*Adelaide*
July 1, 2018
I sit on the fence, watching as Serendipity, Dexter, and Phoenix prance around the pasture. Phoenix pesters the older horses, nipping at their rumps and lowering his head to snake them around.
Phoenix has grown into a beautiful young horse. His coat is dark, but gray and white are starting to peek through. He is large, the size of his mother, and caked with muscle. He’s not one to be reckoned with. However, he is a constant spurt of energy.
So much has changed over the last year.
I finally got my GED, meaning that I am technically a high school graduate. As of right now, I haven’t got a clue of where I want my future to go. I have looked into psychology, having a desire to help people who may have problems similar to my own. But I’m working at a bookstore in town with Kristy, and my time around the ranch consumes my every thought.
Jeremy moved to Chicago, leaving behind his horse and many unanswered questions. It was a strong sense of déjà-vu. He left with hardly a word, just as Maddox had. Not long after he sent word that he met a woman and they are soon to be married.
Kristy still lives with the Cranes and me. She has become a sister and my best friend. She and I are typically the ones taking care of the horses. There are six of them, two without any owners. It breaks my heart to see two beautiful creatures abandoned.
Missy and Adam act as if they’re high school sweethearts. On random occasions, Adam will walk in with bouquets of flowers or he will treat her to a night out into town. I’m happy for them. Seeing their love gives me hope for the future.
No, I have not fallen in love. Kristy has set up a few dates for me, and while the potential boyfriends seemed nice enough, there was something missing.
Darn him. Darn him for doing this to me. For stealing my heart and not having the common decency to return it!
There has not been a word from Maddox. I had texted him a year ago, explaining my feelings and wishing he would just respond and come home. He never responded. He never acknowledged it. For all I know, he could be dead. The thought sickens me, but there is no way to know otherwise.
I finished the Bible a few months ago and my messages from Maddox ended. There were fourteen in total…not nearly enough. I have forgotten what his voice sounds like. Even when I close my eyes and try with all my might to conjure up a few words he might say, I cannot.
He’s gone and I still haven’t moved onward.
I’m happy, don’t get me wrong. My life is amazing. I wake up every day to a beautiful ranch, a loving family, and magnificent animals that require my love and care.
I am hardly the girl who was trapped within my own home. I am soft-spoken, but only for the fact that raised voices are hardly ever heard. I am no longer fearful of the unknown, for I am pretty much caught up with social norms. I drive, I text, I ride…I am confident to be on my own.
Phoenix is my pride and joy. We got over the small hump where our connection was suffering due to Maddox’s disappearance. He is a year and three months old. He’s learning the comforts, or discomforts, of the saddle. He’s a bright horse and eager to learn.
Serendipity is my safe haven, however. I still speak to her as if she can understand me. And in return, she looks at me with those brown eyes that never cease to see me for who I am.
Cooper is nearing seven years of age and I can see the weariness weighing on him. However, he does well to remain by my side.
I look down over my right side to see Cooper lying under the fence. His head and front paws lay in the pasture as he watches the horses while his tail waves toward the house. I smile and reach up to fix the black felt cowgirl hat atop my head. This is the only hat I own, therefore the only hat I wear.
Maddox gave it to me the day before he left. How could I not wear it?
I look over at Phoenix and, as if sensing my gaze, he meets my eyes. I smile at my beautiful horse and the brown leather halter adorning his head.
Maddox’s gifts have come into use in the last few months. He bought them, certain he wouldn’t be here to see Phoenix reach one year of age…and he was right.
Phoenix snorts, throws his head back, and lets out a loud whinny.
“Adelaide! Adelaide!” I look over my shoulder to see Kristy running from the house, a large smile on her face. I climb off the fence and turn to face my crazed cousin. “Guess who just got asked to the Celebration of Wolf Creek!” Her smile is infectious as I squeal and throw my arms around her neck.
“Oh, Kristy, that is so great!” I praise, pulling back to see her bright blue eyes shimmering with happiness.
She walks over and folds her arms atop the fence, resting her chin on her hands. She lets out a heavy sigh. “We’re blessed, Adelaide,” Kristy whispers. I turn and look around the ranch, nodding my head in agreement.
I stand beside her, both of us quiet for a minute. We listen to the nature around us, feeling at peace. Dexter trots over to brush his muzzle against Kristy’s hand, causing her to gently give him affection.
He basks in it, tilting his head to the side as she scratches underneath his halter. Then, with a sudden change of interest, he springs away and canters over to playfully nip at Phoenix’s legs.
“Are you planning on going?” Kristy suddenly asks, looking over her shoulder at me.
I stare at her for a moment, my mouth slightly open as I run over my options. If it were just Kristy and I going, I would be excited. However, I don’t want to crash a date.
As the saying goes… three’s a crowd. Kristy deserves to find happiness with someone. All through high school, she shunned the hormonal teenagers. Now that she has graduated, she’s willing to find someone. And this guy, Scott, seems to have potential.
“No. You go and have fun. I’ll make sure all the chores are done.” Kristy’s face screws up into an unpleasant frown.
“That sounds like a load of manure on your end!” she exclaims.
“Hmph. Literally.” I smirk, causing her to chuckle and wrap an arm around my shoulders. I tilt my head so that it’s resting atop her own. I am so lucky to have a friend in Kristy. She has been there for me since the beginning and I will never be able to repay her.
“I love you, Adelaide.”
“I love you too, Kristy.”
I shovel manure into the wheelbarrow, sweat dripping from my forehead as Cooper paces back and forth at my feet. I ignore the agitated dog as best as I can, focusing on both Kristy’s and my share of work. There’s still a lot left to be done and I only have a few more hours left of sunlight.
I need to get these stalls done so I can retrieve the horses and lock them away for the night.
When I finish Boaz’s stall, I lean the rake against the wall and look over at Cooper in exasperation. “Will you lie down?” I growl out to him. The loyal dog turns his head and looks at me with troubled eyes.
Sighing, I walk forward and run my hand through his warm fur. “What is the problem, buddy?” I ask, squatting so our eyes are level. I spend a moment scratching his neck and behind his ears. Cooper eats up the attention, slightly leaning into my touch. I place a kiss to the top of his head and continue with my work.
The attention I gave him seemed to have relaxed the dog all of two minutes. His whining continues, but I pay no heed, finishing with the last stall. After I’m done, I grab two lead ropes and jog to the front pasture where I open the gate. Dexter and Serendipity are first to my side, so I clip their halters and lead them to the barn after closing the gate behind me.
Phoenix whinnies from the pasture, just as he always does when he’s left behind. I roll my eyes at my big baby.
I put both horses in their stalls, giving them a mint each before exiting and latching the doors closed behind them.
I take the leather lead rope, leaving the blue polyester one behind as I go to fetch Phoenix. He is at the gate, throwing his head up and down in earnest. I smirk, clipping the rope to his halter and leading up along the path to the barn.
Cooper lets out two loud barks, causing me to freeze and Phoenix to jolt in surprise. He’s used to dogs barking, therefore he is hardly spooked.
Just as Cooper’s last bark finished echoing through the summer air, I hear the familiar crunch of tires on gravel. I pull my eyebrows together, wondering who could be pulling into the house. Kristy won’t be home until late and Missy and Adam are setting up dinner inside.
I hear the opening and closing of the door and just as I am about to turn, I hear a voice. “He looks good.”
I tense, my whole body going rigid as Cooper bolts toward his former owner. I grip Phoenix’s lead rope tightly, gaining stability from it.
I hear footsteps behind me, more rocks grinding together with every approaching step. I close my eyes, tears gathering as I feel his presence.
“Adelaide…” he whispers, his voice hoarse.
My heart breaks inside of me, while leaping into a frantic race. My emotions are overwhelming and out of control. While I want to scream out in anger for him leaving me, I also want to wrap my arms around his neck and beg him to never leave again. While I want to cry in heartache, I also want to cry in joy.
How could he do this to me? He left me high and dry, and now he’s back. Does he expect things to be as they were? Does he expect me to forgive him?
I look over my shoulder and side-step, slightly turning my body to face him.
Tears instantly fall down my cheeks as a sob escapes my lips. Not because of joy or heartache…but because of sympathy. With my free hand, I reach up and touch his jagged cheek, feeling the risen skin of a scar. Maddox instantly leans his face into my touch and I watch as he begins to cry as well. He wraps his fingers around my wrist, holding my hand in place as he clings to me.
I look him over, seeing he has lost a significant amount of weight. His shoulders are hunched, almost as if he cannot support the weight of his own head. His hands are calloused, slightly scratching my arm and wrist as he holds onto me.
He looks weak and wounded. As if he has been tortured over the last year…not extensively, but slowly and subtly. A torture that eats away at your soul. He looks broken.
“What happened to you?” I whisper. Maddox opens his eyes, gazing at me with his beautiful honey brown orbs. I pull my eyebrows together.
“I had to return to you, Adelaide. No matter the cost,” he says softly. Maddox bows his head and steps back. His hands close into fists. “I understand that what I did to you was cruel. I’ll understand if you want nothing more to do with me. But Adelaide, if there is even the slightest opportunity that you may still feel the way you did a year ago, I will fight for you. I’ll fight for you no matter what. I have been fighting. And even though I’m tired, I will continue to do so until you look at me the same way you did so many months ago.”
I bite my bottom lip and run the back of my hand over my cheeks to brush the tears away.
I wish I could be strong enough to guard my heart. I wish I could tell Maddox to get lost and that there is no chance of me ever putting my faith in him again. But as he stands here before me, broken, how could I push him away? He just told me that whatever happened to him was so that he could return. Did he mean it?
“You broke my heart, Cameron…” I test his birth-name on my lips and internally scowl at how sour it tastes. Maddox snaps his head up and looks at me with hard eyes.
“Maddox. I am your Maddox. Cameron is a person of my past. The only way I was able to get through this last year was knowing that Maddox was surviving through you. Please.” I nod my head in understanding.
How horrible is his past, apart from the manslaughter? What all has happened this last year?
“I don’t even understand why you left. None of us do. I can’t promise that things will return to how they used to be. In fact, I’m certain they will not. I was lost when you left. I refuse to feel that way again, should you disappear.” Maddox shakes his head, stepping forward to gently cup my face between his hands.
“No. My debt is repaid. You’re safe and I will not leave you. I’ll tell you everything, Adelaide. Every sordid detail. Just please, give me a chance. Let me love you, for I never stopped.”
I cry again, leaning my head into his hands. Maddox thumbs away my tears, tenderly tending to me. “Okay. I’ll try.” Maddox grabs my hat and holds it in his hand while he touches his forehead to my own. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
“Say it. My name. I need to hear you say my name. I’ve been waiting fifteen months to hear it.”
I reach up and gently touch his scar, tracing it from his prominent cheekbone, along the curve of his jaw, to the tip of his chin. Maddox slightly shakes from the contact and I wonder how he got the scar. It’s brutal and jagged, almost as if it wasn’t properly healed.
“Welcome home, Maddox.”