*Adelaide*
July 7, 2017
The kiss between Maddox and I is indescribable. It is my first, and I silently praise myself for never kissing the guys Kristy set me up with, even when they so desperately attempted to pucker up. I had always wanted my first kiss to be with Maddox and I waited, even without the knowledge of when he would return.
I was willing to wait years for him. No matter how long it took. And it was worth it. I knew that saving this for the right person would mean more than words can describe. Because as I stand in Maddox’s arms, feeling him softly rub my jaw bone as he lays claim to my lips, I feel complete. My heart feels full and I finally understand the meaning of feeling loved.
I always knew I was loved by the Crane’s and by Maddox. But to feel him tenderly holding me and sharing this intimate moment with each other, I feel loved.
I wrap my arms around his neck, hissing slightly at the ache in my wrist, but don’t attempt to pull away. I never want to pull away. How do people ever stop? This feeling is downright amazing.
Why didn’t I kiss him all those months ago? Why did I wait until after he left to know that I yearned for a kiss?
There’s no chance he’s leaving me now. I won’t let him. He has claimed my heart with this kiss. I can’t let him leave, in fear that he might not return. If he doesn’t return, with my heart forever lost with him, I will surely fade.
Maddox is the first to step back, and I look up at him with half-lidded eyes dazed with love. Maddox smiles down at me, his honey brown eyes practically liquid as he stares. “Let me see your wrist, sweetheart.” His voice is deep and husky. He clears his throat a few times and runs his hand up the length of my arm, around my neck and, with a gentleness a man his size shouldn’t possess, he grabs my wrist and brings it down to his eyes.
Maddox skillfully holds it, giving it a few subtle twists. I watch, knowing he’s checking to see if he broke it. “Ack. I’m so sorry, Addy-Mae. I’m so ashamed of myself for hurting you.” Maddox’s brows are furrowed with a deep frown as he leans down and gently kisses my hand. “I can’t tell how bad it is, but based on your pain tolerance, I’m assuming it’s a grade one sprain. We’ll ice and elevate when we get home.”
“Okay,” I whisper, amazed that this man is a former gang member.
I saw that side of him when he grabbed my wrist. I saw the speck of darkness within him, the way he acted on pure instinct. I don’t understand the life he lived, but I can tell that it makes him tense and alert. He treats every movement and every touch as a threat. He didn’t hesitate to subdue me, even though I was consoling him. He was trained to never second-guess. To eliminate every threat.
While that scares me, I’ll have to learn to not sneak up on him. I will try the best I can to bring Maddox back to the man he was before. I don’t want him living in fear, always looking around the corner for Nile.
Maddox walks us back to the table, grabbing my purse and shoes. I stand behind him, watching as he bends to put his shoes on. “Maddox?” I whisper.
He looks over his shoulder at me, his right eyebrow raising in question. “Yes?”
“I have some questions,” I say softly, watching his reaction. Maddox stands, his spine straight as his muscles tense. I know he doesn’t like talking about his past and what he did, but I have to know. I want to know everything. I don’t want any secrets. I don’t want to be blindsided by anything.
“Okay.” He nods, grabbing my good hand, and after we say goodbye to Scott and Kristy, he leads me to the parking lot.
I sit in the passenger seat of his truck and stare at the console before me, my heart racing. I’m nervous about the answers I will be given.
“Ask whatever you wish to know,” Maddox says, his voice gravelly as he stares at the road in front of him. I see his jaw is set and I can practically hear his teeth grinding together.
“Let’s go to the field,” I whisper. Maddox looks over at me, his eyes hard but his facial expression softens. He nods, reaching over the console to grab my hand, squeezing my fingers tightly. I grip back, trying to comfort him.
No matter what he says, I will never run. I hope he knows that.
When we reach the field where Maddox and Kristy took me to answer all my questions my first week here, Maddox cuts the engine and we make our way to the bed of the truck. Maddox skillfully set the blankets up and then sits, his arms open as invitation. I sit in between his legs, my back to his chest as he wraps me up in his embrace. His chin rests on the top of my head.
I softly run my fingers up and down the length of his arm. We sit in silence for a moment, enjoying the cool night air. The moon and stars are the only source of light we have, illuminating our private part of the world.
“Who is Emily and how does she know the Cranes?” I ask my first question, hoping it’s an easy one to start off. This question has been on my mind since that trip into town.
Maddox lets out a gusty breath, giving me a squeeze. “She’s my sister. Nile is her husband.” Maddox buries his nose into my neck and just holds onto me. Why is this so hard for him?
“Maddox…no matter what you tell me tonight, I’m never leaving. I love you, and that’s not going to change. Please, don’t be scared to tell me your story.”
Maddox let’s out a sarcastic laugh. “Adelaide, my story is you. My life didn’t truly begin until I found you. Everything before that…it’s just a dark, soulless past.”
I smile. “Exactly. Our story is just beginning.” Maddox places a long kiss to the side of my neck before he lifts his head to continue his answer.
“Emily knows the Cranes because Missy invited her to stay for a weekend a year after my arrival to the ranch. Missy actually invited my father as well, but my father was head of the Cicero Disciples and couldn’t come. Not that he’d want to, I’m sure. Anyway, Emily acted as a spy, reporting back to our father that I was happy with the Cranes. I never saw or spoke to her again, until that trip into town,” Maddox says.
I bite my bottom lip. How could his sister turn against him? How could she rat him out to his father? Shouldn’t she be happy that he found a life outside of the gang? Why would she want him to be there, where he risks his life every day?
“I’m sorry, Maddox. I can’t imagine how hard that is for you. You have lost a sister…and a brother,” I say, thinking of Nile. Even though he seems like a piece of work, he was also the closest thing Maddox had to a brother at the time.
Maddox gently grabs my chin and turns my head so he can look into my eyes. “But I also gained a brother and sister. And a mother and father. Missy is my ma and Adam is my pa in every way my real mother and father weren’t. Don’t be sorry for me, Adelaide. Rejoice.” Maddox kisses my forehead. “Next question, sweetheart.”
I ask Maddox about the man he killed and how it happened. He explains about the gas station and how Nile was yelling at him to drive away quickly. “I didn’t even see him…but the image of him lying there, under the wheel of my truck, haunts me forever.”
I try to console Maddox as much as I can, running my fingers up and down his arms and legs as he tells me about his past.
“Were you ever scared?” I ask after a moment of silence.
“Every day,” Maddox whispers. His answer is a dagger to my heart. I curl my lips inward in vain attempt to keep tears from gathering. I don’t want Maddox to be scared and to think he lived seventeen years of constantly being frightened… “Adelaide, don’t shed tears for me. I don’t deserve them.”
“The only thing you don’t deserve is what happened to you. You deserve to be loved and cared for, Maddox.”
“Next question,” Maddox says softly, dismissing my words. I sigh, knowing he doesn’t believe what I said and doesn’t want to discuss the matter any further.
“What did Nile make you do?”
“Next question.” My chest tightens as his words hit me. I turn in his arms so I face him head on. I arch an eyebrow and Maddox’s features soften to the point where it looks as though he’s about to cry.
I lean forward and rest my forehead against his. “You can tell me anything.”
Maddox shakes his head and lifts his hands to fist his fingers into my hair, as if rooting myself to him. I smooth the frown on his lips, rubbing my thumb along their form. I then gently follow the length of his scar, from his cheek to the tip of his chin. It’s odd…some days, I don’t even see it. I have grown used to it and it has become another feature to his beautiful face.
I know it bothers Maddox, however. He’s self-conscious of it, always tilting his head to the side in an attempt to hide it when he speaks to locals. It breaks my heart, because I know the people of our sweet town would not give him grief over it. But Maddox is trying so hard to return to the loving, outgoing man he was.
It’s hard to watch him struggle. His hellos aren’t as confident anymore. They’re soft whispers that people rarely hear. He barely steps out of his way to make conversation, to ask about John’s family or Susan’s business. When he passes them, he tilts his head and gives a subtle greeting. I always see the flicker of regret in his eyes. He wants to speak to them, but something is holding him back.
“I’m not proud of the things I’ve done. You’ll be disgusted.”
“No. I won’t,” I say, trying to have the most confident tone in my voice. Truth is, I’m scared of what his answer is going to be. I know he didn’t kill someone, he told the Cranes that much.
“I was the interrogator. I was the one who got the answers, with whatever means necessary. There was one man who had a daughter that Nile wanted. I was tasked with finding out where the daughter was hidden. The man refused to tell me. Days of beating and three chopped off fingers later, the man was at the cusp of life and death. He finally told me where to find her. And I gave Nile the location, so he could abduct a thirteen-year-old girl.” I stare at Maddox with wide eyes as he bows his head. Harsh sobs run through him as I do nothing but stare at him.
How is this out there? How are there people that are so twisted and evil that they desire kidnapping little girls? How did the world become so evil in Chicago, when everything is so beautiful in Grove, Oklahoma?
“I did this to save you. Because I love you so, so much, Adelaide. But there were people out there who loved that girl too. How could I have been so selfish? I am so disgusted with myself. How can you even look at me?”
I lean forward and run a hand through Maddox’s hair, grabbing it to lift his head. Maddox’s beautiful brown eyes are swimming with tears as he looks at me.
“That wasn’t you, Maddox. That was Nile. You were forced to do those things to save the people you love. To save yourself. You’re so torn about it, sweetheart, that it proves you did this without your own volition. You’re a good man, Cameron Maddox Steele. And I do love you, in spite of it all.”
Maddox lets out a shaky breath. “I’m scared he’ll come back. I’m scared he’ll try to take you from me.”
I let out a soft, sarcastic laugh. “I’d like to see him try.”
Maddox grabs me by my waist and pulls me into his arms, crushing me against his chest. “Thank you, Adelaide. Now, let’s get you home to tend to that wrist.”
Even though there are still a million questions swarming through my mind, I know enough have been answered tonight. I’m grateful that Maddox shared as much as he did.
And I will never tell him, but I am absolutely terrified of Nile and dread the day he comes back. Because considering the man that he is, he will be back.