calls my name. Turning around, I find him in front of me. His hand curls around my neck, the other grabbing hold of my hair, keeping me in place, his eyes locked with mine.
“If this is the last time I get to kiss you, it’s not going to be a god damn peck on the cheek.” Then he crashes his lips down on mine, his tongue delving deep in my mouth, leaving me with no choice but to grab his hips and hold on for dear life.
It’s not until I’ve walked down the stairs and shut myself behind my office door that I realize, I wasn’t the only one crying.
We took our shot and lost, and I’m left wondering whether we ever had a shot anyway.