Chapter 2

It didn’t resemble any actual species of butterfly but it was exquisite. Niall traced the lavender and blue butterfly with the navy colored R on its wing reverently as he replayed the moment again. Ran always had a surprise for Niall when he returned from London and it was always something breathtakingly thoughtful and beautiful. It could be something little and simple, like a handkerchief. Or something extravagant and exquisite, like a section of a stained glass window by Louis Comfort Tiffany. He found antique prints, books of sketches, a vintage snuff box, a scarf, a flask, a teaspoon… Any time Ran came across something with a butterfly or could add a butterfly to something, Niall had to have it. And Ran bought him so many ties and socks in butterfly prints. They used to be a bit “daring” for Niall but he got over it and loved the brighter patterns. He felt a little bolder and brighter and things felt a little less dreadful when he wore them.

“You shouldn’t have,” Niall said because it was so wrong for him to encourage Ran. He didn’t care about Isla or her feelings because she didn’t have any but it wasn’t fair to Ran. He didn’t deserve to be stuck with them. He didn’t even have to be. Ran could have tossed Simon and Isla out after his father passed away and the will was read, nobody would have blamed him. He certainly didn’t have to welcome Niall into the family and his home and provide for him as well.

“I know,” Ran said as he made Niall feel like he was good enough and could hope for something magical for himself. He’d never be worthy of Ran and Simon and Isla were monsters. But Ran took his responsibilities as Lord Lachlan very seriously and he was deeply loyal to his family despite knowing they were beneath him. He did his best to make Simon and Isla happy without giving into every foolish whim. He refused to be their doormat because he thought they were merely spoiled and jealous. Ran believed Niall’s worst sins were being a closeted gay man and marrying a terrible woman for her money. Niall was something so much worse and Ran’s love made all the lies much heavier. Ran respected his father and believed it was his duty to honor him by caring for the family he left behind. He wasn’t the type of man who did the minimum or things by half. He did his best to be patient and give his step-siblings the benefit of the doubt no matter how many times they proved themselves to be soulless and spiteful. Ran loved Niall despite his weaknesses and failures and did everything he could to make him happy. That’s what Ran did. He protected his family and made the best of it by making everyone around him as happy as he could.

“What are you doing?” Isla sang as she slid around him and Niall shook his head as he folded the handkerchief, hiding the butterfly before he dabbed his lips.

“Pretending you’re not here,” he muttered as he watched the fire then tucked it into his pocket. He swiped his drink off the mantle and took a long sip.

“Oh! Petty, petty, petty!” She giggled then clicked her teeth. “Don’t be such a child, Niall,” she warned and he clenched his jaw and glared at her. “Where’s Ran?” She asked accusatively and Niall shrugged.

“Why don’t you just put a tracking device on him and call it a day?” He asked. She was so paranoid and obsessed with Ran, he was surprised she hadn’t already.

“That is a thought,” she said then winked at Simon and they looked to the door as Ran strolled in with a piece of cake.

“This was so good, I had to sneak down to the kitchen for another piece,” he said as he pointed at it with his fork then took a bite as he casually wandered toward Niall, ignoring Simon and Isla. He scooped another large bite into his mouth then shook his head as he chewed. “I don’t think I can finish this by myself. Help me, Niall,” he said as he cut off a corner and held the fork up to him.

“I had a piece at the table,” Niall reminded him as he tried to dodge it and Ran groaned in protest.

“It’s chocolate, your favorite,” he argued then raised a brow at him.

“I know what you’re doing!” Niall laughed as he caught Ran’s hand and guided it to his mouth carefully. It was his favorite but Ran was trying to make up for Niall’s missed meals.

“Look at how he dotes on him, Simon!” Isla baby talked and Ran nodded as he turned to her.

“You’re welcome to spend the rest of the evening in your room, if you can’t keep your vicious tongue to yourself,” he threatened and she pulled a face.

“I quite enjoy her vicious tongue,” Simon murmured as he handed her another glass of wine and she beamed up at him. Ran’s face twisted as his head pulled back. He still didn’t know. Sometimes, Ran could be a bit naive in that he wasn’t capable of thinking the worst of a person. With Isla and Simon, it was always safest to assume the worst.

“You’re welcome to get the hell out of my house, you creepy shite,” he said. “Jesus,” he whispered to himself as he turned back to Niall and shook his head dismissively. “Two more bites,” he ordered and Niall opened his mouth obediently as Ran pushed another chunk of cake at him.

“Can they be normal size bites?” Niall complained then grunted as he struggled to fit his lips around it.

“Come on, I’m sure you can swallow a lot more than that,” Ran said as he poked at Niall’s ribs with the fork so he’d laugh. Niall covered his mouth as he coughed so he wouldn’t spray Ran with crumbs.

“I’m sure he’d love to try,” Simon chuckled and Niall flinched and turned back to the fire. His face was already burning but his eyes stung and watered.

“Goodnight, Simon. Take Isla with you,” Ran said without looking at them and Niall held his breath and waited.

“My pleasure,” Simon drawled and Isla made a haughty, disgruntled sound as she stormed from the room.

“One more,” Ran said as he rested his shoulder against the mantle. He licked frosting off the back of the fork then used it to cut off another piece.

“You don’t have to put up with this,” Niall reminded him and Ran nodded.

“Just tell me where you want to go,” he replied nonchalantly and Niall shook his head but his chest burned and his stomach tightened with guilt. They wouldn’t get very far before Isla destroyed them. She would crush Niall and it would break Ran’s heart. Niall could never allow Ran to disgrace himself like that. He was respected and considered to be an honorable man despite having a reputation for being a shameless playboy. The public considered him a lovable scoundrel because he was always a gentleman, even when he was breaking someone’s heart. He left scores of men devastated. They were hopelessly in love and physically destroyed after a weekend with him. When Ran wasn’t wrecking men’s hearts by being irresistible, he was a model nobleman, a shrewd businessman, a philanthropist and a renowned horse breeder. He worked so hard and he sacrificed so much of his own happiness, Niall wouldn’t take his pride and his reputation from him as well. “We could get lost in Borneo for a while. You’ve always wanted to visit a rainforest and we’d live in one of those little huts on the water. We wouldn’t have to wear clothes or see another soul for days unless we needed food or alcohol,” Ran suggested and Niall snorted. No matter how badly he wanted Ran, he could never have him.

God in heaven, he wanted Ran. He was a strapping Viking with his bright ginger hair and beard but he was gentle and refined and his cobalt blue eyes always glittered with mischief and laughter. It was unnerving, the way he moved, for Niall. He had a lazy, prowling command of every room he entered and the aura of a man who could dominate with ease but chose to be teasing and kind. He was a perfect combination of power, sensuality, charm and tenderness and Niall was utterly helpless. It didn’t help that during the day, if Ran was outdoors with his horses, he slowly stripped down until he was strolling around in just a pair of filthy jeans and boots. He was so virile and potently masculine but he could never be aggressive or dominant. He was confident and charismatic because he was incredibly intelligent but he’d always been restless and mischievous. From all accounts, Gallahide Castle wouldn’t have survived Ran’s childhood if his father hadn’t put him to work with the horses. Despite his charm and kindness, Ran was insatiably curious and he had a habit of getting into trouble when he was bored. The entire staff was devoted to Ran but those who remembered him as a child shuddered and some crossed themselves when they recalled how wild he was. It was why he had to get out every day and sweat, swear and ride and why he had to escape to London to satisfy his other needs. Niall understood that Ran had needs just as well as he understood he could never be the man to fulfill them so he encouraged him to satisfy them as he saw fit.

Niall was, in all the ways that mattered, a virgin, but he knew sex with Ran would be spiritual and change them. Niall could never betray Ran like that. If he knew what kind of man Niall really was, what he was capable of, Ran would be disgusted and regret every moment of their friendship and loving him. And Niall couldn’t live with knowing Ran like that. It was easier to separate himself from his attraction to Ran because it was vague and shapeless, he didn’t know what it was like to kiss him or touch his skin. He didn’t picture Ran with any of the men he spent his weekends with because Niall did everything he could to avoid knowing that side of him. It didn’t help that Niall’s conservatory overlooked the stables on one side and the training paddock on the other. Isla was right. Ran did dote on him. He lavishly restored the conservatory and had it converted for Niall’s needs. But he might have questions if Niall asked to have the windows replaced with walls or the conservatory surrounded by hedges. So, Niall was often stuck staring in agony. It cost him hours of good, productive research. Not that Niall was studying anything earth shattering. Or interesting, really.

“As much as I love my caterpillars and butterflies, the rest of nature terrifies me. I’d faint if I saw a snake in the wild. You’d have to blindfold me and let me ride you everywhere like a mule, I’d be hopeless,” Niall muttered and Ran made a choking sound as he inspected the last bits of cake on his plate.

“For fuck’s sake, Niall,” he chuckled but it was strained as heat crept up his neck.

“What?”

“You really should let me get you some magazines or send you a few links,” he said under his breath and Niall frowned as he considered. Then swore as he turned toward the French doors and wished he could hide.

“God, could you imagine if Isla found them?” He said and Ran sighed.

“Maybe, if I was capable of imagining anything else at the moment.”