Quinn felt a bubble of hysterical laughter well up inside her. Of course her mother was standing at the door to her room. Why wouldn’t she be? Just because she’d never visited at any point in the last three years didn’t make this odd. Oh no, totally expected and unsurprising, like finding out your sixth and seventh toes wasn’t what everyone else had. Or that the reason that you never saw your cat Fluffy anymore wasn’t because he went to live on a farm.

“Mom, what are you doing here?”

“I don’t even get a hug?”

Yup, totally weird. Her mother was not a hugger. Not that it had never happened. There were moments in her life that her mother would awkwardly embrace her and she would try to hug her back. It was just uncomfortable all around.

Giving up, she leaned in and wrapped her arms around her mom’s waist. Her mom pulled her in tight and Quinn could hear her sniffing loudly.

Pulling back she looked up at her mom. “Are you sniffing me?”

“Is that a new perfume? You smell different.”

“I could probably use a shower, thanks for noticing.”

“Quinnlynn, don’t get all sassy with me just because I’m asking a question. Aren’t you glad to see your momma?”

“I guess I’m just a little surprised, that’s all. Why are you here?”

“I called your phone a few days ago and some weird guy answered. I think he was high. He said you were in the shower which I thought was odd that he’d be answering your phone, but then he explained that he was your roommate’s boyfriend. He did give me some interesting information about what you’ve been up to.”

Quinn was going to put a reminder on her schedule to kick Lars’s ass next time she saw him. He hadn’t even bothered to tell her that she’d called.

Knowing this wasn’t a conversation for the hallway, she reached past her mom and opened her door. Her mom strode into her room like she owned the place, all exaggerated butt wiggle and everything. Her mom kept glancing back at her with a side-eye. Her eyes had an air of suspicion and glint of anger in them. Quinn knew that this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation and she had hoped it was something she could have put off for a very long time.

Closing the door behind her she leaned up against it as her mom wandered around her room picking things up putting them back down. Three years and her mother had never been to her dorm. To other kids that might seem weird but it was par for the course for Quinn and her mother’s relationship.

Quinn would be damned if she spoke up first. Her mother was the one that crashed her party. Showing up unannounced and now poking and prodding her way through the only space Quinn had ever made her own.

Since the minute she had gotten her scholarships to go to school, Quinn had been on her own. Her mother had never offered to buy books or sent her any money to live on. That was up to Quinn to figure out. As far as her mother knew, she was sleeping on a bare mattress and sporting shoes with holes in them. Of course, her mother would have just said that if she didn’t like living that way she should get to work and change it.

So she didn’t fault her mom for not coddling her. She got a birthday and Christmas present each year from her mom. Usually it was something like condoms, or a switchblade for protection. Some people might like those as gifts, but just once she’d have liked something that told her that her mom really knew her. Hell, she’d take practical items, shampoo, soap, or things she had to spend money on.

“Mom, why are you really here?”

“Because, young lady, that stoner I talked to said you were getting ready to go out on a date. I assured him that you weren’t the dating type. Then he started laughing maniacally, which was super creepy and said you weren’t dating that he was your boyfriend. What was I supposed to do? Just take that information and assume that you’re going to make good life choices without me?”

“Yes! Mother, I’m twenty-one-years old. I can have a boyfriend, I can make decisions for myself, and I am an adult. And seriously, who are you to talk about having a boyfriend.” She knew it was a shitty jab but she was feeling attacked.

“Exactly, I’ve had enough bad boyfriends to know how they ruin your fucking life. You’re so close to graduating. So close to having the life that I didn’t have. You’re going to throw it all away on some guy? I taught you better than that. If you need some dick go out and get it, you don’t have to date it.”

Her mother, ever the poet, had a way with words. And she’d followed her mother’s advice all through high school and college. But Rain wasn’t some guy out for booty. He was… something else.

“I’m well aware of that, Mona.” She purposely used her mother’s name. That drove her crazy. “You’re right, I am about to graduate. And I will graduate because I have all my credits and am acing all my classes and I have a future planned. Rain doesn’t have anything to do with that.” She knew that was a total lie because he had everything to do with it. Every moment they spent together changed even in the slightest way her plans for her future.

“Rain? What kind of name is Rain?”

“It’s short for Rainier, like the mountain.”

“Shit, you’re dating a hippie? Shoulda fucking known that you come out here and find some tree hugger, hemp wearing, Patchouli smelling guy that all he wants to do is have you braid his dreadlocks for him.”

She wasn’t about to tell her mother how close she was about the whole tree hugging thing. “Again, none of your business, mom. Although, I will say that Rainier is nothing like those things.” She shouldn’t even tell her mother what he was like because it wasn’t like she could convince her of Rain’s attributes.

“What he is, Quinnlynn, is a distraction. How many times have I told you not to let a man interfere with your future? They only want one thing. Actually, that’s not true, they want a number of things. They want sex, they want your money, and they want your freedom. The minute you let a man into your life and give him any kind of say, he’ll take all of it. They can’t just have a small portion of you.

Men are greedy, that’s why they’ve always been conquerors. If they see it, and they want it, they take it. You have to be smarter than that. You have to be the one that looks at them and sees them what for what they are. And yes, I came out here on the goddamn bus, that I can’t begin to tell you how bad it smelled, to make sure that you understand that you are throwing your life away for a guy.”

“How am I throwing my life away? I’m going to classes, I haven’t missed one yet. And just for your information, Rain supports my studies, he wants me to graduate, and he wants me to be a social worker.”

“Well, isn’t that nice. So kind of him to allow you to have your own future. Now that he’s given you permission, you can just run off and pretend to be a social worker while he runs things behind the scenes.”

Quinn felt an anger rising inside her that she’d never experienced with her mother before. How dare she talk about Rain like she knew him and knew what he wanted for her. Not once had Rain ever said that he wanted her to change or alter her plans. Sure, her mother had gotten used and abused by plenty of men over the years and justifiably she was jaded towards all of them.

But the whole reason Quinn wanted to move to Seattle was so that she could start becoming her own person. She knew she didn’t want to end up angry and bitter at the world like her mother. She also realized that she didn’t want to work as hard as her mother did. Scraping for every penny, because there wasn’t any way to better herself.

Rain didn’t look down on Quinn or where she came from. He never even brought it up. He took her for who she was now, not what she used to be. He’d never even expressed any doubt that she could become what she wanted to.

“Rain loves me, Mom! He fucking loves me! He says it, he shows me, and he supports me. He wants us to be together forever!” Quinn was yelling and she knew that her neighbors were hearing every word. Why the hell was her mother here? Why was she having this conversation with her?

She never talked relationships with her mom unless the conversation included staying the hell away from them. Now she was screaming at her mom in her dorm room for everyone to hear. It sucked and made her feel like she wasn’t in control.

“Oh! He loves you? Well, isn’t that nice? Did he tell you that before or after he fucked you? Grow up, Quinnlynn. A man will say whatever he has to in order to get his dick wet.”

“He took me to a fancy hotel the other day, mom. He wanted it to be special for us. We had room service and it was amazing.”

A look of utter contempt came over her mother’s face. “Are you telling me that after all these years, all it took was a nice hotel room and some room service to woo you? Quinnlynn, it’s like I’m reading a textbook on getting into a girl’s pants. You’ve become the stereotype you’ve always hated. A girl who will do anything for money.”

“Money? Who said anything about money?”

“Whether it’s cash or a steak the transaction has been made. Oh, I know women like to think they aren’t being bought and paid for, but they are.”

“So, if I buy him lunch I’m hiring a prostitute?”

“If you fuck him after you eat—yes.” Quinn’s mom had taken a hands on her hips stance that made her look like she was ready to rumble. “Stop acting like you’re new to this game. This isn’t about what your vagina wants, it’s about what you need to do to protect your hard work.”

“Mom, I don’t know how to explain this to you so you can understand. But whether you believe it or not, there are some decent, good guys out there. I’m not saying they’re standing on every corner, holding up signs that say Available. Just that they might actually want to be around a woman for reasons other than sex, for something deeper.”

“Deeper just means he wants anal.” Her mom dropped down on her bed. “Quinnlynn, if he’s such a paragon of a man, why can’t he wait until you’re finished with school?” Her mother said this with a sigh that sounded like she’d lost her fight. Her mother wasn’t one to give up, so Quinn saw this as just a ruse to get her to let her guard down.

“Because he can’t. He needs me. I can’t explain it, but it’s important enough that we can’t wait,” she said, trying to soften her tone. It was the first time since she was little that she felt like crying with her mom. It had been a mark of honor that she could suck down her tears. Of course, her mother was always reminding her to, “Suck it up,” even when she was hurt. Never show signs of weakness, she said, or people will take advantage of you.

It was a harsh way to raise a kid, but her mom did the best she could. Now she was standing there defending Rain and touting him as the world’s perfect man. And she was also defending their relationship. Shit, they had a relationship. Then again, she hadn’t seen him in a few days, so maybe he was just letting her off slowly. No, that was her mom talking in her head.

“What am I supposed to do? Leave you here with him and watch you self destruct? Quinnlynn, we only have each other in this world. I need you to be okay. I need to know that women like us can get ahead in this world. I know I haven’t said this too many times, but I love you and I want the best for you.”

Quinn felt her brain stop. Her mother just said she loved her. It was apparently the week for declarations of love. There was a vague memory that was floating around in her mind that seemed like it could have been a moment her mother had said she loved her. There was also a vision of Barbie’s and My Little Ponies in the memory so it must have been a really long time ago.

“Mom, if you trusted me to be on my own for all these years. Don’t you think that I’ll be able to manage my life with a boyfriend?”

Her mom made a groaning noise. “Are you really a girlfriend? Like is it official or something? Was there a pin exchange or a pinkie swear?”

“Mom, a pinkie swear?”

“I don’t know what you kids are doing these days. There’s probably an app that you need to update your status on. Just promise you won’t do anything stupid like get tattoos or some kind of duplicate piercing. That’s guaranteed to give you a nasty infection if the sex doesn’t.”

That wasn’t far from the truth. And that was much easier than explaining to her mother that her new shiny boyfriend was also a bear, or at least he said he was one. There was some doubt still in her mind on that little fact. Quinn still wasn’t sure if she really wanted to find out the truth on that point.

“Maybe this will make you feel a little better. He calls me his girlfriend, he says he loves me, and wants to be with me. I haven’t made any such declarations to him. I know what I want and who I need to be to get where I want to go.”

Quinn hoped that telling her mom that she didn’t think of Rain as her boyfriend would help. Instead, it made her feel a little queasy inside. It wasn’t like she was rejecting him, just because she didn’t want to put a label on what they had. She didn’t know if she loved him. He said it so easily with her, but it wasn’t something she thought she’d be saying anytime soon.

“No, not really. But I’ll take it for now. I’m not going back until I’m sure you aren’t throwing your future in the trash,” her mother declared, crossing her arms.

“How long is that going to be? I have classes, work, and uh… other things.”

“Other things like your mountain man?”

Quinn was going to have to start calling him her mountain man, maybe in bed. Shit! Why was she thinking like that in front of her mother? Gross. Her mom had never hid her conquests, which made Quinn want to be even more selective about what she shared.

“Mom… can we just not?”

“Fine, I’m staying at one of those vacation rental places close to here. Can I at least take you to dinner tonight? I need to get out of these bus clothes. They smell like that weird deodorizer they use in those tiny bathrooms. What is that smell and why do they think that is a better smell than shit?”

Quinn almost laughed. “Mom, I can’t begin to understand the vagaries of the busing system’s decision making on toilet deodorizers. But how about you text me when you’ve settled and had a rest and we can figure out dinner.”

“I need a shower anyway, I’ll be back. And don’t go and get married or knocked up before I come back. The last thing I need is to become a grandma at my age.”

Not wanting to call her mother on her supposed age, she stepped away from the door and held it open. Her mom gave her an air kiss and a one armed hug before marching out of the room on her high heels. Her mom straddled the line between hooker and eighties prom queen when it came to her style.

She waited until her mom had walked down the stairs before going back into her room and closing the door. Leaning her head against it, she stayed there for a moment, and then she proceeded to bang her head against it a couple of times.

“Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me running.”