Chapter 32

Niall paused at the top of stairs as Ran laughed in Roman’s study. It was big and warm and it was so long since he’d heard Ran that happy. Niall’s eyes swept upwards as he listened. And drunk. He frowned as he hurried down the steps and into the study. Roman and Ran turned and Niall stopped and looked down at himself when they gasped.

“What?” He was sure he had everything in the right place.

“Well! That’s quite an improvement, Lord Brewarden,” Roman said as he strolled toward him. His eyes narrowed and he waved his drink, gesturing for Niall to turn so he could inspect his tuxedo. Niall wished he’d put on the mask as heat flooded his face. He turned and Roman hummed in approval. “Excellent, you should wear a tux more often,” he added and Niall’s nose wrinkled.

“Why would anyone want to do that?” He said then raised a shoulder as he looked at Ran. “Why are you drunk?” He accused but Ran was still as his eyes devoured Niall. There was so much heat and hunger.

“Put on the mask.” It was low and grating and Ran’s knuckles were white as he held onto his drink. Niall was lightheaded and his fingers trembled as he studied it. He thought it would be easier to be Icarus again. The mask was always heavy and dangerous. It allowed him to be someone new and he should have felt free but it felt like guilt and pain because it was just another way to lie to Ran. And there wasn’t a moment he wore it that didn’t feel like the second before the pull of a trigger. Niall’s entire life would be over and they’d both be in incredible danger if one of the straps came loose and it slipped off or Ran removed it in the car. He thought it would be easier, now that Ran knew but the mask was so much heavier than before. Niall didn’t consider what would happen when he fused himself with Icarus. It would be the first time in Ran’s mind and his own. He’d told himself whatever happened when he was wearing the mask was for Ran. Icarus was the man between them and Niall was suddenly afraid of confronting him. He swallowed hard and his stomach twisted as he raised it to his face then tied the ribbons behind his head. Niall did his best to hold his head steady and stand his ground but he was shaking and he needed to run. “Can we have a moment?” Ran rasped and Roman grinned at Niall mischievously.

“We have to leave soon,” he reminded them then stepped around Niall and quietly closed the door behind him. Niall opened his mouth to apologize but Ran dropped his drink and rushed across the room.

“It’s you!” Ran gasped as his hand curved around Niall’s jaw and he laughed as he kissed him. “Everything within me wanted him to be you and I missed you so much when I was with him. Then I missed him like hell when he couldn’t be found,” he confessed as his lips crushed Niall’s. His hands slid around Niall’s body and Ran groaned raggedly. It was full of relief and longing and Niall relaxed as he held on. Ran was hard as his hand locked around Niall’s ass and he kissed him deeply.

“I was looking forward to never wearing this ever again but I’m reconsidering,” Niall said and Ran pouted as he sucked on his lip.

“I really hope you do. I’ve offered my soul to get my hands on you,” he confided as his thumb traced the edge of the mask. “In the beginning, I didn’t want you to take this off because it was easier to pretend he was you. There were times I needed it to come off just so I’d know he wasn’t you, I was so sure. Then, I was afraid of what was beneath the mask, because I needed him to be you so my heart would stop breaking,” he said and a tear rolled down Niall’s cheek.

“I thought it would keep me safe and make it easier but I felt like a monster, lying to you and taking something that was meant for us. I wish I was brave enough to take it off the first night or come to you without it,” he admitted and Ran hushed him.

“Perhaps we’ll be even some day,” he said and Niall’s brows pulled together in confusion. “I understand why you were afraid to come to me. You lived with six years of abuse and I missed it. There were so many signs but I ignored them and I’ll always feel complicit. You’re going to have the emotional scars for years. I’m not a doctor but maybe even PTSD,” Ran stated and Niall’s cheeks puffed out as he considered then shook his head.

“You tried pretty hard to save me from them but I fought even harder to hide my shame and my secrets. I didn’t really think of myself as being abused but I think a lot of victims lie to themselves like that, especially if they’re men. Can you imagine me telling anyone that I was terrified of a woman as small as Isla?”

“I’ve met Isla and she’s terrifying,” Ran chuckled wryly as Roman tapped at the door and leaned in.

“It’s time, gentlemen,” he murmured softly and Ran took Niall’s hand and raised it to his lips.

“Are you ready to get on with our lives and be done with them once and for all?” He asked and fire and longing exploded within Niall.

“Yes.” Niall nodded slowly but his brain reeled at all the things his future could be with Ran and all he could see was joy and peace.

“You understand the plan and you’re ready?” Roman asked carefully as he studied Niall.

“I’m ready,” he said firmly. His part of the plan was very simple as long as he stayed out of the way during the most important parts but he was glad he’d be there to see Isla and Simon finally get what they deserved.

“The limos are waiting,” Roman said and Ran put his arm around Niall as they made their way to the door.

“We’ll see you there,” Quinn said as he ducked into the first car and Roman gave Niall’s arm a reassuring squeeze before he left them. He went to his car and Mr. Bishop gave them what might have been an encouraging nod before he shut the door behind Roman.

“This is us,” Ran said as the driver waited by the other limo. Once they were inside and buckled, the car steered into traffic to make the short drive to the house party. “Remember: if you get nervous or it gets to be too much, Mr. Bishop will be waiting out front. If you feel you’re in danger, look for Roman if I’m already outside. He’ll know and he’ll find you. Reginald’s watching every camera within a ten mile radius and listening in. We have a solid plan and I promise, Roman and Reginald have prepared for every possible scenario,” he explained and Niall wasn’t worried as he took Ran’s hand in his.

“I know,” he said and Ran looked surprised and impressed. Niall shrugged and offered him a relaxed smile. “I was scared to go to the party when it was just me and I was afraid you’d see through the mask. I have such a small part this time and you’re all way better at this than I am. This feels more like waiting for a lifesaving surgery. I’m nervous but I know it’s going to work and everything’s going to be better when it’s over. How could it not be? Literally anything is better once you take Isla and Simon out of the picture. You could tell me I’m about to be dropped into an active volcano but I’d be twice as happy about it if you told me Isla had gone first.”

“Well…” Ran said as he blinked at Niall’s chin then shook his head. “Let’s hope this is a lot less uncomfortable. We’re here,” he said and Niall did feel a flash of anticipation but it was new and a little thrilling as he watched men running up the steps and hurrying into the house. When he’d been there before, he’d envied them for how easy and light they were as they looked forward to an evening of frivolity and debauchery. He longed for the confidence and freedom to join with them and find pleasure so casually. He wanted to be one of them and find anything other than fear and shame in his homosexuality for so many years. He got over the shame of being gay long ago and whatever was left were the demons created by Isla’s lies. They got out of the car and Niall felt taller and calmer as he walked up the steps with Ran. I have just as much right to be just as awful as every other man here, he realized then averted his eyes as a man peed over the railing, from the top of the grand staircase, into the open mouths of a pair of men waiting below. He had every right but he wasn’t ready for everything.

“This is why I prefer to get in and out early. The tone of the evening definitely turns once the drugs and alcohol kick in,” Ran murmured in Niall’s ear as he steered him through the foyer. None of the sex was unsettling for Niall, as he looked around. He could see and watch from behind the mask without fear. It didn’t just shield him from the eyes around him, it shielded him from his own fears and allowed him to observe without judging himself. And he could be curious and learn without anyone judging him for being in the wrong place or in over his head.

“For once, I don’t feel ashamed and afraid to wear this,” Niall said as he followed Ran into the ballroom and he laughed softly as he slid his arm around him.

“You should be a little afraid, I plan to make you feel very ashamed later,” he teased as he pulled him close. Niall felt a deliciously wicked tickle and a bit daring so he relaxed as he draped his arm around Ran.

“And I plan to feel very tight and wet,” he murmured against Ran’s ear and he tripped. Quite dramatically for a man who was standing still and upright just a moment before.

“Ah, you’re pure tidy, lad!” He sobbed as he reached for another gentleman’s shoulder as he passed and patted him on the chest. “I love him more than my own life and he’s worth more than the lot of you,” he declared and the other man was baffled and concerned as Ran released him and gave him a gentle shove. “You should dance with me,” Ran declared as he gathered Niall in his arms. He looked around nervously then remembered the mask and their plan to draw as much attention to Ran as they could before Simon arrived with Isla. It was going to be quite a shock for Isla to attend, even by that crowd’s standards. Especially because of that crowd’s standards. Women did attend the party at the house in Belgravia but their presence was usually performative. Who didn’t enjoy watching a pair of lesbians engage in some aggressive scissoring while discussing Brexit? Apparently. Niall didn’t quite understand it but he assumed it was due to his lack of experience. The other women arrived on the arm of a bisexual man and kept to themselves. But a very wealthy heiress and recently bereaved sister of a prominent Scottish earl would be a shock and quite beyond the pale.

“I’ve never enjoyed waltzing,” Niall confessed as he settled against Ran’s chest then gasped as their groins locked and he was pulled into the current of dancers.

“You’ve never waltzed with me,” Ran rumbled in his ear and Niall shivered as his beard brushed against his neck. Ran was hard and his hand curved around Niall’s ass possessively as he guided him around a turn.

“This is a lot nicer than practicing with my mum,” Niall agreed and Ran’s head snapped back as he laughed before he captured his face and kissed him thoroughly.

“The things you do for my soul,” he sighed. “I’ve never actually waltzed in this particular ballroom but I’m glad I get to do it tonight, with you. I have a feeling this is our last time attending,” he added wistfully and Niall shrugged. It wasn’t as awful as the last two times and Niall sort of enjoyed being the man on Ran’s arm. Men were eyeing them appreciatively and Niall didn’t feel like a fraud or a predator.

“I don’t know… We might again, for old time’s sake,” he mused and Ran’s head pulled back as he stared at him in shock.

“You would?” He asked and Niall’s eyes swept upwards as he considered.

“There are a few things I’d like to try. The gondolas look fun,” he admitted and Ran groaned in delight as he kissed him and led him through another turn.

“You do realize, even with that mask, people are going to know it’s us,” he warned before his eyes swept the room then back to Niall. “They might not be paying attention to you right now but once you and I become public…” His brows rose expectantly as he watched Niall. Are you going to be ready for that? I am, Ran warned him. Niall nodded but Ran’s gaze tightened. “They’ll recognize you next time and it’ll cause quite a stir,” he clarified.

“I stopped caring about anyone but you when I realized what hiding and lying cost me. I don’t care about what they think and they’re not going to talk about it outside of this house. I don’t think I’m brave enough to do this without the mask but I think I might enjoy wearing it now,” he said. “It’s fun and it feels like it’s just us.”

“It does,” Ran agreed tenderly as he nibbled on Niall’s lips.

“Not for much longer, I’m afraid,” Roman said as he tapped Niall’s shoulder and Quinn gave them a sheepish smile.

“It’s almost time,” Quinn whispered and Niall’s pulse jumped as he was handed off to Roman.

“Time for me to steal you,” he sang and twirled them away as Quinn danced closer to the bar with Ran. People were already whispering and confused to find Ran alive and well, the drama and speculation would reach a fever pitch when Isla and Simon arrived. “This should be a good place for you,” Roman declared as they came to a halt by the musicians. “You can see everything from the platform and that door leads out to the terrace, you’ll be able to stay close enough and see my box. Wait until the signal then slip in the back,” he reminded him and Niall nodded. “Try to enjoy yourself, Lord Brewarden. It should be quite a night,” he said and Niall frowned.

“Why does Ran get to be just Ran but I can’t be Niall? You really don’t have to refer to me by my title, I don’t mind,” he insisted and Roman shushed him as he gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

“I like to judge men based on who they are, not by what they’re worth or their titles. I don’t know many lords who deserve their titles or the respect they tend to demand but you do,” he stated and Niall shook his head quickly and Roman held up a hand, stopping him. “You’ve been quite selfless and incredibly resourceful and I don’t know very many men I’d describe as strong and truly loyal but I’d count you among them. As far as I’m concerned, you deserve my respect, Lord Brewarden. I don’t have to remind Ran of who he is but I think you need to be reminded. Now, you’ve fought very hard, let me take over from here and be the one to get his hands dirty,” he urged gently as his eyes held Niall’s. “Remember, we take care of each other,” he added then ducked his head pointedly as he backed away and Niall nodded.

“Thank you,” he mouthed. Roman winked before he slipped into the crowd and vanished just as the ballroom erupted into a chorus of startled gasps and cleared throats as Simon strolled in with Isla on his arm. He was dressed in a very fitted and obviously expensive tuxedo in a black floral print and Isla was dressed in a disturbingly sheer, nude colored silk gown and her curls were arranged in a messy pile on top of her head. She looked like a beautiful mess, like she’d just rolled out of her brother’s bed and into a couture gown and heels. They posed and preened as people whispered behind hands and watched in fascinated horror as Isla and Simon spotted Ran at the bar, laughing with Quinn. He raised a glass of champagne in salute and Simon turned to flee but Isla hissed and tugged at his arm until he stilled. They were both furious but Niall knew Simon would want to retreat and plan. Niall also knew Isla’s temper would win. She pulled on his lapels so she could whisper in his ear then pushed him to get him moving. Ran leaned casually and laughed and teased Quinn as Isla and Simon worked their way closer to the bar. They were nearly there when Ran threw his arm around Quinn and turned him toward the terrace doors. Roman bumped into Simon then gathered him in his arms as he apologized and danced him away from Isla. She stomped her foot and her eyes flared before she went after Ran. She swatted at people as she pushed her way through then rushed out the French doors and ignored Simon as he called after her. Roman released Simon and clasped his cheek as their eyes locked.

“Later,” he promised. His lips and eyes were filled with a menacing gleam that made Niall squirm from several feet away before Roman spun and captured another man then danced into the flow of bodies elegantly.

“Don’t start without me, Ran!” Quinn called as he ran into the ballroom from the far end of the terrace then hurried into one of the curtained alcoves, signaling that it was time for Niall to move. Niall watched as Simon edged along the doors until he could run to the alcove then threw back the curtain. Simon yelled in shock as he was pulled inside and Roman slipped in after him. Niall wished Simon luck then skipped down the platform steps and carefully wound his way through the dance floor instead of taking the closest door. He let his fingers fan and gently brush against the dancers as he passed them and he felt new and alive.

He’d fallen in this ballroom, six years earlier and cursed himself for being a fool every time he relived that night. Ran, Roman and Quinn would help him find justice and reclaim his life but Niall defeated his demons and left them on the battlefield as he slowly made his way out of the ballroom. His fear and self-loathing brought him to that night with Simon six years earlier and Niall was ready to leave it all behind and live his life openly and proudly. As much as he was capable of. He was still a meek and awkward lepidopterist, behind his mask.

Niall stepped out into the night and his eyes scanned the dancers in the lower courtyard as he made his way down the steps. He considered taking a detour through them but shook his head and skirted the dance floor. He’d wait until Ran was with him. Niall shoved his hands into his pockets once he reached the large sofa and casually strolled past couples then stepped off the path and darted into the shadows behind the private boxes. He located Roman’s then raised the back panel of the tent and ducked under it.

“Just in time,” Quinn said as he blocked Isla’s hands and she pouted loudly as she rolled on top of him. “Would you mind collecting your wife?” He asked and Niall blinked at the lounge in confusion then looked in the direction of the house.

“How?” He asked then shook his head as he went to help Quinn.

“The car’s in place and Reginald’s about to cut the power,” Ran said as he peeked around the curtain then smiled at Niall as he pulled Isla off Quinn. “Having a good time?” He asked and Niall swore as he dodged a flailing arm.

“I was,” he said and cringed as she wound her arms around his neck.

“You’re pretty too!” She cooed and Niall’s lip curled as he pulled his face away. The chandelier in the tent went out and people yelled and complained outside.

“Oh. He cut the power to the whole city,” Ran said flatly and Niall froze.

“No!” He gasped then caught Isla as she slid down his side.

“That is one way to make sure everyone’s distracted,” Ran murmured. “Let’s go, nobody’s going to notice us,” he said as Quinn dropped an overcoat on Isla’s shoulders and helped Niall pull her arms through. They settled a black mask over her eyes and Ran held the curtain aside as Niall and Quinn escorted her out.

“Two pretty boys!” Isla gurgled as they quickly steered her down a darker path, away from the courtyard as people looked toward the house and the city and debated what to do next. Roman was at the garden’s gate and shut it behind them as they bundled Isla around the front of the house. Mr. Bishop was waiting next to a Bentley limo and helped Quinn carefully fold her into the back seat before he climbed in after her. Niall went around the car and got in, then dove onto the opposite seat. He scooted over to make room for Ran and the car left as soon as he pulled the door shut behind him. The streetlights came on as the car reached the first intersection and Ran hummed in approval. Lachlan House was just around the corner and Ran was the first out as soon as the car parked at the delivery entrance.

“I’m going to have to keep more staff on while we’re away. People keep getting into trouble here,” Ran said as he held the door and let Niall, Isla and Quinn pass.

“You weren’t complaining in the boathouse,” Niall pointed out and Ran cackled quietly as he followed.

“How did you get a bed in there?” He asked and Niall rolled his eyes.

“I told you it was being used for storage when you sent me here to find the original plans for the conservatory. I moved most of the furniture and boxes to the front of the boathouse and upstairs while you were unconscious the first night. I knew you wouldn’t recognize it because you rarely visited the house and only lived here briefly,” he explained and Ran bowed his head in admiration before he lowered his shoulder and lifted Isla. Her arms hung over his back and he jumped as she laughed and wrapped her hands around his ass.

“I don’t think I’ve ever stepped foot inside it. Actually, I’m not even sure if I knew there was still a boathouse down there,” Ran said tightly as he did his best to ignore her. He carried her through the house then nodded at Roman as he leaned against the study door.

“Simon didn’t give us any trouble,” he said as he waved them in and Niall stopped as his eyes met Quinn’s before they slid to his right. To Quinn.

“Who?” He asked as he glanced back at the Quinn by the fire and he flashed him a bright smile.

“Niall, meet my brother, Jayce,” the Quinn next to him said as he waved at the other Quinn and Niall gasped as Jayce waved back.

“Nice to meet you!” Jayce declared cheerfully.

“I’ll just drop her on the floor next to Simon, they won’t be conscious for much longer,” Ran decided as he bent forward and lowered Isla onto the rug next to Simon. Everyone swore and looked away as she rolled and snuggled into him.

“Now what?” Niall asked and Ran’s cheeks puffed out as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“We wait for them to wake up so we can have a talk with these two maniacs,” he said.